Here it is, the final chapter! I hope you like how it ends because this is
it. Thanks to everyone who has read this far, you make my
day/week/month/year!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Six
~~~
"All the things you treasure most will be the hardest won
I will watch you struggle long before the answers come
But I won't make it harder, I'll be there to cheer you on
I'll shine the light that guides you down the road you're walking on" Dar Williams 'The One Who Knows'
~~~
The safe house is non-descript. Lots of grey and white and brown. She thinks it rather fitting as she still hasn't completely reconciled recent events in her mind and it feels like her entire life is grey and white and brown. Like an old movie where nothing seems real and all she can do is watch as it hurries past, leaving her standing alone and confused in it's wake.
She doesn't know how long she was there before the knock at the door came, a rather haggard looking Michael Vaughn on the other side. Pushing aside her first reaction of joyfulness at seeing him she remembers their circumstances and allows the confusion to grow in her mind. He hadn't come to see her all the time she was in CIA custody and so she just assumed he wanted to be with his wife and had no further desire to have anything at all to do with her. Yet here he is, standing in the doorway, not saying anything and not moving. Of course that may be because she is still standing in his way, blocking entrance into the house and staring at him stupidly.
He is the one to break the stand off, asking to come in. She dumbly moves out of his way and they both end up in the living room, staring at each other once again. They know they are able to speak freely, that this particular safe house doesn't have any prying CIA agents eavesdropping from behind the walls, but that particular knowledge doesn't seem to be of any help to their conversation at this point.
"You shouldn't be here."
"I had to see you, I needed to know you were okay."
"Why? I'm not a part of your life any more. You don't need to worry about me."
"Sydney." His face registers hurt as she takes another step away from him, increasing both the physical and emotion distance between them. "You're still important to me, you always will be."
"Well, as you can see I'm fine. Thanks for stopping by Agent Vaughn. You can leave now."
"Sydney please, don't shut me out. I want to help you."
"Well I don't. I want you to go, go back to your wife and your comfortable house and your nice normal life."
"Actually I still live in an apartment."
There is a pause before he continues and he wondered at the absurdity of picking that part of her sentence to focus on first.
"And my wife left me."
She felt the selfish hope rise within her, before the logical part of her brain quashed it back down.
"Then shouldn't you be there trying to get her back instead of here with me."
"No. She's not the one I want."
Something inside her snapped at his comment and her eyes flickered briefly with hurt and anger.
"Oh, so you're going to move on just like that! It's taken you a week to come back to me; how long did it take you to move from me to her the first time? A month? Ten days? Did you even wait until after my funeral before you asked her to marry you?"
"That's not fair and you know it."
"No, what I know is that I disappeared and you couldn't even wait two years for me."
"I thought you were dead, I had to move on. How long did you wait after Danny died before you jumped into bed with me?"
He stops himself, appalled at what he just said and prepares for the onslaught of anger that he knows he deserves. But it never comes.
"Syd, I'm sorry. That was low and I shouldn't have said that. I."
"No." Her voice is small and she almost falls down while lowering herself into the nearest seat. "You're right. I moved on, you had every right to do the same. I can't be angry with you for that."
"Still, I shouldn't have."
"You should go. Stay as far away from me as possible. All I do is ruin people's lives. If you leave now maybe you and your wife can make up, forget about me and have the safe and normal lives you deserve."
He sighed deeply, desperate to get through to her, to make her listen.
"It doesn't work like that. She left me because she saw the truth about me and about our marriage. Nothing can change that."
"Don't you want to even try? You're going to throw your marriage away, just like that? Were you lying when you promised to stand by her through the good times and the bad, forsaking all others?"
"No, but."
"Do you even believe in the sanctity of marriage vows?"
"Of course, but some things are more important."
"Like what?"
"Like truth. And the truth is I love you. Staying married to Lauren when I love someone else would not only be dishonest, it would be dishonourable. So to answer your question, yes I do believe in the sanctity of marriage vows and I won't defile them by making mine a lie"
He paused, waiting for a reply, but when none was forthcoming he continued.
"What to do you want to hear? Yes, it would be easier for me to go back to Lauren, I could go on to have a normal life with my normal wife and our two point four kids playing outside in the garden by the white picket fence. But just because something is easy or normal doesn't make it right. We are right, you and I, and while it's not the easy option it is something worth fighting for. Don't you believe that?"
"You can't just throw everything away because I've come back. What about all you've done? What about the life you built up since I left?"
"What about 'to thine own self be true'?"
"Oh so now you're quoting Shakespeare at me. Am I supposed to be impressed?"
"I'm not trying to impress you, I'm trying to make you understand that I can't live without you."
"Seems to me you've been doing fine without me."
And this was the point where he finally snapped.
"No! No I haven't. You weren't there, you didn't see me, you don't know what it's been like these past two years. I wasn't living, I was." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "Did you ever feel like you were forcing yourself to get through each day when all you wanted to do was collapse under the crushing weight of all the pain and unfairness of life?"
"Sounds like a pretty good description of how I'm feeling right now actually."
"Please Sydney, you have to understand, I wasn't myself. I lost everything when I lost you and the first time I felt even the slightest shred of hope that I might be okay was when I found out you were alive."
"So, what are you saying? You never had any intention of being happy with Lauren? You planned to go through your marriage a miserable shell of a man? I don't believe you. The Michael Vaughn I knew would never do that."
"That's exactly my point! The Michael Vaughn you knew died that night two years ago. When I married Lauren I was settling. I thought that maybe we might be able to have a good life together sometime in the future. It was selfish and stupid and completely unfair to her and she knows that now, we both know that now. I can only hope that some time in the future she forgives me for what I did, just like I can only hope you forgive me."
"For what? Getting married, or for getting married for the wrong reasons?"
"Both, I guess. And for not telling you I loved you two years ago. But I'm going to say it now. I love you Sydney. You are not only the most important thing in my life, you are my life. Please don't send me away."
Tears were now rolling down both their cheeks and Sydney felt herself being torn in two.
"Vaughn, I.I want to believe you but I don't see how I can. When I found out I lost you I felt like someone had torn the air from my lungs and I was slowly suffocating. I can't do that again, I can't let you in if all you're going to do is hurt me."
"I never wanted to hurt you and I promise I will do my best to make sure nothing ever hurts you again."
"You don't have the power to promise that."
"Maybe not, but I can promise that I will be there for you. That you won't have to go through it alone."
"Where were you this past week?" Her voice was small he almost didn't hear the question. He closed his eyes in pain before answering, once again feeling terrible that he hadn't been able to be there for her.
"Kendall wouldn't let me see you. I'm sorry Syd, I tried, I really did. He was just being an ass as usual."
That elicited a small smile from her.
"He is an ass, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"He wants me to go in for regression therapy."
"What do you want?"
"I want to wake up and find this has all been some kind of horrible nightmare."
"Well, what's your second choice?"
"I." She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I want to know. Someone or something has stolen two years of my life from me and I want to know what happened. I need to."
"Okay then."
"Will you go in with me?"
"Of course, if that's what you want, I said I wasn't going to leave you and I meant it."
"What about Kendall?"
"Screw Kendall." They both smiled at that. "Seriously Syd, I won't let him keep me away again. I'll find a way to be there for you."
"Thank you."
"Anything for you Sydney."
He looked at her with such a heartbreaking expression of sincerity and love that any remaining doubts she may have had were crushed instantly and she threw herself into his arms, relishing the feeling of being home again after so much confusion and pain.
"Vaughn?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you too. So much."
He smiled and held her tighter. He couldn't say what would happen tomorrow or the next day but he did know that at that moment, holding Sydney Bristow in his arms, all was right with the world.
~~~
"I guess all I really mean
Is we're gonna be all right
Yeah we're gonna be all right
You can close your eyes tonight
'Cause we're gonna be all right"
-Over the Rhine 'Etcetera Whatever'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
(If you've managed to read this far please review and tell me what you think. Thanks.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Six
~~~
"All the things you treasure most will be the hardest won
I will watch you struggle long before the answers come
But I won't make it harder, I'll be there to cheer you on
I'll shine the light that guides you down the road you're walking on" Dar Williams 'The One Who Knows'
~~~
The safe house is non-descript. Lots of grey and white and brown. She thinks it rather fitting as she still hasn't completely reconciled recent events in her mind and it feels like her entire life is grey and white and brown. Like an old movie where nothing seems real and all she can do is watch as it hurries past, leaving her standing alone and confused in it's wake.
She doesn't know how long she was there before the knock at the door came, a rather haggard looking Michael Vaughn on the other side. Pushing aside her first reaction of joyfulness at seeing him she remembers their circumstances and allows the confusion to grow in her mind. He hadn't come to see her all the time she was in CIA custody and so she just assumed he wanted to be with his wife and had no further desire to have anything at all to do with her. Yet here he is, standing in the doorway, not saying anything and not moving. Of course that may be because she is still standing in his way, blocking entrance into the house and staring at him stupidly.
He is the one to break the stand off, asking to come in. She dumbly moves out of his way and they both end up in the living room, staring at each other once again. They know they are able to speak freely, that this particular safe house doesn't have any prying CIA agents eavesdropping from behind the walls, but that particular knowledge doesn't seem to be of any help to their conversation at this point.
"You shouldn't be here."
"I had to see you, I needed to know you were okay."
"Why? I'm not a part of your life any more. You don't need to worry about me."
"Sydney." His face registers hurt as she takes another step away from him, increasing both the physical and emotion distance between them. "You're still important to me, you always will be."
"Well, as you can see I'm fine. Thanks for stopping by Agent Vaughn. You can leave now."
"Sydney please, don't shut me out. I want to help you."
"Well I don't. I want you to go, go back to your wife and your comfortable house and your nice normal life."
"Actually I still live in an apartment."
There is a pause before he continues and he wondered at the absurdity of picking that part of her sentence to focus on first.
"And my wife left me."
She felt the selfish hope rise within her, before the logical part of her brain quashed it back down.
"Then shouldn't you be there trying to get her back instead of here with me."
"No. She's not the one I want."
Something inside her snapped at his comment and her eyes flickered briefly with hurt and anger.
"Oh, so you're going to move on just like that! It's taken you a week to come back to me; how long did it take you to move from me to her the first time? A month? Ten days? Did you even wait until after my funeral before you asked her to marry you?"
"That's not fair and you know it."
"No, what I know is that I disappeared and you couldn't even wait two years for me."
"I thought you were dead, I had to move on. How long did you wait after Danny died before you jumped into bed with me?"
He stops himself, appalled at what he just said and prepares for the onslaught of anger that he knows he deserves. But it never comes.
"Syd, I'm sorry. That was low and I shouldn't have said that. I."
"No." Her voice is small and she almost falls down while lowering herself into the nearest seat. "You're right. I moved on, you had every right to do the same. I can't be angry with you for that."
"Still, I shouldn't have."
"You should go. Stay as far away from me as possible. All I do is ruin people's lives. If you leave now maybe you and your wife can make up, forget about me and have the safe and normal lives you deserve."
He sighed deeply, desperate to get through to her, to make her listen.
"It doesn't work like that. She left me because she saw the truth about me and about our marriage. Nothing can change that."
"Don't you want to even try? You're going to throw your marriage away, just like that? Were you lying when you promised to stand by her through the good times and the bad, forsaking all others?"
"No, but."
"Do you even believe in the sanctity of marriage vows?"
"Of course, but some things are more important."
"Like what?"
"Like truth. And the truth is I love you. Staying married to Lauren when I love someone else would not only be dishonest, it would be dishonourable. So to answer your question, yes I do believe in the sanctity of marriage vows and I won't defile them by making mine a lie"
He paused, waiting for a reply, but when none was forthcoming he continued.
"What to do you want to hear? Yes, it would be easier for me to go back to Lauren, I could go on to have a normal life with my normal wife and our two point four kids playing outside in the garden by the white picket fence. But just because something is easy or normal doesn't make it right. We are right, you and I, and while it's not the easy option it is something worth fighting for. Don't you believe that?"
"You can't just throw everything away because I've come back. What about all you've done? What about the life you built up since I left?"
"What about 'to thine own self be true'?"
"Oh so now you're quoting Shakespeare at me. Am I supposed to be impressed?"
"I'm not trying to impress you, I'm trying to make you understand that I can't live without you."
"Seems to me you've been doing fine without me."
And this was the point where he finally snapped.
"No! No I haven't. You weren't there, you didn't see me, you don't know what it's been like these past two years. I wasn't living, I was." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "Did you ever feel like you were forcing yourself to get through each day when all you wanted to do was collapse under the crushing weight of all the pain and unfairness of life?"
"Sounds like a pretty good description of how I'm feeling right now actually."
"Please Sydney, you have to understand, I wasn't myself. I lost everything when I lost you and the first time I felt even the slightest shred of hope that I might be okay was when I found out you were alive."
"So, what are you saying? You never had any intention of being happy with Lauren? You planned to go through your marriage a miserable shell of a man? I don't believe you. The Michael Vaughn I knew would never do that."
"That's exactly my point! The Michael Vaughn you knew died that night two years ago. When I married Lauren I was settling. I thought that maybe we might be able to have a good life together sometime in the future. It was selfish and stupid and completely unfair to her and she knows that now, we both know that now. I can only hope that some time in the future she forgives me for what I did, just like I can only hope you forgive me."
"For what? Getting married, or for getting married for the wrong reasons?"
"Both, I guess. And for not telling you I loved you two years ago. But I'm going to say it now. I love you Sydney. You are not only the most important thing in my life, you are my life. Please don't send me away."
Tears were now rolling down both their cheeks and Sydney felt herself being torn in two.
"Vaughn, I.I want to believe you but I don't see how I can. When I found out I lost you I felt like someone had torn the air from my lungs and I was slowly suffocating. I can't do that again, I can't let you in if all you're going to do is hurt me."
"I never wanted to hurt you and I promise I will do my best to make sure nothing ever hurts you again."
"You don't have the power to promise that."
"Maybe not, but I can promise that I will be there for you. That you won't have to go through it alone."
"Where were you this past week?" Her voice was small he almost didn't hear the question. He closed his eyes in pain before answering, once again feeling terrible that he hadn't been able to be there for her.
"Kendall wouldn't let me see you. I'm sorry Syd, I tried, I really did. He was just being an ass as usual."
That elicited a small smile from her.
"He is an ass, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"He wants me to go in for regression therapy."
"What do you want?"
"I want to wake up and find this has all been some kind of horrible nightmare."
"Well, what's your second choice?"
"I." She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I want to know. Someone or something has stolen two years of my life from me and I want to know what happened. I need to."
"Okay then."
"Will you go in with me?"
"Of course, if that's what you want, I said I wasn't going to leave you and I meant it."
"What about Kendall?"
"Screw Kendall." They both smiled at that. "Seriously Syd, I won't let him keep me away again. I'll find a way to be there for you."
"Thank you."
"Anything for you Sydney."
He looked at her with such a heartbreaking expression of sincerity and love that any remaining doubts she may have had were crushed instantly and she threw herself into his arms, relishing the feeling of being home again after so much confusion and pain.
"Vaughn?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you too. So much."
He smiled and held her tighter. He couldn't say what would happen tomorrow or the next day but he did know that at that moment, holding Sydney Bristow in his arms, all was right with the world.
~~~
"I guess all I really mean
Is we're gonna be all right
Yeah we're gonna be all right
You can close your eyes tonight
'Cause we're gonna be all right"
-Over the Rhine 'Etcetera Whatever'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
(If you've managed to read this far please review and tell me what you think. Thanks.)
