Putting the Pieces Back Together

Synopsis: Post 'The Telling' - Sydney's return. S/V Spoilers: Season 3 free, except for the name of Vaughn's wife but come on, who doesn't know that? Disclaimer: Not mine. Not the lyrics, not the characters, not the show. Warning: Pretentious drivel alert. I've never posted Alias fanfiction before and I'm very nervous. Please review and tell me if you like it or not, even if it's just a quick note to say you read it at all! I apologise in advance for any spelling, grammatical or just plain stupid mistakes.

I already posted this on SD-1 but so far have no replies. Clearly I must be a masochist to open myself up to such rejection again but what can I say? There are more chapters written so if you want me to continue please let me know.

Chapter One

'Cause I've been treated so wrong I've been treated so long As if I'm becoming untouchable
- Natalie Merchant 'My Skin'

You've had your life pulled out from under you before, most notably when you returned home to discover that your dreams of the future were lying dead in a bathtub, but this. This was worse. This time not only had they pulled your life from under you, they had then used it to beat you round the head repeatedly. You were barely holding it together before, when you had discovered the truth about Francie and had seen Will, oh god Will, lying there just like Danny had been. All you had been able to think was to go to Vaughn, he was your rock, he would support you and help you and he would make everything better.

But he didn't. He made it so much worse. And now all you can do is hide in the corner and cry. You know he must be watching you, but in what way? A few minutes before you would have been certain it would have been love and concern. Now it might just be pity, or exasperation, waiting for you to pull yourself together so he can return home to his wife. His wife. He's married. You love him so much it hurts and he's married. The unfairness of this threatens to rip you apart. You have only loved one other person the way you loved Vaughn, and he died. At the time you thought you would never be able to love anyone ever again, but Vaughn proved you wrong. What you felt for him was so strong, so real. Your dream of a future had a new face, but once again it had been cruelly torn from your grasp.

And now you had nothing. After Danny's death you had a purpose, to take down SD-6 and make Sloane pay for what he had done. Now all you're left with is broken pieces of your old life. Two years gone, friends and family have moved on without you. Everything has changed, there is nothing you can be certain of any more, nothing you can rely on. You're just lost without direction or purpose, thrown back into a world that has continued without you. Unwelcome and unwanted. That's all you will be now.

You're still in the corner. Still crying. Thinking about how much pain love has caused you. At one point you believed it to be the most powerful and important emotion there was. But now you know better. Nothing, not even love, can hope to compare to the awesome power of hate. But maybe this wasn't such a great tragedy. After all, the only thing that love brought you was pain. You had loved your mother so much that the discovery of her betrayal tore a hole in your heart you weren't sure would ever heal. Your love for Danny and Francie had been the death of them. If they hadn't known you, if they hadn't been important to you, they wouldn't have ended up as they did. And your love for Vaughn. Your love for Vaughn was now a deep void inside, threatening to consume your entire soul and leave only darkness.

In fact that's all you were now, darkness. All light and hope had been sucked out of you, leaving only the empty shell sobbing in the corner. The last sliver you had been holding on to, that all this was a dream and you would soon wake up back in your old life with the man you loved by your side, was long gone. This was real and you had to accept it. You knew Vaughn was still there, you could feel his presence, but you had no intention of looking at him, no intention of standing up, no intention of leaving this room. Your life was gone now. You would never see any of your friends or your father again. You would never return to your hometown. All you would do is sit here, in your corner, and cry.