Mother Dear

A/N: Please please please REVIEW ME!!!!!!  I love reviews!

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own anything.

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Abby returned from putting Ashley to sleep.  Carter was sitting on the couch looking at his hands and whistling softly.

"Hi," she said quietly and she sat down on the couch next to him.  He raised his head at the sound of her voice.

"Hey."

"I have to apologize."

"Abby, you have nothing to apologize for."

"I do," Carter opened his mouth to interject, but she hushed him, "It felt right at the time.  Leaving.  You sent me that letter just when I was getting my life back together.  I was doing it all for you and the baby.  All of it.  And you sent me that damned letter.  And then, then you came back with Kem and I didn't know what to think.  When I saw that sonogram I thought u must have been joking.  But you weren't.  I couldn't tell you then, Carter.  You have to understand how much I wanted to, but I couldn't, so I left and I ran away from my problems just like you always told me I did.  Over the years, I wondered about you and your other family all the way over in Chicago, I thought about you every day.  I thought about what our life would have been like if I had stayed, but whenever I thought about it, I could never figure out whether I had done the right thing.  If I had stayed, you would have had to deal with two lives, two families.  But when I left, you couldn't even watch your daughter grow."

"Abby…"

"That's why I told her about you, because it was my entire fault.  All my damned fault.  I always told her how smart and sweet and handsome you were, how you didn't even know that she was born, how it was my fault that you weren't part of her life.  I never made you look bad, no matter how low I thought of you."

"Abby, I understand."

"But you shouldn't have to!"

"But I do.  Don't you think I thought of you over there in Africa?  I thought about you all the time, just hoping that you hadn't put your life on hold because of me.  I was an idiot to leave you, but I was in a country that was falling apart, so I held onto the only people around me who were 'together' and that was Kem.  And then- then one day she was on her way to the hospital with Jason and she slammed headfirst into a drunk driver.  And that was it.  Everything I had built up trying to be 'together' fell apart just like the rest of the world.  It was all… gone.  And I thought of you then too, Abby because I blamed myself for your departure.  I still do. I always wondered what we might have had together."  Abby laughed sarcastically.

"We've gone seven years blaming ourselves for the same stupid deed."  Carter nodded and sighed.

"Yeah, we have, but you had the better turn-out in the end.  You have a beautiful daughter who loves you, Abby."

"Carter, we have a beautiful daughter," she corrected him. He smiled sadly,

"Yeah, we do."

"Listen," Abby began, "I propose that we just all over again.  Clear the slate and start fresh.  We can't keep going on living life blaming ourselves for something that happened seven years ago.  Just forget our pasts and start over."

"Abby, I don't want to forget a minute of my past with you," he said looking her in the eye.  Abby felt her face getting hot.

"Just the part from after I left till I came back," she said, "Just pretend I never left."  He was still gazing at her intensely. 

"Abby, I-" She held her hand up to stop him.

"It's okay, Carter.  I don't blame anyone anymore."  He nodded sadly and muttered,

"I don't blame anyone either.  Not now that I've met her.  Not after hearing another child call me 'Daddy'.  Not after tonight.  Tonight was… magical."  He looked at Abby.  A tear was trickling down her face and he wiped it away, his hand resting just a second on her face.

"It's all good now," he said softly.  Abby nodded, tears still flowing silently down her face.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

"Shh…" He lifted his hand to Abby's face again and brought his lips to meet hers.  Abby was startled by his actions, she wasn't expecting a kiss.  Was it too soon?  What if Ashley saw?  But she heard herself moaning quietly despite her apprehension and soon the kiss deepened.  He was pushing against her in urgency.

"Carter…" she said, pushing him away lightly.  He continued to kiss her, caressing her cheek, his own moan growing in the base of her throat.

"Carter!" she said again and he backed off, "It's just… too soon," she stated. 

He looked at her and nodded his face, embarrassed and sad.

"Carter… don't take it the wrong way.  I want this just as much as you do," she said placing a soft kiss on his lips, "but we have someone else to worry about now.  Someone much more fragile than either of us."  He nodded again and another tear slipped from Abby's eye.

"God, I wish I had never left," Abby said quietly.  Carter placed another kiss on her forehead and they sat there, Carter wrapping his arm around Abby's shoulder.  They sat silently for nearly half an hour thinking before Carter got up quietly and left.

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