The Snake-who-lived

"Ayaa! Honored costumer fall in Nyannichuan! Very Tragic story of girl who drown in spring 1500 years ago! Now whoever falls in spring take shape of young girl!"

Jusenkyo guide, Ranma Nibunnoichi, Episode 1

Warning: Multiple scene changes! And lots of craziness, I scared myself more than once! ^_^

Author's note: This chapter is HUGE. Longest I've ever written. That is, in this fic.

Chapter 14: Hailey Potter

For once, it was Hermione who was not happy. Everyone else around her was either: scared, terrified or horrified. By everyone, it meant Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Xu Chang, Ginny Weasley and the little red spider in her hands, who was actually a cursed Ron Weasley.

Why wasn't she happy?

Because she was soaked. Wet cats usually are not very happy creatures.

Oh, yeah. It was also due to the fact that she was not usually a cat.

Add to it the fact that she looked like a puffed-up fur ball on paws, it made her want to scream… pardon me… meow in rage.

"Peeves got the Jusenkyo powder." Blaise said. "And the only way to turn Hermione and Ron back is to get the instructions on the back of the bag?"

The Asian girl, who was the owner of said box, nodded darkly.

"What about the Zhizhuunichuan bag?" Ginny asked, spider-Ron in her hands.

"I leave it in box." Xu sighed, before muttering something in Mandarin, probably berating herself.

"Well then," Harry said, taking out his wand, "let's go catch Peeves."

"Meow." Hermione agreed.

And as the humans and two animals walked in the direction from which the Poltergeist's voice had came from, a soft song came to their ears. A courage bolstering music, meant to reassure them and make them certain they would catch the little devil and bring their friends back to human form…

…"Mission Impossible", hummed by Blaise Zabini.

            ~~~

Near the other side of the school, Peeves was scowling. In one hand was a bucket full of water. In the other, a familiar purple box, which was the target of the Poltergeist's ire.

"How the hell am I supposed to use it if I can't tell what I'm going to turn people into?!" He wondered, trying to will the symbols into turning into letters.

Apart from that small problem, he was having the time of his unlife. This… Jusenkyo thing, at least, that's what the girl called it, was a devil send; the opportunity of turning everyone into things they were not meant to be, coupled to the fact that both the Bloody Baron – Peeves shuddered in fear – and Dumbledore were gone made this an opportunity for causing chaos that was not to miss.

"Are you sure it's that way?"

"The map doesn't lie, Fred. It's that way."

"It's a bit out of date, though."

"So? If the passage is closed like the last two, we'll update it. But if it's not… come on! It's Hogsmeade day anytime we want!"

Cackling merrily, Peeves jumped to his next victims, picking randomly picking a bag out of the box. With a single sweep, the undead doused both twins with the cursed water…

~~~

"Which way, now?" Harry asked.

Hermione hissed angrily. Already bad enough that she was forced to do this, it didn't make her want to be ordered at it, too.

As she lowered her head to the floor, she wondered if they thought she had been splashed with instant spring of the drowned dog water. Besides, trying to catch the smell of a Poltergeist was difficult indeed, and she hadn't graduated from hunting school or taken the tracking classes.

"I say we separate." Draco said. "We'll have more chance to catch him."

"And what are we going to do if we catch him?" Blaise asked.

"Wrestle the box away and run back to Xu so she can get the cure." The platinum-haired boy said. "It's worth a shot."

"I agree." Harry nodded. "Xu, you stay here with Ron and Hermione. Hide. We don't want Peeves to get you. You're the only one of us who can actually read the bloody bags."

The Asian girl nodded in understanding and, hesitatingly taking the rather large red spider from Ginny's hands, she walked away, followed by Hermione.

And, few minutes later, the group was separated.

            ~~~

Fred blinked, completely drenched. Beside him, his twin was just as wet.

"…Peeves is losing originality, is he?" George asked.

"Yeah," Fred said, frowning "I mean, I know subtlety isn't his strong point, but just splashing water on people?"

"Actually, I find it quite creative."

"Umm?" Fred asked, looking at George. "What do you mean?"

"I was about to ask you the same question." George replied, before noticing something. "Um… you know you're naked?"

"Well, what do you know," Fred returned, looking down at himself, then at his twin. "you know you're naked, too?"

George looked down at himself and nodded affirmatively. "You're right… clothe-vanishing waters?" 

Then, he saw something else: standing behind them was…

"Um… George, you know you're over there?" Fred asked, pointing at the fully clothed George.

"Eh?" "Yeah, I know." Both Georges said at the same time.

"And you know you're over here?" Another Fred asked the naked Fred.

"Blimey, I didn't!" Fred replied, looking at his own double.

The four twins blinked in unison, looking each other up and down, then smirked in an identical manner.

"Wicked." They agreed in eerie unison.

~~~

Harry grumbled. His day had been going so well, too. Waking up in a good mood, watching Lockhart getting humiliated at dinner time, watching Ron turn into a spider…

"Couldn't she have read the instructions before using the bloody powder?!" He swore, turning at a corner. So far, he hadn't seen Peeves, or any cursed animals. Which was, respectively, a bad and good thing.

Tired, he walked to the closest window and opened it slightly to cool himself down with the cold, winter air. Laying his elbows on the windowsill, he gazed outside, hoping to catch some sight of Peeves.

'If we can't catch Peeves, who knows what will happen to Hermione and Ron.' He thought, frowning. Though he hadn't seen much of the girl and hadn't really been on talking terms with the boy since the start of the year, it didn't made him wish they were stuck out of their natural forms forever.

"Hey Potter!" A twin said, walking behind him.

"Hey Weasley." He replied, listening to the boy's footsteps walking away.

"Hey Potter!" Another twin said.

"Hey Weasley." He replied, not looking as the other boy left.

"Hey Potter!" Yet another twin said.

Absentmindedly, Harry mumbled a "Hey Weasley." Once again, the footsteps went, in the same direction as the others.

"Hey Potter!" A fourth twin said, heading in the same direction.

And Harry's brain caught up to him. Quickly, he whirled around…

…he was alone.

"Weird…"  He mused. He was about to investigate when a very familiar cackling came to his ears. "Peeves!"

            ~~~

He stumbled on a strange scene. A furrious – pun intended – Hermione was leaping at Peeves, who was laughing madly while pulling his tongue at her, floating just a bit too high for her to claw him. With a loud crackle, the poltergeist floated through the roof.

"Hermione! Where's Xu?!" Harry asked.

The cat-girl, once again, pun intended, lowered her head, and pointed, with her thick, bushy tail, at somewhere near the wall.

The wall was soaked.

Fearing the worst, he looked down.

A small, light brown-furred Hamster was looking down at herself with oddly thin eyes, mouth gaping in horror.

"Oh, Merlin." Harry cursed.

            ~~~

"I'VE GOT YOU!!" Filch cheered as he finally caught up to the insolent boy who had dared plant a dungbomb in his office. "Foolish boy, there's only two fourth year Gryffindors in the school, and it's you and your twin brother!"

"Got in one!" George said cheerfully from Filch's right while his brother grinned, not resisting against the caretaker's grip. "He's so smart, eh Fred?"

"Definitely." Fred said just as cheerfully from Filch's left, while… eh?

Filch's brain recalculated the situation.

He had a Weasley twin in his grasp.

There was a Weasley twin at his right.

There was a Weasley twin at his left.

Then who… what… how…?

"Oh my, is poor little Filchy-poo confused?" Yet another twin said, this time from behind him.

Thoroughly confused and surrounded at all sides with expert and identical troublemakers, Filch did the only thing he could think of.

He fell to his knees and wept.

            ~~~

Hermione on one shoulder, Ron and Xu on the other, Harry ran after Peeves, hoping to prevent more people from being transformed. This day had definitely taken a turn for the worst.

'I mean… is it too much to ask for, a calm, eventless year, or maybe just a month?!'

He caught up to Peeves on the seventh floor, nearly out of breath. The thrice damned ghost was browsing through the box while filling the bucket with fresh water in a watering place.

"Give me the box, Peeves!" Harry snapped, taking out his wand.

…Obviously forgetting one of the first rules of catching up to someone and taking someone from him: Saying corny lines before doing anything only works in TV shows, cheap "magical girl" anime or stereotyped Fanfiction.

…I believe I broke the stereotypes so far, wouldn't you say? ^_-

Startled, Peeves emptied the first bag that got under his hand and, without waiting for the bucket to fill up, launched the cursed waters at Harry.

Quidditch training kicked in, causing him to quickly duck underneath the area his instincts were telling him was dangerous. Unfortunately, the result was not as intended. The added weight of the animals made him lose his balance and threw said cursed people to the ground. Also important to note, water does not take the same path as Bludgers.

Gravity took over.

At three, damn Murphy once again! Three!!

As soon as Harry felt the cold water hit his back, he gasped in horror, his eyes reflexively closing. The strangest tingling feeling passed everywhere through his body. It lasted perhaps half a second, but it made him realize he had been cursed.

'Oh Merlin… what am I, now?' He wondered, daring to open his eyes.

Hands.

He still had hands. He was, therefore, still human.

"Eh? Am I immune or something?" He wondered in a higher-pitched voice than usual, before his hands went to his throat.

"What the?!" Puzzled, Harry looked down at his reflection in the small puddle of water at his feet.

He had lost a few inches of height – which was something in itself – and his shoes and socks felt oddly baggy. His hair had changed color, and so had his eyes. Instead of having unruly, untamable and pure black hair with deep emerald green eyes, he found himself staring at a smooth skinned face with hazel eyes and nearly silky auburn hair. He recognized the color of his hair from the picture of his mother Professor Snape had showed him, although it was a shade or two darker.

Then, he realized something. His voice was higher, though not significantly so. And although, at his age, it wouldn't show all that much, chances were…

…he checked between his legs…

~~~

Somewhere in Japan, in a small town of hot springs, a blue-haired, teenage girl who had been hanging the laundry blinked and looked down from the roof of the building she was standing on. 

"Motoko-san, daijoubu desu ka?" She asked. [Are you all right, Miss Motoko?]

~~~

A tall, well-endowed, tanned and beautiful silver-haired woman reclined her chair in front of her console, sipping some Sake from a coffee cup. Said cup shattered when a scream echoed between the walls of the room she was in. With a sigh, she grumbled:

"I told Skuld installing Windows on Yggdrasil was a bad idea, but did she listen? Nooo…"

~~~

Far away, in a crystalline black and grey object, a long-eared, yellow eyed girl with a spiky mane of cyan hair looked up at the walls.

"Doushita no?" She asked at a bunch of floating crystals. 

"Myaah!" They replied.

~~~

For those I have successfully lost, let's just say he, or rather she, screamed really loud.

"I'LL KILL HIM!!!" Harry Potter shrieked. "I'M GOING TO STRANGLE THAT LITTLE BASTARD!!"

Spider-Ron blinked eight times – once for each eye – then turned toward Hamster-Xu. The four-inch tall rodent-girl shrugged in response.

The newly girl-Harry flexed her hands, for once wishing she had nails to rip the Poltergeist apart.

Wisely, said troublemaker flew off for his unlife.

~~~

Draco, with his wand out, stalked the halls. While he hadn't shown it in front of his friends, he wanted to be anywhere but here. He could imagine few uses for the Jusenkyo powder, but the last thing he wanted was to be a test subject. After all, it would be almost criminal for the wizarding world if he wasn't able to father children with anything else but a spider or a cat.

"Dad will probably disown me if I'm stuck as an animal." He grumbled, not noticing the fast approaching and grinning Poltergeist behind him.

~~~

Blaise also had her wand out, ready to cast a spell to protect herself. Her eyes darted around for signs of unusual things. Moving portrait, normal. Stairway floating uselessly outside the window, normal. Spider running away and jumping out the window, normal.

…wait. No. Not normal.

The spider, I mean.

Puzzled, Blaise looked out the window, searching for the terrorized eight-legged creature. However, it seemed like it had vanished completely.

"Weird." She mumbled, before turning around to continue her search for Peeves…

…who had been a few inches behind her.

"BOO!"                                    

*SPLASH*

~~~

Ginny Weasley had since long realized it had not been a good idea to separate. Or at least, it was not a good idea for her to go and wander in an area of the castle she had never visited before. She was thoroughly and completely lost, and for the first time since the start of the year, wished she'd stumble even on her brothers. Especially the twins; they knew the school like their pockets – and perhaps better – or so she heard the rumors claim.

With a sigh, the red-haired girl sat down on a low-set windowsill, letting her back rest against the reinforced window. She closed her eyes and accorded herself a stretch and a yawn---

*SPLASH*

And ended up with a mouthful of water…

~~~

"Where did he go?" Harry Potter wondered as she climbed yet another set of stairs. Usually, the size of Hogwarts made it a pleasure to explore. However, when searching for something or someone, it quickly became a handicap.

The animal menagerie following her was no help, either. Ron had discovered how to spin webs and was now doing his best to learn how to stop while trying to get his lower four legs to let go of it. Unfortunately, he had been on Hermione's back at the time, so the cat found herself with her back fur glued to the sticky thread. Xu had gone to help, but found herself unable to get off the solid and sticky problem. Ron's web was apparently very strong.

The result would have sent Harry into hysterics had she not been so furious.

'Separating was a bad idea.' She mused, frowning. 'I'd better get Blaise, Ginny and Draco before Peeves curses them, too.'

Ignoring Hermione's pained, whining meows, Harry turned the next corner without looking if there was something in the way.

A loud yelp came as her entire lower body came in contact with something furry, throwing off her balance and sending her sprawling on her back. Her wand was sent flying off, landing some distance ahead of her in a loud clatter.

Looking at what she had hit, she found herself face-to-face with the biggest dog she had ever seen. No. At that size, it could only be a wolf. It looked at her, yellow eyes unblinking, glittering with unknown intent, then, slowly, it got up, effortlessly pushing Harry's legs off its back in the process.

Harry had always had an aversion to dogs. Not surprising, after all, considering her "aunt" Marge's fascination for bulldogs or other aggressive species that liked nothing more than to try to eat him alive, or strand him up a tree until the latest ungodly hours of the day. She did not normally mind small dogs, whom she actually found sometimes cute. But big ones…

…and this one was the mother of all big dogs.

On her back, Harry flinched in fear. That monster was at least three-feet tall! And from the impact she felt when the wolf made a step forward, weighted a lot, too.

Its lips parted in an aggressive sneer. Its jaws opened. A row of impressive, white teeth appeared, along with a long, lolling, red tongue of something that had recently killed. Slowly, the mouth approached her head, apparently intent on crushing it and ending her life. Panicking, she flinched back until her back hit something. A metallic clang told her it was a statue. And the statue didn't seem too happy, either. Its metallic knees quaked with rust-squeaky clanking sounds.

'Oh merlin!!' She thought, looking at the approaching mouth. 'How the hell did that wolf get in here?!'

Thinking this would be her final thought, she closed her eyes…

*SLURP*

"GAK!!" The neo-girl shrieked, feeling the warm and wet contact of a tongue against her face. She tried to push the wolf away, but no avail. It was much too heavy.

That's when Harry noticed something; a whiff in the air.

It was the familiar aroma of strawberries, coming from the enormous canine's mouth.

"B-Blaise?!" She gasped in shock.

The girl-turned-wolf nodded, sitting down awkwardly. Now that she knew it was her friend, Harry could tell a few resemblances. The sneer he had seen on the wolf's lips was in fact a smirk, which he recognized, now. And the redness of the tongue was, she guessed, from the strawberry jam she had coated her ham with that morning. It had done a fearfully accurate impression of fresh blood, however.

Wiping her face with her sleeve then wiping the sleeve on the neo-wolf's fur coat, much to her annoyance, Harry got up, noting, with chagrin, that the she-wolf easily reached up to her chest.

"You do realize you scared the hell out of me." He noted flatly.

The wolf did not reply, but her tail twitched, as if it was just itching to wave and reveal her amusement. Scowling, Harry turned to the animal menagerie. All of them but Hermione were hidden behind the closest wall. The cursed cat's fur was puffed up in surprise and had apparently torn the spider threads apart, liberating the two smaller cursed students.

"Some friends you are." She sighed at Xu and Ron. The first looked ashamed – as ashamed as a Hamster could, that is – while the other didn't react. However, as reading facial expressions on a Spider is very hard, he could have been pulling his ton—pardon me–mandible at him, for all she knew. Hermione, on the other hand, had just torn herself from her frozen terror and gave a cattish smug look at the other two.

Xu scowled rather adorably. Ron… if he did something, it was unnoticeable. Perhaps he rolled his many eyes.

"Back to business." Harry sighed, turning to the wolf. "Can you find Draco and Ginny?"

The wolf gave her a "What do I look like, a search dog?!" look before sitting awkwardly on the cold stone tiles and shaking her head.

"W-Why?" The neo-girl asked, frowning. "Can't you use your nose or something?"

Blaise, for an answer, growled. The opening and closing of her impressive jaws proved she wanted to speak the human way, but unfortunately her body would not cooperate. For the first time, Harry felt grateful she hadn't got another – possibly more constricting – curse. At least she could still function normally, except in the bathroom.

"Oh… right, you'd need something of theirs…" Harry said, frowning. She had nothing of the sort on her. Possibly the only thing that had been given by someone else was her bandanna.

The cursed girl seemed to read his thoughts and let out a plaintive whine that sounded awfully authentic.

"Well, we'll have to look for them the old-fashioned way." The human sighed. This day was just getting better and better…

…perhaps if one was masochist.

~~~

"Misters Weasley, what in the world…?" was the only thing that came to Professor McGonagall's mind as she approached the scene, attracted by odd, sobbing sounds.

"We don't know!" One of them, whom she recognized as Fred from the way his ears were slightly wider than his brother's – after spending so much time with said ears listening to her rants about the importance of setting an example or of finally winning the cup from the Slytherins, one tends to notice things – declared.

"He just cracked as soon as he saw us!" The other, who was obviously George, added. "Poor git, think we've been too hard on him, Fred?"

"Definitely." Fred replied.

McGonagall blinked. She could have sworn the other twin's mouth hadn't moved. Shrugging at what was obviously one of their attempts at getting a rise out of a member of the staff like they seemed to like so much to do – much to her dismay – she went and pulled Filch off the ground. To her surprise, however, the man was shaking, shaking his head a muttering about "Four of 'em…"

"Four of what?"

"I think he means us." Four voices declared from all over the room, including behind two columns that she could not see before. There were, in fact, four twins.

"What… the…Blazes…"

~~~

Few floors above, a certain child-sized wolf sneezed loudly, lifting dust from the ground she had been sniffing, trying to catch a whiff of Draco's hair gel, which was, she guessed, the best way for her to find the aristocratic boy. In front of her, Harry was carrying Ron while Blaise had Xu on her back; because of their cursed form's diminutive sizes, could not quite keep up with the larger ones' paces. Hermione had stubbornly refused to be carried and looked like she was dearly regretting her decision, her long and rough tongue lolling as she panted in fatigue.

"Hey, look!" The only one able to talk said, pointing ahead, at an abandoned set of robes on the floor. Fearing the worst, the menagerie ran forwards.

The robes were quite obviously empty and bore the crest of Slytherin. Harry let out a sigh. Another of his friends had apparently been cursed and, if anything, it looked like another small curse. He was starting to lack room on her shoulders, and although she usually was not too bothered by spiders, Ron seemed to enjoy nothing more than to freak her out by trying to learn to walk on her face. Without much success; his legs kept slipping. Harry was eternally grateful.

Inspecting the robes further, she couldn't find anything else that would tell to whom they belonged.

"Any idea on who it is?" She asked Blaise, who shook her large head and shrugged, incidentally bobbing her whole body downwards in the process. Human movements were not made to be repeated in a wolf's.

"Meow." Hermione called as she strutted between them, walking to the robes. With a cautious and clawless paw, she turned over a sleeve and pointed at a dried spot of faded red on it, invisible against the black cloth apart from the few errand hair and dust that had glued on it. Curious, Harry brought the spot to her nose and sniffed.

"…Strawberry?" Harry asked, blinking and turning to Blaise, who shook her head, as if to say 'It's not mine'.

Ron's leg poked Harry's cheek. She ignored him.

"Meow!" Hermione called for attention again, huffing in a way much similar to her usual attitude, causing her fur to stand up and puff her shape until she looked like a large fur ball. More than she already did, anyway.

With her left paw, the girl-turned-cat slicked her hair backwards.

"Draco?" Harry guessed, suddenly remembering how, that morning, a piece of Blaise's jammed ham had been refused by Xu's stealth owl and stained the platinum-haired boy's robe. Once again, she marveled on how Hermione could remember so much information.

The cat nodded in reply, the left side of its chops lifting in what she supposed was a smirk. A smirk with sharp teeth and fangs that had Xu flinch away, obviously reminded of her current rodent status.

Ron's leg poked Harry's cheek again, harder. She, once again, ignored him.

"Great. He must have got himself cursed and ran off, trying to find us." The auburn-haired girl sighed. "Let's hope he hasn't turned into something too small… think there's a fly curse?"

Hamster-Xu shrugged, suddenly looking like something torn right out of a Doctor Doolittle movie.

Three of Ron's legs rammed against Harry's cheek. Irritated, she glared at the little arachnid.

"What do you want?"

For all answer, the spider pointed deeper down the hall with another of his legs. As much as he hated spiders, Ron was apparently getting used to controlling his new body.

Looking at the pointed direction, Harry found quite an unusual sight.

A fox and a ferret were apparently trying to pull a set of robes ahead. More precisely, the fox was trying to pull the robes while the ferret was trying to pull the fox away, without success. The former was quite larger than the latter.

Tentatively, Harry called: "Draco? Ginny?"

In order, the ferret and the fox looked up.

The latter had a bright, brilliant red fur that was typical to foxes, although not quite at that shade. Harry was almost tempted to call it orange. Its eyes were brown and had the same glittering quality as Ginny's. It was, quite obviously the Weasley girl, trying to pull her robes with her.

As for the former, the first thing that caught the eyes was the bright white fur coat and red eyes. Apparently, even if he was a rodent, he could not resist being unusual in his own way and pulled an act of albinism. Interesting tidbit, the fur on the top of the Ferret's head was carefully slicked back and obviously gelled. The result was very strange and altogether screamed out of Draco Malfoy.

Especially when said Malfoy spotted Harry's current 'complete-body-unintentional-drag-queen'istic predicament and burst out in mighty hysterics on a tone of voice worthy of a chipmunk.

"Har har, laugh it up, ferret." The neo-girl snapped irritatingly.

Taking her defense, Ginny strutted over to near Draco and sharply whacked the back of his head with a paw. He gave an irritated squeak that was most likely a protest. Grateful, Harry picked her up, noting that the fox pulled her tongue at the albino.

"We'd better find a teacher." She said, frowning. "They'll know some way to catch Peeves. Maybe they'll even know a cure."

The animals around her nodded in agreement. Not that, if they disagreed, they would have been able to voice their opinions.

"If anyone knows a cure, it's professor Snape." She added, thinking of the various odd substances in glass jars that were displayed in his office and classroom.

Again, none of them answered, but she noticed Hermione's fur began to stand on end, Blaise flinched – nearly throwing Xu off her back – and Ron's eight eyes might have widened in horror.

They did, after all, use spiders in their potions.

Blaise soon found, much to her dismay, the painful wonders of climbing down stairs on four legs. Hermione had smartly decided to get in Harry's arms, sandwiching Draco between herself and Ginny. The heir of the ferret fortune was apparently sulking, his long neck hanging down on Harry's baggy sleeve. He was, after all, the smallest, between the four of them.

As for Xu and Ron, they had decided to stay on Blaise, since Harry's arms were full. They were still trying to get those pesky solar systems doing the Macarena out of their visions when they reached the ground level of the castle.

'Professor Snape went with Professor Sprout to get ingredients for the mandrake restorative draught,' she reminded herself as they searched for a way out. 'It wasn't too long ago, so he's probably still near the greenhouses.'

A quick look at the windows later, she frowned. The wind was blowing hard, pushing clouds of icy cold snow all over the grounds. She couldn't see this, however, since the falling blizzard barely let her see the nearby north tower, from the top of which thick purple smoke was oozing.

In her distraction, she turned a corner and—

"Ooff!!"

--rammed into someone, sending herself falling on her butt, dropping the three cursed animals in her hands, causing indignant squeaks and barks.

'Great work, clumsy!' She chided herself. Seeking to apologize, she looked up… directly in the startled eyes of Professor Snape. A bag of herbs was floating behind him.

"Lily?!" He gasped.

Harry blinked. Did she really look that much like her mother? Shaking her head, she replied: "Wrong Potter."

Confused, the teacher's face froze, before turning into a frown of anger. "Who are you?"

"Harry Potter." She replied, slipping off her bandanna and showing her lightning-bolt scar as a proof. "We have a bit of a problem here."

"I… can see that." The teacher said, looking at the transformed students. "How did this happen?"

"Well, you see…" Harry put her bandanna back on and launched herself in a long explanation punctuated by agreeing barks, whines, squeaks and meows at key moments. When she was finished, Snape simply nodded.

"So your friends and yourself were transformed by Peeves, who is using highly dangerous cursed waters imported from China by Miss Chang, who is the hamster hiding behind your leg, Miss Potter?"

A startled and nervous squeak came from said rodent.

"Yes, and it's still mister Potter." She corrected a bit irritably.

"Pardon me." Snape said with a sigh, rubbing his temples with a hand, muttering to himself.

Harry was a bit surprised. She had expected more than simple comprehension from the teacher – perhaps doubt, perhaps surprise and at least a bit of suspicion. But he seemed to take it all in stride, as if such a thing was normal. Perhaps it was because her new form looked surprisingly like her mother used to, but she doubted it.

She also noticed he was deliberately avoiding looking directly in her hazel eyes.

"Well, I have no idea what the cure might be, but you were wise in coming to get me. The only solution would be to catch Peeves, but doing so requires special spells that are not yet taught at Hogwarts for reasons that I still ignore."

Harry nodded, wondering the same thing. If a spell to repel the Poltergeist was taught here, Peeves would be much less dangerous.

"In any case, I suggest you and—"

"Professor!" The familiar voice of Lockhart called. Harry saw Snape's hands clench and vanish underneath his long sleeves. The blonde was completely oblivious, running up to them, out of breath, but still managing a feeble grin. "Finally… caught up with you… blasted moving staircase… lost track—"

"Yes, a pity." The black-haired man retorted with dripping sarcasm.

Catching his breath, Lockhart grinned more strongly, plucking the floating bag from mid-air. "My offer still stands, Professor. I've made this potion hundreds of times, as I told you, and—"

"And I recall hearing that a certain third year Hufflepuff nearly knocked out my predecessor when messing up a simple Swelling Solution." He drawled in a way of strict refusal.

From the indignant and embarrassed blush appearing on Lockhart's face, Harry guessed who Snape had been talking about. She barely stifled a laugh.

Unfortunately, she did not stifle it enough, since Lockhart noticed her. "And who is this lovely young lady?"

Harry stopped laughing, a sudden chill coursing through her back.

"Um… uh…" She stuttered, not wanting him to know about this. It would be much, much too dangerous – imagine he decides he knows the cure?! "Ha…Hailey." She replied nervously.

"So nervous… Ah, yes, in awe of me, aren't you? Don't worry, I don't bite." He said while blinding Harry with his teeth. The neo-girl openly sneered, shuddering in disgust.

"The young lady you are talking about is actually Ha--- cursed male student."

The neo-girl felt very grateful that her teacher had not revealed her name.

The blonde blinked and looked closely at her, trying to guess who she was. Harry didn't let him, pulling her bangs down over her bandanna and looking away. With a sudden sound of realization, Lockhart pulled away.

"Ah yes, a Gender Bender malediction… I've seen one or two in my travels. Nasty thing, those, especially on someone as young as you." He declared, taking out his wand. "I know the cure—"

"IT'SOK!!" Harry quickly interrupted, not wanting to screw her chances of ever being a boy again. "I… uh… don't mind."

Chipmunk-style laughter informed him that Draco was now laughing his albino head off while rolling on the floor, along with a cute and indignant bark from Ginny who was, once again, defending her. Hermione let out a meow that sounded very much like her trademark: "Honestly…"

Lockhart blinked, oblivious, and shrugged, pocketing his wand.

"It's your choice, girl. It's your choice."

Harry resisted the urge to do the unmanly action digging her knee in the fool's groin. It was a close call, though. Draco's laughter reached another level of squeakiness his tiny paws rolled up into makeshift fists and hitting the floor in hilarity, at least until Ginny put a clawed paw on his tail, causing the laughs to turn into a pained squeak. The little orange fox couldn't do a thing about the huge wolf literally howling in laughter, however.

"And the others? More cursed students?" The blonde professor asked, pointing at the various animals.

Blaise stopped laughing immediately. Draco paled further. Xu scampered behind the wolf's paw, imitated by Ron, who tripped on a bunch of his legs and fell flat on his face, although it wasn't really noticeable. Ginny let out a yelp and took a step back, tail between her legs, apparently forgetting she was a fox and not a dog. As for Hermione, she looked down at the floor. Had she been human, she would have blushed in embarrassment.

"We have an expert on transfiguration in this school; I was simply bringing them to her." Snape lied smoothly, apparently not wanting his students to be turned into platypuses either.

"Anything she can do, I can as well!" Lockhart said, grinning and taking out his wand…

…just as a sinister cackling came. A very familiar cackling, echoing between the cold stone walls and into their ears.

"Peeves!" She gasped, spotting the Poltergeist approaching quickly, his arms full of buckets, evidently full of cursed waters, some of them dripping.

Snape's wand was out of his sleeve in an instant – Harry hadn't even seen him move – and pointed at Peeves. Lockhart was gaping, apparently trying to decide whether to hide or run away.

"Phasma Funis!" Snape cast loudly. A long, transparent rope whipped out of his wand, heading straight for the Poltergeist, who had to flip out of the way to dodge it, accidentally sending an armful of buckets falling all over the floor in a loud metallic clang, harmlessly emptying their content all over the floor.

With his free hand, Peeves grabbed the first bucket on his other arm and launched it toward the two adults, while the various cursed students ducked for cover behind the nearest obstacle they could find – in some cases, each other.

Snape lifted his wand and quickly cast a shielding charm, but Lockhart was nowhere as lucky. Gaping like a fish out of water, his face like a deer's in the headlights, he stood stupidly, wand in his hand but inactive, as the water approached… and drenched him from head to toe. His purple robe folded in on itself, shrinking until it was barely two feet tall. The shield around the black-haired professor flickered brightly, almost blindingly, as if it was having difficulty stopping the highly cursed fluid.

And Peeves flew away, cackling madly. Quickly, Snape took aim.

"Reducto!"

The spell took form of a bright blue lightning bolt that moved blindingly fast – even someone who knew it was coming would have no chance of dodging it. Unfortunately, it didn't hit Peeves.

"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me!" The Poltergeist mock-chanted, patting his butt and pulling his tongue at a… smirking Snape.

"I most certainly did not miss." He said, pointing the buckets.

"Eh?"

One of the buckets was shining a brilliant yellow color, as if it was being super-heated, and shaking violently with increasing intensity, sending dangerous drops falling to the floor.

"Oh fu—" Was all he could say before it brilliantly exploded, splashing the walls, the floor, the ceiling and Peeves himself with its water. In his shock, his let go of the other buckets, which fell to the floor with a loud clatter, spilling their content harmlessly. A drenched shape fell to the floor in a dull and floppy thud.

For a moment, there was stunned silence. Even Snape was stumped.

"…Xu, you said each spring had something that drowned in it, right?" Harry asked, giving the Hamster hiding in Blaise's mane a look.

She nodded in answer.

"Then explain to me how a squid can drown!" She asked, pointing at Peeves' new shape, who was flailing his new tentacles pitifully, as if wondering how to control them; two of them even rammed into his squishy body accidentally.

Xu shrugged and shook her furry, mustached head, indicating she had no idea either.

"He did not have the box." Snape noted. "He must have left it somewhere behind, probably empty. With a little luck, he left the bags in it."

"He left a trail, too." Harry noted, pointing at the drips that had leaked from the top of the buckets and formed a trail on the floor. Snape nodded.

 "Meow?" They heard Hermione call as she prodded the bundle of purple robes that were Lockhart's with a clawless paw.

Curious of what Lockhart had turned into, Harry went to peek through the neck hole, but a long, light brown furred hand came out before she could make a step. Slowly, Lockhart's new form peeled the robes off him, revealing…

…a small, light brown furred, blue-eyed monkey.

With a dramatic gesture, Lockhart wiped his forehead with an arm twice longer than usual, giving a grin that was rather terrifying with his monkeyish mismatched teeth.

"Woo?" He asked, looking at their stunned faces, wondering why they were looking at him like that.

Then, he looked down at the path of water on the floor.

"WOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Few minutes later, with a levitated and tied up Peeves in the lead, trailed by the Poltergeist's levitator, Snape, the group was following the path of drips in the corridors. Once or twice, they had to find some way around a wall or a floor that the ghost had passed through. Twice, they found themselves backtracking up the trail – he had taken a random course, making it hard to know which way was the right one upon reaching the path again.

As they reached the sixth floor, however, they stumbled on not two, but four distraught-looking Weasley twins, who were followed by a small brown bulldog with small square glasses on its snout.

"Professor!" All four said at the exact same time, causing a confusing effect of stereo, identical distraught and scared expressions on their faces – probably from stumbling on the one teacher that was likely to be given the award for the highest number of point loss to Gryffindor.

"What in the… you have been cursed as well?!" Snape said, looking at them. "And who is the dog?"

Said canine growled angrily at Snape, eyes thinning in a familiar-looking glare.

"Ah, never mind. I have my answer." Snape said with a small smirk. "Aren't you a cat, usually, Professor?"

Harry blinked in surprise, looking more closely at the dog. Sure enough, if one looked for them, there were few similarities between the dog and McGonagall, the most obvious one being the ugly mass of fur set in an attempt of a loose bun on the back of her head. The glasses were hers as well, although on a much smaller scale. She had probably shrunk them or transfigured a new pair on the spot to be able to see – that is, if the cursed animals could do magic.

Meanwhile, the twins had since long seen them and were now trying to guess who was who. Strangely enough, they found Ron on the first try, especially when the little spider attempted to show them a fist. Hermione was also easy to guess, mostly because her hair was as puffy as her hairball-cursed form's fur.

When they saw Harry, however, they had a bit more difficulty.

"Never seen her around here before," One of them said as all four inspected her closely, looking directly in her face. Flinching away, Harry lowered her bangs over her bandanna, hoping they wouldn't see it…

…forgetting that trying to hide something while someone is looking is a sure-fire way of getting it found.

"…POTTER?!" One of the four exclaimed, blinking.

Harry allowed herself an irritated groan as the Weasley quadruplets burst out laughing.

Meanwhile, Snape had effortlessly picked up bulldog!McGonagall, causing her to growl in embarrassment. Her new shape was only about one foot long, white with black spots, compactly built with a tiny, almost absent tail.

"Was Peeves carrying a box when he cursed you?" He asked.

The dog gave him a look, before shaking her head.

"That means the box is further down the trail." He concluded. "Which way did he come from?"

McGonagall nudged her muzzle at the right, where the trail continued and turned a corner. Nodding, he set her down on the floor on all fours and started to walk, signaling for the others to follow him, which they did.

"How did you get your hair so so~ft!" One of the Freds or Georges teased Harry in a high-pitched tone.

"My, how much did your dress cost you?" Another added in the same tone.

Harry sneered and almost noted out loud that they were dressed similarly, but another twin had interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey, what's a cute girl like you doin' all alone like this?" He asked with a false and exaggerated "macho-on-the-hunt" air.

Harry flinched, this time. She really hoped she'd get cured; she didn't want to end up having to handle that. Ginny seemed to agree with him, as she leaped from the ground to Blaise's back, and up directly in one of her brothers' face, growling cutely all the way.

"A Feisty Fox, that." One of the quadruplets noted.

"Temper, red-hair and Harry-worship problem," Another listed with a smirk, "that's Ginny."

The twin currently on the ground had lifted the fox off his face, and was now smirking.

"What would mom think about this? I mean… you turning into a fox and all—" He was interrupted with said canine planted her teeth in his thumb, causing him to let go and release the cursed girl, who in turn bounced on his face before striding victoriously away from her bothers.

"If you are quite finished with this idiocy," Snape icily stated, "you would know that I have found the box."

Hopeful, Harry turned to him. Sure enough, in his left hand was a familiar purple box with torn duct tape around it. The lid was missing and, inside, there were a dozen of empty Instant Jusenkyo powder bags.

It was over; they were going to be cured.

~~~~

"I hate Chinese." Harry sighed as she sat down on a chair, in Professor Snape's potion classroom. Around her, the animals bore the same despaired and hopeless looks. Xu looked quite frustrated, standing as she was on top of Snape's desk.

The inscriptions holding the secret of the cure for the instant Jusenkyo powder were on the back of the bags, indeed. However, the only person able to read them was Xu, simply because it was all in Chinese. And since none of them were Hamstermouths, there was no way for the girl to tell them how.

"Maybe miss Chang can still show us the cure," Snape said, taking out a piece of parchment, a quill and an inkpot. Understanding what he wanted, Xu revealed her impressive rodent teeth in a smile.

Unfortunately, as soon as he opened the inkpot, the Asian hamster gagged, covering her nose. Blaise did as well, her tail going between her legs with enough force to sent Ginny, who had been underneath her, tumbling forward, falling on top of Draco. However, Blaise didn't fall on her back in a faint.

"Xu?" Harry asked, poking the hamster-cursed girl, who didn't react.

"The smell must have been too strong for her." Snape supposed, frowning.

"Great job," One of the quadruplets chimed. "You just knocked out our translator."

"Five points from Gryffindor for your insolence, Weasley." The teacher noted in an absent voice, as if removing points from them had become an instinct for him. "I guess there's only one thing left for me to do."

"Which is…?" Another twin asked.

"Find the antidote myself." He said, browsing through the bags. Unfortunately, all of them were empty and, therefore, useless. "That bloody Poltergeist! He wasted it all!"

"Perhaps you could have tried a translation spell against the back of the bags, Severus." A familiar voice said as Albus Dumbledore walked in, some snowflakes still hanging too his white beard. "The nature of some oriental magicks can be as different from ours as night and day."

"Professor, Peeves—"

"I am aware of the situation, thank you, Severus." He said while picking up one of the bags. With one hand, he re-adjusted his glasses and read.

"You can read Chinese, sir?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Nope," Dumbledore said, before pointing at another set of symbols underneath. The other set was less fancy than the first, with some of them formed of only one or two twisted lines. "I can read Japanese, however, thanks to my miko friend and that half-demon husband of hers."

"Oh." Harry wittingly stated, thoroughly lost. The look on Snape's face was no less confused.

"Does it say what the cure is?" She asked.

"Indeed." Dumbledore said, smiling at her and pointing at two symbols. "Atsumi. Hot water reverses it. It says that the Instant Jusenkyo powders give one-time only curses. Therefore, you will not turn into a girl again, Harry."

After spluttering at being discovered so quickly, Harry felt an instant feeling of giddy relief. The cure had been so simple! At any time, anyone of them could have just turned on the tap and turned back to their normal shapes. In her glee, she let out a sound; a high-pitched, musical laugh that was not meant to be done by males.

Horrified, Harry gasped: "I did not just giggle!!"

More chipmunk and wolfish laughter came to her ears to answer her, much to her embarrassment.

"Well then, here's your antidote." Snape took out his wand and, suddenly, a spray of hot water, causing everyone to return to their original shapes. Unfortunately, except for Harry and the quadruplets, none of them had been wearing any clothes at the time.

Xu instantly woke up and shrieked, stumbling off the desk and landing in a heap on the floor.

Ginny blushed so red her hair seemed to turn pale.

Ron's language gained a few colors, while his face and ears favored red.

Draco simply blinked, already halfway hidden by a desk.

Blaise ducked behind the open door.

Peeves quickly escaped through the roof, fully clothed, thankfully.

Lockhart grinned hesitatingly and hid himself behind the teacher's desk.

Hermione gawped in the direction of the teacher's desk with an expression of disappointment on her face while mumbling about shorter than believed objects, before she "eep!"ed and covered herself with her hands.

McGonagall quickly turned into a cat to spare herself the embarrassment.

Harry laughed his head off.

So did the quadruplets

…Eh?

"Oops, I seem to have been missing some details…" Dumbledore noted, eyes twinkling in amusement, while waving his wand and causing robes to appear in thin-air. He then turned toward the four twins, who were looking at each other with grins on their faces. "And what do we have here?"

"Spring of drowned twins is different," Xu replied while pulling on her robes over her head. "Need skin contact with other self while hot water touch."

"And how would you know?" Snape asked, giving her a look. "I seem to remember someone didn't know about the cures beforehand."

Xu took the bag she had been reading as a hamster. "That Shuanshontsuniichuan, spring of drowned twins powder. It what hit them. Says cure on back."

"So now we only have to tell which ones are Freds and which ones are Georges." Ron said, fully clothed.

"I'm Fred." One of them said.

"Uh? I thought you were George!" another said, looking at him.

"I'm not George, you are!" The first said.

"No I'm not." The second corrected.

"We're both Georges." A third one said, pointing at the fourth and himself.

"Uh? I'm not George." The fourth said.

"Well, I'm not Fred." The second one said.

"Did you say you weren't George?" The third one asked him.

"Yeah," The second one replied with a grin and a wink, "so what?"

"Then who are you?" The first one asked.

"I'm Gred." The second replied.

"And I'm Forge." The fourth quipped.

"Oh stop it!" Ginny snapped, walking up to them, dividing them in pairs of two and forcing each pairs to take their hands while glaring at each of them.

"Freds," She glared at the right, "And Georges," this time at the left, "If you don't stop playing around like this, I'm gonna tell mum and you'll be sorry!"

The four gawped at her and didn't react when Snape launched more hot water at them. Two of the twins vanished in a puff of smoke, their clothes falling to the floor and transfiguring back into stones in the process.

"How…" Fred started,

"Could…" George continued,

…and the two waited, before blinking and looking about, as if trying to find their "twins" to finish their sentence. When they saw they were cured, they gave a groan and clicked their fingers in disappointment.

"How did you guess?" Harry asked, impressed. 

"You have no idea how much trouble one can avoid if they know how to tell them apart." Ginny replied. "Besides, I'm their favorite sister… not that they have a choice."

"If that is all," Snape loudly said, "I'd like to have my classroom back."

"And forty points from Slytherin for bringing such dangerous materials in the school, Chang!" McGonagall snapped angrily as she strode out the door, followed by a Lockhart who, for once in his life, was not wearing something in colors that would have been welcome in a hippie convention, but not anywhere else.

Harry winced, turning to Blaise as they left the room. "I think that gets us behind Ravenclaw."

The girl nodded while Draco smirked. "We'll just have to make Ravenclaw lose a few points once the students come back."

"Miss Chang," They heard Snape call from inside the classroom to the girl following them.

"Y-Yes?" She asked nervously.

"For giving me the pleasure of seeing Lockhart turned into a baboon, forty points to Slytherin."

Xu grinned and nodded. "Xiexie ni, Professor!"

~~~~

 "So, what do you all think?"

Hermione's question broke the silence that came over the assembled students as they rested from the day's events in their usual disused classroom. Ron wasn't there, having high-tailed it away from Hermione, Harry, Blaise, Ginny, Draco and especially Xu, as if she still had a bit of Zhizhunichuan water to use on him. It was the first time the Chinese girl entered their hanging out spot. She didn't seem very impressed, though. Unsurprising, considering the only decorating they had done was dropping a Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean or Chocolate frog box on the floor every now and then.

"It was fun," Ginny said, her hand digging into Blaise's bag of every flavor beans while the older girl wasn't looking, "except when I turned into a fox."

"Can no believe there spring of drowned hamster." Xu muttered darkly.

 "Being a girl sucked." Harry put in flatly, before glaring at Draco's snicker. "What about you, Ferret?"

"I'll agree with you, but not on the sucking part." He replied with a teasing grin, causing Harry to groan in annoyance. "I never want to be a Ferret again in my life." He gave a derisive snort. "Then again, what are the odds…"

"Being a wolf was weird… I felt like some werewolf," Blaise said with a shudder, foolishly popping a bean in her mouth without sampling it. A second later, she winced at the taste and expertly spat it out, hitting the side of the trash can, adding another colorful decoration to the floor. "Ew, doggie treat."

"I say it was… interesting. And quite educative." Hermione noted.

"You would find something educative in being turned into a cat." Draco drawled lazily.

Glaring at him, she continued: "I wonder in which way being an Animagus is different from the instant Jusenkyo powder…"

"Ani what?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"A wizard that turns into an animal at will… kind of like McGonagall." Draco replied, stealing one of Blaise's beans, to her annoyance. It was red, too. "Maybe you could ask her, Granger."

"I no think she want be reminded." Xu said, blushing. "I very sorry. No think stupid tricky ghost steal box."

"Forgiven," Ginny said, grinning and patting her friend in the back.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "We did see Lockhart turned into his true self, thanks to you."

Ginny, Blaise and Draco snorted and Xu blushed at that, while Hermione huffed in anger.

"It wasn't funny! What if the cure had been harder to find? Would you imagine spending the rest of the school year as a girl, Harry?"

'Below the belt…' Harry winced.

"And what was that Professor Lockhart said, lovely lady?" Hermione added, causing Harry to glare at her.

"We're being a bad influence on her." Blaise noted, eyeing the bushy-haired girl's victorious grin.

"What was your first clue?" Draco asked, munching on the bean he had snitched. It tasted like chicken. 'Course, he didn't really know what it was, but as long as it tasted fine… right…?

~~~~

Somewhere deep in the confines of the school, in a certain dungeon classroom, Professor Snape was doing something that was perhaps his trademark to anyone who wasn't a Slytherin. He scowled. And the person he was scowling at had been a Gryffindor, over a century ago, that is.

"You knew what was happening." It was not a question, nor was it an accusation.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Perhaps I did, perhaps I did not. What are your proofs?"

"You leave suddenly just as miss Chang gets her box, letting Peeves have his way around the school. I know you have the owls she receives filtered, and you probably have asked her mother about Jusenkyo. You walk in the school just when it's all over and we seek the cure, you head directly in my classroom even though nobody saw us go there to tell you and the only ones that could have 'informed you of the situation' were myself and Mister Potter, and neither of us had seen eye or beard of you for the whole day. Is that enough?"

"Hmm… your evidence is pretty circumstantial," Dumbledore replied with a bright twinkle in his eyes. "but I admit that yes, I knew. It was a very entertaining day, wasn't it?"

Stumped, Snape could do nothing more than stare at the old man, having expected any other answer but that.

"Why?" He simply asked, mostly because it was the only thought in his mind at the moment.

The old man grinned. "That… is a secret."

Snape's stared turned into an annoyed glare. "Oh stop that. Please. The last thing I want is for him to—"

"I assure you, last I heard, he was currently far away, in every possible sense." Dumbledore replied, eyes twinkling merrily. "Besides, you have to admit that he certainly brought a ray of life to the castle."

"He conned Lily into dancing in a black and yellow mini-skirt on the Gryffindor table, Dumbledore. She was so humiliated she didn't come out of her dorms for a week, until Zabini got fed up and blasted the door to dust. I hardly call that bringing life anywhere."

Snape could have sword Dumbledore's lips twisted into an honest smirk. "I seem to recall a certain Slytherin boy cheering her along…"

"Shut up." He muttered, hoping his blush wasn't too apparent. From the infuriating way Dumbledore chuckled, he guessed it was.

Damnit. It was little wonder why You-know-who wanted to kill that man.

Fortunately, Dumbledore complied, simply staring at the younger teacher, who had picked up the box and bags and thrown them in the fire. For fifteen full minutes, neither of them moved. It was something of a private game between the two of them. The goal was not to be the first one to speak. And while Snape was a patient man, there was hardly any day he won.

And this day was no different.

With a sigh, Snape rubbed his temples in defeat, before giving the old man a glare. "Is there anything you wish to add?"

"I am not one of your students you can dismiss at any time, Severus." Dumbledore reminded good-naturedly. "I did, however, notice something."

An eyebrow lifted on Severus' face.

"She looked a lot like her, didn't she."

It wasn't a question, and there was no need to point out names.

Severus nodded with a sigh. "I've noticed… but…"

"But…?" Dumbledore pressed.

"But she had his blasted eyes!" Severus snapped angrily, his hand clenching in a fist. "What is it with that boy and reminding me of that?! Even when he's not in his own body, he does!"

"He is their child," Dumbledore replied calmly. "And he acts more like the two of them every day. More her than him, though. He was never one for thinking things through."

Snape let out a snarl and stubbornly turned to the fireplace, in which the box had begun to lose its shape. For a moment, both men looked at the dancing flames, silent. The game had started anew, on a common and unheard signal. Without a sound, the Potion master took a poker and moved one of the logs, causing brilliant sparks to flood upwards.

The crackling of the fire seemed to intensify from the silence, as if it was trying to fill up the air with as much sound as it could, to make up for their own quietness. A long, twisted red flame licked against the blackened cardboard, shriveling it up further and peeling the purple paper away.

"Now that you have made your peace with the past," Dumbledore broke the silence, just loud enough to be heard over the soft blowing roar of the fire, "you'll have to let go of it, Severus."

Before walking through the door, though, he gave a final look at the younger teacher, over his shoulder. "Just remember, my tower is always open."

Few minutes later, Severus Snape was in his classroom, with no other company than the burning logs and slowly vanishing purple duct-taped box and the remains of empty instant Jusenkyo bags. He had won that game, yet he knew that, in the end, he had been beaten.

He gave a dry chuckle. Only Dumbledore could do something like that. Perhaps this lesson, perhaps the adventures of the day had been the old man's carefully manipulated plan, simply to give him this message…

…or, more likely, their headmaster was going senile in his old age.

Author's notes:

*Clears throat* Here we go:

Jusenkyo: "The springs of Sorrow", taken directly out of Ranma ½. So sue me. Actually, don't, please. It is a very remote Martial Arts training ground, stuck in western China, in the Himalayas, filled with small springs of water. Each of the springs has a "very tragic story" of something that drowned in it.

Examples are: Girl, Boy, Cat, Panda, Pig, Duck, twins, Ashura, Akane (Later), Yeti-riding-bull-carrying-crane-and-eel (Imagine a big Minotaur with wings and an eel-tail.), Virtuous man, and Octopus (Yes, that's actually a Canon spring, lol).

Should a living being fall into the spring or get hit by spring water (Even fishes), they become cursed to turn into whatever drowned in it with a splash of cold water. The cure is hot water, at least until cold water catches you again. With it comes an extreme case of "law of Murphy"; it turns the cursed people into literal water magnets, be it hot or cold.

It is a Fanon theory (Pointed out by the fact that Female Ranma and his mother are very similar) that the curses turn you into what you would have been if you had been born a Panda, Girl, Boy, Cat or whatever. Often, the cursed forms have similarities to their original. (Shampoo, who has purple hair, is a lavender cat. Mousse, who is nearly blind, turns into a duck with glasses (although he could very well sprout those glasses out of his feathers like all of his hidden weapons))

Instant Jusenkyo powder: Small bags of dried dirt taken from the bottom of the springs. Just add water, and you have a hand held, one-time-only curse. Or cure, in Ranma's case. ^_-

The canons: My rule is: If it doesn't go against the canons, I can do what I want. So, I did. Sue me.

Fun writing this: Yes, definitely!! ^_^

Snape's spell, Phasma Funis, means Ghost rope in Latin.

A miko is a Priestess, or a shrine maiden.

The thing on the spring of the drowned twins needing contact… well, we don't really know, do we? All it did was double a lump on Happosai's head (for those who've seen the series. For those who don't, be thankful you don't know Happosai. Just be wary for old bra/panties stealing 1 foot tall old perverts and their war-cries of "Sweeto!". Who knows, maybe he's at your door… *cough* erm… never mind about that, got carried away *sweatdrop*

ANSWERS TO THE SPRING OF THE DROWNED HIPOPPOTAMUS -DUCK-OPPOSOM-PLATYPUS INSTALLED JUST UNDER THE REVIEWERS' HOUSE: 

VMorticia: Yup, bartenders. They make excellent blunt weapons. Well, like they say: For every rule, there's a loophole ^_-. And UGH!! I sounded like LOCKHART?! You could have said that in the beta T_T!! Well how about this! Lockhart, monkey!! *smirk* hehe, Tough. Damn right, I'm good. Neko-Mione! ^_- And about the purple hair, that… is a secret. -_^

RaistlinofMetallica: Hehe, damn right!

Ran Hoshiro: I? Related to the fat fool, the hag or my third cousin sixty-two times removed Tatewaki Kuno? Nay! :P Anyways. Thanks, ^_-

MerlinHalliwell: It was rather tough at times… every time he talked to Nemesis in public, I had to make Blaise and Draco argue or something. *sigh*

Blackheart Syaoran: Is this one interesting? :P

Flummox: Not my idea, that stupid bartender… Glad you liked it ^_-. And as for the secret "L" person, well… that's a secret, but you were wrong, wrong and wrong ^_-. By the way, it would be "Gumoken".

Dragonprincess: I recommend a good dose of "Crucio", then maybe "Furunculous" mixed with a skin-burning hex. It makes them scream so beautifully ^_-. Yup, exactly for that reason! ^_- 

ZeonReborn: Heh…

A.J.D'Angelo: Eavesdropping on my other review responses, eh? Well, thanks.

BF110C4: Hehe… Very true, he would make my life hell, wouldn't he… ah, damn, there's a fifteen feet tall giant with a big nasty club behind me… a sword hanging above me, about to be cut loose… AHHHHH!!! A LAWYER!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

Simply Myself: Like you said, the curses are picked by Peeves (And myself) and what they turn into is not their choice (Or spirit animals). Heh, wish I had thought of that outtake a chapter earlier ^_-.

Neo-Slytherin: *winces and rubs ears* ouch… How about the monkey curse and the cat's tongue point? ^_-

Darkangel 2002: Nemesis is a good name for a pet ^_-. Pity our family dog was already named when we got him… *smirk* 'course, at his size, he wouldn't be nemesis of anything except maybe flies (Or squirrels. *Snicker* inside joke, sry). Glad to have you hooked, I daresay that's my goal ^_-

Next chapter is dedicated to whoever correctly finds all the anime cameos in this chapter along with, if applicable, the characters who talk! Good luck!