Hello, everyone! Welcome back to The Legend of Zelda- The Real Story- Ocarina of Time!  I got started on this late because A. I was grounded for a week, B. State tests are this week, and C. I have had TONS of homework!  Oh well, enough with the excuses!  Let's get on with things!  First bit of news: I will be posting the beginning and ending dates for each chapter, so you can know how long I have been procrastinating.  Hopefully, this will be an incentive for me to get these finished sooner.  Oh, yeah, don't forget to send a review.  If you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know.

Today's date is: May 2, 2003.

Okay, now that I've sufficiently wasted your time with an introduction, I'll get right to the action.  When we last left Link, he had just obtained the Kokiri's Emerald (A.K.A. the Spiritual Stone of the Forest) from the Great Deku Tree who, sadly, has passed away.  Before he died, the Deku Tree sent Link to meet the Princess of Hyrule.  Link was met with more sorrow after realizing that if he left the forest, he might not see his best friend, Saria, ever again.  Saria gave Link an Ocarina as a parting gift, and Link, overcome with grief, rushed out of the forest.

(The Scene begins in the auditorium, as usual.  The curtain opens, and the director walks out onto the stage.  He still looks very familiar, and you still wonder where you've seen him before.)

Director: Hello, people!  It's great to have you all here again!  When we last left our hero-

Random Person: Hey, we've heard it already!  I wanna see the fic!

(A chant begins, slowly at first, then quickly gaining magnitude.)

Audience: See the fic!  See the fic!  See the fic! (Begin throwing fruit)

Director: (Dodges an apple) But don't you want to… (Dodges a pear) …hear the… (ALMOST dodges a watermelon) OOF!  Never mind… (Limps off the stage)

Chapter 3: Castle Conundrum and Frenzy in the Field (A dual chapter with double horrors)

Act 1, Scene 3- Hyrule Field

Characters:

Link: Boy Hero

Navi: Guardian Fairy

Kaepora Gaebora: (Shudder) Giant, irrepressible owl that will never stop talking

Malon: Daughter of Talon

Talon: Owner of Lon Lon Ranch

Random monsters

Random townspeople

Random Castle guards

(Link is sitting at the entrance to the forest, bawling like a baby.  Navi is trying to comfort him.)

Link: WAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!!!

Navi: (Patting him on the back) It's okay, Link.  You'll see Saria again.

Link: *sniff* It's not that.  I didn't have time to get Mr. Fluffles!

Navi: (Gives him a questioning look)

Link: My teddy bear!  WAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!

Navi: (Rolls her eyes) Oh, get over it, you little wimp!  Come on, we've got to go see the Princess.

Link: Okay!  (Gets up)  Let's go!

(They start off away from the forest, through a few gnarled trees.  Suddenly, a voice from above stops them cold.)

Voice from above: HOOT!

Link: (Looks up.  Above him is the most hideous creature he has ever seen, and possibly the most annoying in video game history, Kaepora Gaebora)

Kaepora Gaebora: Hoot!  I am Kaepora Gaebora!  I am the most hideous creature you have ever seen, and possibly the most annoying in video game history!  I am a giant, irrepressible owl who loves to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and…

Link & Navi: O.O

KG: …and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk!  (Breathes heavily for a moment) Would you like to hear what I said again?

Link & Navi: NO!

Link: (Hurriedly) Thank you very much for your time.

Navi: (Even more hurriedly) We greatly appreciate that valuable (Coughs violently) information, we hope to see you again sometime!  (Under her breath) Please no, Please no, Please no!

KG: Oh, don't worry, you will!

Link: (Almost faints)

KG: I will see you many times on your adventures!  For now, however, this is goodbye.

Link: (Sighs in relief)

KG: You will find Hyrule Castle if you just stay on the path ahead.  See you later!  Hoot!  (Flies away)

Link: (Whimpers) That was-

Navi: The most terrifying sight in this fic so far?  I am in complete agreement with you.

Narrator: Little did they know it, but Link and Navi would see many more horrible sights.  Some of them would be much more terrifying than this one…

Navi: (To the Narrator) Are you kidding me?  That's not fair!  I want to talk to my lawyer!  This wasn't in the job description!

Link: (Whispers to Navi) Um, Navi?  You don't have a lawyer.

Navi: (Stares at him) … Oh well.  I guess we can go to the castle now.

(Link and Navi leave the cover of the scraggly trees and step out into Hyrule Field.  They quickly spot the path and follow it to the top of a hill.  When they reach the crest, Link stops in his tracks.  The field is enormous.  To his left, there is a small grove of trees, and beyond that, two metal fences blocking a pathway between two large cliff faces.  To his right, the path continues to the top of another hill.  In front of him and slightly to the right is a large, fenced-in area with several buildings.  Link follows the path north, to his right.  As he reaches the top of the next hill, Link can see the other half of the field.  He is facing north.  East of him there is a stream flowing from behind a rock wall.  Northeast of Link is a tall mountain with a ring of smoke encircling the peak.  To the west is the fenced in area, and directly in front of him is Hyrule Castle.  The sun is setting, bathing the magnificent structure in pink and orange.  The actual castle is far off in the distance.  In front of it is a town that is protected by a high wall and a moat.  The drawbridge is down, allowing a way across the water.  Link stands awestruck for a moment.)

Link: It's beautiful…

Navi: Yeah, whatever.  The Princess must live in that castle.  Let's hurry before it gets dark.

Link: (Snaps out of it) Huh?  Oh, yeah.  Okay, let's go.

(They run/fly down the hill towards the castle town.  They are almost there, when a wolf howls.  The drawbridge begins to rise.)

Link: Aww, man!  We missed it.

Navi: Oh, well, I guess we can just sleep out here for the night.

(Suddenly a skeleton pops out of the ground)

Navi: (Groans) Oh, great.  Stalchildren.

Link: (While unsheathing his sword) What are they?

Navi: Just dumb skeletons that attack travelers at night.  They won't bother you if you stay on the path.

Link:  Well, then let's get to the path!  (Starts to run back to the path, when a stalchild pops up in front of him.)

Stalchild: Grr!

Link: DIE! (Kills it)

(Link runs a few feet, when another Stalchild pops out of the ground.)

Stalchild: (Swings arm at Link)

Link: (Blocks with his shield, then kills it with his sword)

Stalchild: AGH!

(A few skeletons later, Link reaches the path.  He is badly bruised, and he collapses in a heap.)

Link: (Breathing heavily) Okay…*Gasp,* what now *Gasp,* Navi?

Navi: Watch out!

Link: AAH!  (Rolls to the side as a skeleton arm comes slashing through the air towards him.)  I thought you said they couldn't come on the path!  (Kills the Stalchild)

Navi: No, I said they wouldn't bother you if you stay on the path.  They can't hear your footsteps, so they won't come out of the ground.  That one was already out.

(A/N:  For those of you who don't know, this actually works in the game!  If you stay on the path at night, the Stalchildren won't come out of the ground.)

Link: Okay, whatever.  Are there any more?

Navi: I don't see any.

Link: Good, then I'm going to sleep.  (Lays down)

Navi: Goodnight.

Link: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz…

Navi: (Flies into Link's hat)

Narrator:  Meanwhile…

(The scene shows the bank of the stream.  The water is rushing by noisily.  Suddenly, some nearby bushes begin to rustle.  Out pops Bernie, the mischievous Mafia weasel from Chapter One)

Bernie: Hey Fred, ya got da goods?

Fred: (Pops out of the bushes holding a handful of deflated balloons.) I got 'em Bernie.

Bernie: Good, let's hurry up and fill dese.

(They begin filling the balloons with water)

Narrator:  What could these weasels be up to?  Why would they want a bunch of water balloons?  As the story unfolds, we are sure to find out.  The next day…

(It is morning.  The scene shows Link lying in the middle of the path.  All traces of the skeletons are gone.  A rooster crows, and the drawbridge in front of Hyrule Castle Town rises.  Link sits up and yawns.)

Navi: Get up Link!  Today's the day you meet the Princess of Hyrule!

Link: Yay.

Navi: Well, get up already!  We don't have all day!

Link: Oh, the princess can wait.

Navi: Link, if you don't get up now we'll be stuck in this chapter forever.

Link: Oh, well that changes everything!  (Gets up)  To the castle!

(Navi flies into Link's hat, and Link jogs up to the drawbridge.  He runs inside.  The stage lights dim as the scene changes.  When they come back on, you see a big cardboard castle in the background.  In front of it is a bustling market with crowds gathered around shops.  There are many signs advertising different businesses.  People are everywhere.)

Link: Wow!  Look at all the shops!  I wanna go to that one!  (Points at the Bombchu Bowling Alley.)

Navi: Maybe later.  The Great Deku Tree said to talk to the Princess.  Let's ask someone if they know the way to the castle.

Link: (Is staring at someone)

Navi: Link?  Hello?

Link: (Mouth drops open)

Navi: Hey Link, snap out of it!

Link: Huh?  Oh, yeah.  Ask somebody.  Let's ask her.  (Points to a girl about his age with long, red hair.)

Navi: (Rolls eyes) Oh, give me a break, Link.  You're only ten.  You'll never see her again, and she won't even remember you a year from now.

Link: I'll take what I can get.  (Walks up to her)  Hi!  My name is Link.  I'm new around town.  I need to talk to the Princess of Hyrule.  Do you know where I can find her?

Girl: (With a western accent) Princess Zelda?  She's up at the castle.  Just go through that there opening and you c'n find the road that leads up there.  By the way, my name's Malon.  (Shakes his hand with an iron grip)

Link: OW!

Malon: Whatsa matter, Link?

Link: (Through gritted teeth) Nothing.

Malon: Oh, Okay!  Anyway, as long as you're up there, would you mind lookin' fer my dad?  He's up there deliverin' some milk from our ranch and hasn't come back yet.  (Mumbling) Probably fell asleep on the job again…

Link: Sure, I'll look for him!  (Still wincing from the brutal handshake)

Malon: Okay.  See ya later!

Link: Bye.  (Walks off towards the castle)

(On stage right you can see the castle.  It looks so pure and majestic in the sunlight.   Link continues to follow the path north.  You can see that it winds back west, towards the castle.  Link hasn't walked far before he comes to a gate with a guard watching his every move.)

Guard: (Eyeing Link suspiciously) You there!  Come over here!

Link: (Timidly) Me?

Guard:  Yeah, you, kid.  Come here.

Link: (Walks over) Uh, yes sir?

Guard: You look suspicious kid.  What are you up to?

Link: Uh, I'm here to see the Princess.

Guard:  (Stares at him for a moment) *Blink, Blink* BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!  You're serious, aren't you?  AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!   Okay kid, I'll humor you.  Show me some I.D.

Link:  (Getting angry) I.D.? 

Guard: Don't have any?  Just as I suspiciously suspected.  Sorry, kid.  No one sees Princess Zelda without proof of an appointment.

Link: (Mumbles to himself)

Navi: What was that?

Link: Nothing.  Let's go back to town.   (They begin to head back.)  We can sneak in at night, steal the keys from the guard while he's asleep, and then… Yaah!

Malon:  Hi, Link!

Navi: Oh, it's just her.

Malon:  Ooh, a fairy!  (To Link) I didn't know you were a fairy boy!

Link: (Cringes) Please don't call me that.

Malon: Okay, Fairy Boy.  So did ya'll find my dad yet?

Link: No.  The guard wouldn't let us in.

Malon:  Why don't ya climb up these here vines, Fairy Boy?  And when ya find 'im, give 'im this.  (Hands Fai- uh, Link an egg)

YOU GOT THE ODD EGG!  WAIT UNTIL MORNING TO SEE WHAT HATCHES OUT OF IT.  GO TO THE ITEM SUBSCREEN ON THE START MENU, AND EQUIP IT WITH THE "C" BUTTONS TO USE IT.

Link: Thanks, I guess.

Malon:  Yer welcome, Fairy Boy.  After yer done talkin' to the Princess, come on down and visit us at our ranch.  It's just south of the castle.

Link: Okay, thanks.

Malon: See ya'll later.   (Walks off)

Link:  Okay.  (Spits on his hands then rubs them together.)  Here I go.   (Starts climbing)

Narrator:  After hours of grueling exercise, Link finally makes it to the top.

(It is nighttime)

Link: *Huff, Puff* Whoa, man, what a workout.

Navi: It's not over.  You still have to get to the castle without being seen.

Link: Aw, man!

(Link dodges guards, climbs over hills, hides behind trees, and generally makes a fool of himself trying to keep from getting caught.  Finally, he reaches the castle gate.  By now it is nighttime.)

Link: (Screeches to a stop)

SFX: SCREEEEECH!

Navi: Well, that was completely unnecessary.

Link: Shh.  There are two guards there.  We have to find another way around.

Navi: What about that wall over there?  Some of the bricks are sticking out.  Maybe you could climb it.

Link: (Nods, and then runs over to the wall and climbs it.)

(The two guards hear a noise and snap their heads toward  the wall.

Guard1: Did you hear that?

Guard 2: Yeah, it sounded like-

SFX:  PALOOSH!

(Link has jumped into the castle moat)

Guard 2: Hey!  Stop right there.

(The two guards run alongside the water.)

Guard 1: (Stops under a tree to catch his breath.)   Where'd he go?

SFX: Clunk!

Guard 1: Unh… (Passes out)

Guard 2: Hey, what the-

SFX: Clunk!

Guard 2: (Passes out)

(Link drops out of the tree and puts away his slingshot, which he had used to knock the guards unconscious.)

Link: Okay, let's go.

(They continue along the side of the moat until they find a man lying on his side.)

Navi: Should we wake him up?

Link: Nah, let him sleep.  I'm tired.  (Lies down behind some crates of milk)   Goodnight, Navi.

(The next morning, a high-pitched crow awakens Link.)

Link: Ahh!  What in the name of the three golden goddesses was that!?

Cucco: ERRR-ER-ERR-ERR-ERRRRR!!!

Man on the ground: What in tarnation!?

Link: Who are you?

Man: I'm Talon.  I was out here deliverin' milk, an'ah guess ah fell asleep.  Aw, ah sure hope  Malon's- Oh, no!  Malon!  She's gonna tan mah hide!  AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!  (Runs off crying)

Link: *Blink*  What was that  all about?

Navi: I don't know, but it got him out of the way.  Try to push those milk crates into the water so you can jump to that little hole.

Link: What hole?

Navi: That one.

Link: Oh!  Okay!  (Pushes the two milk crates into the water, climbs on top of them, jumps across, and crawls through the hole that a trickle of water is coming out of.)

(The scene changes to the castle courtyard.  There are hedge mazes leading down a long hallway.  Guards are swarming the place.)

Link:  (Walks up to a guard) Hey, I'll give you all my rupees if you take me to Princess Zelda.

Guard: (Rolls eyes) Yeah, right kid, like I'm gonna let you bribe me?

Link: What about this nifty slingshot?

Guard: Come on, son let's go find your parents.

Link: How about the fairy?

Navi: Hey!

Guard: OOOH!   I've always wanted a fairy, but my mommy never gave me one!  (Grabs at Navi)

Link: (Catches his hand) Take me to the princess first.

Guard: (Straightens into a smart salute) YESSIR!

(They march off to see the princess)

************************************************************************

What will Princess Zelda be like?  What new information will she have for Link?  How long until the next chapter?  Find out next time on: The Legend of Zelda- The Real Story- Ocarina of Time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo, the Legend of Zelda, or anything else, really.  Even the keyboard that I'm typing with was borrowed from my brother.  (Isn't that pathetic?)

Okay, people.  Today's date is July 18, 2003.  This ticks me off.  It took the whole summer to write one chapter!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?   Something WILL!!!!!!!  Be done about this. Oh, yes!  By the way, I am starting the Majora's Mask story very soon, AND my original Zelda fic, with my own plot, and even more freedom to be random. Heh, heh.  I am so going to enjoy this. –Jacoman52

This has been a Jacoman 52 production.