"DISEASE"
Feels like you're making a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn
Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life, oh was magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe
I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease
I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
~Lyrics by Matchbox Twenty, Disease
(Recap from last chapter)
One evening, she was finishing up in the storeroom when she heard the bell ringing on the door, signaling that someone had entered. "I'll be right out. Just finishing up in here." She climbed atop the ladder, and reached for the jar of boomslang skin when she lost her footing. She reached for the shelf, dropping the glass jar. It shattered when it hit the floor and the customer rushed in to see what was happening.
Just as she began to fall, he reached out his arms, and cushioned her fall. Hermione closed her eyes as she began to fall, praying that the impact of the floor didn't hurt her child. However, when she landed, it was into warm, strong arms. Not onto the cold, hard floor. She breathed a sigh of relief, and in doing so, she breathed in his scent. She didn't have to open her eyes to see who had rescued her. She already knew.
"Will you always be around to save me?" Her breath hitched in her throat.
"For as long as you need saving." His voice still had the same effect on her as it always had.
Neither one knew who moved first, but their lips met and their broken hearts were mended.
~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed, "if only it could be that simple." She had been daydreaming yet again, wondering where Severus was. She wanted him back in her life very badly. At times, she almost had herself believing that Severus was watching over her. It had been two months since Christmas, and she still hadn't heard a word from him. He promised her he'd never leave her. Yet, he had done that very thing.
Over the past few days, she began to wonder if she really meant anything to him at all. She thought that perhaps she was what he needed at one time, but now that he had complete freedom, he didn't need her. Her eyes began to well up with tears, and she quickly brushed them away. "There will be no crying, young lady."
She rose from the stool and turned the sign on the door to "CLOSED." She warded the door behind her as she left. It was mid February and the night air was bitter cold against her warm face.
"Hmm... Just like the heart of someone I know." She thought out loud. The winter snow was falling all around her, and the city lights were having a hard time illuminating the streets. No one was out, other than Hermione. The streets were bare. Even the homeless man that begged in front of her store had found shelter somewhere warmer. She remembered the cold winters in London, but this was far worse. She knew it was because of the mountainous region. And her thoughts traveled back to the Villa for a few moments. She wondered what it looked like during this time of year.
The walk home was deliberately slow. She was in no hurry to go home to an empty house. She rubbed her belly lovingly, thinking that the child within was all the love and comfort she needed. By the start of summer, she would have her child to love and bestow her affections on. But, deep within her soul, she knew she was missing something. And that something was never far from her thoughts.
~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~
Severus poked at a log in the fire. It was particularly cold in the Villa this evening. He had grown accustomed to the cold of the dungeons, but even this was a bit too much for his liking. He watched the snow fall in blankets all around his home. The night stars were shining brightly. As he drank a bit of warm brandy, he toasted the weather outside. How he longed to be holding Hermione in his arms on nights just like tonight. He wondered where she was, what she was doing.
He would be lying to himself if he said he didn't miss her touch. Especially on cold nights like tonight. He thought about his life, and how he had come to living back at home once again. His past was full of lies, betrayals, and atrocities. He still could not believe that he hadn't been charged with any crimes he had committed during his time as a double agent. He suspected that Albus had pulled a few strings, perhaps even threatened a few high ranking officials to ensure his complete innocence.
And then, as if she was sent from Heaven, Hermione swept him into her arms and turned his world upside down. He befriended her, and wondered to himself why he never tried to look past the know-it-all persona he had of her, while she was a student. Then he reasoned, "Because she was my student." Once they became acquaintances, and then friends, he knew he would fall completely in love with her. He would never forget the morning he woke and realized that she held his heart in her hands. That had been over a year ago. Yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her how he felt. They had never even shared a kiss, let alone anything else that may make someone fall in love. Yet, he knew that's what he felt for her.
He stood by and watched while she and Harry shared their time together. He couldn't blame them. Clinging to the familiar in desperation was completely familiar. But he would be lying if he said he wasn't jealous. He knew why Harry had fallen in love with her, who couldn't? She was classically beautiful. She didn't need fancy robes or makeup to make her more attractive. Her mind was a library of information just ready to burst. She was clever, and a damn good witch in his opinion. Yes, it was easy to fall in love with her.
Then, the circumstances of the war forced her to leave his life. He knew he would get his chance to be with her. It would just take a bit of time. The day they made love was one of the happiest days of his life, and he didn't have very many. Yet, when he was so close to having her, he botched it up again and sent her away. His present state wasn't so inspiring.
At times when he was in the library, he could smell the perfume she wore. When he bathed, he could imagine her taking a bath in the very same tub. He could imagine her pleasuring herself in his bed, just as he had done many nights since returning home. His thoughts were always on her. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to confront her. Women were always his weakness. And Hermione, she brought him to his knees.
She invaded his every thought, every task he performed. Sometimes, he even caught himself saying things to her out loud. Oh yes, he had lost it. Completely. He briefly wondered if being insane felt this way, then drank the rest of his brandy. He desperately needed a shave, and a bath couldn't hurt either. Making his way into the bathroom, he remembered what he and Remus had talked about the day he left Hogwarts.
Remus had given him sound advice, but Severus could not follow it. All he was told was that Hermione would need him. She would need his protection, his support but above all else, she would need his love. Severus thought Remus had been spending too much time in Trelawney's tower. He was too stubborn to admit that perhaps Remus was right.
He had spent the past two months, sulking in the Villa. He wondered aimlessly from room to room to see if she had left anything behind. He wanted something to cling to. Just anything, that helped ease the aching void within his chest.
When he left Hogwarts, Albus managed to find him within a few weeks. Whether he had searched somewhere else, or just let Severus have a few moments alone, he did not know. But he received an owl from Albus stating that he had to live there until the second week of June. Then, if he wished, he could return to Hogwarts and resume his position, or he could go anywhere in the world and enjoy his inheritance. But Severus realized that he would never be out of Albus' reach. No matter where he went, he could always be found.
He had also been informed within that letter that Tonks would be visiting Hermione during the Easter Hols, and Remus would like to have a word with him, if he were available. Severus had chuckled.
"Well, let me check my little black book. Let's see. Each morning, I have sulking in bed until noon, then a few bites of lunch. Ah, then there's more sulking in the library until dinner and perhaps botching a potion or two, and then drinking myself into a stupor from 7:00 until I pass out. Perhaps I could squeeze him in between dinner and the passing out. Or, perhaps not."
Of course, Tonks wouldn't be traveling alone. It seemed that those two had grown inseparable since the war had ended. Severus concluded that if a lonely werewolf and a bubble gum pink haired Auror could get together, then perhaps hope wasn't entirely lost.
In his heart, he knew what he had to do. He needed to go to her. He needed to tell her that he was a complete arse and that if she never wanted to see him ever again, he would understand. He had to tell her about the Villa and his family. But most of all, he had to make her see that he loved her with every fiber of his being, and that she was his very reason for living. At times, she drove him insane, his body raging with fury. And at others, he was so kind, so loving and caring. She truly brought out the best and worst in him. And, he absolutely loved her for that.
~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~
As she stepped into her house, she could tell something wasn't right. Since arriving in France, she hadn't felt the need to put up any wards. She felt completely safe in France. And now, she wished she had. She turned on the light and viewed the wreckage before her. Someone had broken into her home, obviously looking for something. She immediately pulled her wand, ready to attack anyone that may still be there.
After a very thorough sweep of the house, she realized that the intruder or intruders were gone. She began cleaning up in the living room, and slowly made her way through the house and into her library. The painting in front of her safe had not been bothered.
With a few quick spells, everything was back in order. She made her way into the kitchen and froze when she saw the table. There was a note written in an ancient language, one that wasn't so well known. She quickly scanned the note and shuddered as she thought about what it said.
"We will return. You have something of great importance to us. We will not stop until we find what we are looking for."
Hermione thought about the contents of her home, and she realized what they wanted was hidden within the safe, Harry's wand. She felt uncomfortable and a bit afraid. She decided that she should inform Albus of the threat. She threw a bit of floo powder into the fire, and soon Hermione's head was floating in the Headmaster's private quarters.
~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~
Severus got out of the tub and haphazardly tied a robe around his waist. He felt a sudden chill run up his spine, and supposed it was a draft. Usually, he could forget about Hermione by remembering something from his childhood, or reciting the ingredients to several complicated potions. Tonight however, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with her.
He decided to turn in early, and in the morning, he would venture into town and maybe walk by her shop. And, if he found a bit of that Gryffindor courage, he might even enter.
~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~
Albus had instructed Hermione to ward her house very thoroughly. He told her that he would be sending someone to watch over her until he could get some information about the reasons behind the attack. Hermione had given him Harry's wand, and Albus instructed her that he would keep it on himself at all times. They shared a few pleasant exchanges about the baby and Hermione fought the urge to ask about Severus.
Albus could see that she wanted to inquire about him, but he understood why she wouldn't. Her pride and her stubbornness prohibited her from doing so.
Once they finished their conversation, she had warded her home, and Albus had sent for Tonks and Remus. If anyone could protect her, it would be those two.
They arrived at Hermione's late in the night; however, she welcomed them with open arms. There was no mention of Severus, and they helped her strengthen her wards. If one work leaked out that she was pregnant with Harry's child, they could have an even larger problem on their hands.
The following afternoon, Remus decided to go and pay Severus a visit. It was clear to him that Severus was waiting for Voldemort's return before he would go and see her on his own. Remus thought that perhaps Tonks and he could set them up so that they would see each other. The sooner Severus learned of her pregnancy, the sooner he could accept it. And, with a bit of luck, maybe they even could work out their problems before the child arrived. Hermione would need his support, and Severus deserved to be there when the child was born.
Remus informed Tonks of his plan, and just after lunch, he made his way to the Villa. Severus noticed that presence of magic and made his way down stairs to see who had come. He groaned as he opened the door. He didn't want to deal with this, not yet. But it appeared that fate had something different in mind.
"Hello Remus, please come in."
"Thank you Severus." He led Remus into the sitting room and offered him something to drink. Severus took two tumblers from the cabinet and poured them a drink of Scotch.
"What brings you here now? I thought you wouldn't be arriving for another few weeks."
"We had a slight change in plans. There was an attack last night and we were forced to come to France a bit earlier than expected." Remus wanted to just his reaction, and purposely omitted Hermione's name. He judged correctly. Severus completely panicked.
"Is Hermione alright? She wasn't hurt was she?" Severus began to pace. His mind raced with thoughts of what could have happened to her.
"Yes, she's fine. Her home was broken into prior to her arriving home from work. They didn't take anything, but they definitely were looking for something of great importance."
"What could she possibly possess that would be of such importance to someone else?"
"Hermione has Harry's wand, remember? Well, she had it until last night. Albus now is in possession of it. What I can't understand is why does someone want his wand? It won't work for anyone else; at least effectively anyway."
"Remus, have you learned nothing over the past two decades? If someone gets an idiotic notion in their head, they will stop at nothing until they succeed in getting what they want."
"That's true Severus. I wouldn't put anything past those Death Eaters still out there." Remus thought for a moment, and then put his plan into action. "We'll be staying with Hermione for a while; Albus has requested the ministry send someone to fill in for us at Hogwarts. Why don't you show me around this beautiful city since I'll be calling it home for the next few months?"
Severus realized he hadn't left the Villa in days and decided that a trip into town would be worth while. There were some things he needed to buy, and he reluctantly admitted the fresh air would do him some good. "What the hell. It's not as if I have anything better to do." Remus felt the hurt in his voice and was determined that they would meet up with Tonks and Hermione. If everything were going according to plan, they would be meeting within the next hour or so.
Remus steered the conversation towards Hermione and Severus finally broke down. "She's driving me insane."
Remus chuckled. "How so? You haven't even seen her since you arrived here."
"I can't eat, I can't sleep. Every thought is somehow related to her. I even talk to her when she's not here. Tell me I'm not losing it."
"You're in love, mate. Welcome to the club. I can't imagine going one day without seeing Nymphadora's delicate face. Of course, that may be the wolf in me. But, I just think it is a natural reaction to being completely in love with someone. You know, I'm going to ask her to marry me. I want to spend the rest of my days with her."
Severus was envious of Remus. He had it all. And it seemed so easy for him. Why couldn't he be like Remus? Why couldn't their relationship be as easy as Remus and Tonks'? Then Severus remembered. Because nothing is ever easy when you're concerned.
"What should I do then? I have considered your past advice, but I cannot see what you mean by her needing me." They were just outside the shop and Severus hadn't even remembered walking that way. Remus was good at manipulating him; very good. "She is doing very well on her own, apparently." He motioned to the shop name above the window.
The sign read closed, and Severus assumed it was due to the attack the prior evening.
Yes she is successful, but she needs more than that in her life. She needs you, you old prat. Swallow your damn pride, go and apologize for shutting her out of your life, then beg for forgiveness." Severus scoffed.
"I do not beg." Remus just chuckled in response.
"Well, you damn well better learn. You won't last one month without having to beg for something. Let me give you a little advice about women. They are somewhat moody, but I suppose you're experienced in that." Severus glared at him.
"They often get into crying fits, or often get frustrated over the smallest thing. We, men in general, are often forgetful and don't pay very close attention to the little things, so to speak and find ourselves in precarious situations. Heed my warning. The sooner you learn to beg for forgiveness, the better off you will be." Severus had to admit, Remus did seem like he knew what he was talking about. However, he still was reluctant to go crawling at her feet, begging her to forgive him.
'Come on Sev, I'm starving. Where can we get a good meal around here? My treat." Severus led Remus into a small alcove, and then tapped a rusty lock on an old door. The paint was peeling and the windows of the building were covered in soot. It reminded Remus of the Leaky Cauldron. The lock turned to silver, and then the door creaked open.
"This place has the best food. I used to love coming here as a child. You can get the best French cuisine in all of France just inside this door." They made their way into the small restaurant. Remus hoped Tonks was still tracking him with the location spell she had placed upon him before he left.
They ordered something to drink, and right on cue, Remus noticed Tonks and Hermione enter the small restaurant. Remus cast a quick glance in their direction and Tonks asked the waiter to seat them just behind Severus and Remus' table. Hermione and Severus had their backs to one another and neither noticed the other being present.
Both couples sat and ate, and Tonks began to question Hermione about Severus. She hoped that Severus would over hear them and realize it was he that Hermione was discussing.
"Hermione, tell me, have you had no luck finding him?"
"No, I haven't. He must have cast some sort of block on him because I've tried every locator spell known to man and I cannot find him. I believe that I'm going to have to forget about him Tonks. I can't go on forever pining for a love that never will be."
Remus over heard Hermione, and knew that Severus had to have heard them as well. Apparently, he hadn't though; because he didn't even acknowledge the fact that someone was sitting right behind him. Let alone it being Hermione and Tonks.
Remus tried Tonks' tactic and asked Severus about Hermione once again. "So tell me Severus, how long are you planning on waiting?"
"I have no idea Remus. I just know that she'll probably slam the door in my face if I were to show up on her doorstep."
"She may surprise you, you know."
"Oh yes, she may let me in before she throws me out." Severus himself chuckled at that. Instantly, Hermione turned her head around and glared at Remus. She didn't say anything though; she just let him keep on talking. She was furious that they had known Severus was in France and hadn't told her. Tonks mouthed an apology and Hermione just watched the back of Severus' head as he spoke of her.
"She is wonderful, you know? I find myself lost in her eyes, and my senses assaulted with the simplest touch. She is so intoxicating; it nearly takes my breath away. I've never felt this way before, and I know I'll never feel something so strong ever again. Her skin is like velvet, and her lips like satin." Remus watched as Severus bared his soul to him.
Severus caught himself drifting off and quickly straightened up. "Well, I've shared more than I ever intended." He chided himself for speaking about something so personal with Remus, but he felt liberated in sharing his love for Hermione with someone else.
"You really love her, don't you Severus?"
"More than life itself. I can't fathom the thought of never holding her in my arms ever again."
"Could it be the feared Severus Snape truly does have a heart?" Remus leaned across the table. "I'll keep it a secret." He winked at Severus.
"Thank you. I wouldn't want to be the cause of an onslaught of unexplained heart attacks. I really should tell her, shouldn't I?"
Remus nodded. Hermione had listened to every word and tears began to fall down her cheeks. She knew he loved her, deep in her heart she knew. But to hear him speak the words made it all seem so true.
Hermione tapped Severus on the shoulder, and to his astonishment, he realized she had been sitting behind him, listening to his every word. "Hermione." He could only say her name. She looked beautiful, and his heart ached at the thought of how long it had been since he had last seen her face.
"I heard you, you know?" He wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"I know. I am sorry I've been a complete arse. I suppose I didn't know how to act because I had never been completely in love before."
"I know Severus. I forgive you. But first, there are a few things we'll need to discuss." Neither one noticed Remus nor Tonks heading for the door. It seemed their work was done. They had gotten Hermione and Severus back together and they could relax and enjoy the rest of their time in France. Nevertheless, the relaxation was short lived.
"I have something I need to tell you, Severus." She stood up before him. As she unbuttoned her overcoat, Severus caught first sight of her pregnancy. "I am pregnant." Severus froze, staring straight at her slowly swelling abdomen. He was completely dumbfounded.
"YOU'RE PREGNANT?!" The entire restaurant had gone quiet at his shouting. Hermione was appalled at his reaction. However, her next words would break his heart, even if only for just a short while.
"YES I'M PREGNANT AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN THE FATHER!" Tonks and Remus turned right around and headed back to the table. Perhaps they were a bit premature in assuming they had worked out everything completely.
~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~
A/N: Sorry for the delay… School really took a toll on me last quarter. Expect regular updates. Sorry for the formatting errors. I can't get my editor to work just right. This hasn't been betaed yet. I wanted to get it out to you.
