Hey everyone, I'm back with chapter four!  From now on, introductions will be short, so we can get straight to the point.  When we last left Link, he had bribed the castle guard into taking him to Princess Zelda. This chapter will consist of Zelda's castle, Lon-Lon Ranch, and Kokiri Forest.  Today is: September 6, 2003.

(The scene is in the big auditorium.  The crowd is larger than before.  Everyone is munching on his or her popcorn, when the curtain opens.  The strangely familiar Director walks out.)

Director: Greetings, and welcome to the straight-and-to-the-point chapter of LOZ-TRS-OoT.  Let's get straight to the point.  (Walks off)

Audience: *Mumble, mumble, murmur, murmur*

Chapter 4: Quest for the Spiritual Stones

Act 1, Scene 4- Zelda's castle

Characters:

Link: Boy Hero

Navi: Guardian Fairy

Zelda: Princess of Hyrule

Saria: Link's best friend

Malon: Daughter of Talon

Talon: Owner of Lon Lon Ranch

Epona: Malon's horse

Ingo: Stubborn Lon Lon Ranch hand

Impa: Zelda's Nanny

King of Hyrule: King of Hyrule (DUH!)

Ganondorf: King of the Gerudos

Mido: Boss of the Kokiri

Random guards

Random monsters

One Random Goron

(The guard leads Link to the castle courtyard.)

Guard: Alright, kid, gimme the fairy.

Link: (Smiles mischievously) Okay… (Puts Navi into his slingshot)

Navi: No!  Link what are you-

Link: (Pulls back, and-)

SFX: WHAP!

Guard & Navi: Unh… (Both collapse)

Link: Hehhehheh.

Mysterious Voice From Above: Oh, you played this one good, didn't you kid?

Link: Huh? (Looks around) Who's there?

MVFA: You get rid of everybody so you can have the princess to yourself.

(Suddenly, with a bright flash of light, Jacoman52 appears)

Jacoman52: You DARE toy with the laws of fanfiction!?!

Link: Uh, yes.

Jacoman52: Oh.  Well stop it.  I can't even do that.  (Revives Navi and sends the guard away.)  We do have to follow a script here.  (Disappears)

Link: (Blinks) Well that was completely pointless.

Navi: What was?

Link: Never mind.

(Link walks up to Princess Zelda, who is looking through a window with her back towards him.  She hasn't heard any of the commotion.)

Link: (Looks over Zelda's shoulder) Whatcha lookin' at?

Zelda: YIPE!  (Turns around) Who are you?  How did you get past the guards?  What are you- Hey!  Is that a fairy!?!

Link: Uh, yeah.

Zelda: Sweet!  Then you must be from the forest!

Link: Uh, yeah.

Zelda: Then, do you have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest?

Link: What, you mean the Kokiri's Emerald?  (Holds it out to her.)

Zelda: I knew it!  This is amazing!

Link: (Looks confused)

Zelda: Oh, sorry.  I was so excited I didn't introduce myself.  (Stands up regally)  I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule.

Link: Okay.

Zelda: What's your name?

Link: (Gets an odd look in his eye) You can call me whatever you want.

Navi: (Slaps him) Tell the woman your name!

Link: Ow!  Oh, uh, my name's Link.

Zelda: (Giggles) Hi Link.  Can I tell you why I was so excited?

Link: Sure, I guess

Zelda: Heehee!  It's because I had a dream.  In my dream, I saw a dark cloud come over the land of Hyrule.  Suddenly, a light shot out of the forest and parted the clouds.  It changed into a figure holding the Spiritual Stone of the Forest.

Link: And you think it was me?

Zelda: I KNOW it is.  I told my father the dream, but he didn't believe me. I know, though, that it is prophecy.  Can I trust you with a secret?

Link: Sure.

Zelda: You have to promise not to tell anybody.

Link: Okay, I promise.

Zelda: There is a legend, kept by the royal family of Hyrule…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                                          (Insert dreamy chimes and bells)

Zelda: When the golden goddesses who created this land left, they put the Triforce into a Sacred Realm between Hyrule and the heavens.

(The scene shows the Triforce surrounded by light.)

Zelda: They appointed seven ancient Sages to guard the Triforce.  The Sages built the Temple of Light to guard the Triforce, and the Temple of Time to prevent evil from entering the Sacred Realm.

(The scene shows silhouettes of a Kokiri, a Goron, a Zora, a Sheikah, a Gerudo, and a fat old man.  All are male.  The silhouettes melt into balls of green, red, blue, purple, orange, and yellow light.  The balls of light begin spinning in a circle, and in between them, a beautiful building begins to form.  It is the most majestic structure ever seen, and it gives off its own white light.  Next, the glowing balls come down to Hyrule and slam into the ground.  There is a flash of light, and the Temple of Time appears.)

Zelda: The pathway into the Sacred Realm is blocked by the Door of Time.

(The scene shows the Door of Time, and then moves back to show an altar in front of it.)

Zelda: The Spiritual Stones are the keys to the Door of Time.  You already have one, there are two more to find.

(The scene shows the three Spiritual Stones floating above the Temple of Time.  Suddenly, the stones shoot off into different directions.  The green one goes to the forest, the red one shoots to the top of a mountain, and the blue one shoots behind a waterfall.)

(The vision ends)

The last key is the Ocarina of Time.  Once you get the three Spiritual Stones and play the ocarina at the Altar of Time, the door will open.

Link: Why are you telling me all this?

Zelda: Take a look at this.  (She motions for Link to come to the window.)  That man in there.  His name is Ganondorf, king of the Gerudos that hail to the desert far southwest of here.  He swears allegiance with my father, but I think he's lying.

Link: (Looks inside the window)

(Scene: The king's throne room.  It's decorated with majestic stuff.  Ganondorf walks in.  He is green in color, and has a very long nose.)

Link: Is that why you think he's a liar?

SFX: Ba dum chi!

Zelda: (Rolls eyes)

Ganondorf: (Bows) Your Majesty…

King of Hyrule: Ganondorf, I am grateful that you and your Gerudo have chosen to ally with us.

Ganondorf: (A wicked smile comes across his face.)  I am yours to command, Your Majesty.  (Glances at Link out of the corner of his eye.)

Link: *Gasp* (Recoils.  Realizes it's the same man from his dream.  The same man that poisoned the Great Deku Tree.)

Zelda: What happened?  Did he see you?  It doesn't matter.  He doesn't know what we're planning.  Yet.  Link!  Ganondorf must be after nothing less than the Triforce!  We have to get it before he does.  Go find the other two Spiritual Stones and bring them to me.  We'll open the Door of Time and save Hyrule!  Go now.  My attendant will lead you out of the castle.  Don't be afraid of her.  She has taken care of me for many years.

Link: (Nods, then walks toward the exit.)

Zelda: Oh, wait!  Take this letter.  It should give you passage to wherever you need to go.

Link: (Takes it)

YOU GOT ZELDA'S LETTER!  IT HAS ZELDA'S AUTOGRAPH ON IT.  SHOW IT TO PEOPLE THAT WON'T LET YOU PASS.  EQUIP IT WITH THE "C" BUTTONS.

Link: Thanks.  (Walks away)

(Zelda's attendant is a muscular woman with short shorts and body armor.  She wears the eye symbol of the ancient Sheikah across her chest.)

Impa: Hello, Link.  I am Impa.  I have been Zelda's caretaker and nanny since she was a baby.  My role in the Princess' dream was to teach the figure a song.  I have sung it to Zelda every night since she was born.  Listen to Zelda's Lullaby:

Link: Takes out his Fairy Ocarina.

(A/N: In this fic, the notes are as follows: dee = ^, doo = , dah = , dun =▼, doh = A)

Impa: (Whistling through her fingers) ….^….….….^…. Doooo dee daaaaah, da-dun doooo dee daaaaah, daaah, doo dee, dee doooo, doo dah duuuuun!

Link: (On Ocarina) ….^….….….^…. Doo dee dah, doo dee dah!

(Link's ocarina sparkles as music plays in the background.)

YOU LEARNED ZELDA'S LULLABY!  THIS SONG SIGNIFIES THAT YOU HAVE A CONNECTION WITH THE ROYAL FAMILY.

Impa: Come, the guards will be suspicious.  I'll lead you out of the castle.

(Scene: Hyrule Field.  Impa is standing with her back to Link looking into the distance.)

Impa: You brave young lad.  We must save this beautiful land of ours.  There is a village at the base of that mountain.  It is called Kakariko, and it's where I was raised.  It used to be a Sheikah village, but I am the only Sheikah left now.  Go there to gain access to Death Mountain.  You will find the next Spiritual Stone there.  And now, Link, I have important matters to attend to.  (Throws a magical stone on the ground and vanishes in a flash of light.)

Link: Where'd she go?

Navi: How should I know?

Link: Oh, well.  I guess it's off to that big ranch in the middle of the field.

Navi: But Impa said-

Link: Who cares what she said?  The script says that the ranch is where Malon lives.  (Gets dreamy look in his face) Malon's pretty…

Navi: (Rolls eyes) Fine, we can go see Malon.

(Link and Navi make their way up the hill to the ranch.  As they go inside, they hear a hideous noise.)

Hideous Noise: OOOOOOO OOOOOO  OOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navi: AAGH!  Make it stop!

Link: (Searches for some way to escape) In here!

(They run into a building at the right of the entrance.  Inside is a stable.  There is a man cleaning out one of the stalls.)

Link: Um, excuse me sir, but do you know what that noise is?

Man: Oh, like I would know!

Link: Uh, sorry, I-

Man: I'm just a lowly worker of this here ranch while that lazy bum Talon gets all the money.  I tell ya, if there were any democracy in this world then I would be in charge and not that fat, lazy pig!  If only there was some evil maniacal ruler who conquered Hyrule and gave me control of the ranch…  But that'll never happen.  By the way, my name's Ingo. (Extends a hand to Link.) (Sarcastically) Pleased ta meetcha.

Link: (Whispers to Navi) I think we'd better take our chances with the demonic howling.

Navi: (Whispers back) I'm with you.

(They slowly to back up.)

Ingo: Fine!  Don't show me any courtesy!  See if I care.   One of these days…

(Link and Navi back out of the stable SLOWLY.  They close the door.)

Navi: Where to now, Link?

Link: I guess we should go find out what that noise is.

Navi: It's coming from that field over there.

(They walk over to the fence surrounding the pasture in the center of the ranch.  Malon is standing in the center.)

Malon: Hey, Fairy Boy!

Link: Hey, Navi, it's Malon! 

Navi: (Sarcastically) Wow, you're observant.

Link: (Runs through the gate towards Malon.)  Do you know what that sound was, Malon?

Malon: What, ya mean mah singin'?

Link: O.O  SINGING!?!

Malon: Yeah, that's right.  Mah momma taught it to me 'fore she passed on.

Link: I'm sorry.

Malon: Aw, it's okay.  Epona here seems to like the song, though.  (Gestures toward a small pony standing next to her.)

Link: (Reaches out to pet Epona)

Epona: NEEIGH!  (Runs away)

Malon: Aw, don't worry.  She's kinda shy.  Maybe she'll come back if we sing the song.

Link: We?  Uh uh.  I don't sing.

Navi: Link, what about your Ocarina?

Link: Oh, yeah.  (Takes out the Fairy Ocarina)

Malon: Oh, good!  You can play with me while I sing.  Listen to Epona's Song.  (Singing) ^….….….^….…. Dee dah doo, Dee dah doo, Dee dah doo daah dooo!

Link: (On Ocarina) ^….….….^….…. Dee dah doo, dee dah doo!

YOU LEARNED EPONA'S SONG!  THIS SONG ATTRACTS MALON'S HORSE, EPONA!

Epona: (Runs over to Link)

Malon:  Aw, she likes you Fairy Boy.

Epona: (Thinking) This kid's terrible!  I'VE GOTTA GET HIM OUT OF MY PASTURE!  (Begins shoving Link out of the field)

Link: (Being shoved) Uh, bye Malon!

Malon: See ya Fairy Boy.

(Link is shoved out of the pasture by Epona and Navi flies after him.)

Link: (Dusts himself off) Okay, now I'm ready to go to Kakari- wait, what's that sound?

Navi: (Groans) Link, stop stalling.  We have to save the world, remember?

Link: Hold on. (Listens carefully) It's coming from in here.

(They walk/fly over to Malon's house, which is across from the stable.)

Noise: SSSSSSCCHHHNNNOOOORRRRLLLLKKK KKK KKK SNCHAAWWWNNNKK!!!!!

Navi: Dear goddesses, what is that?

Link: SHH!!  (Quietly opens door)

(Link and Navi peer inside to find…)

Link & Navi: TALON!?!

Talon: Schnort! (Wakes up.  Or… not.)  WAAAAHH!! Die, Margaret!  I'll kill you like I did last time!  (Hurls a pitchfork at Link.)

Link: AAAIIIEEE!!!  (Ducks)

(The pitchfork narrowly misses Link's head and takes his cap off.)

Talon: DIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!  (Throws a cucco at Link)

Cucco: Bagawk!

Link: (Holds up the pitchfork)

Cucco: GAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!  (Dies………But not before calling his friends.)

(A swarm of a billion cuccos flies out of the sky.)

(A/N: *Haha.  I didn't do those initials on purpose, either.  [Southwestern Bell/ SBC])

*S.B.C: BAGAAAAAWWKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navi: Sweet Nayru! Link, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: (Runs)

S.B.C: (Slam into Link and shove him inside the house.)

Link: Uh, Navi?

Navi: Uh, Link?

Talon: What in tarnation!?!?!

S.B.C: (Glare menacingly at them.)

Narrator: Suddenly…

(Three golden, glowing cuccos jump out from behind Talon.  They are the Super Cuccos.  In a fowl scene of violence, they proceed to massacre the Swarm of a Billion Cuccos.)

(Insert scene of disturbing violence, with flying feathers and blood spraying all over the place.  When it's over, dead cuccos and feathers are lying all over the floor.)

Talon: Ah'm RICH!  And ah didn't even hafta do nuthin!  The ranch's poultry income'll go up 500%!!!  Thanks kid!  I owe ya!  Here, take this in exchange.  It ain't much, but in approximately seven years I'll be rich enough to pay ya back fer real.  (Hands Link a bottle of Lon-Lon Milk.)

YOU GOT LON-LON MILK!  IT'S VERY REVITALIZING.  SET IT TO  "C" TO DRINK IT.  WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED, YOU CAN USE THE BOTTLE TO STORE OTHER THINGS.

(Link and Navi leave the ranch.  They hear Talon rejoicing in the background.)

Link: (Skipping along) Wow, Navi!  This is great!  Two songs in one chapter, and now I get a bottle of milk.  I bet Saria would be impressed.

Navi: Hey, I was supposed to suggest that we go see Saria.

Link: Really?  Why?

Navi: So that you can learn the song needed to get the next Spiritual Stone.

Link: *Gasp* Navi!  Have you been reading ahead in the script?

Navi: (Blushes) Never mind that.  Let's go see Saria.

(Link and Navi leave Lon-Lon Ranch, travel across Hyrule Field, and arrive at Kokiri Forest that night.  Lucky for me [the author], nothing important happened during that time, so I don't have to write about it.)

(Kokiri Forest:  Everything is quiet, and all the Kokiri are asleep.)

Link: Wow.  It sure is quiet around here.  I hope nothing bad happened.

Mido: (Sneaks up behind Link) Oh, nothing much.

Link & Navi: EEP!  (Jump six feet)

Navi: Hey, it's that little creep from the first chapter.

Link: (Eyes narrow, voice becomes sinister) Mido.

Mido: Like I was saying, nothing bad has happened…  Except that we burned your tree down.

Link: My HOUSE?!?!

Mido: No, just your tree.  (Rolls eyes) Saria wouldn't let us destroy your whole house.

Link: (Lunges at Mido's throat)

Navi: (Grabs Link by the back of his collar.)  Down, boy.  We came here to see Saria, not assassinate your childhood tormentor.

Link: *Sigh* I guess you're right.

Mido: (Smirks)  Anyway, we planted a new tree.  It should grow big enough in, oh, about seven years!  HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

Link: (Quivers with fury)

Navi: Just tell us where Saria is you little punk!

Mido: Oh, she's off in the Lost Woods meditating.  She said to tell you to meet her at the usual spot, whatever that means.

Link: (Face brightens) The Sacred Forest Meadow!  I've been there plenty of times.  Come on Navi, let's go.  (Rams his shoulder into Mido as they walk away.)

Mido: (Glares at Link for a long time, then walks back to his house.)

(Link and Navi walk up the hill behind Link's house, and step into the Lost Woods.  There is a song echoing through the trees.)

Navi: What's that music?

Link: Oh, that's the song that Saria always plays while she's meditating.  I think it helps her hear the voices of the spirits or something.  (Sheepishly) Actually, it's the only way I can ever get to the Sacred Forest Meadow.  I can never remember.

Navi: Well, let's follow it.  The sooner we get to Saria, the sooner you learn your next song.

Link: Okay.  I think it's coming from this way.

(Link and Navi make their way through the forest, following the song.  Finally, they reach the Sacred Forest Meadow.  In front of them is a human maze.)

Navi: Be careful Link.  You never know what could be lurking around the corner.

Link: (Pulls out his sword and shield) Yes!!  That means there's finally going to be some action!  (Leaps around the first corner of the maze, only to be pelted by Deku Nuts.)  AAAAHH!!!!  DEKU SCRUBS!!!

Navi: (Peers around the corner) Link, these are Mad Scrubs.  They shoot three nuts at a time, and are harder to kill than regular Deku Scrubs.

Link: Well, KILL THEM!

Navi: Hey, you're the one with the sword!

Link: (Takes a deep breath) Okay, here goes. HIYA!  (Jumps into the maze and immediately puts his shield up.)

Deku Scrub: (Gets hit by a deflected seed) WAAH!  (Pops out of the ground and begins running around)

Link: DIE, you pitiful excuse for a salad!!!!  (Slices it in half)

Deku Scrub: AAIIEEE!!!  (Shrivels up, and hearts pop out of it)

Link: Yummy!  (Eats the hearts) Ahh.  That's better.

Navi: (Shudders) That's just nasty.

Link: What?

Navi: Eating hearts!  It's indecent!

Link: (Shrugs) Whatever.  (Steps around another corner and kills another Deku Scrub.)

Deku Scrub: EEK! (Dies)

(This continues for a while.  During this time, Link and Navi are making polite conversation.)

Link: So Navi, did you ever want to be something other than a fairy? (Stabs a Deku Scrub)

Navi: Actually, I used to want to be a tree.  I've always wanted to just sit there and be called the Guardian of the Forest and have people worship me without me having to do anything at all.

Link: (Hacks a scrub into bite-sized chunks) That has to be the stupidest thing I ever heard.  I want to be a Hylian knight, so I can go off and save girls and stuff.  (Starts chopping up a Deku Scrub- until he realizes it's just a bush.

Navi: (Rolls eyes) How romantic.

(They arrive at the pathway leading to the Forest Temple.  Link walks up, when suddenly two Wolfos jump out of the ground.)

Wolfos: OOOWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!!!!!

Link: ACK!  What are those, Navi?

Navi: They're called Wolfos.  Their skin is tough, so try to hit them on their back or stomach.

Link: (Nods)

(The first Wolfos begins circling Link.  Suddenly, he rears up and prepares to swing his arm at the boy hero.  Link quickly swings his sword in an upward motion, slicing the Wolfos on the belly.)

Wolfos 1: OOOWWWoooo!!  (Swings arm at Link)

Link: (Jumps put of the way, then stabs at the Wolfos' chest.)

Wolfos 1: AUGH!!  (Dies)

(Wolfos # 2 lunges at Link.  Link backflips out of the way, and brings his sword down on the Wolfos' back with a jump attack.)

Wolfos 2: ROOWWRRR!!!  (Dies)

Navi: Way to go, Link!

Link: (Stops to catch his breath for a moment) Okay, I'm ready.

(They walk down the hallway, killing the few Deku Scrubs that are there.  They walk up the stairway at the end of the corridor to find Saria playing her Ocarina, sitting on a stump at the far end of the meadow.)

Link: (Jogs over to Saria) Saria!  Hey!

Saria: (Stops playing and looks up) Link?!  Is it really you?  It's been so long!

Link: Uh, it's only been, what, three days?

Saria: Yeah, but when you spend every day of your life in a forest seeing the same people everyday, it kinda has an impact when one of them is suddenly gone.

Link: (Nods, then bursts out with emotion.) Saria, you should be as much of an outcast as I am.  You spend most of your time talking to forest spirits.  I try to act like the rest of the Kokiri.  So why do they alienate ME?

Navi: Wow, big words.

Saria: Link, there's something different about you.  You aren't like the rest of the Kokiri.  We can all sense it, and it makes some of them afraid.  Sure, they may see talking to spirits as being a little quirky, but it's completely harmless.  Anyway, I guess the reason that we're so close is that I AM an outsider, too. 

Link: But what did I do?  What did I do to make them afraid of me?

Saria: *Sigh* I don't know.  Maybe you'll find out during your travels.  Maybe that's the purpose of you going on this adventure: to find yourself.

Link: Maybe…

Saria: (Smiles) Link, I'm glad you came back to visit.  I feel like this place will be important to us in the future.  (Face Brightens up) Hey!  I just had an idea. 

Link: What?

Saria: You know the song I was playing a minute ago?  The one I use to talk to the forest spirits?

Link: Yeah, what about it?

Saria: Well, now that you have an Ocarina, we can use that song to talk to each other through our Ocarinas!

Navi: (Whispers to Link) Told ya!

Saria: Listen to Saria's Song: ▼….….….▼….…. Dun da doo, dun da doo, dun da doo dee doo, doo da dee doo daaaaa, da dun da duuuuun!

Link: ▼….….….▼….…. Dun da doo, Dun da doooo!

YOU LEARNED SARIA'S SONG!  USE IT TO TALK TO YOUR BEST FRIEND, SARIA!

Link: WHO is saying that!?

Navi: Yeah, it's kinda creeping me out.

Saria: What are you guys talking about?  I didn't hear anything.

Link: (Shrugs) Oh, well.  I guess it's off to find the next Spiritual Stone.  Bye Saria!

Saria: Bye! Call me!

Link: (To Navi) Where did Impa say the stone was?

Navi: Death Mountain.  The big volcano behind Kakariko village.

Link: That was real smart, building their town at the base of a volcano.  No wonder the Sheikah are extinct.

Navi: (Rolls eyes) Don't be a jerk, Link.

Link: I'm saving the world.  I can be as big a jerk as I want.

(Link climbs up the ladder at the back of the maze and begins hopping across the tops of the walls.  He starts shooting at the Mad Scrubs below with his slingshot.)

Link: So, what should I wish for, once I get the Triforce?  (Shoots a scrub)

Navi: I think you should concentrate on getting the next Spiritual Stone, first.

Link: (Shoots another Mad Scrub) Ah, it's gonna be a piece of cake.  (Pelts one in the head three times and kills it.)

Navi: I wouldn't be so sure.

Link: (Jumps off the maze, leaving terrified Mad Scrubs behind.) Oh yeah?  Why not?  Have you been reading ahead on the script?

Navi: Maybe…

(Link and Navi backtrack through the Lost Woods, leave Kokiri Forest, and travel across Hyrule Field, slaying plenty of Stalchildren along the way.  They are now in front of the bridge that leads across the river to Kakariko Village.)

Link: Hya!  (Chops a Stalchild's head off) Take that!  (Slashes its arm off)

(Two Stalchildren appear on the other side of the bridge.  They are larger than usual.  Link runs towards them, and at the last minute rolls right between them.  The Stalchildren swing their arms at Link and miss, hitting each other.)

Stalchildren: WAAAHH!!  (Die)

Link: Ha!  Let's see you try that in the game.

(Link and Navi run up the stairway leading into Kakariko.  Kakariko is a small town with plenty of houses, and a few shops.  At the east end of town is a well with a giant windmill behind it.  To the north is Death Mountain.)

Link: Come on Navi, let's explore!

Navi: There will be plenty of time for that later, but because we wasted so much time in the last few chapters, the author wants us to get the Spiritual Stone first.

Link: Aw, man.  I hate authors!

Navi: Shh!  Don't let him hear you say that!

Link: Why not?

Navi: He's an author!!  The guy has complete control of what happens in this fanfic.

Link: Oh.  Well, let's do as the all-powerful author wishes.

(Link and Navi head to the north end of town, only to find that a gate and a Hylian guard block the path to the mountain.

Guard: Hold it right there, son.  You can't go through here without royal permission.  It's too dangerous.  Orders of the King.

Link: Hey, wait a minute!  I've got permission.  (Hands the guard Zelda's letter)

Guard: What's this?  (Mumbling to himself) Permission to save the world… (Out loud) WAAAHAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!!  What kind of crazy game is the princess playing this time!?!  AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!  Okay Mr. Hero, you can go through.  But first I need you to sign this release.  (Hands Link a piece of paper and a pen)

Link: What is it?

Guard: Basically it just means that if you die, your parents can't sue me.

Link: Oh.  Okay!  (Signs it) There.

Guard: Thanks.  Oh, if you actually make it to the Goron city, will you remind Darunia that this Friday is our poker night?

Link: Uh, sure.

Guard: Thanks.  See ya round… Hero Boy!!!  AHAAHAAHAAHAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: (Scowls) Come on, Navi!  (Walks out onto the path.)

(Link and Navi begin travel up the mountain.)

Navi: Link, watch out!

Link: Huh?  Yikes!  (Dodges a large, four legged red spider that comes hurtling through the air.)  What was that?

Navi: It's a red Tektite.  Don't worry, they aren't very strong.  A downward slice should easily finish them off.

(The Tektite turns around and jumps at Link.  Link rolls under it and turns to face it.  He kills it with a jump attack.)

Tektite: RRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  (Dies)

Link: Uh oh, here come more of them.  (Settles into a fighting stance)

(Sure enough, two more Tektites come around the next corner.  One jumps at Link, and he stabs it in the stomach in midair.  With the first Tektite still impaled on his sword, Link slices down on the second one.  Both Tektites die and are consumed by magical fire. Link starts jogging up the mountain, killing any Tektites he finds along the way.)

Link: Navi, what's a Goron?  The Great Deku Tree told us about them back in the forest, but I don't really remember.

Navi: Gorons are- well, I'm not exactly sure what they are.  They look like rocks, and they eat rocks.  Their leader is Darunia- (Pauses to allow Link to kill a Tektite)  He's the one with the Spiritual Stone.

(Link and Navi walk up the mountain, passing several Gorons along the way, mistaking them for rocks.  Soon they reach a break in the trail.  A series of ledges leads up to the summit, and the path continues around a bend.  Link sits down on a "rock.")

Link: Phew!  I'm tired Navi.  I need to catch my breath.  Which way do we go now?

Navi: Why don't you ask him?

Link: Who?  (Looks around confusedly)

Goron whom Link is sitting on: Me!

Link: (Jumps off) YA!!  Holy Crap!!  It talked!

Goron: (Stands up) Of course I can talk, little boy.

Link: Whoa!  I'm guessing you're a Goron.

Goron: Duh.  What did you think you'd find on Death Mountain?  Zoras?  HAHAHAHAAA!!!

Link: (Scowls) You know, I'm getting real tired of people laughing at me.  I just want to find a Spiritual Stone.

Goron: Oh, I wouldn't know anything about that.  You should ask Big Brother Darunia.  He's very smart, you know.

Link: I see.  And where might we find him?

Goron: He's locked up in his room in the city.  (Points at the path leading around the bend) He's been real scared ever since some guy put a big rock in front of Dodongo's Cavern.

Link: Okay, thanks a lot.  (Link walks down the path, and is almost hit by a rolling Goron.)  Hey, watch it!

Rolling Goron: Sorry!

Link: (Shakes his head)  I have so many questions, Navi.  What is Dodongo's Cavern?  Why is it so important to the Gorons?  Why would someone want to seal it off?  Will Darunia be able to answer my questions? 

(They round a final curve in the trail, and come upon a cave in front of them.  The sign next to it reads: Goron City- Home of the Rock Sirloin.)

Navi: I don't know, Link, but there's only one way to find out.

Link: (Nods, takes a deep breath, and plunges into the cave.)