Title: Dance of Fireflies
Author: Third_ReInCaRnAtIoN
Disclaimer: I sit with my banjo and I play a little song, even though Kenshin's not mine, his friends can play along. I'll pretend to own him my imagination's that great, I even own Inuyasha in my delirious state. All the characters I own, they will all be main and when I finish the epilogue I'll loose them all again.
Summary: Sometimes we sacrifice ourselves for the ones we love, even if they don't remember us afterwards. Battousai/Kaoru
Chapter 3
'You need not to be a smart man to conquer a nation, you need only to be ruthless.'
- A saying I made up from reading too many Samurai books.
Whilst Kaoru was following the Battousai through a series of dark, twisting tunnels beneath the bar, the Kenshin of her time was dreaming. His eyes moved frantically beneath his closed eyelids and his grip on his sword was so tight that his knuckles were white.
He mumbled lowly as he drempt, in a pitch so low that it seemed he was not speaking words, but humming a dark tune of things not yet said or done. Lightning silenced his mutters as it illuminated the room and sent him sprawling across the floor, his legs positioned uncomfortably beneath his body, only half awake. The tatami floor grazed his hands and he pulled himself until he was crouched in a sqauting poistion with his weight balanced on his sword that was stuck into the mat.
"Oroooo" he exclaimed, waiting for his eyes to stop swirling and for his vision to clear. As his voice reverberated off the walls he winced. All day he'd been trying to avoid Kaoru. He'd noticed she hadn't been sleeping very well. The bags under her eyes and her quiet sullen temper were only a testiment of the illness he knew she suffered from. He didn't wish to give her an excuse for being awake. A darker voice in him, the one that made sure that he observed everything and knew everything like the hitokiri he once was, whispered to him.
Kenshin squashed the voice ruthlessly, as ruthlessly as he had once carved his beliefs in the bodies of others with his sword. He tried to ignore what the voice was so eager to tell him. To tell him that he was responsible for Kaoru's illness. He feared that voice for the revelations it could bring him about himself.
He feared it more than the loss of his own life, but less than he feared hurting Kaoru with an action that the voice had driven him to. That was why he killed whenever it reared it's ugly head. He supressed it and cut it into shreds with his mind in every way that he had ever cut a human using the Misturugi Ryu. But it was a disease that refused to die. It had rooted himself within his mind and he often found himself wondering if perhaps he'd been born with it, or that maybe he was insane. Finally driven from sanity by the ghosts of those past slaughtered.
He shuddered and looked at the sword in his hands. He hadn't taken up his vow not to kill as a form of retribution. No, he knew he was far beyond that. He'd killed too many people to find any measure of peace in this lifetime. Maybe even in his next three he would still be paying for his crimes. He did not know and even though he was living the happiest days of his life with his adopted family in the dojo, there was still no real peace.
It would have been easier, he realised, if he could belive Kaoru-dono's innocent assumption that he and Battousai were seperate entities. For Kenshin, Battousai was an illusion. He was the Battousai, he would always be, they were one. He had done all those things back then, just as he had done all the things he had when he was living with Kaoru. His facade as a Rurouni had just been convinient. It was easier to refrain from having to hurt someone badly enough to kill them when you didn't stay in once place long enough to want to. At the beginning, his vow had seemed so simple, with the rebellion over and the shogunate disapanded. But in truth, Kenshin reflected, if he had made the vow to himself for himself instead of for the sake of Tomoe's memory, he would have broken it more than once.
He sighed as Kaoru's pale face flashed into his mind. 'I killed my wife' probably wasn't the smartest way to break the news of he and Tomoe to her. She'd seemed so sad when he'd seen her this afternoon, clutching the firefly to her as if it was her last remain of warmth in the world, as if she let it go she would fade until she lay silenced and cold on a funeral pyre. He never wanted to be breathing in this world if she wasn't. For that thought alone he wanted to kneel on the floor and plunge his trusted sword into his stomach. If was dishonorable to Kaoru for him to want her as a possession. For that's what it was. He didn't love her. He didn't...couldn't love anyone. He gave up love the second Tomoe died and never intended to pick it up again no matter what it might cost him in the future.
Each time he thought of her and his adopted family and friends he felt that maybe he was betraying them. He should have loved them... he was fond of them and he protected them, but he felt that maybe that was for selfish reasons. They were his comfort. He wished he knew what his true feelings about them were. He was fond of them, but was fondness enough if his true reason of staying with them was to use them as tools for his comfort and to ignore their value as human beings. Where they just tools? He agonised. He tried denying it to himself and the words tasted hollow. But then when he thought of Kaoru's face, guilt overwelmed him and he felt as if he should fall to his knees. He remembered Kaoru looking at him with her false smile after he told her about Tomoe, her eyes glazed. He rationalised that she needed to know. Tomoe was his first love his one true love in his mind. Should others not be allowed to carry her memory in their hearts as he did?
Yet that thought rang of irony and he knew he'd told Kaoru about Tomoe because he was afraid. He may be stupid at times but his was forever observant, noticing things others would not. Tasting things on the wind, smelling emotions on people and understanding what others could not. Kaoru loved him so obviously, so completley, so innocently that he was scared. Kenshin could see it and prayed to Kami that the wedge he'd purposely driven between them would stop her from looking at him with such happiness and adoration that he felt as if he should smile just as brightly back at her.
His fear was crisp and the dark voice he'd struggled to opress overpowered him. 'You're scared because you like her.' It whispered so deceptively soft and calm. Kenshin struggled but it would not go away. 'Of course I like Kaoru-dono!' he retorted angrily. 'She took me in knowing my past, a stranger who was covered in sin, That she DID!' He breathing thickened as the internal battle raged. The voice laughed mockingly. 'She is rather attractive, that she is,' it sneered. 'A bit vicious, but I'll be surprised if she isn't proposed to soon. Do you think this man will let you stay? Or do you plan to kill him so you can stay by Kaoru's side as she becomes old, alone and unloved. To let her become the idle gossip of the towns women. " That Kamiya woman" they'll say. "Letting that murderer stay will her, it's undecent, she's sinful. Stay away from her." Are you that much a coward?'
Kenshin's conscience remained sullenly quiet, unaware that what the voice suggested had pretty much been his future plan. He'd suggest to leave of course, it was the honorable thing to do, but Kaoru would beg him to stay and he would. He jumped to his feet and started to pace, his sword clattering to the ground. He tried to shake away the awful thought that had entered his head.
He needed to meditate he decided. He sat calmly opposed to the inner turmoil that was writhing within him. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. Inhale, heartbeat, exhale. He continued on this pattern for a couple of minutes then let his mind drift. He heard Yahiko's soft heartbeat fluttering in his depth of slumber, Sanosuke's loud obtrusive snoring that could wake a hibernating bear and Kaoru's........Kaoru's.......His eyes shot open. Where was Kaoru? He couldn't sense her at all. Not even her breathing. Panic scalded it's way across his skin and he bolted to his feet, grabbed his sword and headed straight to her room. He paused at her door and took a deep breath. If she caught him she would turn him into sashimi. Embarassment darkened his features as her called out to her quietly. "Kaoru-dono? It's Kenshin, are you there?" No one replied his query and he hesitated before reaching for the door.
He opened the door slowly waiting for an bowl of some sort to fly out and smack him square in the head. Idly he wondered if perhaps Kaoru was his most dangerous opponent of all those he had fought. Those bowls were pretty hefty and when they came into contact with the skin.....sword wounds hurt less. He hadn't realised how easily his Rurouni character had slid back on.
He walked in quietly, with the stealth that only someone learnt in the ways of the Mitsurugi Ryu can have. It took a couple of heartbeats for his mind to register and comprehend what his eyes saw. Kaoru's room was in chaos. Shoji ripped, ornaments lying smashed and her futon had been shredded. Kenshin reacted without thought. He unsheathed his sword and held it at the ready in case someone decided to attack. His scolded himself firmly. He should have heard this, he should have sensed it too. His anger at himself stopped him from worrying about Kaoru.
The room was empty. He ran to Sanosuke and woke him roughly. Sanosuke woke blearily, half ready for battle. "Whaddaya want? Have you lost it Kenshin. It's still dark leave me alone." He rolled over and tugged his clothing from Kenshin's grasp. Sanosuke was just about to start snoring when Kenshin pulled him to his feet and pinned him against the wall. "Kaoru's missing." Kenshin said dangerously. "Someone's been here and none of us heard them. Stay here and look after Yahiko." Sanosuke's eye sight may have been blurred by sleep, but he could have sworn that he saw a glimpse of amber shredding through Kenshin's violet gaze before he tore off into the night. Sanosuke shook his head slowly as he moved towards the brat's room. Kami have mercy on the man that had invoked Kenshin's fierce temper and taken Jou-chan from them.
******
Kaoru sighed as another minute passed. The air was scorched and stifling and she found herself wanting to carefully hide her nose within the sleeve of her kimono discreetly so that the Battousai wouldn't notice. It seemed as if she'd been underground for the most of the afternoon and she pined for the sunlight. For in the tunnels there was nothing but blackness and the feel of dust as it floated around her with each step she took. Occationally a flaming torch lighted the pathway just enough so that she could see where the Battousai was and that the path was getting steeper.
She'd stumbled several times already and her toes were sore. If she squinted at them enough through the darkness she could almost swear they were swollen too. She sighed again. It exploded from her mouth and she winced in horror sure that the Battousai was about to turn around and reprimand her. He however ignored her as he had for the most of the afternoon. In fact, he hadn't said anything to her since they'd walked into the building. They'd quietly walked, or stumbled in her case, not only in darkness but absolute silence and it was driving her crazy.
A torch illuminated the pitch black tunnel and she saw the back of the Battousai's head, his ponytail bobbing up and down as he walked. It was a lilting walk almost as if he was limping, but she knew very well that he didn't limp in her time. As the light started to fade she caught a sight of a dark patch on his clothing.Blood. She gasped audibly and this time he stopped and turned around slowly glaring at her as if she was the cole source of the world's problems. Never being one to back down from a fight, even when it wasn't good for her health, she drew herself up to her full height, hands on her hips and glowered back at him. "I'm not quite sure what you think you're trying to threaten me with Battousai," she hissed. "But I think you'd better bind whatever wound you have on your leg that's bleeding all over the tunnel floor before you pass out and we're stuck in utter darkness."
His eyes narrowed and it took all her will not to flinch away. "Unlike your untrained self," he started in a voice strained with bitten back anger. "My eyesight is fine, I can see where we are going at all times and as for this mere cut, I didn't feel it at all." He turned away with a disgusted look in her direction then started to walk away at a fast pace. "Now," she heard him call out from the path ahead. "Do you think you can move or will you make me regret not bringing the other Kasshin Master?" Her eyes flared and she ran after him throwing the only retort she had left that she knew would push his buttons.
"You were limping you baka! And you're blood is a testament to how deep that 'mere cut' is! It's almost flooding the ground." She heard a growl and could have sworn she saw his amber eyes radiating their own light. She halted in her steps, once again snubbing toes on a rock. Now irritated beyond belief, she was ready to strangle the mighty shadow assassin where he stood. Who cared if he was carrying a katana, she was still Kaoru and had the power of the right hook. As they continued to both snarl at each other a cheerful voice rang from the shadows.
"Is that you Himura? It's about time! Katsura's been waiting for you. Have you brought the Kasshin Mas...." Whoever had been talking, choked off their sentence and Kaoru found herself once again in eerie silence. A tall, gangly man appeared from the shadows and stared at her. She figited uncomfortably until the Battousai appeared by the man's side, still looking at her horribly.
Kaoru observed the man. He was about 3 feet taller than Kenshin, not that it was hard and bared a resemblence to Sanosuke except that this man's skin sagged towards the ground, his hair wasn't quite as high and his eyes not as slanted. He carried a sword and Kaoru suspected that the stains she first assumed were rust were in reality blood.
His stuck his hand out in a warm gesture that made Kaoru instantly suspicious. If this was the hitokiri she expected he was, she had alot of qualms about taking up his hand. He smiled brightly and she saw that some of his teeth were missing and chipped. "I'm Umori Gentachi. Nice to meet you." Kaoru hesitantly placed her hand in his enormous palm and she prayed he wouldn't fist hers in his and crush her bones. Instead of what she feared he'd do he did something startling. He pulled her closer and before she hand time to think his lips were on hers. She shuddered in revultion and pulled away. He held her by the forearms and whispered, his breath so foul that she smelt the sake on his words. "'Bout time that Battousai kid brought home a whore."
Kaoru ripped herself from his grasp, pulled out her bokken, crouched to the ground and lunged forward shattering his shin bone. Three things happened instantaniously. The man, Umori, fell to the ground with a yell of pain, Kaoru rolled as she hit the ground and turned around, her bokken pointed threateningly in his direction and the Battousai appeared behind her and grabbed her harshly. Kaoru fought him as a reflex then felt her world darkening as his fingers hit a pressure point in her neck.
******
Kaoru felt her hearing come back first but not matter how she strained she still couldn't move a muscle. Voices mummered lowly and she resigned herself to listening carefully until she had enough strength to jump to her feet and bolt away.
"What is your verdict, is she worth keeping, will she be any good to our cause?" a quiet voice asked. Kaoru immediatley recognised Kenshin...the Battousai's voice and she felt her body tense in alarm. Another voice answered in reply. It was deeper and kinder almost, it didn't hold the promising threat that the Battousai's did. She made out the words.
"Yes, but you must test her, she comes from a family that does not kill. It's expressive that she floored Umori, he has about 4 feet on her?" Kaoru almost felt the Battousai nodding. "It was surprising. I thought she was going to slap him and instead she incapacitated him and men wonder why I never take whores to my bed, liars, spies all of them. It's such as easy way for the Shogunate to tap into our systems. We must never allow it."
Kaoru once again felt the gesture, rather than seeing it. She felt the unknown man, who seemed to be the commander, shrug. "What can I do Kenshin?" he asked solemly. "These men could die at any given moment, why not let them have their pleasures while they live? Is it wrong to deny a man of happiness before death?"
Kaoru listened intently and tried to ignore the niggling feeling in her nose. She heard one of them stand and sigh. "You can't deny them anything Katsura, you're far to merciful with them." She heard the man, Katsura, she presumed, chuckle. "Aa, what of this girl then, were you not merciful when you realised she knew you somehow? She's still breathing, you did not slay her on the spot as is bidden of you."
Kaoru's breath froze in her throat as the clang of a sword being drawn split the air. "If you bid it of me I will slay her now." The Battousai's voice was scary and Kaoru wanted to suddenly jump up and run screaming for the hills, not that she'd be any safer from him there.
Katsura's voice was soft and firm in reply. "I have no wish of her death Kenshin. She's done nothing wrong and I doubt she has any opinion, or even cares about the revolution. What I want to know is if she will be any use to us as a warrior, as a spy. But I need to test her. I need to know if she can kill with no hesitation."
She heard the Battousai's bated breath and then he sheathed his sword. "I think that this test you proposed earlier, I think she will fail it." She heard movement, the rustling of clothing and she imagined that he had sat down again. "In the dojo....we fought and she threw a sword at me and even when it would have only injured me slightly....she still called my name to warn me." There was more rustling and the clank of china and Kaoru wondered if they actually looked as strange as they did in her imagination. Two assassin's having a tea party.
She heard Katsura's serious voice reply. "If she fails the test... kill her." Kaoru's heartbeat sped up and she felt sweat form on her palms. She didn't want to die. Fear pounded through her and she thought desperatley of home. Kenshin, Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, Tae, Tsubame, Ayame, Suzume and Dr Gensai. Depression clawed at her as she remembered her stupid wish. Now stuck in the past where the danger was real and here she had no friends, family or anyone to protect her. 'What have you gotten yourself into' she thought mournfully holding back tears and hoping that neither Katsura or the Battousai would notice.
Unfortunatley luck decided that it would not be with her and she felt the Battousai standing above her and she knew that he was probably waiting for an excuse to impale her or something. She knew that the Battousai was also Kenshin and every death added to his sword would pain him, but she also knew that this was a time of confusion and chaos, where the strong willed and the cold hearted were the only ones that survived. Battousai would survive because he was what he was.
"I know you're awake." he whispered sinisterly. Kaoru shuddered and opened her eyes slowly. Giving him a sheepish, fear filled smile she replied. "Hi?" Katsura walked towards the small pile of cushions they'd dumped her on and she got her first glimpse of the man that seemed to be running the revolution from her point of view. His was taller than Kenshin, but not by much and had a hair of think brown, straight hair. His eyes were brown and held laughter, though if you looked deeper you'd find something much darker than was normal in any other man.
He extended a hand and Kaoru looked at it warily, the other man who'd held out his hand hadn't been proper. Battousai gave her a threatening look and Kaoru quickly took Katsura's hand. She'd used up her quota for bravery today. Katsura's hands were soft, softer than hers and she felt a slight pang of femine shame. She consoled herself with the fact that this man was a politician, not a swordsman or swords woman as she.
"As you've probably overheard," he said his smile bright on his face. "I intend to test you on how well you can kill."
Kaoru shuddered away then she felt self rightious anger burn it's way through her.
"I heard you..you despicable, cruel, heartless, tyrant..." she would have continued but the Battousai's hand had clamped itself over her mouth. "Shut up." he hissed.
Katsura laughed throatily and Kaoru blinked, unaware that the Battousai had silenced her with a gentle hand and not by slashing her with his sword. Katsura contiued laughing and Kaoru saw the Battousai's face become stone-like as her removed his hand. "Such a temper," Katsura choked out, finally managing to speak. "I expect you to use it well. Battousai, I'll leave you to explain to her and to take her to the test, just as we discussed earlier." Then with a sweeping bow, Katsura turned and walked out the room.
******
Kaoru looked at the Battousai cautiously after Katsura had left the room. And then she gulped at the pure fury in his eyes.
"What do you think you're doing," his voice was harder than stone and she felt adenline start flooding her body. Then there was that little voice that insisted 'Run Kaoru Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!' She gulped and smiled slightly.
"Er, showing that man that he can't force me to kill anyone?"
The Battousai growled and puched the wall. "Are you DENSE!" he all but shouted. "Do you want me to kill you?"
Kaoru shook her head. "No, I prefer breathing." she said honestly.
"Then keep your mouth shut around Katsura and kill whoever he tells you to."
Kaoru's spine seemed to crumble beneath her and she slouched forward. "I don't want to kill anyone" she said passionatley.
He felt like sighing in despair and shaking her roughly. He didn't know why and he didn't care. But this girl this innocent, stupid, opinionated girl was turning his temper into one with such a short fuse that it exploded every few seconds.
In the minds of those he worked with, he had no temper. He was cold and emotionless but in his own eyes....he felt a little lost.
This girl was rearranging everything without any idea she was doing so.
Kaoru stared at the Battousai forcing her stubbon streak down. Calmly she nodded gracefully and moved till she was facing the Battousai directly. "What is this test?" she asked, her mouth drawn to a disgruntled pout. Battousai's icy temprement slid on easily like water over a waterfall.
"There's a prisoner, a traitor we're been questioning and Katsura has decided he shall be your test. I am to take you to him now so that you can kill him." Kaoru's mouth became a grim line. "The you'd best take me to him." she said softly. Battousai nodded and turned, heading towards the door. Distracted by thoughts of her dilemma, to kill or to die, she didn't really take in her surroundings, she did however realise that the Battousai was still walking with a limp.
"Stop." she commanded and she waited for the Battousai to turn and bite her head off. To her surprise, he did exactly as she asked and shot her a confused look. She smiled brightly and motioned for him to sit down. "You're still bleeding from that 'mere cut'."
He frowned and hoisted up the hem of his hakama to find a long gash that slid in a diagonal line from his knee to his ankle. Kaoru winced as she saw it and felt like berating the Battousai for being so careless. Sighing she walked across the room to where the Battousai and Katsura had been having tea and pulled out the sash from her mother's inner robe. She dampened it with hot tea and turned to find the Battousai sitting on the cushions that she'd been lying on. Silently she went to work, wiping away blood and hoping the hot tea would kill any germs that wanted to infect or poison the wound.
Finally as she began to wrap the cut she glanced up at him. His eyes while still being their ferocious amber had flecks of violet streaking across them. "How did you manage to let someone cut you like this?" she asked gently.
He grunted. "I slipped." Kaoru stopped, stunned that he'd admit such a mistake then continued as if it was no big deal. Sighing as she patted the bandage down she tried to quell her panic attack as she realised what she was about to do. She was about to kill someone, to go against her father's teacher and the moral of her sword style. 'Kami forgive me.' she begged. She didn't yet know if she could go through with, she prayed she'd know when she got there. Waiting patiently for Battousai to lead the way, she mentally began searching her heart. Did she love Kenshin enough to kill for him?
*****
The hallway was dark and it stuck a nerve in her heart, she'd walked from that hallway to this room. She felt fear rise within her. Was it really worth it? To kill someone just so she could save Kenshin in the future? She looked at the sword that the Battousai had given her before they'd entered the room. She turned and looked at the man Katsura had told her to kill. He was bound and gagged, bleeding here and there. She felt bile rise within her throat. Kami had given her an answer. She'd die before she killed someone. She'd made a wish to save Kenshin's true love. Not to kill someone for him.
She dropped the sword and turned away from the battered man. He'd been through enough and maybe death would be peaceful for him. But she could not give it to him "I won't kill, not for you. Not to save my life. I'm sorry." She realised she'd resigned herself to death with that simple sentence and her eyes stung with tears. He watched her with flickering eyes. "So be it"
She flinched away waiting for his sword to behead her or worse. She heard the steel being drawn from it's sheath and she took in a deep shuddery sigh waiting to be taken away from this world and spirited to the next. However she didn't feel a swish of air above her neck or a slicing pain as a sword buried itself within her and she didn't hear a chime sound of a sword catching on her spine. The only thing she heard was a soft moan and then a keening sound, as if a tree were falling to it's knees. She opened one eye cautiously and saw the dead body of the prisoner infront of her lying on the floor, his blood seeping into the tatami.
Her eyes sought out the Battousai and amber met blue in one instant of understanding. He flicked the blood from his sword and broke the connection between them. As he strode out the door he paused and turned his head to the side.
"Don't tell anyone." he whispered. Then he walked away.
Kaoru looked at the body of the prisoner then back to the door the Battousai had exited from and she wondered if the Battousai had just purposley saved her life.
'Carnation's Comments
Heya! I'm back in action. I've tried to make this 10 pages but it may be less because I don't have enough time to write them all if I want to post tonight. Anyway, you may, or may not have heard that my computer crashed two months ago so I wasn't able to post or even write the next chapter of this story, I'd even written half of this chapter on the other computer when it crashed. ARGH!
It was horrible. But I'm back and I'm here to stay. I've already thought about the plot and I know what's going to happen, hehe. Normally when I write I have no idea until I start writing and it just appears! But anyway, I hope my loyal reviewers aren't angry and me.
Okay guys, you know the drill. This is where I beg for reviews. Please don't stop reviewing me because of the chapter delay. I tried everything to get that computer to work! EVERYTHING! I even begged it and patted it and CLEANED it. Please, if you want the next chapter review me, as I said earlier I don't want to continue writing a story that no one likes when I have so many other ideas for stories that people like to read.
Teaser Time:
Chapter 4:
Hontaru looked at Kaoru saddly. "It's a vision of the future, flashes of that which has yet to come. Please Kaoru, just wish it of me. Don't do it, please don't pay this price, it's much to large. No one should ask it of you, not even the one you love." Kaoru smiled saddly, wondering exactly what the flashes of images frozen in time meant. "If someone has to pay the price," she said softly. "It should be me, I can't ask it of any other." She met the goddesses eyes dead on. "Why is there so much misery in this world Hontaru?" her voice trembled. Hontaru smiled a watery smile. "Kami does not wish you unhappiness, he bears you no ill will." Something sparked in Hontaru's eyes and Kaoru looked at her questioningly. "He bears you no ill will at all." And she vanished.
Quotacular:
Such is life.
-Ned Kelly
