Chapter Five: Divergence
The commander and the instructor stared at one another, not as husband and wife, not as friends, not even as casual acquaintances, but as adversaries thrown upon the battlefield of life. Neither Squall nor Quistis was willing to acknowledge the company of another intruding on a far too personal of moment, even if the intruder was Seifer.
Seifer, for his part, was a little more than uncomfortable in his role as third-wheel in the marital problems. Though his former rival, Squall still had gained enough respect to have his personal life remain personal. On the other hand, curiosity always seemed to kill the cat, and Seifer was purring internally. The idea of exiting the shack was fleeting; the show would be far too entertaining.
Quistis entered the room by a few steps, "Squall can you hear me or have you mysteriously lost your comprehension for the English language? Do you love me? Seems like a simple enough question, doesn't it? Or would you like to go consult your 'cold-blooded friend' slithering there in the corner, on what the correct answer may be?"
She started involuntarily twisting long hair around her fingers, a habit she had picked up when nervous. Nervous, was that really the correct word? No, she wasn't nervous about the answer, she subconsciously knew it, she was more nervous that he wouldn't admit the truth. Lying had become second nature to him.
"Quistis don't do this here, now. It's not the time," Squall calmly replied to his wife.
"Oh yeah, sorry," she spat back. "I see how busy you are right now. Let's see can I pencil you in for next week, let's say Tuesday…is that good for you? I wouldn't want to interrupt your little reunion here. Hyne Squall, you do realize that is Seifer don't you? Remember the guy who tried to kill us, destroy Garden, and end all known life with time-compression. Asshole of the world, that Seifer?"
"You're looking, and sounding, as well as ever Mrs. Instructor. Glad to see you too," Seifer stood, nodding his head toward her.
"Go to hell Seifer, this is between me and my husband."
Seifer took the moment to study Quistis for the first time in almost five years. Older, yes, but somehow she carried the age well. No longer with awkward teenage mannerisms, she seemed more beautiful than he remembered. Her golden blonde hair had grown in length, no longer pulled up, as wispy strands would cover her face in the light breeze. She looked more the angel than human, the sun behind her giving her a heavenly light. Seifer shook himself from whatever thoughts he was currently having. Noticing the instructor was something he hadn't expected, and just as quickly, tried to put it out of his mind. Unsure of his sudden realizations, he felt the need to quickly get away from the situation.
"I'm leaving." He stood up and walked passed the commander, handing him a small yellow piece of paper.
Squall eyed the man as he left the building, and then returned his gaze to the person standing in front of him.
"Quistis, I…I don't know what you want to hear right now."
"How about the truth Squall, you do remember that?"
"You're asking if I love you. Sure, I love you." He looked at her hoping that answer would satisfy.
"Damn you Squall. This is just some big game to you, isn't it?"
Quistis could no longer hold back the tears she was trying desperately to restrain. They slowly trailed down her ivory skin.
"Tell me the fucking truth for once in your pathetic life."
Squall turned his back. Somehow, it would be less personal if he didn't have to look her in the eyes. He knew this conversation would be coming, honestly from the day he gave her the ring. Quite frankly, he was surprised it had lasted this long, maybe it was easier living the lie that was his life. Now too much might be said, not only to Quistis, but also to himself. The parts of his memories and feelings he tried greatly to repress, to forget, for so long would resurface causing deeper wounds. He walked over to a small window and peered out. Hoping for some clarity on the situation, but like the window, the current state of affairs was just as hazy.
"Quistis, I do love you."
Squall paused trying his best not to make the moment worse.
"No, I'm not in love with you now, nor have I ever been. I'm sorry."
"Well since you're sorry everything is okay then. The almighty, god-like Squall Leonhart is sorry and that makes everything right. Quistis, I don't love you. I'm sorry to marry you and everything. It was just a few big misunderstandings - that love, honor, and cherish thing just slipped right over my big head. Guess I was too busy saving the world and playing god to realize what I was saying. Hope you didn't take your vows seriously or anything, I sure as hell didn't."
Quistis couldn't stand, falling to her knees. She watched shed tears mix with the years of dust on the floor.
Squall still stood looking out the window. Human nature was telling him to go to his wife. Learned instinct was telling him to give her this time to digest the information. He finally turned and saw her kneeling on the ground. He had to try to explain, Quistis deserved that at the very least.
"Quistis I know you're not going to understand, hell if I even do, but I have to try. Please let me try."
Squall walked over to the distressed figure, setting the folder on the floor. He went down to his knees, trying to look his wife directly in the eyes.
"Why Squall? Why if you didn't love me…did you marry me, why didn't you ever love me?" Quistis was pleading with him for hopes of any understanding.
He attentively placed one hand on her shoulder, in aspirations of calming her down.
"If there is only one thing you get from this conversation, let it be that I never wanted to hurt you. Things were out of control after Ellone died, I didn't even know what or where I was half of the time. I needed to get married and…" The next words would seem so cruel, yet they were the truth and that is exactly what Quistis had wanted. "I needed a wife quickly. I knew you were in love with me. I used those feelings against you. I'm sorry you were just the easiest person to…"
He never had the opportunity to finish the sentence before he felt the sting of her hand across his face.
Quistis stood up and looked down at him, as he held his hand to his now inflamed face. "Go find the bitch, you two deserve each other. Just don't ever get near me again, you bastard!"
Selphie entered the cafeteria searching for Quistis. Getting frustrated on a quest that so far turned up nothing, she decided to rest, and took a lemonade break. At the cash register paying for her drink, she noticed Zell sitting in a lone corner of the sparsely populated cafeteria. Miraculously without any food, a very un-Zell like move. As she quietly approached his table, she glanced to notice several library books scattered about the surface. Extraordinary she mused…she had never actually seen Zell with a book, much less reading a book. Combat King Magazines were the closet he came to the actual art of understanding the written word.
She grabbed the metal frame of a chair occupying the same table. As it scuffed the linoleum tile, Zell recognized he was no longer alone. He realized she might have the ability to help, where the research books failed. Selphie actually might be capable of giving him new insight on his dilemma.
"Zell…um you look so stressed. Are you all right? I've just never seen you actually studying books, yet alone so intensely. Something about Elle bothering you from earlier?"
"Well, kind of… Hey is Laguna here yet?" He shut the book and laid it face down on his lap.
"No, he got held up in Esthar. Squall didn't want to see him anyhow, don't think he'll be hurrying to arrive. A helicopter should be dropping him off sometime later tonight. He's just going to stay until we arrive in Deling for the World Council meeting tomorrow."
"Ah yeah…can I talk to you for a few minutes? Please don't say anything to anybody else."
"Sure Zell anything, is there something wrong? Are you sick?"
"No, no nothing like that. Remember before when I talked about the strange dreams." He lowered his voice to a whisper saying the words like breaking a sacred law, "About Rinoa." Selphie nodded her head, acknowledging her comrade. "I've had this dream more than once. I'm just trying to interpret the meaning." He held up his reference book on understanding dreams.
Selphie took a sip of her pink lemonade, "Do you want to tell me about it? Maybe there is something that book wouldn't relate to our particular situation. I know pretty much everything about your background, maybe I can help."
"Okay Selphie, but it's upsetting to talk about."
Zell lowered his head not looking at her as he began describing the indescribable.
"It starts with a gorgeous…er…view of Balamb Plains, only there is a translucent blue lake in the middle. I find myself walking up to the lake and notice what looks like bones of human fingers sticking out. I want to run from it, yet some unknown force keeps pulling me closer. My eyes are still on the slender fingers, transparent water gives an outline of bones, a now human form. Before I can make out anything else, I feel small raindrops on my skin. My focus turns from the tranquil water to my arm. I see the raindrops as they hit my skin, except there is a slight tint of red to them. I continue watching my arm as the red goes from a faint hue to a darker burgundy. All of a sudden, it starts pouring down blood from the sky."
Selphie sat mesmerized at Zell's ability to reiterate the nightmare, including the emotion he was undoubtedly reenacting. He continued slowly, "Suddenly the cerulean sky turns to a deep scarlet, giving the plains a kind of surreal feel. I redirect my eyes to the lake. The figure slowly starts rising out of the now bloody water. First, it is only the hand. When it materializes, I notice the ring finger. On it is a smaller, more delicate version of the Griever ring this one of pure gold. Slowly the rest of her body emerges from the thick liquid. Layers of muscles start forming over the bones, followed by layers of skin. It is Rinoa, older by a couple years. She wears a pure white robe that has not one drop of blood on it. She has shorter, darker hair apparent grief and misery shown clearly on her face. She then looks into my eyes and says…help. Not as a demand, but said as a desperate plea. I take a step closer to her and suddenly a bright flash blinds me temporarily. I regain my focus and she is holding what appears to be a baby. Again, I dare to venture closer and then another light flashes, but this one not nearly as bright." Zell closed his eyes trying to fight back the tears.
"What? Zell, what happened?" Selphie couldn't help but be drawn into the horrifying events.
"The infant, the infant is dead. It has a knife through its heart, blood dripping into the lake."
"Rinoa, Rinoa killed the baby?" she demanded.
"No, I never saw who put the dagger through the baby. But, I can tell you it wasn't Rinoa…the expression of horror on her face as she looks towards me. Her brown eyes plead with me to help, without a word. I then step into the bloody lake; as I get closer, she drops the infant into the dark water. At first, I can't figure out why and then I see the silver sword exit through her stomach. She looks down to the blade, then back to my eyes. We both realize at that moment, it was a gunblade that pierced her frame. For the first time, with all the blood flying around, her white robes become stained with blood, her blood. Rinoa then falls forward into the lake. I race to grab her body, but only manage to capture a hand. I can't hold on for some unknown reason, the wind starts picking up. The thick bloody-rain stings my eyes. Finally, I lose my grasp on her boney white fingers, as they fall through my hand. Yet, I still feel something in my palm. I look down and see a small golden Griever ring. With all my might, I make a fist around it…refusing to lose the one piece I have left. I wade back to the shoreline and sit on the wet grass. Again, another brilliant light appears and I look back at the lake, still blood red but with no rain. This time there is another figure standing in the water…it is Ellone."
Selphie snapped her mind back to her environs, aware that Zell had stopped relaying the gruesome nightmare. "Sis…what happened to her?" She demanded in a tone heard by many around.
Zell inhaled for a moment, then again hesitantly continued, "Actually, she is covered in blood, and at first I don't recognize her, until she smiles."
"Smiles?"
"Yeah, that is almost the most disturbing part of the dream, she smiles. I couldn't hear what she says, nor do I believe she actually has the ability to speak. But I can read her lips as she mouths the word - she says the word goodbye. Then a final blinding ashen light and everything returns to normal, it's peaceful. The green fields and crystal blue lake return…not one cloud in the sapphire sky. Yet…I still hold on to the small golden ring."
"Zell, how many times have you had this dream, nightmare?"
"Well, over the last two months it has been numerous times, it gets more vivid with every encounter. I wake up feeling scared and anxious right after it ends, amazingly the clock always reads the same time…4:27am."
"Zell, I think you might know this, but nothing you discover in those books is going to help. What about talking to Matron concerning the visions?"
"Visions? No, it is a dream, a nightmare at most. Anything but a vision," he stated defensively.
Selphie moved closer, putting her arm around his shoulder. "Zell we both know this is something more. Maybe, just maybe, it can benefit us if we can fully understand."
He nodded in agreement, moving away from Selphie's caring touch. He gathered the books and notes, giving her a wry smile, "You win Selphie. I'll talk to Edea when we reach Deling."
Vivid dreams are a lesser-known curse for any sorceress, yet one that could have explained the fall of those who came before; dreams so real it is hard to distinguish fantasy from reality. Emotions, feelings, and sensations so definite it could drive one to the brink of sanity, which in fact, it almost had.
Times like these one could understand the dissolutions of Ultimecia or Adel, dream worlds where perfection could only survive and seem to be the perfect Eden. Sometime the lines of day or night, asleep or awake, and real or imaginary are completely blurred. Forgetting ones self, ones beliefs…reality is easily twisted and shaped by those around. Dreams always show perfection. More than ever she could understand the need for a knight, not only to protect her spirit, but also soul and mind.
When she dreamed she could still feel his touch, his skin upon hers, his lips softly caressing all parts of her body, the love that they had shared in so many ways. The dreams felt real, if only in her head. The way that he was holding her now, the closeness she felt when she listened to his heartbeat. The way he was looking at her now, the unbridled passion in his eyes. His beautiful steel blue…wait…his brown eyes looking at her? The way he was holding her…no, hitting her? She grabbed her ribs as the pain started to register, waking her out of the magnificent daydream.
"Where is she you damn bitch, where is my daughter?"
