I opened the door to Heather's apartment and walked in slowly, closing the door without

turning around. It was dead quiet. I could still see marks left from before. Slight

fingernail rips on the wallpaper, fragments of a vase, fallen chairs. I took a deep breath

and knocked at Heather's door. "Keep it calm, keep it quiet." There was no answer. I spoke

up. "Heather, it's me, please open the door. I waited, still no answer. "She must be scared

out of her mind right now, every right to be." "Heather, please, it's me Kyle, let me in."

Heather still didn't reply. "Please, Heather, just open the door." I know she must be too

scared to speak; this won't go anywhere. I have to see if she's ok, I have to get in. I put

my shoulder on the door and started to shove at it. The lock must have been weak, because it

gave away quickly.

The door swung open and hit the wall. There was no light at all in the room, save for some

shining in the entrance, lighting up a small section of her room. It was enough for me to

catch a glimpse of Heather. She was huddled against the wall, her knees brought up to her

chest. She was peering at me from behind them; not a sound was heard from her. "God she

looks terrible." I reached out my hand. "Heather…" Before I could finish she stood up and

staggered towards me quickly.

She then threw her arms around me, enough force to shove me back a little. She held her head

over my shoulder. She wasn't crying, but she was holding on to me pretty hard. I could

barely move myself from her grip. I held her close; she then loosened a little bit. She

still hadn't said a word. I didn't like this silence, not at all. I let go, although she

still was clung to me. I tried to step back, but she wouldn't loosen up, I couldn't believe

the strength she had. I looked over at her; she had her cheek pressed against my shoulder

now, looking into my eyes.

"Don't leave." She said it with force, but quietly. "Kyle, don't leave me." I didn't know

what to say, she sounded so scared. "Heather, I won't…" She kept repeating herself. "Don't

leave me Kyle. Please, don't leave me." Tears were quietly falling from her eyes; her voice

shuddered slightly. "Kyle, don't go, please." I wasn't even moving at all. She finally

loosened up, so I calmly stepped back a little. "Heather, I won't leave you." I put my hands

on her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes. "I won't leave you." She didn't change her

expression at all. I slowly brought her close. Heather cried a little harder. I hated this;

she was too scared from that damn panic she had. She took a break from crying and looked up

at me. "Heather, I love you, I won't leave you, I promise."

We both let go of each other. She still looked blank, no smile, nothing, an empty shell. I

held her as we sat down on her bed; she had lied down across my lap. I felt nothing from

her, she felt so cold and emotionless. The bed was small, so she had to huddle her legs

together to have enough room. I looked across the room; there was a tall mirror on the wall.

I could see us in it, Heather staring blankly ahead. Normally I would find this peaceful,

but not under these circumstances. I looked down at Heather, and noticed my hands holding

her. I slowly lifted them off her. "Don't touch her, you shouldn't be touching her, you'll

only hurt her." I stared back at the mirror, looking at Heather's face. She remained

unchanged. "Why did this happen? Why now, when things seem to be good? As soon as I tell her

I love her, she goes crazy." It had to be my fault, Heather never, NEVER acted like that

before.

I can't believe I'm actually scared of myself, and that she let me in here. God, after what

I did too, she actually let me come in here. I should be relieved, but of what? I have to

deal with seeing her like this, and I hate it. Light managed to break into the room just

then, but everything was still dark. I sighed and took a deep breath, looking at the window.

Seeing that light should calm me, but it doesn't.

Looking down, I noticed that Heather hadn't changed; she had kept her frozen gaze. I

couldn't help but continue to look at the reflection in the mirror. I hated what I saw even

more then in my room. Me, well I still looked the same as before, except I only saw my true

self now, seeing the bloody rag and angry eyes. What I hated was that I didn't recognize

Heather. She was empty, silent, destroyed. She's supposed to be cheerful, happy. I stroked

her hair softly. "Jesus, what happened to her? No smile, no laugh, she's become nothing." I

held my head with my left hand. "What should I do? She's not moving at all, should I say

something? I can't stand seeing her like this."

Heather rose slowly beside me, sitting next to me shoulder to shoulder. After a bit of

silence, she turned towards me. I looked at her red eyes, seeing the trail lines of her

dried tears. "Kyle…" She spoke weakly, barely a whisper. "I'm scared, I don't know what to

do." I smiled back at her. "It's ok, I'm here, you don't have to be scared." Heather smiling

back, that's what she would have usually done. She grabbed onto my shirt and cried. It

happened so fast, her nails digging into my skin, her voice muffled by my shirt. Afterwards,

my shirt was a wrinkled, wet mess of tears and mucus.

She sat further away, holding her stomach as she leaned forward, eyes closed. I couldn't

take looking at her like this; it was killing me. I stood up and walked to her window. I

rested my head and arm on it, staring outside at the brightness. "What do I do, what do I

do?" I closed my eyes as I put my forehead against my arm. "God, Heather, just be happy

again, be the girl I love, please, stop this…please"

I didn't ask for any of this. Today was supposed to be another normal day in our lives. None

of this should be happening. Yeah, so we love each other, big deal, it was understood ever

since we met each other. How am I supposed to deal with this! She's freaked out still, from

something I don't know, and worst, she isn't scared of me.

Didn't she see me scream? Didn't she see the rage in my eyes? I raised my head and looked

outside. It was oddly very sunny; the room was lit up in a dim glow. I stepped to the side

and leaned against the wall, arms across my chest. Heather was now sitting on the floor

against the bed, her arms folded on her knees, resting her chin on her arms. She watched me

as I walked over to her and sat down. I put my left arm around her. "You ok now?" She nodded

her head and sniffed. I didn't believe her; I knew she was still scared. She leaned her head

against the bed and closed her eyes. "Kyle, I…" She sniffed and looked over at me. "I don't

know what happened." She shrugged her right shoulder. "I mean, the things I saw…" Heather

paused, keeping her eyes at me. She lowered her head. "You wouldn't believe me." I shook my

head. "Heather, I was there, I saw you, why wouldn't I believe you?" Heather looked at me

confused. "No, No you weren't there." She looked up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. "I

called out for you, you weren't there." Her voice became silent again, the fear back in her

face. She held her forehand, eyes closed. "God…"

I don't get what she meant by not seeing me. I was there, I saw her! It almost seems that

logic has no meaning anymore. What I saw, what Heather did, this all makes no sense.

Somehow, I need to accept this, and deal with things as they happen. I don't know why

Heather flipped; yet I don't care really. I just want her to be ok, to see that smile on her

face.

Heather opened her eyes slowly and slid her hand down from her forehand. She still looked

terrible. "Can anything I say make her better?" Seeing her like this, the answer was no. I

had no idea what was going on, and I knew Heather felt the same. "I don't even know why I'm

still here, I'm not helping things, and she'll cry no matter what I do." Heather brought her

knees back to her chest, holding them tight with her arms. "I can't believe the shit I saw

Kyle." She closed her eyes and sighed. "I can't believe it."

"I don't know what to say, what to do, but I have to be here for her. It's probably the only

thing I can do for her right now." She laid her head back against the bed, staring off

above. I put my arm around her and held her, while the both of us remained in silence.