Chapter 6 – Common Side Effects Include…
She didn't jump at the slightest noises anymore, but she still looked scared. Olivia saw it in her hesitation, the slight clench of her jaw. A part of it was also anger, and Olivia was glad to see Serena with her hackles up. If she wanted to fight back, it was better to be mad as hell than paralyzed by fear. "We have uniforms posted in your neighborhood. They know what to look for," said Olivia. She parked the car in front of Serena's building and turned off the engine.
Serena nodded absently, but didn't get out of the car. Her eyes automatically went to Brian's empty apartment, where the windows were still dark. He could be squatting out of sight, waiting for her to go to sleep, and she wouldn't know. She would wake up and he would be standing over her—Serena clenched her hands into fists and took a deep breath to head off the hyperventilation she knew was near.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay? Should I call your parents?" asked Olivia, who also saw the warning signs.
"No," said Serena automatically. She hadn't called her parents for help for almost twenty years. "I just can't—I don't—" She rested her head against the cold passenger side window, jaw working silently.
"Hey, it's okay," said Olivia, taking Serena's left hand and squeezing lightly. "Do you want me to take you to a friend's place?"
"No, it's late. I don't want to bother them."
"Is there anyone else, then?" Olivia asked very gently.
Serena shook her head and, after a moment, leveled gazes with the other woman. "So you think he's going to try to contact me again?"
"I'd bet on it," confirmed Olivia.
"Tonight?"
Olivia hesitated to give a definite answer. "We don't know. He's demonstrated that he's able to wait, and that he's been planning for this for a while. Detectives Munch and Tutuola are tracking him down now, but—" Her phone started jangling. She held up an apologetic hand. "Benson."
"It's Munch. Thought you'd want to know we followed the little fink to a dive in Harlem."
Munch's tone was drier than usual. Olivia flicked a glance at Serena. "Is he in custody?"
"I'm afraid not. He had some elaborate escape system set up; went up the garbage chute to the roof. We did find his computer, though. The tech guys have a lot to look forward to, if the wallpaper featuring our lovely ADA is any indication."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "Thanks, John."
Serena looked at her expectantly. "They found him, didn't they?"
Olivia winced. "They were able to follow him home, but he managed to escape." Olivia continued , trying to compensate for Serena's rapidly darkening expression. "He's on the run. He doesn't have many more resources. We'll get him."
"But he's still out there, and now he's probably more desperate than ever." Serena laughed humorlessly and slumped in her seat, one hand reaching languidly for the seat belt release, the other already opening the door.
Olivia made up her mind; she started the car and Serena took her hand off the door handle. "Where are we going?"
"Somewhere safe." Traffic was light, and they reached Olivia's neighborhood inside of twenty minutes.
"Who lives here?" asked Serena, looking puzzled.
"I do," said Olivia. She got out, ushered Serena up to the second floor, shouldered open the door to her apartment. "Come on in. It's not the Upper East Side, but I manage." There was little clutter, and less mess. She spent so much of her time at work these days that she didn't have time to dirty up her apartment, save a few dishes in the sink.
"You'll have to remind me. Is this usually how protective custody works?" Serena asked, entering the apartment with slow steps.
Olivia quirked a smile at the ADA. "That's the painkillers talking."
"It's highly likely," agreed Serena. She shrugged off her coat, carefully sliding her right hand through the sleeve, and dumped her bag on the floor to the door. Nothing was broken, but she'd have to do a lot of things left-handed for the next few days. Writing up briefs all night long was out of the question; the painkillers were already making her drowsy. She swayed on her feet, a move that didn't escape Olivia's notice.
"You look like you're about to fall over," she observed.
"Also highly likely," said Serena. She was already leaning against the wall in an effort to stay upright.
"Come on," said Olivia. She put an arm around Serena's waist, draped Serena's arm around her neck, kicked the door shut, and managed to get the blonde into the bedroom. Serena fell onto the mattress in an uncoordinated jumble, half-dragging Olivia with her. Olivia pulled off Serena's shoes, then dragged the sheets up from the edge of the bed where she had kicked them several days ago and covered Serena up to the chest. "Good night, counselor," she whispered.
"Where're you sleeping?" asked Serena unexpectedly.
Olivia stopped in the doorway, silhouetted by light from the living room. "The couch and I are old friends," she said.
Serena blinked in the darkness. "Don't wanna be an inconvenience," she said with a yawn.
"It's my job to make sure you're safe," said Olivia, smoothing Serena's hair.
"'M safe while you're here," Serena mumbled into Olivia's pillow. It smelled like shampoo, something sweet Serena couldn't place. She was too tired to try to remember.
Olivia had a few arguments otherwise—I couldn't even save Alex—but she could see the younger woman was fast approaching unconsciousness. "I'll be here until you fall asleep, okay?"
"Kay."
Olivia grabbed her pajama pants and left the door slightly cracked. She stripped down to her tank top, pulled on the comfortable cotton pants, and settled onto her couch for a restless night. She had just managed to fit her frame to the cushions in a way that was remotely comfortable when she heard muffled whimpering. She rolled off the couch, hit the floor running, and burst into her bedroom, where Serena was jerking fitfully under the sheets.
"Serena." Olivia turned on the bedside lamp.
Serena made a strangled, sobbing noise and started to cry in her sleep, the tears falling into her hair.
Olivia rubbed Serena's arm and said her name again, louder. "Serena. It's only a dream. Wake up."
Serena opened her eyes; they roved around the unfamiliar room frantically before locking on Olivia. She instinctively held her arms out, wrapped them around Olivia's neck. She had woken up almost every night like this, crying and afraid and terrifyingly alone. With Olivia just a room away, she had been sure she would finally be able to make it through the night, but the dream had been the same. She had been trapped in a suffocating darkness and rough hands had been touching her all over. She had heard his panting, felt the painful tug of his hand in her hair.
This time, though, Olivia was here, and she buried her face in Olivia's neck and kept crying. She had been coping for so long and it finally felt right to break down, to let herself be weak, if only for a moment. Between her mother's fretting and her father's distance, she hadn't even realized that she needed a release this badly.
"Please don't leave me alone," Serena begged in between sobs, aware of how needy she sounded but not caring. She knew intuitively that Olivia Benson would help her exorcise her demons every step of the way, and for the first time in a long while, she didn't mind asking.
"I'm here," Olivia soothed. She held on, letting Serena draw all the comfort she needed from the physical contact. She stroked the younger woman's hair until the wracking sobs became quiet sniffling, and then uneven breathing. Gingerly, she pulled away, looked down at the blonde. "I'll be right back," she said.
Emotionally and physically exhausted, Serena simply let her head fall back on Olivia's soft pillows.
The detective returned with a glass of water and a damp washcloth. She wiped the silvery tear tracks from Serena's face, gave her the water, and sat patiently on the side of the bed while Serena composed herself. "Better?" she asked after a few minutes.
"Yes. Thank you," Serena said hoarsely.
"Try and sleep." Olivia clicked off the lamp and started to get up, but felt a light hand fall on her knee.
"I'm…sorry. Could you please…could you please stay with me for a while?"
"Sure," said Olivia after a moment. She made her way to the other side of the bed, lay down lightly on top of the covers. Serena settled down and fell asleep in short order, eventually curling up on her side. Olivia waited until the blonde's respiration took on the telltale characteristics of deep sleep before getting up. But when she started to slide off the mattress, Serena twitched, as if sensing the movement. She muttered something incomprehensible and rolled towards the center of the bed. One arm instinctively snaked around Olivia's waist, like a child hugging a stuffed toy in her sleep.
Great, thought Olivia. Where's my teddy bear?
Unable to see a way out, she resigned herself to the situation and closed her eyes, soon falling asleep.
