Thank you from your wonderful reviews ^-^
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha.
_____________________________________________________________________
Reunion
by Kradvity
Chapter 3 Smoke spirals
Rin
It is strange how everything seems to start from grief and sorrow. I have always wanted to believe that somehow every story has a happy ending. I was an optimist. My own story was the one I wanted to end happily the most. What means the end? The end of a short story or the end of someone's life? Start is easier to understand. If happiness depends on a person, then so must the end. When people say they hope something to end well, do they really know what they mean even themselves? Maybe not, but hope might be the only thing they have and hope is a good thing to rely on. No-one can take it from you. It is something you have to decide yourself. I want to believe so. I have been afraid that someone tells me that hope can be taken away. What makes me more afraid is Sesshou-maru's suitability to be that person.
" Have you ever had any hope for something? " I asked. Sesshou-maru wasn't interested in fifteen-year-old girls curiosity. He gave me one long stare and continued thinking. I wished I knew what he was thinking. It is not certain that he knows even himself.
" I am hoping you would shut up ", he answered sharply. I didn't give up. I was going to make Sesshou-maru answer, no matter what it took. I was full of indefinite answers he gave me. He was too bored or too afraid to answer straightly.
" You know what I mean. "
" Do _you_ know what you mean? "
I whiffed angrily. He always did that. Tried to confuse me. He knew my weaknesses and used them against me. I still haven't figured out his, which made the situation unfair.
" I don't have anything to hope for so stop bothering me and go to that monk. "
He stared at me crossing his hands when a rejoicing smile spread over my face.
" You _are_ hoping for something! " I said triumphantly receiving a piercing look from him. His face didn't show any feelings when my happiness increased to a little laugh. He was obviously waiting for an answer but I knew he wouldn't ask it if I didn't say it myself.
" You are hoping that Miroku raises me well. "
" Excuse me? "
Still no feelings were shown on his face.
" You don't want me to be like you. You are hoping I will be a good person. "
" If that is what you ended up with I have overestimated your intelligence. "
" Admit I am right! "
" You can't be like me. You are a human. "
" _You know what I mean_ ", I said accentuating every word.
I know I was right. Sesshou-maru ended that conversation by escaping. He said he sensed a demon approaching our cottage and left. He keeps living near our home because he wants to protect us from demons and suspicious villagers. We couldn't go to village anymore because Akira had caused trouble there. He was innocent but he was automatically guilty because he was a half-demon no-one liked. Same night the villagers came to us. I was watching my landscape so I saw them first. About twenty persons, men and women were climbing up the mountain holding weapons and torches. I ran to the cottage.
" Miroku, the villagers are coming here ", I said to him quickly. Always when I get scared I forget to call him Miroku-sama. He looked worried. I knew he would defend us but there were twenty people against us two. Akira was standing behind us. Sad and guilty look on his face made me mad. How could those people do this to him? He was still only a child, no matter what he was.
" You should go with Akira. I can't use my skills against humans but I can always fight " Miroku said looking at me piercingly and worried.
" You? You are half-dead. I suggest you go with Akira and I stay. "
Miroku wasn't willing to do that. He wasn't a coward and his pride prevented him from escaping. Looking like a coward was part of his imago. He was a monk and the villagers didn't hate him. They thought I had put him under a spell. They might not fight Miroku but I didn't want to take that risk. I would rather risk myself.
" Just go. We don't discuss this any further, " I said and stepped out of the door facing the villagers leaving Miroku and Akira inside. I prayed Miroku would manage to take Akira somewhere safe. Akira was in better safe with him. I would fight with all my heart. My eyes were flaming when I stared at the man front of me.
" Come on you dirty pigs! Use superior power against a defenceless woman if you dare! " I shouted. I was so mad I didn't think what I was saying. I don't usually lose my nerve but when I do I turn totally mad and most of the people escape when my face starts to turn red. Some of the villagers looked frightened. I heard whispering about me being a demon, too. The man standing nearest me wasn't afraid.
" Surrender the hanyou and we leave you in peace ", he said. People around him were gathering strength. I didn't have a chance even against the man but I didn't think about it, of course.
" You dream ", I spat and rushed at him trying to strangle him. I was shouting and cursing him while the others tried to get me off their leader. Striking pain in my left ribs made me let go of his throat. I didn't know what had hit me but luckily it wasn't a katana or anything else sharp.
I jumped up and caught a torch. I didn't have time to use it. Someone knocked me out and I collapsed. So that was the great and unbelievably brave fight of mine. I am a terrible fighter. Fighting asks good nerves and ability to think your moves. When I fight I just thrust blindly at every direction and scream. Sometimes it works. I can scare people, not fight them.
It was next morning when I woke up. Sun was shining through the window.
" What were you thinking? "
I faced Sesshou-maru's piercing gaze. I was lying on a bed. Miroku and Akira were standing behind him looking worried. I didn't see them. I had problems in keeping the room still.
" Is Akira alright? " I murmured. My head was hurting. So were my ribs. But I hadn't broke them after all.
" Use superior power against an defenceless woman if you dare? " Sesshou- maru repeated. I blinked my eyes. Sesshou-maru had saved us. But with what consequences?
" Did you kill them all? " I asked with horror in my voice. I was confused. I wanted them to be dead and alive at the same time. I wanted to blame someone from Akira's suffering.
" I would have but your monk wanted to save them. "
I saw Miroku and Akira. I was so relieved I could have collapsed again. Sesshou-maru looked at me coldly. He might have killed Miroku from letting me fight but he didn't. Akira and I would have been sad. And he would have had to help us more often. I think it was the last alternative that made him leave Miroku alone.
From that day on Sesshou-maru started to visit us. Or me, actually. Not so often and he didn't want Miroku or Akira to see him, but I noticed him when I was walking in the forest. The villagers wouldn't come again but I suppose he didn't want to take any risks. Sesshou-maru had killed few of them. He didn't tell me he was watching over us and I didn't ask him. We hardly spoke to each other. I was always worried if I didn't see Sesshou- maru anywhere. He usually let me see himself so I wouldn't worry. I knew he was fine, he was a demon. A dangerous one, maybe, but he is still immortal. He can be killed. He has many enemies.
Miroku quietly accepts him. He doesn't think I love him but he knows Sesshou-maru means something to me. And he knows how it hurts to lose an important person. He doesn't want it to happen to me. I definitely wouldn't call Miroku Sesshou-maru like he called me Sango. I don't know if I look like Sango, but Miroku and Sesshou-maru are like night and day. Miroku has dark hair and eyes, Sesshou-maru silvery hair and golden eyes. They couldn't look more different than they already did. Miroku looks like the night, Sesshou-maru like the day, but their personalities are the exact opposite. I wonder which one I am. I would like to be the evening like in my painting.
The smoke spirals in my painting remind me of that night when Akira's life was in danger. I can't say mine wasn't. Before that incident they reminded me of Kaede and mankind I have always loved. But now I only see sorrow and hate when I watch those spirals I made. I wanted to get them off the painting but Miroku, again, told me to leave them. It made me think that the hate villagers felt for us was on his "the-nature-won't-need-us"-list. I gave up. I am tired of arguing with him about his point of view. I want to affect every little thing and he couldn't care less about most of them. Miroku isn't as interested in human brain as I am. He likes to think other things. Not human _brain_ but some other parts maybe. I bet his interest towards women hasn't entirely disappeared. He claims it has.
Sesshou-maru was keeping an eye on us and I could finally relax. Miroku didn't trust Sesshou-maru enough to relax but it was just good for me. I didn't have to worry because Miroku was doing it all the time. He tries to act he isn't worrying. I couldn't have relaxed if I had known what was going to happen. It was only a month after the ambush of the villagers. I was talking with Miroku about everything. Most of our conversations turn into argue. Somehow that one turned to Kikyo.
" Last time I saw her was when Naraku was destroyed. She disappeared after that. "
" Do you know how and where? " I asked. I was curious about everything that happened twenty years ago. I think Miroku liked to tell me. Reason number one was that in fact it was one of those things he knew better than I.
" The Shikon Jewel disappeared and I think that was what made Kikyo do the same. "
" So, is she dead now? "
" She has been dead for seventy years, Rin-chan. I don't think she is coming back anymore. "
I thought hard. The Shikon Jewel... Sesshou-maru has been looking for it. No-one has seen it for twenty years.
" What if the Shikon Jewel was found? " I asked quietly.
" If it even existed anymore it would affect our lives somehow. I think we would feel it. "
Again Miroku was talking about 'us'. I had never seen the Shikon Jewel except from long distance.
" You don't want Kikyo to come back, do you? " I asked. Miroku didn't want to talk about it but I couldn't hold myself from asking. His eyes turned shady.
" She was twisted. "
" She was murdered by Naraku. "
" Rin-chan, you didn't see what she did. "
A-ha. Finally. Now I _don't_ know. Where is 'us'?
" You told me that Urasue made her come back. "
" It wasn't Kikyo anymore. Kagome-chan had her soul. " Miroku said sounding angry. It just made me more excited. I bit my lip. I was winning this. Miroku didn't want to talk about this. He didn't find the right words to say what he wanted. I wanted him to stop using 'us' and this seemed a good way to try it.
" If you hate Kikyo you also hate Kagome ", I said staring at him.
" No, I... "
" Everything Kikyo loved was taken away from her. How can you hate her from that? "
" STOP TWISTING THINGS! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! "
It was the first time Miroku had ever shouted to me. It wasn't exactly what I had wanted. I didn't want to upset him, just to make him think. He usually never shouts or even speaks loud, so I got a little scared. This was something he _really_ didn't want to discuss.
" I am truly sorry , Rin-chan. "
" No, _I_ am sorry. I _don't_ know what happened ", I said and placed a little kiss on his cheek. That was when Miroku understood there was no 'us'. He realized that 'Miroku and Sango' wasn't the same as 'Miroku and Rin'. I am glad I made it.
" But you have to promise you don't talk about Kagome-chan that way. "
" I promise. Have you seen Akira? "
We had forgot about him while we were arguing. Akira is a half-demon and more powerful than a human child but I would have felt I was a bad mother if I hadn't watched over him. At that moment I felt like a bad mother. We searched the house but with no avail. I really started to worry. Miroku left to the village. I doubted Akira had gone there. He wasn't that stupid or stubborn. I went to the forest. He wasn't lost, he knew this forest, but he was only six and all alone. I hoped Sesshou-maru had found him. Sesshou- maru kept other demons away from the cottage so what could Akira possibly encounter? I didn't want to think about it.
I yelled his name. My voice was echoing like the forest had yelled back. I tried to listen if Akira answered me but the only thing I heard was wind dancing in the treetops. I shouted until my voice broke down. I was running in the forest with tears in my eyes. I fell few times. I didn't see Sesshou- maru either. I called him once. I thought he wouldn't come. I hoped Miroku had found Akira. Or that Akira was sleeping somewhere in the cottage and we just hadn't noticed him.
I wasn't going to give up. I would keep searching. Only Miroku's or Sesshou- maru's message about Akira being safe would make me stop. The sunset made everything flame like in fire. I hoped that sunset I loved would help me. If nothing else would then even my precious sunset. There, deep in the forest I raised my eyes to the sky. Something flew there. Something very long. It wasn't flying aloft. A snake? Flying snake? Could it be some kind of a demon? What kind of a demon looks like a snake and flies? Suddenly it started to come closer and closer. It was heading down to the forest. I started to run again. I looked up so that I wouldn't lose it which made me stumble.
Then I saw someone in front of me running among the trees. The runner was short and had black hair. Like Akira. I yelled at him. He stopped and looked at me. It was Akira. I told him to stay there but he continued running. I didn't understand it. Was something drawing him to that direction. If only Miroku or Sesshou-maru was here. I was scared to death.
Akira stopped. He stood there like a statue. I was out of breath but I kept running. My kimono was dirty and ragged. I would never use it again. My heart was beating like I drum. I was about to collapse.
" Akira? "
There was someone else too. A woman. Long-haired woman dressed in white and red. Her face was somehow familiar. There were five snakes flying around her. They weren't snakes but that moment it was the only thing I could think of. She looked at me smoothing the head of one snake. I stared at her. It felt like I had died for a few seconds when I recognised her. It felt like a dream I had seen many years ago. The things I think of the most have a nasty habit to become part of my life.
" Kikyo? "
_______________________________________________________________________
A/N: Now, I couldn't edit this chapter and put it here since my coputer wasn't in the coniditon for that. And all my fics are _only_ on my computer. So ^^''' But here it is now. Thank you from reading my primitive fanfic again ^^^
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha.
_____________________________________________________________________
Reunion
by Kradvity
Chapter 3 Smoke spirals
Rin
It is strange how everything seems to start from grief and sorrow. I have always wanted to believe that somehow every story has a happy ending. I was an optimist. My own story was the one I wanted to end happily the most. What means the end? The end of a short story or the end of someone's life? Start is easier to understand. If happiness depends on a person, then so must the end. When people say they hope something to end well, do they really know what they mean even themselves? Maybe not, but hope might be the only thing they have and hope is a good thing to rely on. No-one can take it from you. It is something you have to decide yourself. I want to believe so. I have been afraid that someone tells me that hope can be taken away. What makes me more afraid is Sesshou-maru's suitability to be that person.
" Have you ever had any hope for something? " I asked. Sesshou-maru wasn't interested in fifteen-year-old girls curiosity. He gave me one long stare and continued thinking. I wished I knew what he was thinking. It is not certain that he knows even himself.
" I am hoping you would shut up ", he answered sharply. I didn't give up. I was going to make Sesshou-maru answer, no matter what it took. I was full of indefinite answers he gave me. He was too bored or too afraid to answer straightly.
" You know what I mean. "
" Do _you_ know what you mean? "
I whiffed angrily. He always did that. Tried to confuse me. He knew my weaknesses and used them against me. I still haven't figured out his, which made the situation unfair.
" I don't have anything to hope for so stop bothering me and go to that monk. "
He stared at me crossing his hands when a rejoicing smile spread over my face.
" You _are_ hoping for something! " I said triumphantly receiving a piercing look from him. His face didn't show any feelings when my happiness increased to a little laugh. He was obviously waiting for an answer but I knew he wouldn't ask it if I didn't say it myself.
" You are hoping that Miroku raises me well. "
" Excuse me? "
Still no feelings were shown on his face.
" You don't want me to be like you. You are hoping I will be a good person. "
" If that is what you ended up with I have overestimated your intelligence. "
" Admit I am right! "
" You can't be like me. You are a human. "
" _You know what I mean_ ", I said accentuating every word.
I know I was right. Sesshou-maru ended that conversation by escaping. He said he sensed a demon approaching our cottage and left. He keeps living near our home because he wants to protect us from demons and suspicious villagers. We couldn't go to village anymore because Akira had caused trouble there. He was innocent but he was automatically guilty because he was a half-demon no-one liked. Same night the villagers came to us. I was watching my landscape so I saw them first. About twenty persons, men and women were climbing up the mountain holding weapons and torches. I ran to the cottage.
" Miroku, the villagers are coming here ", I said to him quickly. Always when I get scared I forget to call him Miroku-sama. He looked worried. I knew he would defend us but there were twenty people against us two. Akira was standing behind us. Sad and guilty look on his face made me mad. How could those people do this to him? He was still only a child, no matter what he was.
" You should go with Akira. I can't use my skills against humans but I can always fight " Miroku said looking at me piercingly and worried.
" You? You are half-dead. I suggest you go with Akira and I stay. "
Miroku wasn't willing to do that. He wasn't a coward and his pride prevented him from escaping. Looking like a coward was part of his imago. He was a monk and the villagers didn't hate him. They thought I had put him under a spell. They might not fight Miroku but I didn't want to take that risk. I would rather risk myself.
" Just go. We don't discuss this any further, " I said and stepped out of the door facing the villagers leaving Miroku and Akira inside. I prayed Miroku would manage to take Akira somewhere safe. Akira was in better safe with him. I would fight with all my heart. My eyes were flaming when I stared at the man front of me.
" Come on you dirty pigs! Use superior power against a defenceless woman if you dare! " I shouted. I was so mad I didn't think what I was saying. I don't usually lose my nerve but when I do I turn totally mad and most of the people escape when my face starts to turn red. Some of the villagers looked frightened. I heard whispering about me being a demon, too. The man standing nearest me wasn't afraid.
" Surrender the hanyou and we leave you in peace ", he said. People around him were gathering strength. I didn't have a chance even against the man but I didn't think about it, of course.
" You dream ", I spat and rushed at him trying to strangle him. I was shouting and cursing him while the others tried to get me off their leader. Striking pain in my left ribs made me let go of his throat. I didn't know what had hit me but luckily it wasn't a katana or anything else sharp.
I jumped up and caught a torch. I didn't have time to use it. Someone knocked me out and I collapsed. So that was the great and unbelievably brave fight of mine. I am a terrible fighter. Fighting asks good nerves and ability to think your moves. When I fight I just thrust blindly at every direction and scream. Sometimes it works. I can scare people, not fight them.
It was next morning when I woke up. Sun was shining through the window.
" What were you thinking? "
I faced Sesshou-maru's piercing gaze. I was lying on a bed. Miroku and Akira were standing behind him looking worried. I didn't see them. I had problems in keeping the room still.
" Is Akira alright? " I murmured. My head was hurting. So were my ribs. But I hadn't broke them after all.
" Use superior power against an defenceless woman if you dare? " Sesshou- maru repeated. I blinked my eyes. Sesshou-maru had saved us. But with what consequences?
" Did you kill them all? " I asked with horror in my voice. I was confused. I wanted them to be dead and alive at the same time. I wanted to blame someone from Akira's suffering.
" I would have but your monk wanted to save them. "
I saw Miroku and Akira. I was so relieved I could have collapsed again. Sesshou-maru looked at me coldly. He might have killed Miroku from letting me fight but he didn't. Akira and I would have been sad. And he would have had to help us more often. I think it was the last alternative that made him leave Miroku alone.
From that day on Sesshou-maru started to visit us. Or me, actually. Not so often and he didn't want Miroku or Akira to see him, but I noticed him when I was walking in the forest. The villagers wouldn't come again but I suppose he didn't want to take any risks. Sesshou-maru had killed few of them. He didn't tell me he was watching over us and I didn't ask him. We hardly spoke to each other. I was always worried if I didn't see Sesshou- maru anywhere. He usually let me see himself so I wouldn't worry. I knew he was fine, he was a demon. A dangerous one, maybe, but he is still immortal. He can be killed. He has many enemies.
Miroku quietly accepts him. He doesn't think I love him but he knows Sesshou-maru means something to me. And he knows how it hurts to lose an important person. He doesn't want it to happen to me. I definitely wouldn't call Miroku Sesshou-maru like he called me Sango. I don't know if I look like Sango, but Miroku and Sesshou-maru are like night and day. Miroku has dark hair and eyes, Sesshou-maru silvery hair and golden eyes. They couldn't look more different than they already did. Miroku looks like the night, Sesshou-maru like the day, but their personalities are the exact opposite. I wonder which one I am. I would like to be the evening like in my painting.
The smoke spirals in my painting remind me of that night when Akira's life was in danger. I can't say mine wasn't. Before that incident they reminded me of Kaede and mankind I have always loved. But now I only see sorrow and hate when I watch those spirals I made. I wanted to get them off the painting but Miroku, again, told me to leave them. It made me think that the hate villagers felt for us was on his "the-nature-won't-need-us"-list. I gave up. I am tired of arguing with him about his point of view. I want to affect every little thing and he couldn't care less about most of them. Miroku isn't as interested in human brain as I am. He likes to think other things. Not human _brain_ but some other parts maybe. I bet his interest towards women hasn't entirely disappeared. He claims it has.
Sesshou-maru was keeping an eye on us and I could finally relax. Miroku didn't trust Sesshou-maru enough to relax but it was just good for me. I didn't have to worry because Miroku was doing it all the time. He tries to act he isn't worrying. I couldn't have relaxed if I had known what was going to happen. It was only a month after the ambush of the villagers. I was talking with Miroku about everything. Most of our conversations turn into argue. Somehow that one turned to Kikyo.
" Last time I saw her was when Naraku was destroyed. She disappeared after that. "
" Do you know how and where? " I asked. I was curious about everything that happened twenty years ago. I think Miroku liked to tell me. Reason number one was that in fact it was one of those things he knew better than I.
" The Shikon Jewel disappeared and I think that was what made Kikyo do the same. "
" So, is she dead now? "
" She has been dead for seventy years, Rin-chan. I don't think she is coming back anymore. "
I thought hard. The Shikon Jewel... Sesshou-maru has been looking for it. No-one has seen it for twenty years.
" What if the Shikon Jewel was found? " I asked quietly.
" If it even existed anymore it would affect our lives somehow. I think we would feel it. "
Again Miroku was talking about 'us'. I had never seen the Shikon Jewel except from long distance.
" You don't want Kikyo to come back, do you? " I asked. Miroku didn't want to talk about it but I couldn't hold myself from asking. His eyes turned shady.
" She was twisted. "
" She was murdered by Naraku. "
" Rin-chan, you didn't see what she did. "
A-ha. Finally. Now I _don't_ know. Where is 'us'?
" You told me that Urasue made her come back. "
" It wasn't Kikyo anymore. Kagome-chan had her soul. " Miroku said sounding angry. It just made me more excited. I bit my lip. I was winning this. Miroku didn't want to talk about this. He didn't find the right words to say what he wanted. I wanted him to stop using 'us' and this seemed a good way to try it.
" If you hate Kikyo you also hate Kagome ", I said staring at him.
" No, I... "
" Everything Kikyo loved was taken away from her. How can you hate her from that? "
" STOP TWISTING THINGS! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! "
It was the first time Miroku had ever shouted to me. It wasn't exactly what I had wanted. I didn't want to upset him, just to make him think. He usually never shouts or even speaks loud, so I got a little scared. This was something he _really_ didn't want to discuss.
" I am truly sorry , Rin-chan. "
" No, _I_ am sorry. I _don't_ know what happened ", I said and placed a little kiss on his cheek. That was when Miroku understood there was no 'us'. He realized that 'Miroku and Sango' wasn't the same as 'Miroku and Rin'. I am glad I made it.
" But you have to promise you don't talk about Kagome-chan that way. "
" I promise. Have you seen Akira? "
We had forgot about him while we were arguing. Akira is a half-demon and more powerful than a human child but I would have felt I was a bad mother if I hadn't watched over him. At that moment I felt like a bad mother. We searched the house but with no avail. I really started to worry. Miroku left to the village. I doubted Akira had gone there. He wasn't that stupid or stubborn. I went to the forest. He wasn't lost, he knew this forest, but he was only six and all alone. I hoped Sesshou-maru had found him. Sesshou- maru kept other demons away from the cottage so what could Akira possibly encounter? I didn't want to think about it.
I yelled his name. My voice was echoing like the forest had yelled back. I tried to listen if Akira answered me but the only thing I heard was wind dancing in the treetops. I shouted until my voice broke down. I was running in the forest with tears in my eyes. I fell few times. I didn't see Sesshou- maru either. I called him once. I thought he wouldn't come. I hoped Miroku had found Akira. Or that Akira was sleeping somewhere in the cottage and we just hadn't noticed him.
I wasn't going to give up. I would keep searching. Only Miroku's or Sesshou- maru's message about Akira being safe would make me stop. The sunset made everything flame like in fire. I hoped that sunset I loved would help me. If nothing else would then even my precious sunset. There, deep in the forest I raised my eyes to the sky. Something flew there. Something very long. It wasn't flying aloft. A snake? Flying snake? Could it be some kind of a demon? What kind of a demon looks like a snake and flies? Suddenly it started to come closer and closer. It was heading down to the forest. I started to run again. I looked up so that I wouldn't lose it which made me stumble.
Then I saw someone in front of me running among the trees. The runner was short and had black hair. Like Akira. I yelled at him. He stopped and looked at me. It was Akira. I told him to stay there but he continued running. I didn't understand it. Was something drawing him to that direction. If only Miroku or Sesshou-maru was here. I was scared to death.
Akira stopped. He stood there like a statue. I was out of breath but I kept running. My kimono was dirty and ragged. I would never use it again. My heart was beating like I drum. I was about to collapse.
" Akira? "
There was someone else too. A woman. Long-haired woman dressed in white and red. Her face was somehow familiar. There were five snakes flying around her. They weren't snakes but that moment it was the only thing I could think of. She looked at me smoothing the head of one snake. I stared at her. It felt like I had died for a few seconds when I recognised her. It felt like a dream I had seen many years ago. The things I think of the most have a nasty habit to become part of my life.
" Kikyo? "
_______________________________________________________________________
A/N: Now, I couldn't edit this chapter and put it here since my coputer wasn't in the coniditon for that. And all my fics are _only_ on my computer. So ^^''' But here it is now. Thank you from reading my primitive fanfic again ^^^
