I opened the door to Heather's apartment and walked in slowly, closing the door without
turning around. It was dead quiet. I could still see marks left from before. Slight
fingernail rips on the wallpaper, fragments of a vase, fallen chairs. I took a deep breath
and knocked at Heather's door. "Keep it calm, keep it quiet." There was no answer. I spoke
up. "Heather, it's me, please open the door. I waited, still no answer. "She must be scared
out of her mind right now, every right to be." "Heather, please, it's me Kyle, let me in."
Heather still didn't reply. "Please, Heather, just open the door." I know she must be too
scared to speak; this won't go anywhere. I have to see if she's ok, I have to get in. I put
my shoulder on the door and started to shove at it. The lock must have been weak, because it
gave away quickly.
The door swung open and hit the wall. There was no light at all in the room, save for some
shining in the entrance, lighting up a small section of her room. It was enough for me to
catch a glimpse of Heather. She was huddled against the wall, her knees brought up to her
chest. She was peering at me from behind them; not a sound was heard from her. "God she
looks terrible." I reached out my hand. "Heather…" Before I could finish she stood up and
staggered towards me quickly.
She then threw her arms around me, enough force to shove me back a little. She held her head
over my shoulder. She wasn't crying, but she was holding on to me pretty hard. I could
barely move myself from her grip. I held her close; she then loosened a little bit. She
still hadn't said a word. I didn't like this silence, not at all. I let go, although she
still was clung to me. I tried to step back, but she wouldn't loosen up, I couldn't believe
the strength she had. I looked over at her; she had her cheek pressed against my shoulder
now, looking into my eyes.
"Don't leave." She said it with force, but quietly. "Kyle, don't leave me." I didn't know
what to say, she sounded so scared. "Heather, I won't…" She kept repeating herself. "Don't
leave me Kyle. Please, don't leave me." Tears were quietly falling from her eyes; her voice
shuddered slightly. "Kyle, don't go, please." I wasn't even moving at all. She finally
loosened up, so I calmly stepped back a little. "Heather, I won't leave you." I put my hands
on her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes. "I won't leave you." She didn't change her
expression at all. I slowly brought her close. Heather cried a little harder. I hated this;
she was too scared from that damn panic she had. She took a break from crying and looked up
at me. "Heather, I love you, I won't leave you, I promise."
We both let go of each other. She still looked blank, no smile, nothing, an empty shell. I
held her as we sat down on her bed; she had lied down across my lap. I felt nothing from
her, she felt so cold and emotionless. The bed was small, so she had to huddle her legs
together to have enough room. I looked across the room; there was a tall mirror on the wall.
I could see us in it, Heather staring blankly ahead. Normally I would find this peaceful,
but not under these circumstances. I looked down at Heather, and noticed my hands holding
her. I slowly lifted them off her. "Don't touch her, you shouldn't be touching her, you'll
only hurt her." I stared back at the mirror, looking at Heather's face. She remained
unchanged. "Why did this happen? Why now, when things seem to be good? As soon as I tell her
I love her, she goes crazy." It had to be my fault, Heather never, NEVER acted like that
before.
I can't believe I'm actually scared of myself, and that she let me in here. God, after what
I did too, she actually let me come in here. I should be relieved, but of what? I have to
deal with seeing her like this, and I hate it. Light managed to break into the room just
then, but everything was still dark. I sighed and took a deep breath, looking at the window.
Seeing that light should calm me, but it doesn't.
Looking down, I noticed that Heather hadn't changed; she had kept her frozen gaze. I
couldn't help but continue to look at the reflection in the mirror. I hated what I saw even
more then in my room. Me, well I still looked the same as before, except I only saw my true
self now, seeing the bloody rag and angry eyes. What I hated was that I didn't recognize
Heather. She was empty, silent, destroyed. She's supposed to be cheerful, happy. I stroked
her hair softly. "Jesus, what happened to her? No smile, no laugh, she's become nothing." I
held my head with my left hand. "What should I do? She's not moving at all, should I say
something? I can't stand seeing her like this."
Heather rose slowly beside me, sitting next to me shoulder to shoulder. After a bit of
silence, she turned towards me. I looked at her red eyes, seeing the trail lines of her
dried tears. "Kyle…" She spoke weakly, barely a whisper. "I'm scared, I don't know what to
do." I smiled back at her. "It's ok, I'm here, you don't have to be scared." Heather smiling
back, that's what she would have usually done. She grabbed onto my shirt and cried. It
happened so fast, her nails digging into my skin, her voice muffled by my shirt. Afterwards,
my shirt was a wrinkled, wet mess of tears and mucus.
She sat further away, holding her stomach as she leaned forward, eyes closed. I couldn't
take looking at her like this; it was killing me. I stood up and walked to her window. I
rested my head and arm on it, staring outside at the brightness. "What do I do, what do I
do?" I closed my eyes as I put my forehead against my arm. "God, Heather, just be happy
again, be the girl I love, please, stop this…please"
I didn't ask for any of this. Today was supposed to be another normal day in our lives. None
of this should be happening. Yeah, so we love each other, big deal, it was understood ever
since we met each other. How am I supposed to deal with this! She's freaked out still, from
something I don't know, and worst, she isn't scared of me.
Didn't she see me scream? Didn't she see the rage in my eyes? I raised my head and looked
outside. It was oddly very sunny; the room was lit up in a dim glow. I stepped to the side
and leaned against the wall, arms across my chest. Heather was now sitting on the floor
against the bed, her arms folded on her knees, resting her chin on her arms. She watched me
as I walked over to her and sat down. I put my left arm around her. "You ok now?" She nodded
her head and sniffed. I didn't believe her; I knew she was still scared. She leaned her head
against the bed and closed her eyes. "Kyle, I…" She sniffed and looked over at me. "I don't
know what happened." She shrugged her right shoulder. "I mean, the things I saw…" Heather
paused, keeping her eyes at me. She lowered her head. "You wouldn't believe me." I shook my
head. "Heather, I was there, I saw you, why wouldn't I believe you?" Heather looked at me
confused. "No, No you weren't there." She looked up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. "I
called out for you, you weren't there." Her voice became silent again, the fear back in her
face. She held her forehand, eyes closed. "God…"
I don't get what she meant by not seeing me. I was there, I saw her! It almost seems that
logic has no meaning anymore. What I saw, what Heather did, this all makes no sense.
Somehow, I need to accept this, and deal with things as they happen. I don't know why
Heather flipped; yet I don't care really. I just want her to be ok, to see that smile on her
face.
Heather opened her eyes slowly and slid her hand down from her forehand. She still looked
terrible. "Can anything I say make her better?" Seeing her like this, the answer was no. I
had no idea what was going on, and I knew Heather felt the same. "I don't even know why I'm
still here, I'm not helping things, and she'll cry no matter what I do." Heather brought her
knees back to her chest, holding them tight with her arms. "I can't believe the shit I saw
Kyle." She closed her eyes and sighed. "I can't believe it."
"I don't know what to say, what to do, but I have to be here for her. It's probably the only
thing I can do for her right now." She laid her head back against the bed, staring off
above. I put my arm around her and held her, while the both of us remained in silence.
turning around. It was dead quiet. I could still see marks left from before. Slight
fingernail rips on the wallpaper, fragments of a vase, fallen chairs. I took a deep breath
and knocked at Heather's door. "Keep it calm, keep it quiet." There was no answer. I spoke
up. "Heather, it's me, please open the door. I waited, still no answer. "She must be scared
out of her mind right now, every right to be." "Heather, please, it's me Kyle, let me in."
Heather still didn't reply. "Please, Heather, just open the door." I know she must be too
scared to speak; this won't go anywhere. I have to see if she's ok, I have to get in. I put
my shoulder on the door and started to shove at it. The lock must have been weak, because it
gave away quickly.
The door swung open and hit the wall. There was no light at all in the room, save for some
shining in the entrance, lighting up a small section of her room. It was enough for me to
catch a glimpse of Heather. She was huddled against the wall, her knees brought up to her
chest. She was peering at me from behind them; not a sound was heard from her. "God she
looks terrible." I reached out my hand. "Heather…" Before I could finish she stood up and
staggered towards me quickly.
She then threw her arms around me, enough force to shove me back a little. She held her head
over my shoulder. She wasn't crying, but she was holding on to me pretty hard. I could
barely move myself from her grip. I held her close; she then loosened a little bit. She
still hadn't said a word. I didn't like this silence, not at all. I let go, although she
still was clung to me. I tried to step back, but she wouldn't loosen up, I couldn't believe
the strength she had. I looked over at her; she had her cheek pressed against my shoulder
now, looking into my eyes.
"Don't leave." She said it with force, but quietly. "Kyle, don't leave me." I didn't know
what to say, she sounded so scared. "Heather, I won't…" She kept repeating herself. "Don't
leave me Kyle. Please, don't leave me." Tears were quietly falling from her eyes; her voice
shuddered slightly. "Kyle, don't go, please." I wasn't even moving at all. She finally
loosened up, so I calmly stepped back a little. "Heather, I won't leave you." I put my hands
on her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes. "I won't leave you." She didn't change her
expression at all. I slowly brought her close. Heather cried a little harder. I hated this;
she was too scared from that damn panic she had. She took a break from crying and looked up
at me. "Heather, I love you, I won't leave you, I promise."
We both let go of each other. She still looked blank, no smile, nothing, an empty shell. I
held her as we sat down on her bed; she had lied down across my lap. I felt nothing from
her, she felt so cold and emotionless. The bed was small, so she had to huddle her legs
together to have enough room. I looked across the room; there was a tall mirror on the wall.
I could see us in it, Heather staring blankly ahead. Normally I would find this peaceful,
but not under these circumstances. I looked down at Heather, and noticed my hands holding
her. I slowly lifted them off her. "Don't touch her, you shouldn't be touching her, you'll
only hurt her." I stared back at the mirror, looking at Heather's face. She remained
unchanged. "Why did this happen? Why now, when things seem to be good? As soon as I tell her
I love her, she goes crazy." It had to be my fault, Heather never, NEVER acted like that
before.
I can't believe I'm actually scared of myself, and that she let me in here. God, after what
I did too, she actually let me come in here. I should be relieved, but of what? I have to
deal with seeing her like this, and I hate it. Light managed to break into the room just
then, but everything was still dark. I sighed and took a deep breath, looking at the window.
Seeing that light should calm me, but it doesn't.
Looking down, I noticed that Heather hadn't changed; she had kept her frozen gaze. I
couldn't help but continue to look at the reflection in the mirror. I hated what I saw even
more then in my room. Me, well I still looked the same as before, except I only saw my true
self now, seeing the bloody rag and angry eyes. What I hated was that I didn't recognize
Heather. She was empty, silent, destroyed. She's supposed to be cheerful, happy. I stroked
her hair softly. "Jesus, what happened to her? No smile, no laugh, she's become nothing." I
held my head with my left hand. "What should I do? She's not moving at all, should I say
something? I can't stand seeing her like this."
Heather rose slowly beside me, sitting next to me shoulder to shoulder. After a bit of
silence, she turned towards me. I looked at her red eyes, seeing the trail lines of her
dried tears. "Kyle…" She spoke weakly, barely a whisper. "I'm scared, I don't know what to
do." I smiled back at her. "It's ok, I'm here, you don't have to be scared." Heather smiling
back, that's what she would have usually done. She grabbed onto my shirt and cried. It
happened so fast, her nails digging into my skin, her voice muffled by my shirt. Afterwards,
my shirt was a wrinkled, wet mess of tears and mucus.
She sat further away, holding her stomach as she leaned forward, eyes closed. I couldn't
take looking at her like this; it was killing me. I stood up and walked to her window. I
rested my head and arm on it, staring outside at the brightness. "What do I do, what do I
do?" I closed my eyes as I put my forehead against my arm. "God, Heather, just be happy
again, be the girl I love, please, stop this…please"
I didn't ask for any of this. Today was supposed to be another normal day in our lives. None
of this should be happening. Yeah, so we love each other, big deal, it was understood ever
since we met each other. How am I supposed to deal with this! She's freaked out still, from
something I don't know, and worst, she isn't scared of me.
Didn't she see me scream? Didn't she see the rage in my eyes? I raised my head and looked
outside. It was oddly very sunny; the room was lit up in a dim glow. I stepped to the side
and leaned against the wall, arms across my chest. Heather was now sitting on the floor
against the bed, her arms folded on her knees, resting her chin on her arms. She watched me
as I walked over to her and sat down. I put my left arm around her. "You ok now?" She nodded
her head and sniffed. I didn't believe her; I knew she was still scared. She leaned her head
against the bed and closed her eyes. "Kyle, I…" She sniffed and looked over at me. "I don't
know what happened." She shrugged her right shoulder. "I mean, the things I saw…" Heather
paused, keeping her eyes at me. She lowered her head. "You wouldn't believe me." I shook my
head. "Heather, I was there, I saw you, why wouldn't I believe you?" Heather looked at me
confused. "No, No you weren't there." She looked up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. "I
called out for you, you weren't there." Her voice became silent again, the fear back in her
face. She held her forehand, eyes closed. "God…"
I don't get what she meant by not seeing me. I was there, I saw her! It almost seems that
logic has no meaning anymore. What I saw, what Heather did, this all makes no sense.
Somehow, I need to accept this, and deal with things as they happen. I don't know why
Heather flipped; yet I don't care really. I just want her to be ok, to see that smile on her
face.
Heather opened her eyes slowly and slid her hand down from her forehand. She still looked
terrible. "Can anything I say make her better?" Seeing her like this, the answer was no. I
had no idea what was going on, and I knew Heather felt the same. "I don't even know why I'm
still here, I'm not helping things, and she'll cry no matter what I do." Heather brought her
knees back to her chest, holding them tight with her arms. "I can't believe the shit I saw
Kyle." She closed her eyes and sighed. "I can't believe it."
"I don't know what to say, what to do, but I have to be here for her. It's probably the only
thing I can do for her right now." She laid her head back against the bed, staring off
above. I put my arm around her and held her, while the both of us remained in silence.
