Chapter Seven – Understanding
I shifted around, trying to get comfortable on the thin, carpet floor. Heather kept her silence still. She looked deep in thought, so I didn't want to disturb her. I stared off at the window; a tree branch was swaying around. "I wish she would say something, I don't like this silence." I paused for a moment, looking over at her. "I hate this." I turned my attention back to the outside. It's amazing how much better it looks compared to here, where there is only silence and pain. I felt a light touch on my arm. Before I could turn around, Heather had wrapped her arms around me. I didn't turn around to face her; I just stared ahead at our shadow cast against the wall. I held her arms with mine, watching the shadow mimic us. "Heather, what did you see exactly?" She took a while to speak. "What I saw was…" She stopped, slowly loosening her grip. She stood up and sat on her bed. "It's too hard to explain." I stood up and sat beside her. She held her forehand, eyes closed, slowly shaking her head. "I just can't…" She opened her eyes and dropped her hand, looking over at me. "I wish I could, but I, what I saw…" She lowered her head. "It's impossible to put in words." I reached my hand out, but stopped and turned away from her. I leaned forward and closed my eyes. "All I do is make her cry, or make her uncomfortable. I can't do anything to help her, God why am I still here!"
I stood up and paced around the room, searching my mind for an answer. "Why do I continue to stay here? I caused all this!" I rested my head against the doorframe, rubbing against the wallpaper slowly. "Kyle." I lost thought and turned towards her. "Huh?" She rose up and walked halfway towards me. "Where are you going?" I stepped closer. "Nowhere, I just felt like walking around." She nodded her head slowly. "I, I think I can try and explain now." She kept her head low; she looked like she was still struggling to talk about it. I stood still, waiting for her to speak, but she kept silent. I walked over to her. She slowly rose her head, her eyes shiny. "I'm…I'm too scared Kyle…" She looked like she about to break down in tears. "I just can't…" I placed my hands lightly on her shoulders. "Heather, it's ok, you don't need to be scared, I'm here." She hugged me slowly. "I know; I'm sorry, I'll try and calm down." A couple seconds later, she let go, softly smiling. "Thanks." I smiled back at her.
Heather walked over to her dresser, rubbing her nails against the edges. I leaned against the wall. "I don't really remember falling asleep, all I remember is you calling out for me." She stopped rubbing her nails, her voice becoming slightly quieter. "So I opened my eyes, and what I saw…" I managed to catch her reflection in the dresser mirror. She was looking at me in the mirror; slowly the fear was flowing back into her eyes. "You going to be ok?" She nodded at me slowly. "Yeah, yeah I'll be fine." She took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead. I saw her sketchbook lying next to her feet. "She could just draw it out for me? Talking about it isn't helping her. It'll be easier for her to draw what she saw." I grabbed the book. "Do you think you could draw it for me instead?" She nodded her head and sat down on her bed.
She's great at drawing, so I know this will be just as good, if not better then her describing it to me. She's always calm when she draws, so this shouldn't be too hard on her. I handed her a sharpened pencil as she flipped through countless pages to find a blank one. I caught quick glimpses of her work. A lot of them were of me, all very realistic. I could look at each picture and remember when she drew it. It was usually when mostly we were just bored. Heather's pencil flew across the page, quickly drawing all over, keeping her full attention on it. She seemed to be going in great detail; she flipped the page and drew more onto the next. She put the pencil down, and then reached for some color pencils. After some quick shading, she finished. "Here." She handed me the book.
It was amazing, but how anyone, let alone Heather picture this, is impossible. The walls of her home were rusted, chain link fences against a wooden wall. The floor of was a big sheet of metal grating. The furniture was, well, the same. It just didn't look right. The table and chairs were stained with some kind of dirt and grime. There was no light at all; windows simply weren't there.
I flipped to the next page. "What the hell is this, this thing?" It had two legs, two arms, it was built like a human, but everything else wasn't right. It had no face; instead it had huge tears, the skin flaps indicating where eyes and a nose once were, It's hair was thin and bleach white, hanging down to its shoulders. The hair in front came down to its "nose", covering most of it's scarred face. It looked like the thing had been submerged in water for years; its skin was pale gray and semi transparent. It had a wet, but shiny look to it. In most parts, the skin was also peeling, revealing lumpy masses of muscle.
This picture made no sense at all. Is that what she was screaming about? I brought it closer to my eyes. Heather had stood up and was now pacing around the room, waiting for my reaction. "Something about this, it almost looks familiar?" The hair, it's skin, something about it just clicked in my head. "The way it's hair drops down onto it's face, kind of looks like…" I held my head. "No, no this can't?" I felt sick all of a sudden.
This thing, this is what she saw me as. I don't want to believe it, but all the signs are there. The height, build, hair, it all looks like me. "This is why she was freaking out so much, She saw me as this, she thought I wasn't there."
I put the book down and looked over at her, she was standing by the window. "So, when I, hurt her, she saw the monster doing it instead?" I shook my head. She doesn't know about what I did to her, she only saw the monster doing it instead. This disgusted me; she has no idea about what I did, no idea at all. No wonder she isn't afraid of me, "I" didn't hurt her. I walked into her cramped bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, wiping my eyes. I shook my face, feeling my wet hair hit my face. I sighed and looked at the mirror. After all that's happened, from what she saw, to what I did, that drawing's really starting to make sense now. I could almost see my anger now in the mirror, even though I'm calm right now. I unwrapped my hand and checked it. The blood had dried, but it still hurt badly. "I can't believe she hasn't noticed it yet." I threw the rag into the trash and checked her medicine cabinet for anything that might help. I washed my hand and spread some disinfectant cream on it. I didn't find any bandage to wrap it up, but I didn't care, that was the last thing on my mind.
I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She didn't turn towards me. "What do you think?" I leaned against the wall beside her. "Well, to put it simply…" She turned towards me. I shook my head. "It's fucked up, all of it." She laughed slightly. "Yeah, yeah it is." I rocked back and forth. She leaned against the wall beside me. "Where did you go anyway Kyle?" I thought to myself, should I tell her? "No, I can't, not now at least. She can't know about what I did." "I was right there, watching you the whole time." Heather looked closely at me. "Oh, ok." She looked away and lowered her head. "It's just that, I felt that you were there, nearby. I kept screaming for you, but I had no idea where you were." She walked towards her bed and sat down, picking up the book. I sat down beside her. She was looking at the monster. "It felt so much like a dream, but dreams don't hurt you." I leaned in closer. "What do you mean?" She looked down at the picture. "This thing, it attacked me…" Her voice became shaky again. "It, threw me against the door, held my mouth shut." She stood up suddenly and walked towards her dresser. She held her forehead. "This is crazy, how did this happen? This doesn't make any sense at all!" She pounded the dresser. "God damn it, WHY! What's wrong with me!"
I've never seen Heather act like this before, she doesn't get angry often. It scared me, seeing her change like this. I walked towards her slowly. She wasn't crying or anything, that surprised me. She looked angry, frustrated. "Heather." She looked over at me. "Yeah?" "We should probably clean up the mess in the living room, then we can try and think this over, ok?" She let out a deep breath. "Yeah, fine." I kept my distance from her as we walked to the living room.
