A/N: Sorry it took me so long. But thanks for the reviews. I basically have the story on paper already, but I'll try to react on any suggestions you make.
So this is just a short chapter I whipped up in response to some reviews!! The next "real" one will follow shortly.
Disclaimer: Neither Dark Angel nor Alias belong to me, they never did and probably and unfortunately never will!
**
Chapter 4
Logan sat at the table with Asha, she rambled on about some SW1 job that had ended in embarrassment for one of her colleagues. He could sense that she was just trying to lighten the mood, too. She would try in vain this morning.
Logan couldn't stop thinking about his Dark Angel. What he had told her earlier about how he didn't regret moving on was true. He had been fine again, not incredibly happy like he had been with Max by his side but he had fought his way back into his life and he had control over it again. He loved Asha and he could be certain of her love. She would never stand a chance against Max, but she had been there for him, had been patient with him and had accepted the fact that she would never own his heart completely.
But had Max been right? Had she a right to be furious and disappointed about him moving on? The way she had looked at him and how she had told him that she would never have given up on him…it had seemed like she meant it.
But she had been dead! There was nothing to hold on to, nothing to wait for. It had taken him months to come to terms with the fact that she would never return to him. He had been the last person to accept that, he had always held on to the small glimpse of hope that she would walk through his door again. But eventually he realized that this was a foolish thing to hope for and he had to make a decision: He could either kill himself to find some peace or he would have to try and move on, try to live a life without his Angel.
Thanks to Asha and some other people he had decided on the latter, and he was glad about that. He didn't feel guilty. Hell, Max didn't even know what he had really been through!!!
But he couldn't be mad at her; he loved her, always had, and always would. But how could she return here and expect everything to be like it had been?
And why was he doubting everything again? Why could he barely resist the urge to just jump up, tell Asha to leave and return to Max, telling her that they would simply forget the past two years and start off where they had stopped a long time ago.
He looked up and blinked, seeing Asha sitting across from him. She was the reason, she and those past two years. He had moved on, he had a new life and he couldn't just give up on all that.
'Eyes only was your life, Logan.' That's what she had told him. And it had shattered him, but not only the words but the look in her eyes when she said that. It felt like she was dying from the inside, like the ground she was standing on had formed a hole and swallowed her. It felt like she was losing her faith in him! In what he stood for.
And what bothered him as well was that she had been right: Eyes Only had been his reason to go on, it had been the meaning of his life for such a long time. But Max had changed that, she had not replaced Eyes Only, but she had redefined the order of things.
Without her, only chaos was left, and he had given up on figuring things out again. He had rather left them all behind. He had betrayed her and all she believed in.
**
Asha kept on talking though she knew Logan wasn't listening at all. She knew exactly what he thought about and it scared her. It felt like he was slipping away from her.
She had always been aware of the fact that she loved him more than he loved her, but she had been willing to live with that. It was better to have him like that than not at all.
But the way he had looked at Max, if only for a moment, he had never looked at her like that and that stung. There had been deep love and trust in this look.
But he was still here with her! He hadn't abandoned her when Max had returned! Maybe he really didn't want her back; maybe he had decided he couldn't go through all that again. Maybe he had decided to settle with the safe version, instead of exposing himself again and risking losing everything again.
That's what she tried to tell herself, but deep down she knew that this might not come true. She knew Logan and she knew how passionate he used to be. She couldn't even blame him, that was just who he was. Ever since she had been with him, this sparkle had been missing in his eyes. The moment he had recognized Max, it had been back.
But she wasn't going to give up easily. She was going to fight for Logan, and maybe he would chose the safety she had offer over Max. Maybe.
TBC…
So this is just a short chapter I whipped up in response to some reviews!! The next "real" one will follow shortly.
Disclaimer: Neither Dark Angel nor Alias belong to me, they never did and probably and unfortunately never will!
**
Chapter 4
Logan sat at the table with Asha, she rambled on about some SW1 job that had ended in embarrassment for one of her colleagues. He could sense that she was just trying to lighten the mood, too. She would try in vain this morning.
Logan couldn't stop thinking about his Dark Angel. What he had told her earlier about how he didn't regret moving on was true. He had been fine again, not incredibly happy like he had been with Max by his side but he had fought his way back into his life and he had control over it again. He loved Asha and he could be certain of her love. She would never stand a chance against Max, but she had been there for him, had been patient with him and had accepted the fact that she would never own his heart completely.
But had Max been right? Had she a right to be furious and disappointed about him moving on? The way she had looked at him and how she had told him that she would never have given up on him…it had seemed like she meant it.
But she had been dead! There was nothing to hold on to, nothing to wait for. It had taken him months to come to terms with the fact that she would never return to him. He had been the last person to accept that, he had always held on to the small glimpse of hope that she would walk through his door again. But eventually he realized that this was a foolish thing to hope for and he had to make a decision: He could either kill himself to find some peace or he would have to try and move on, try to live a life without his Angel.
Thanks to Asha and some other people he had decided on the latter, and he was glad about that. He didn't feel guilty. Hell, Max didn't even know what he had really been through!!!
But he couldn't be mad at her; he loved her, always had, and always would. But how could she return here and expect everything to be like it had been?
And why was he doubting everything again? Why could he barely resist the urge to just jump up, tell Asha to leave and return to Max, telling her that they would simply forget the past two years and start off where they had stopped a long time ago.
He looked up and blinked, seeing Asha sitting across from him. She was the reason, she and those past two years. He had moved on, he had a new life and he couldn't just give up on all that.
'Eyes only was your life, Logan.' That's what she had told him. And it had shattered him, but not only the words but the look in her eyes when she said that. It felt like she was dying from the inside, like the ground she was standing on had formed a hole and swallowed her. It felt like she was losing her faith in him! In what he stood for.
And what bothered him as well was that she had been right: Eyes Only had been his reason to go on, it had been the meaning of his life for such a long time. But Max had changed that, she had not replaced Eyes Only, but she had redefined the order of things.
Without her, only chaos was left, and he had given up on figuring things out again. He had rather left them all behind. He had betrayed her and all she believed in.
**
Asha kept on talking though she knew Logan wasn't listening at all. She knew exactly what he thought about and it scared her. It felt like he was slipping away from her.
She had always been aware of the fact that she loved him more than he loved her, but she had been willing to live with that. It was better to have him like that than not at all.
But the way he had looked at Max, if only for a moment, he had never looked at her like that and that stung. There had been deep love and trust in this look.
But he was still here with her! He hadn't abandoned her when Max had returned! Maybe he really didn't want her back; maybe he had decided he couldn't go through all that again. Maybe he had decided to settle with the safe version, instead of exposing himself again and risking losing everything again.
That's what she tried to tell herself, but deep down she knew that this might not come true. She knew Logan and she knew how passionate he used to be. She couldn't even blame him, that was just who he was. Ever since she had been with him, this sparkle had been missing in his eyes. The moment he had recognized Max, it had been back.
But she wasn't going to give up easily. She was going to fight for Logan, and maybe he would chose the safety she had offer over Max. Maybe.
TBC…
