Severus had to rely on a draught of sleeping potion that night, but knew
that it would be worth it in the long run. There would be no sense in
further upsetting Harry by his lack of temper.
It was a cool day, and the black limbs of the trees in the Forbidden Forest stood out starkly against the pale sky. It was the early lightness that woke Harry up. Well, that and a nightmare. The same one that he always had. He was a murderer. He felt himself killing everyone around him; Draco, Severus, Blaise. Everyone who had been nice to him. So, unwilling to chance more observations from his psyche, Harry got up and walked softly over to the window. He shivered in the thin pyjamas, but the cold felt good against his skin. He was used to the cold when he was in his cupboard with a few rags of bedding for cover, and even though the warmth was more comfortable it was odd and he preferred the bite of chill.
Sitting down, he allowed his mind to wander. What had his parents been like? He didn't know anything about them. Were they even wizards? There were so many questions that he wanted answered. Especially about Draco and Lucius. How much exactly did they know? He could feel the cold, dark power radiating off Lucius as the man walked, spoke, breathed. He was a strong wizard, so why was he interested in Harry? Was he even to be trusted?
And Severus. How could Harry describe the trust he felt in Severus after just a few kind words? He was sure that it was just a facade; that the head of house was just waiting to gain Harry's trust before humiliating him or hurting him. After all, why else would he care? Harry was just one more snotty-nosed brat to make the teachers' lives a misery, he knew that as well as the next person. So Harry would have to be careful not to trust Severus.
It was all so confusing.
Seeing his slender hands gain a purplish tinge, Harry crept back to his bed and tucked himself in. Staring at the ceiling didn't do much to keep him awake, so he recited potions ingredients in his head. It didn't make him feel much better, didn't lighten the load weighing his heart down, but he supposed it had to be good for his education.
And that was all that mattered to the teachers.
**********************************************
Severus gave a long suffering sigh before rolling out of bed in a manner certainly not befitting his terrifying reputation, and stumbled into the bathroom to wash his face. He didn't like coming face to face, or body to body, with himself in a mirror. He wasn't too concerned about his body, it was just the comments of the mirrors he disliked. Impertinent, contrary objects.
A few splashes of water on his face woke him up about 80%, he would rely on a cup of coffee for the next 15%, and 5% snippiness from exhaustion was what maintained his reputation. He pulled a white, freshly laundered shirt on and buttoned it, snapping the hem tight with a flick of his elegant hands, and then his trousers; black, naturally. Black robes followed, and then a billowing black cape to complete the effect.
Pausing only to hex the mirror into a (sadly) temporary silence as it told him to wash his hair, Severus Snape affixed his Glare to his face and swept out to meet the world. Again.
*****************************************************
"Good morning, Severus" said Dumbledore cheerily. Severus glared moodily into his bowl of cereal and grunted something that could have been polite in return. Dumbledore smiled benignly and crunched happily away on a slice of toast, unaware that he was scattering crumbs all over his beard. Well, that at least caused Severus a little amusement.
Draco, he saw, had returned to the school, looking a little drawn but generally healthier. He obviously didn't know where Harry was, from the confused look on his face as he searched the table. Finally the piercing grey eyes moved over to Severus. Snape nodded curtly, informing Draco silently that he would explain after the meal. Catching on as quickly as Severus would expect of one of his Slytherins, Draco tilted his head slightly in acquiescence and resumed eating.
Severus was not surprised when he nearly walked into Draco leaving the Hall.
"Harry is ill. I'm afraid you can't see him just at the moment. He's not contagious but I want to talk to him first. He has a fever, so something is troubling him. I presume I do not need to inform you that, should you disobey my orders, the repercussions should be exceedingly unpleasant?"
Draco tried not to blanch and nodded sharply, before being excused to go to his next lesson. Severus meanwhile made his way to the Infirmary. He peered through the window to see Madam Pomfrey bent over some paperwork at her desk, and opened the door as quietly as he could, so as not to disturb anyone else in there. As it turned out, Harry was alone. He still looked pale and clammy, with unhealthily pink cheeks and dull eyes, and he was currently staring into space.
"Harry?"
There was no response, Harry just continued gazing at the wall. Worrying as the lack of reaction was, Severus was more concerned by the look of terror on Harry's face, the way his bony hands clutched at the duvet making his knuckles go white. He moved closer, uncertainly.
"Harry?"
Harry's eyes flickered slightly, he relaxed his grip on the duvet.
"Harry."
More relaxation, as Severus crept closer.
"Harry."
Finally the green eyes cleared and flicked around to look at Severus, the pupils still dilated.
"Good morning, Professor" he said, sounding totally normal. Severus was thrown for a moment; how could he go from being so far away, so scared of something, to so ordinary? But maybe it was something he conditioned himself to.
"Good morning, Harry. May I sit down?"
Harry nodded and Severus sat by the bed, arranging his robes around him.
"How do you feel?"
"Much better, thank you sir. I am quite eager to get back to classes. I'm sure I must have missed some important work today."
Severus smirked inwardly at the boy's completely Slytherin attempt to deflect attention. With anyone except himself it might have worked, but Severus had seen too many students trying to distract him with that technique.
"I'm sure Draco will be very willing to help you catch up. He was worried about you this morning."
"Oh, how is he? Better, I hope. Has anything happened about Wood?"
"Draco is much better, and the headmaster is at this moment, I believe, speaking with Wood's parents. The Gryffindor portrait overheard the team speaking about it, which is irrefutable proof of his guilt. I would imagine a term's suspension and a hefty fine should discourage him nicely."
Harry smiled, wincing as his lips cracked under the pressure of his grin.
"Now, what were you thinking of when I came in, hmm?"
Harry did a very good job of looking confused and smiled sweetly.
"Oh, nothing much. I don't know. Just thinking how bored I was."
Severus' eyes bored into him and Harry had to fight the urge to shift uncomfortably. The older man made him feel like he was being dissected, and he waited to hear that he was a liar, or something like. The words never came. Severus merely looked at him through hooded eyes as though mentally calculating something.
"I don't believe you, but I can't force you to talk."
Harry smiled slightly at the frank statement.
"Do not, however, think that that will prevent me from nagging you frequently."
Harry shrugged. Severus would forget, he didn't doubt it. Everyone forgot after time.
****************************************************
Rubbing his temples, Severus hurried through the corridors of Hogwarts. He had stayed too long and was now going to be forced to rush to get to his next lesson. Harry was proving to go against the stereotype of abused children, as far as he knew them; he refused to trust anyone, whereas Severus would have expected him to be clinging onto anyone willing to help him. And he didn't like the periodic silences that Harry lapsed into; he would suddenly stare into space, pale, clutch at the sheets. Maybe shiver, occasionally gasp for breath. It was almost like Harry was drowning in his own memories.
And if he didn't open up, then what would happen about his fever? Wizards rarely got ill, and fevers were a sure sign of some deep stress. But there was nothing he could do except hope that Harry would confide in Draco. Allowing the school to find out about the abuse was one thing, but Harry needed to talk about himself as well. Otherwise, Severus worried, he would allow it to gnaw at his spirit. And then. . .anything could happen. But with a wizard as strong as Harry, anything was a bad thing. He could fall into a pattern of self-destruction, or others-destruction, becoming a new Voldemort.
Yes, Severus Snape was definitely uneasy as he swept down the final flight of stairs to Potions.
*************************************************
"Harry?"
Harry opened his eyes and smiled at his visitor.
"Hello Draco. How are you?"
"Fine thanks. You?"
"Yeah, I'm alright" lied Harry. He actually felt a little bit like someone was trying to drill little holes in his head, and like a dozen house-elves were jumping up and down on his stomach, but other than that he was ok.
"You look like shit" remarked Draco frankly, and Harry forced a laugh.
"I'll live. Have I missed anything in class?"
"Merlin, Harry, no! You are so paranoid! Maybe you should have been in Ravenclaw!"
The words had been meant in jest, but they struck Harry deeply. He didn't belong, he didn't fit in. He deserved to live his life as a reject and an outcast, didn't he?
It was a cool day, and the black limbs of the trees in the Forbidden Forest stood out starkly against the pale sky. It was the early lightness that woke Harry up. Well, that and a nightmare. The same one that he always had. He was a murderer. He felt himself killing everyone around him; Draco, Severus, Blaise. Everyone who had been nice to him. So, unwilling to chance more observations from his psyche, Harry got up and walked softly over to the window. He shivered in the thin pyjamas, but the cold felt good against his skin. He was used to the cold when he was in his cupboard with a few rags of bedding for cover, and even though the warmth was more comfortable it was odd and he preferred the bite of chill.
Sitting down, he allowed his mind to wander. What had his parents been like? He didn't know anything about them. Were they even wizards? There were so many questions that he wanted answered. Especially about Draco and Lucius. How much exactly did they know? He could feel the cold, dark power radiating off Lucius as the man walked, spoke, breathed. He was a strong wizard, so why was he interested in Harry? Was he even to be trusted?
And Severus. How could Harry describe the trust he felt in Severus after just a few kind words? He was sure that it was just a facade; that the head of house was just waiting to gain Harry's trust before humiliating him or hurting him. After all, why else would he care? Harry was just one more snotty-nosed brat to make the teachers' lives a misery, he knew that as well as the next person. So Harry would have to be careful not to trust Severus.
It was all so confusing.
Seeing his slender hands gain a purplish tinge, Harry crept back to his bed and tucked himself in. Staring at the ceiling didn't do much to keep him awake, so he recited potions ingredients in his head. It didn't make him feel much better, didn't lighten the load weighing his heart down, but he supposed it had to be good for his education.
And that was all that mattered to the teachers.
**********************************************
Severus gave a long suffering sigh before rolling out of bed in a manner certainly not befitting his terrifying reputation, and stumbled into the bathroom to wash his face. He didn't like coming face to face, or body to body, with himself in a mirror. He wasn't too concerned about his body, it was just the comments of the mirrors he disliked. Impertinent, contrary objects.
A few splashes of water on his face woke him up about 80%, he would rely on a cup of coffee for the next 15%, and 5% snippiness from exhaustion was what maintained his reputation. He pulled a white, freshly laundered shirt on and buttoned it, snapping the hem tight with a flick of his elegant hands, and then his trousers; black, naturally. Black robes followed, and then a billowing black cape to complete the effect.
Pausing only to hex the mirror into a (sadly) temporary silence as it told him to wash his hair, Severus Snape affixed his Glare to his face and swept out to meet the world. Again.
*****************************************************
"Good morning, Severus" said Dumbledore cheerily. Severus glared moodily into his bowl of cereal and grunted something that could have been polite in return. Dumbledore smiled benignly and crunched happily away on a slice of toast, unaware that he was scattering crumbs all over his beard. Well, that at least caused Severus a little amusement.
Draco, he saw, had returned to the school, looking a little drawn but generally healthier. He obviously didn't know where Harry was, from the confused look on his face as he searched the table. Finally the piercing grey eyes moved over to Severus. Snape nodded curtly, informing Draco silently that he would explain after the meal. Catching on as quickly as Severus would expect of one of his Slytherins, Draco tilted his head slightly in acquiescence and resumed eating.
Severus was not surprised when he nearly walked into Draco leaving the Hall.
"Harry is ill. I'm afraid you can't see him just at the moment. He's not contagious but I want to talk to him first. He has a fever, so something is troubling him. I presume I do not need to inform you that, should you disobey my orders, the repercussions should be exceedingly unpleasant?"
Draco tried not to blanch and nodded sharply, before being excused to go to his next lesson. Severus meanwhile made his way to the Infirmary. He peered through the window to see Madam Pomfrey bent over some paperwork at her desk, and opened the door as quietly as he could, so as not to disturb anyone else in there. As it turned out, Harry was alone. He still looked pale and clammy, with unhealthily pink cheeks and dull eyes, and he was currently staring into space.
"Harry?"
There was no response, Harry just continued gazing at the wall. Worrying as the lack of reaction was, Severus was more concerned by the look of terror on Harry's face, the way his bony hands clutched at the duvet making his knuckles go white. He moved closer, uncertainly.
"Harry?"
Harry's eyes flickered slightly, he relaxed his grip on the duvet.
"Harry."
More relaxation, as Severus crept closer.
"Harry."
Finally the green eyes cleared and flicked around to look at Severus, the pupils still dilated.
"Good morning, Professor" he said, sounding totally normal. Severus was thrown for a moment; how could he go from being so far away, so scared of something, to so ordinary? But maybe it was something he conditioned himself to.
"Good morning, Harry. May I sit down?"
Harry nodded and Severus sat by the bed, arranging his robes around him.
"How do you feel?"
"Much better, thank you sir. I am quite eager to get back to classes. I'm sure I must have missed some important work today."
Severus smirked inwardly at the boy's completely Slytherin attempt to deflect attention. With anyone except himself it might have worked, but Severus had seen too many students trying to distract him with that technique.
"I'm sure Draco will be very willing to help you catch up. He was worried about you this morning."
"Oh, how is he? Better, I hope. Has anything happened about Wood?"
"Draco is much better, and the headmaster is at this moment, I believe, speaking with Wood's parents. The Gryffindor portrait overheard the team speaking about it, which is irrefutable proof of his guilt. I would imagine a term's suspension and a hefty fine should discourage him nicely."
Harry smiled, wincing as his lips cracked under the pressure of his grin.
"Now, what were you thinking of when I came in, hmm?"
Harry did a very good job of looking confused and smiled sweetly.
"Oh, nothing much. I don't know. Just thinking how bored I was."
Severus' eyes bored into him and Harry had to fight the urge to shift uncomfortably. The older man made him feel like he was being dissected, and he waited to hear that he was a liar, or something like. The words never came. Severus merely looked at him through hooded eyes as though mentally calculating something.
"I don't believe you, but I can't force you to talk."
Harry smiled slightly at the frank statement.
"Do not, however, think that that will prevent me from nagging you frequently."
Harry shrugged. Severus would forget, he didn't doubt it. Everyone forgot after time.
****************************************************
Rubbing his temples, Severus hurried through the corridors of Hogwarts. He had stayed too long and was now going to be forced to rush to get to his next lesson. Harry was proving to go against the stereotype of abused children, as far as he knew them; he refused to trust anyone, whereas Severus would have expected him to be clinging onto anyone willing to help him. And he didn't like the periodic silences that Harry lapsed into; he would suddenly stare into space, pale, clutch at the sheets. Maybe shiver, occasionally gasp for breath. It was almost like Harry was drowning in his own memories.
And if he didn't open up, then what would happen about his fever? Wizards rarely got ill, and fevers were a sure sign of some deep stress. But there was nothing he could do except hope that Harry would confide in Draco. Allowing the school to find out about the abuse was one thing, but Harry needed to talk about himself as well. Otherwise, Severus worried, he would allow it to gnaw at his spirit. And then. . .anything could happen. But with a wizard as strong as Harry, anything was a bad thing. He could fall into a pattern of self-destruction, or others-destruction, becoming a new Voldemort.
Yes, Severus Snape was definitely uneasy as he swept down the final flight of stairs to Potions.
*************************************************
"Harry?"
Harry opened his eyes and smiled at his visitor.
"Hello Draco. How are you?"
"Fine thanks. You?"
"Yeah, I'm alright" lied Harry. He actually felt a little bit like someone was trying to drill little holes in his head, and like a dozen house-elves were jumping up and down on his stomach, but other than that he was ok.
"You look like shit" remarked Draco frankly, and Harry forced a laugh.
"I'll live. Have I missed anything in class?"
"Merlin, Harry, no! You are so paranoid! Maybe you should have been in Ravenclaw!"
The words had been meant in jest, but they struck Harry deeply. He didn't belong, he didn't fit in. He deserved to live his life as a reject and an outcast, didn't he?
