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Chapter 19: Covert Ops

"I'm so sorry," Tara offered Anya her condolences after hearing about Xander's recent actions. "I think maybe you should take some time and talk to someone about it before skipping straight to the vengeance."

"I suppose," Anya grumbled. "We'll see how it goes."

Tara couldn't help but laugh at her indignation despite the horrible situation.

Giles cleared his throat. "Yes, well, we should let you rest."

Anya nodded. "Yes, it was pleasant speaking with you even though you couldn't help me with my problem."

Giles gave Tara an apologetic smile from behind Anya, who suddenly perked up.

"I bet Dawn has some sort of angsty teenage problem with Xander."

Tara couldn't decide if she should be amused or worried as Giles ushered Anya out of the room. She decided that sleep was more important at the moment, and managed to place Willow's still unread letter on the side table before drifting off.

When she awoke, she felt almost normal again. Other than the lingering headache, she couldn't even tell she had been injured. She rubbed her eyes and stretched, cringing as she realized how long it had been since she last had a shower. Rolling over on her side, Tara noticed a note that had apparently been left for her. She read it quickly and couldn't suppress her relieved sigh.

Tara slowly got out of her bed, grabbing the robe that was resting on a nearby chair and throwing it on, loosely cinching the waist. She made her way across the room, still trying to fully awaken, and knocked lightly on the door to the room that she assumed was Pomfrey's office.

The door opened a moment later to reveal a smiling Madam Pomfrey.

"You're awake," she said, stating the obvious.

Tara nodded, rubbing her eyes one last time. "I feel much better. I found your note."

Madam Pomfrey handed her a small bottle. "Take this tomorrow morning, and don't forget about the other potion for your head."

Tara nodded, taking the bottle and thanking her. She grabbed Willow's letter on the way out, after promising the slightly overbearing nurse that she would check in if she felt any worse after taking the potion.

By the time she reached the portrait to her room, Tara was fully awake. She was grateful that it was so early in the morning, as her less that flattering apparel went unseen by any of the school's current residents. She spoke the password to the family guarding the door, who welcomed her home before swinging the painting open. Tara entered the room, happy that she would finally be able to shower.

She was surprised to see four people huddled around the fire.

"What are you guys doing?" she asked, curious as to their presence at such an ungodly early hour. Usually Dawn would be sleeping for at least three more hours.

Four heads, two red, two brown, spun around, with identical deer-in- the-headlights looks on their faces.

"Er, we were just talking about some stuff with Harry here," Dawn said, casting furtive glances to the nervous looking boy, who pushed his glasses back up on his nose as Tara looked at him.

"Sure, Dawnie," Tara replied, wondering what could possibly make them all look as if they were ready to bolt out the door to avoid answering her questions.

Dawn gave her a grin that was a less than effective attempt to reassure her.

Tara sighed. "Just tell me it's not dangerous."

"Of course not!" Dawn said, a little too quickly.

Shaking her head, Tara waved a hand for them to continue whatever it was they were doing, before she disappeared into her bedroom.

She considered taking the shower that she was so desperate for, but decided that there was something that she needed to take care of before she did anything else. Sitting down on her large four-poster bed, she pulled the letter out of her robe pocket, turning it over in her hands a few times.

Finally, she took a deep breath and opened the flap, pulling out a few pieces of notebook paper. She leaned back against the headboard and began to read.

~-~-~-

A sound awoke Tara from the light slumber she hadn't expected to fall into. She blinked and looked around the bright bedroom for a moment when it came again. Someone was knocking at her door. She gathered up the scattered pieces of paper that she had accidentally rolled over in her sleep.

"Just a second," she said in the direction of the door as she folded up the letter and put it back in her desk drawer.

She retied her robe's belt and pulled open the door.

"Oh!" Tara exclaimed as the door opened to reveal an intimidating Professor Snape.

"Madam Pomfrey informed me that you were released earlier this morning."

Tara nodded, self-consciously smoothing her tangled hair.

The Potions Master stepped out of the doorway, allowing her to lead them to the sofa in front of the fire. Tara took a seat on the far end, as Snape sat next to her.

She fidgeted with her robe as he gazed at her.

"You look better," he finally said, ending the statement with a nod of his head.

Tara gave him a small smile, forcing her hands to stay still in her lap.

"I feel better."

Silence descended upon them again, Snape still looking at her. Tara looked back, wondering how to begin the conversation that he undoubtedly was expecting.

He saved her the trouble by bringing it up himself. "So you read the letter?"

Tara nodded.

She was silent long enough for him to raise an eyebrow at her, the only indication that his patience was wearing thin.

Seeing the eyebrow go up, Tara couldn't help but smirk. The expression was so completely "Snape", that she remembered that, no matter what they discussed, he would remain her friend, and wouldn't judge her. Well, any more than he normally judged. Judgment, warranted or not, was a large part of his character.

"She spent most of it apologizing." Tara began.

"And?" Snape asked, after she hesitated for a moment.

"Um, well, I guess I still don't know if she even understands what she's apologizing for."

Tara sighed and rubbed her head, where, thankfully, the last of her headache had disappeared while she dozed.

"What else?" Snape asked, his dark eyes searching her face as she spoke.

"She wrote a little about what she's doing to get better. She's taking the cold turkey approach."

The professor gave her a confused look.

"Uh, she's not doing any magic at all anymore," Tara clarified.

Snape nodded. His gaze left her face as he digested the information.

"I suppose that is one tactic," he said, obviously having a problem with it.

Tara gave him a questioning look.

Snape sighed, shifting on the sofa so that he was fully facing her. "Sometimes quitting altogether backfires."

Nodding, Tara pulled her robe tighter around herself, shivering slightly.

The movement seemed to break Snape out of his thoughts. He frowned and shifted around again, pulling a wand out of his robes. He pointed it at the fireplace and muttered a spell, instantly creating a comfortable crackling fire that slowly pushed the chill out of the room.

They sat in silence, enjoying the fire and mulling over recent events. A loud bang caused them both to turn towards the door to Dawn's room, which had been thrown open.

"Sorry," a sheepish Dawn said to Tara as she came out, yawning and pulling her hair into a ponytail.

Her gaze drifted to the frowning potions professor. "Oh, good morning Professor Snape," she said, her tone less than polite.

Tara frowned, torn between apologizing to Snape and admonishing Dawn, knowing that neither would do any good.

"Hey Tara, I'm gonna go hang out with Fred and George in their common room for awhile. You look a lot better," Dawn said, giving the older girl an honest grin.

Tara smiled back, glad that Dawn seemed to be willing to leave the Snape situation alone, at least for the time being. She said goodbye to the teen, who nodded at Snape before disappearing out the door.

"She is an interesting child," Snape said, watching the door close behind her.

Tara snickered.

Snape turned back to her. "What?"

"Don't call her a child if I'm in the room, okay?" Tara replied, not even trying to suppress her grin as she pictured Dawn's reaction.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, her maturity level leaves something to be desired."

Tara laughed some more, noting that Snape seemed to be struggling to contain a grin, himself.

"How are you?" Snape asked, causing her laughter to die as quickly as it had begun.

Tara knew that he wasn't asking about her physical ailments.

"I don't know. Right now I want to run back to Sunnydale and just forgive her for everything she's done."

Snape nodded, opening his mouth to speak.

Tara continued before he could get a word out. "I also want to never see her again, or maybe yell at her for a week for what she did to me."

Snape's mouth snapped shut. He studied Tara's face for a moment.

"But mostly I want to sit down and have a long talk with her to try to understand what's going on with her."

"Do you feel that you could get past your mistrust of her if you could better understand her point of view? Perhaps allow your relationship to begin again where you left off before your problems began?"

Tara frowned. "I wouldn't want to do that. Problems shouldn't be ignored. They need to be worked through and solved."

A ghost of a smile appeared on the professor's face. "Well, at least I haven't underestimated your intelligence."

Tara smiled back.

Snape stood, offering his hand to help Tara up. She took it and got to her feet.

"Well, I suppose I should let you get ready for the day. Perhaps you can come by later to learn more about the potion that the fifth years are currently working on."

Tara nodded her agreement and said goodbye as he left the common room. She headed back to her bedroom to grab a clean set of clothes and finally get that shower she had been putting off.

~-~-~-

"It's no good," Tara announced loudly as she entered the potions classroom after the last of the students had hurried out.

"What, may I ask, is no good?" the Potions Professor inquired, seemingly unaffected by her dramatic entrance.

He stood in front of a bubbling cauldron near the front of the room, examining the contents, and stirring at a steady rate. He briefly glanced at Tara as she took a seat near him, before turning his gaze back to the potion that was slowly changing from dark green to light red.

Tara looked at the book that was open in front of him, reading the first few sentences so that she would not be lost when he began to discuss his current project.

"I can't talk with Willow through letters, she can't come here because of all the magic, and I can't go back to Sunnydale until we figure out what exactly is going on with Doc."

"Oh dear, it's just hopeless," Snape said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Tara hit him lightly on the shoulder, making sure she didn't disrupt the stirring.

He gave her a brief smile, which quickly turned into a frown. "I suppose you will have to wait until your current situation is resolved. Albus is working with your Mr. Giles to find a solution."

"I know," Tara replied. "Of course, Mr. Giles is also trying to comfort Anya at the moment, so he'll probably be pretty distracted."

Snape nodded, still stirring with remarkable precision.

"I'm sorry," Tara said, leaning forward to lay her head on her hand, "I'm being ridiculous. Before I know it, the whole Doc thing will be over and Dawn and I will be heading back to Sunnydale."

Snape's frown grew, but he remained silent.

"What?" Tara asked, knowing he would keep the problem to himself unless she asked.

"I suppose you're not the only selfish person around here."

Tara waited for him to continue.

He took a deep breath, and muttered something that she didn't quite catch, stopping his stirring and turning to face her. "I don't want you to leave."

Tara looked up at him, raising her head from its resting place.

"It's ridiculous, I know," he continued, "but it is how I feel."

Tara smiled. "Professor, you're talking about your feelings. Next thing you know, you'll be looking forward to social functions."

She laughed as he smirked, his attempt at his most intimidating death glare falling short.

His gaze changed abruptly, and she almost gasped at the sudden intensity in his eyes.

"I am serious about not wanting you to leave."

Tara nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"It's not fair to you, but sometimes I can't bring myself to care."

Tara lowered her head, looking at him through the hair that fell forward to cover it. Her eyes closed briefly.

"I don't know if we should have this conversation."

"Why?" he asked, his gaze still boring into her.

"Because." she trailed off.

Tara took a deep breath and raised her head, looking him in the eye. "I'm starting to feel, um-"

"Yes?"

"Conflicted."