Mother Dear
A/N: Please read and REVIEW!! Thank you to all of those who have already reviewed. I love checking my e-mail and finding 'review alerts'. It's so pleasant. ;)
DISCLAIMER: I don't know anything. :'(
~*~
After Abby tucked Ashley in that night, she sat at the edge of the bed and faced her daughter.
"Ashley, we have to talk," she stated simply.
"Yes, Mommy?" Abby had to tell Ashley about her Carter. She knew that Ashley was only six, but she hated lying to her own daughter.
"I talked to your father today," she said. It took a few seconds for Ashley to respond.
"But Mommy," she said, "I thought that you don't talk to him." Abby nodded.
"I didn't until a few days ago. Remember how I told you I used to work in Chicago?" Now it was Ashley's turn to nod.
"Well, the place that I work at now is the same place I worked at then and your father is still a doctor there." Ashley looked at Abby for a few seconds before it dawned upon her.
"You work with my father?" she asked finally. Abby nodded. Though she had told Ashley stories about Carter and shown her pictures of him, Ashley still never called Carter 'Daddy' or 'Dad' when they spoke about him. She always called him 'my father' as if she didn't want to make it too personal.
"Oh," was Ashley's reply, "does that mean that I am going to have to meet him now?" she asked.
This wasn't the response that Abby was expecting. She thought that Ashley would delight at the fact that she would finally be able to meet her father, but Ashley didn't look very excited about it.
"You don't have to see him if you don't want to," Abby said quietly, "at least not for now." Ashley smiled slightly.
"Okay, because I just want to be prepared," she said. Abby grinned at her and nodded.
"You can tell me when you make your decision," she stated. She loved it how she never felt like she was talking to a child when she discussed things with her daughter. Ashley was so mature about everything. Their relationship was such that they treated each other like equals. Abby never wanted her daughter to feel insignificant or incapable or left in the dark like she had sometimes felt as a child. She wanted them to be open with each other and even though Ashley was only six, Abby felt that it was good to keep her informed.
"Also, Ashley," said Abby as she got up to turn off the lights, "We're going out to lunch with a friend on Saturday, okay?" Ashley nodded.
"She has a kid your age, so you guys can play together." Ashley nodded again and Abby turned off the lights.
"Mommy?" said a little voice from the darkness.
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Ashley, good night." Abby closed the door softly behind her.
~*~
Abby looked at the street signs and continued walking straight, her daughter holding tightly onto Ashley's. The air was still chilly and the wind was blowing against their faces fiercely.
"Are you warm enough?" she asked the little girl.
"Yes," was the muffled response. Ashley's scarf was up past her mouth and even so, little puffs of smoke would escape into the air when she breathed.
"We're almost there," Abby said even though no one had asked. She was nervous for Susan to meet Ashley even though she had no reason to be.
They turned into the McDonald's and Abby spotted Susan at a table near the back. She crouched down to Ashley's level and helped her off with her coat. Then they headed back to meet their party.
"Hey, Susan," she greeted when they reached the table. Abby could feel her daughter's grasp tighten and she knew that Ashley was nervous too.
"Abby!" she exclaimed happily, "and who is this little cutie?" she asked turning her attention to Ashley.
"This is Ashley," Abby stated proudly. Ashley smiled hesitantly at Susan.
"How old are you?" asked Susan facing the little girl.
"Six," said Ashley quietly, "but I'll be seven in a few months." Susan looked at Abby.
"Is she-?" but Abby cut her off.
"And who are these young men?" she asked, obviously trying to change the subject.
"That's Neil," said Susan gesturing towards a high chair, "and this is Robbie," she pointed at the boy across the table, "and you know Chuck," she finished.
Robbie looked just like his father, but he had Susan's eyes. Neil smiled happily from his high-chair. Susan grinned at him and ruffled his hair. He was definitely a 'Mommy's boy'.
"Well, it certainly is cold enough outside," joked Abby as she helped Ashley into the booth and sat down next to her.
"That's for sure," replied Chuck, "we've got our food already. I hope you don't mind that we didn't wait, but the boys were ravenous. Robbie here threatened to eat Neil, so we thought it would be safer if we ordered right away." Abby smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, it's fine; I'll just go and get us something to eat. Ashley, what would you like?"
"A Happy Meal please, Mommy," she said quietly.
Abby returned to the table a few minutes later with their meals. Everyone was laughing at something Chuck had just said and Abby took it as a good sign.
"I missed the joke," she said in mock distress.
"The cow- was- pink!" Ashley managed to get out between fits of giggles. Abby grinned at her, clearly not understanding but pleased nonetheless that Ashley had lost her shyness.
"So," began Susan as Abby took a bite out of her burger, "we've got seven years to discuss, so we better start talking…"
~*~
Ashley's face was pink with delight when they got home later that afternoon.
"Mommy, can I go and play with Robbie one day?" she asked happily. Abby hadn't seen her this lively since they left New York.
"Of course. Actually, you're going to go over there tomorrow when I'm at work," she smiled, "I'm glad you had a good time."
Abby and Susan had talked for over an hour while Robbie and Ashley were playing in McPlay Place, or whatever it was called. She had told Susan everything and it felt so good to get it out of her system. Susan had listened quietly and responded calmly to everything Abby told her. She was so good about it too, she didn't stand up for Carter, she didn't take sides, and she had two ears open. Chuck had kindly left for a while to watch the kids and Abby and Susan were left alone. Abby hadn't held anything back; once she started talking she couldn't stop.
~*~
Abby walked into the hospital several minutes before his shift was set to begin. The hospital was unusually quiet for a Sunday at the beginning of March. Brian nodded to her from admit. in greeting and Neela looked up from her conversation with another doctor. Carter, who was walking down the hall, showed no sign of recognition and Abby sighed as she approached the lounge grateful that she only had half a shift to complete.
Later that afternoon, the ER was still quiet, so Abby went to fetch her coat before heading to 'Ike's' for a cup of coffee and maybe a bite of pie. She headed across the street to the restaurant and saw him sitting at a table alone at the window. She entered 'Ike's' and looked around for an empty table. She saw him looking at her and smiled slightly at him. He waved her over and told her to have a seat. Her stomach was fluttering and she suddenly wasn't all that hungry anymore. She approached him nonetheless and saw the two pictures of Ashley resting on the table in front of him.
"Hi," he said.
"Hey."
"The ER was pretty quiet today."
"Yeah, thank God, I'm really not in the mood of a bloody trauma." He smiled at her.
"I second that emotion," he stated, "Please. Take a seat." He gestured for her to sit down and she did so with some hesitancy.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Not too much. You know. The usual."
"No, not really, enlighten me."
"Work, hanging out with Ashley," she eyed his face, "the endless amount of laundry, dirty dishes and hungry mouths." She half-grinned at him.
"Must be nice," he sighed, "to have someone to worry about."
"Yeah," she replied, "it is… it's nice." They both looked out the window for a few seconds, unaware of each other's presence.
"I have a question," she said finally, breaking the silence, "why don't you let people call you Carter anymore?" He looked at her intently.
"It just didn't seem appropriate anymore. Everyone I ever loved called me Carter," he sighed, "it was my pet name. And slowly, everything diminished. Everyone left. Mark died, Carol, Doug," (names Abby had heard), "they all left. You," he said looking up at her, "left too. And Kem died with my son. They died together, Abby, and then there was just Susan and she was married with a family and everyone had grown up but me. I didn't want to be the little kid anymore. I didn't want to be… well, I didn't want to be Carter anymore. So I told them all to stop," he finished rather lamely. Abby eyed him sadly.
"I'm sorry I left," she said softly.
"Yeah," he replied, "yeah, so am I."
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