"FEEL"
What you want, what you got
Live your life in a crawl space
I'll help you out but you don't want a chance at a better life
You said you never took a ride and now you wanna play
Well, it's a big, big city let me show you around some time
Oh, some time
And now you crossed that line
You can't come back
Tell me how does it feel now
It's too late too much to forget about
Can't stop now
How does it feel nowI'm only asking because I wanna know
How...you...wanna...feel~Lyrics by Matchbox Twenty
Hermione attended Ron's memorial alone. It was quiet, and afterwards, she bunked with Ginny at Fred and George's. She was determined to return to France the following afternoon. In her opinion, the sooner her life got back to normal, the easier it would be to deal with their deaths.
After a quick visit to Gringott's, she returned to Hogwarts to collect her belongings, and accidentally interrupted a heated discussion between Albus and Severus. She hadn't heard exactly what they were saying, but she could see the fury within Severus' eyes. He was far from pleased. Albus bid her farewell, and left the two of them alone in his office.
"Are you okay?" Hermione could see plainly that he wasn't, but she didn't know what else to say.
Severus tried to hide his anger, but he failed miserably. "Does it appear that everything is okay?" His voice was cold and rigid, just like it used to be when she was his student.
"Actually? You look as if you just found out that you are the new head of Gryffindor." She giggled, and it only infuriated him even more.
"Is there some reason you're still here? I thought you were returning to France today." He didn't wait for a reply, just walked into his private rooms, Hermione following right behind him.
"I am. I came for my things, and I thought I should at least say good-bye." Hermione couldn't believe the way he was acting. He was trying to remain calm, but she could see he was very close to the breaking point. She wondered what they had been discussing, so, she just asked him. "Why are you so furious?"
"I don't really think that is any of your business." He pulled off his robes and slammed them down onto the sofa. He plopped down onto the sofa and began to massage his temples. He could feel a migraine coming on. And it was all Albus' fault. Well, Potter had a bit of blame in this as well. All he wanted was to remain at Hogwarts, in his familiar rooms. He wanted to keep his dull, mundane life. He had everything in order there. He had everything he wanted and needed there. Except, that wasn't entirely the truth. He needed and wanted Hermione, however she was living in France now. Yes, oh yes, Potter knew exactly what he was doing by offering him that inheritance.
"Well, I do have something to tell you, and then I'll be out of your way. You should really consider Harry's offer. There is a world outside of Hogwarts, you know. You've been here for over twenty years. Teaching students that you can barely stand the sight of. Running errands and spying for Albus. You should take responsibility for your own life now and begin to live it." Severus watched her, and he could see her genuine concern. She was right, but he didn't want to admit it to her.
"You shouldn't put your nose where it doesn't belong." He put his hands back up to his temples, and let his head fall back against the sofa.
"Well, far be it for me to care about you." She was so upset by the way he was treating her. She blinked back her tears, and went straightaway to packing her things. She wanted to be far, far away from London and most of all, far away from Severus Snape.
Severus felt bad for the way he was acting. He hadn't been this mean to her since she was his student. But, yet, he still couldn't bring himself to tell her about his disagreement with Albus. It involved her more than he would ever admit. He still hadn't told her she was living in his home, and he preferred to keep it that way for as long as he could.
She retrieved her belongings and tried to get him to talk to her once more before she left. She had no idea when she would be returning to Hogwarts and to London. Her life was made for her in France now, and she really didn't want to leave it.
"Well, I've gotten my things. I'm leaving now. I don't know when you'll see me again. I'll keep in touch. If I can find the time." She didn't wait for a reply, she feared she would break down if she heard another scathing remark from him. She marched right past him and was almost to the door when he stopped her.
"Hermione, wait." She didn't turn, just kept her face to the door. She just wanted to leave, but she couldn't resist the hidden plea within his voice.
"What is it? You obviously don't have anything more to discuss with me. I must be going now." Severus couldn't put into words what he was feeling. He and Albus had been arguing about him trying to force Severus to take a leave of absence from teaching. He didn't want to leave, but Albus was forcing the issue.
Severus would have to return to Villa de Isabel in order to get his inheritance from Harry, and he didn't want to put Hermione in that position. He wanted her to remain completely unaware of the fact that she was living in his home. He had no use for it. She was comfortable there, and very safe. He was happy that she could find peace there. He never had been able to do so. Yet, she was leaving him, and he knew that if he left her leave without telling her goodbye or trying to talk to her, she would have a hard time forgiving him. If she even could.
He walked over to her and stood behind her. She dropped her bag and waited for him to say something. The silence was maddening for her. She could feel the heat radiating off of his body. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and with that simple, innocent touch, Severus Snape lost all control. He dipped his head towards her neck and let her extraordinary scent enthrall his senses. Without speaking a word, he tilted her head back, exposing her bare neck to him. He cautiously pressed his lips to the soft tender skin just beneath her earlobe. Merlin she tasted so sweet.
She didn't protest, just relaxed into the warmth of his embrace. He slowly kissed his way around to the front of her neck, then, with a quick glance to her lust filled eyes, he kissed her mouth. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. She was so warm, and her lips were like kissing silk. She felt loved within his arms and it was a terrific feeling.
Severus turned her body toward him, and wrapped his arms around her neck. After a few minutes of frantic kisses, he pulled his lips from hers, and tried to think of a reason that they should stop right now. He couldn't find one. He wanted her, he had for a very long time. And now, she was standing right in front of him, her lips swollen from his kiss, her eyes full of lust and her cheeks flushed. She obviously wanted him too. And, he knew in that instant that he was going to have her. All she had to do was give him some sort of an indication that she wanted to go further, and he would make love to her like none other.
"Hermione, if you do not want me to make love to you right now, I suggest you leave this instant." His voice was deep, filled with desire.
"Severus, if you do not make love to me, I will never speak to you again." She pulled his head down for another searing kiss, and when they finished, Severus carried her off to bed.
While they made love, she realized that there had been something missing when she and Harry had been together. She knew now that it was passion, intensity. The kind of passion that has you addicted with just the first taste.
Severus never dreamed that the reality of his fantasies could be even better. No one would ever believe how gentle, how tender he was.
He rolled to her side, pulling her to his chest. "Hermione, do you have any idea what you do to me?"
She slightly giggled, "An inkling, perhaps." She snuggled deeper into the warmth of his embrace. He didn't protest, just pulled her closer to him. They drifted off for about an hour, until Severus' bladder could wait no longer. He gently shook her until her brown eyes fluttered open.
"I have to go to the loo, roll over. I'll be right back." He kissed her forehead gently, then made his way through his rooms to the bathroom. While he was away, she fully woke and realized that it must be late in the day. She could delay her return to France no longer. She summoned her clothing and began dressing. She had slid on her panties and was fastening her bra just as he entered. She could see the disappointment within his eyes.
"You know Hermione, there really is no reason for you to go." They had just made love for the first time less than three hours ago. Yet, the thought of her leaving already brought a void into his heart. She watched him closely as she finished dressing.
"I have to go, Severus. I have made a good life in France. I enjoy working, and I still need to take my licensing. The home I am living in is gorgeous, and I really feel at peace there."
She pulled on her boots, and he pulled on a robe. "When will you come home?" His voice sounded weak and defeated.
"Severus, I have a home. I doubt I'll ever call England home again."
"So this was it, eh?" He was angry now. Angry that she was leaving him behind.
"Severus, no this wasn't it. But if you want to be with me, you'll have to leave this security blanket of yours far behind." She motioned to the dungeon walls.
"I can't do that." His voice rose. "I can't."
She couldn't understand why he felt compelled to stay here. He could do anything, go anywhere now without threats. Yet, he still wanted to hide behind the dungeon walls.
"Severus, I do not want to fight with you. I have told you that I cannot stay here. You are welcome to see me whenever you choose. You know where to find me." She wasn't going to argue with him. She wanted this day to be memorable as a result of their love making, not because of an argument that they had.
She made her way out to the sitting room, and finished gathering the rest of her belongings. "Severus, please don't make the mistake of living the rest of your life behind these walls. You are too precious to me. I refuse to watch you waste away the rest of your life." She gently kissed his lips.
"I don't know how to live outside of Hogwarts, Hermione." He felt compelled to tell her the truth. He was afraid of how the rest of the world would see him. At Hogwarts, in Hogsmeade and even in Diagon Alley everyone knew who he was. He didn't like meeting new people.
"You don't know because you've never tried. Please consider this. Our relationship will not work if you are living here in London. Even though we can apparate, it is difficult to go such a distance several times a day."
"So, basically, if I don't leave Hogwarts, then this was a one time thing." Hermione couldn't believe how horrible it sounded, but she wanted him to know how much it meant to her that he left.
"I guess so, Severus." She didn't want to lose him so quickly, but she couldn't come back to a life that she didn't want to live.
He stood up, to his full height and uttered words that he
would regret for a very long time.
"Well, Hermione, I must wish you the best of luck in your new
life."
He strode over to the door, and opened it for her. She knew she deserved to be treated this way.
"Good-bye Severus. Whenever you decide
to live life, instead of just existing, please find me. I'll be enjoying a life full of freedom and
happiness, away from this constant reminder of death."
She left his dungeons, and exited Hogwarts. Not once did she turn around. She had to make him see that he belonged outside of Hogwarts, even if every step away from him broke her heart even more.
A/N: The next chapter should be out by Tuesday. If you want me to notify you when I update, then add your email address to the review and I will send you the updated link. Hope everyone liked this. The juicy version can be found on Adultfanfiction.net.
