I don't own any parts of Love Hina.

===

Location: One of the various tunnels in the Hina Inn/Dorm.

Su slid down one of the tunnels holding onto her hat that had a special light on it. It lit up the dark and empty tunnel that led to who knows where.

The light shown on a divergent pathway. One side, it appeared, carried a skull and crossbones over the entrance, the other had etches of turtle writing on it. Su sat back and looked at both.

Sarah, who had been following her the entire time, stopped and stared. "Where are we going?"

Su held up a finger. "You'll find out."

She turned into the hallway with the turtle writing and Sarah let out a sigh of relief. Whatever had awaited them in the tunnel with the skull and cross couldn't have been good.

Naru held the radio up to her ear and heard Su's scratchy voice. "Remember," she heard Su say, "Strike at noon. We'll be there as soon as we can."

Keitaro looked at the girl's solemnly. "What exactly is this plan that you girls have?"

Motoko shined her sword, blowing lightly at the tip, then scrubbing quickly. Her eyes jerked up at Keitaro's words and she grinned a toothy grin.

=

Kitsune: Well, everyone, I'm happy to introduce my special guest. Please welcome, Mrs. Urashima!

A small lady who looks a lot like Keitaro enters. The only real differences are her hair, which is longer and pulled into a bun behind her head, and her choice of clothes which is a long lavender skirt and long sleeved black shirt hidden behind a large apron. She grins at everyone, weakly, and moves inside carrying a VHS in her hands.

Kitsune: Well, Mrs. Urashima--can I call you Mom?--What do you have for us today?

Mom: Well, when my little Kei was still living with us and helping us make bean cakes, he use to talk about this girl that he knew when he was growing up, saying things like how he wanted to find her, to get into Tokyo U. Well, I thought he was insane. Why would any girl have eyes for my baby boy? But he insisted--

Kitsune: Yes, yes, all the boring stuff. Can we skip to the hot--er--the tasty--um--the meat of the story?

Mom: Oh yes, sorry to prattle off like that…well, to get his mind off of this imaginary friend of his, I decided to fix him up…and I taped it--it being his first date and all. Besides, I bet my husband that he wouldn't get any action--

Kitsune grabs the tape and pushes it into the VCR.

Kitsune: Well, let's watch!

===

Burgeoning Manhood

===

Keitaro Urashima, a young man of no more than fifteen years, walked uncertainly to a doorstep in the bad part of town. His mother, bless her soul, had found a "nice young friend" for him to play with. He didn't know who it was, but he was ready to tell this play date that he wasn't interested.

He lifted his hand to knock on the door when it swung open and someone of about the same age as him peeked their head over the threshold.

Keitaro held his breath. This was a vixen to the extreme: long legs, tiny waist, large--he forced his eyes to look up and stare into her face. She smiled at him and grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside.

"Hello," she said in a honey sweet voice, "I'm Jamie. I just moved here."

Keitaro was too excited to talk. He could just imagine Jamie in nothing more than lingerie whispering dirty words into his ear. Oh, and her hands, with fingers so long and delicate, cascading down his chest and down his stomach and--ooooh!

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! Keitaro thought to himself as he turned around quickly trying his best to hide himself. How could he let his mind wander so fast like that? He barely knew Jamie! He shut his eyes and tried to imagine something else.

"Keitaro? Is everything all right?"

He nodded jerkily and started to whisper, "Baseball," over and over.

Jamie grinned, stood behind him, bent lower so that the words that were whispered would blow into his ear, and said, "What are you doing?"

Keitaro shivered.

Slowly, arms slid over his shoulder, pulling him back so that he rested against something so soft. He shivered in delight, feeling Jamie's chest pressed against his back.

Jamie leaned forward and nipped at Keitaro's ear, watching the happiness on his face for a second. "You've never been with anyone like me before, have you?"

Keitaro shook his head. He hadn't been with anyone, ever. However, he was too turned on to vocalize any word. He almost melted into Jamie's arms which turned him around. Jamie kissed his neck, his cheeks, his brow, then said, "Do you want to go upstairs?"

Keitaro almost solidified. This was like something out of a porn movie. He could just imagine taking Jamie in his arms and letting his play date experience something that both of them would never, ever forget.

He flew up the stairs and into the first bedroom he could find. Jaime entered just after him and walked over to the bed. Laying down, his play date beckoned Keitaro to come and lay in the bed. Keitaro was there in less than a second running his hand up and down Jaime's leg.

As his hand slowly moved up, he felt something that he thought souldn't be there. Something hard. Keitaro looked down quickly and saw something growing on Jamie. He bent down to take a closer inspection but stopped halfway as realization dawned on him.

He looked at his play date closely, saw the hair on Jaime's fingers, saw the Adam's apple on Jaime's neck…noticed the five o' clock shadow on Jaime's chin…Keitaro fell out of the bed, shocked and mortified.

"You're a man?" Keitaro asked.

"Well, yeah. I just wear this get up for fun. Your mom knows. Didn't she tell you?"

=

Kitsune: A man?

Mom: I thought he was gay.

Kitsune shrugged slightly and pulled the tape out of the VCR.

Kitsune: Well, that was enlightening. Anyone want this?

Mom: Oh, no. That is a family heirloom. We plan to pass this down from generation to generation.

Mrs. Urashima grabbed the tape out of Kitsune's hands and exited.

Kitsune: Well, I guess the last thing we can do now, is watch the last tape…now where is it?

=

Su crept into her room, a jungle filled with water and various plants and animals. She swam slowly down the lake, looking for something that would catch her eye. On the far side, she saw a piece of bamboo with scratches on it. It was the master plan.

Looking behind her, she needed something to distract all the booby traps she placed around it.

Glancing behind her, she picked up Sarah and threw her onto the first. Large knives were hurled at the blonde who glanced up quickly. Having been in situations like this with her papa, she leapt to her feet and dove into the water.

As the knives soared passed her, she burst from the water and glared at Su. "What the hell was that for?"

Su shrugged. "I booby trapped the whole place. The other way, with the skull and crossbones would have led straight to the master plan without any hitches."

"So why did we take this route?!"

Su thought for a second. Suddenly she said, "It would've been less fun. Now, let's get the master plan." Picking up Sarah, she tossed her again.

"Damn yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou!" Sarah yelled as she sailed into a spider's web…