Chapter 13
"Come on in, John. I hope you like lasagne Americano. It's a bit different than what you're used to, but I think it's better."
A table was set in the middle of the room, with candles on it, and two place settings. Classical music was playing. June poured some red wine for each of them. There was a sliced baguette on the table.
"Have a seat, John. Make yourself at home."
She went into the kitchen and brought the lasagne in. It smelled divine. She cut a piece for him, and scooped it out on his plate.
Sitting down across the table from him, she smiled at him and raised her glass. "Here's to the two top cops in London. You and me."
June smiled at John. He smiled back but didn't say anything.
"Why are you so quiet, John? You've not said a word since you got in."
"Just a lot on my mind, that's all. I'm still shaken from earlier."
John took a bite of his lasagne. "This is nice. What's in it?"
"Instead of béchamel sauce, we use herbed ricotta cheese. We don't scrimp on the top layer of cheese either, and we like it with plenty of sauce. It's my favourite dish."
"I can see why. It's amazing." John took a bite, chewing slowly, lost in thought.
"June, I heard you praying in the van. I know what you said to Escoverda."
"Please, can we talk about that later?"
They made small talk while they finished their meal. June cleared away the table and they sat on the sofa.
June took John's hand and said, "I've got something I need to say to you."
"John, I invited you here tonight to explain some things to you that I think you should know. Somehow, you found out about my family. You were informed correctly - Escoverda kidnapped them, then murdered them. He also attempted to blow up my car, and put a contract on my head. I knew that wherever I moved to, he would always be there, and I would be looking over my shoulder. The FBI offered me a measure of protection by moving me out of the country, but he found me anyway. I was not about to change my name and give up the few people I had left, just to escape Escoverda. The reason for all of this is that I knew too much about him and his dealings, and he thought by killing my family it would deter me from going after him, it would scare me. It just made me more determined. Do you understand, John?"
John squeezed her hand. "Yes June. I do understand. It must be very painful for you."
"It is. I'm flying back to the states in two days' time. I have some things I need to do over there."
"Will you come back?" John asked.
"I don't know."
They were silent for a few minutes.
"You said I was praying in the van. I was praying for you, that you didn't get killed or hurt."
She took his face in her hands and stared into his big brown eyes. She kissed him lightly on his lips and caressed his cheek.
"I love you John Boulton, but I can't be with you yet. I need to heal. Escoverda's gone, but Thomas is still in my heart. Perhaps someday, I will be able to love you fully, and I will be able to move on from what happened."
"June..."
"I will find you, I will let you know when I'm ready, John. I don't expect you to wait for me, but please know that I'll never forget you."
John embraced her and held her tightly to him. He was unable to say that he loved her as well, although he knew in his heart that he did. It burned his heart, burned his soul, the desire and passion he felt for her, restrained by circumstance. He knew that he would love her forever.
"I want to be with you, but I need more time, and I think you do, as well. You're everything I want in a man. Right now I'm so confused, and I need to go bury some ghosts. Please understand, John. I'm so sorry it has to be this way."
John kissed her lips softly. "I understand, June."
June led him out of the room. "Goodbye John."
"Goodbye June."
* * *
The debriefing was uneventful. John didn't see June at all. He brought her a bouquet of flowers. He ended up chucking them in the bin.
Word had gotten around the nick about what really happened, and he was greeted by applause by his colleagues in CID. On a better day, he would have been shocked. He smiled and sat down.
Reg Hollis asked him if it would be alright to call June and congratulate her. He almost punched Reg's face in, but simply said, "She's not at home, she's gone to America."
He felt empty, drained of life, drained of everything. Jack Meadows suggested he go on holiday. That was the last thing he wanted, to go somewhere to be reminded how very alone he was. He thought of going to America to find June, but realised that it would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He threw himself into his work, case after case, getting results, with an increased fire. He learned a lot by working with June, but right now he couldn't put any of it into practice. He was too hurt to be nice to people.
* * *
Three weeks later, a newspaper caption caught his eye, "Drugs Baron Pedro Escoverda Found Dead in his Prison Cell."
His first instinct was to call Sir Steven and find June. He decided that, wherever she was, she would be celebrating right now, and decided to let her be.
He was listening to Achtung Baby lately. It wasn't his favourite U2 album by far, but it summed up the hurt he was feeling:
"You left my heart empty as a vacant lot, for any spirit to haunt."
He spent one week with her, that felt like a lifetime. He would never forget her, and never stop loving her. One life, one love. We've got to carry each other, Bono sang out on the stereo. John knew he would carry June inside of him always. Of this he is sure.
"Come on in, John. I hope you like lasagne Americano. It's a bit different than what you're used to, but I think it's better."
A table was set in the middle of the room, with candles on it, and two place settings. Classical music was playing. June poured some red wine for each of them. There was a sliced baguette on the table.
"Have a seat, John. Make yourself at home."
She went into the kitchen and brought the lasagne in. It smelled divine. She cut a piece for him, and scooped it out on his plate.
Sitting down across the table from him, she smiled at him and raised her glass. "Here's to the two top cops in London. You and me."
June smiled at John. He smiled back but didn't say anything.
"Why are you so quiet, John? You've not said a word since you got in."
"Just a lot on my mind, that's all. I'm still shaken from earlier."
John took a bite of his lasagne. "This is nice. What's in it?"
"Instead of béchamel sauce, we use herbed ricotta cheese. We don't scrimp on the top layer of cheese either, and we like it with plenty of sauce. It's my favourite dish."
"I can see why. It's amazing." John took a bite, chewing slowly, lost in thought.
"June, I heard you praying in the van. I know what you said to Escoverda."
"Please, can we talk about that later?"
They made small talk while they finished their meal. June cleared away the table and they sat on the sofa.
June took John's hand and said, "I've got something I need to say to you."
"John, I invited you here tonight to explain some things to you that I think you should know. Somehow, you found out about my family. You were informed correctly - Escoverda kidnapped them, then murdered them. He also attempted to blow up my car, and put a contract on my head. I knew that wherever I moved to, he would always be there, and I would be looking over my shoulder. The FBI offered me a measure of protection by moving me out of the country, but he found me anyway. I was not about to change my name and give up the few people I had left, just to escape Escoverda. The reason for all of this is that I knew too much about him and his dealings, and he thought by killing my family it would deter me from going after him, it would scare me. It just made me more determined. Do you understand, John?"
John squeezed her hand. "Yes June. I do understand. It must be very painful for you."
"It is. I'm flying back to the states in two days' time. I have some things I need to do over there."
"Will you come back?" John asked.
"I don't know."
They were silent for a few minutes.
"You said I was praying in the van. I was praying for you, that you didn't get killed or hurt."
She took his face in her hands and stared into his big brown eyes. She kissed him lightly on his lips and caressed his cheek.
"I love you John Boulton, but I can't be with you yet. I need to heal. Escoverda's gone, but Thomas is still in my heart. Perhaps someday, I will be able to love you fully, and I will be able to move on from what happened."
"June..."
"I will find you, I will let you know when I'm ready, John. I don't expect you to wait for me, but please know that I'll never forget you."
John embraced her and held her tightly to him. He was unable to say that he loved her as well, although he knew in his heart that he did. It burned his heart, burned his soul, the desire and passion he felt for her, restrained by circumstance. He knew that he would love her forever.
"I want to be with you, but I need more time, and I think you do, as well. You're everything I want in a man. Right now I'm so confused, and I need to go bury some ghosts. Please understand, John. I'm so sorry it has to be this way."
John kissed her lips softly. "I understand, June."
June led him out of the room. "Goodbye John."
"Goodbye June."
* * *
The debriefing was uneventful. John didn't see June at all. He brought her a bouquet of flowers. He ended up chucking them in the bin.
Word had gotten around the nick about what really happened, and he was greeted by applause by his colleagues in CID. On a better day, he would have been shocked. He smiled and sat down.
Reg Hollis asked him if it would be alright to call June and congratulate her. He almost punched Reg's face in, but simply said, "She's not at home, she's gone to America."
He felt empty, drained of life, drained of everything. Jack Meadows suggested he go on holiday. That was the last thing he wanted, to go somewhere to be reminded how very alone he was. He thought of going to America to find June, but realised that it would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He threw himself into his work, case after case, getting results, with an increased fire. He learned a lot by working with June, but right now he couldn't put any of it into practice. He was too hurt to be nice to people.
* * *
Three weeks later, a newspaper caption caught his eye, "Drugs Baron Pedro Escoverda Found Dead in his Prison Cell."
His first instinct was to call Sir Steven and find June. He decided that, wherever she was, she would be celebrating right now, and decided to let her be.
He was listening to Achtung Baby lately. It wasn't his favourite U2 album by far, but it summed up the hurt he was feeling:
"You left my heart empty as a vacant lot, for any spirit to haunt."
He spent one week with her, that felt like a lifetime. He would never forget her, and never stop loving her. One life, one love. We've got to carry each other, Bono sang out on the stereo. John knew he would carry June inside of him always. Of this he is sure.
