The next Saturday morning dragged on at a ridiculous pace. Sirius wouldn't even look at Anya, who wouldn't even look at Sirius, and Remus and James were at the end of their tether.
"What can you do?" said Peter, as the three boys sat in the common room. Anya and Sirius were still at breakfast. "You can't force them to get back together can you?"
"Wow Peter, always the optimist eh?" said James dryly. "Thank you for those words of wisdom." Peter shrugged before turning back to his fizzing whizzbees.
"It's true," he said with his mouth full. "They are both so… stubborn. Neither of them will back down. It's a lost cause. A hopeless case. A-"
"OK Peter, we get it!"
Peter shrugged and went back to his chessboard, While James turned to Remus in need of sensible conversation.
"The thing is with Sirius, he…He's lost Moony. He doesn't have a clue what to do. I know he acts the hard man, blah, blah, and that he's dealing with it, but I recognise a cry for help when I see one!"
"Hear one."
"Whatever."
*************************************************
"Are we planning to leave any time today?" said Anya lazily; lying on James' bed while the four boys gathered their belongings.
"I can't find the map!" said James, throwing various items out of his trunk.
"That's probably 'cos it's in my pocket." Said Remus quietly, from next to Anya.
"Where's the hair gel!" yelled Sirius from the bathroom.
"Next to the shower gel!"
"Oh my god you women!" laughed Anya. "Can we go?!"
"Yeah k come on."
The five set off to Hogsmeade, James forcing conversation between Anya and Sirius.
"So… what we gonna do today then?"
"Zonko's definitely."
"HoneyDukes!"
"I need a new quill."
"Anya?" asked James. She glanced at the floor.
"I'm gonna go meet Simon." She said defiantly, looking straight at Sirius. His face seemed to tense for a moment, before his nonchalant expression appeared again.
"What, straight away?" said James incredulously.
"Yeah, but I'll meet up with you guys later ok?" she said.
"Oh! Ok, yeah, that's cool."
They all descended into awkward silence once again. Peter scuffed his shoes as they walked along.
"You know Arthur Weasley's going out with Molly Reynolds?" said James, trying to break the silence.
"What? Seventh years?" said Remus interestedly.
"Yeah."
"Bout time!" said Anya. "He's fancied her for donkey's years!"
"Yeah, but sometimes it takes people time doesn't it?" said James; in what he thought was a very sly, clever way. "Things get in the way. But eventually…"
"What like you and Lily?" said Sirius. "Meant to be?"
James blushed. "Of course!" he said, regaining his composure. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. You can't fight it." He said looking at Anya, who rolled her eyes.
"You actually believe in that soul mate stuff?" she scoffed. "Load of rubbish."
"Loads of people believe in it!" said James defensively.
"Yeah?" said Sirius dangerously. "Like who?"
"I do." Said Remus quietly.
And once again an awkward silence enveloped the usually rowdy group.
***************************************************
Lily Evans twirled a lock of hair around her finger, and sighed. Sometimes it was incredibly irritating being friends with stunningly pretty girls. It did nothing for self esteem. She exhaled deeply, wrapping a scarf around her neck tightly, and throwing on her coat. She pulled out her gloves and called.
"Kat! Are we going soon?"
"Yeah hang on!" she yelled back from the bathroom. Sometimes Lily wished she were a boy. Boys didn't have the insecurities girls did. They didn't worry about whether the girls we're slagging them off behind their back. Or anything like that. In a way, she could see why Anya had decided to stick with the Marauders when she had first arrived at Hogwarts. It was the safest option really, if you looked at it sensibly. Girls were never particularly warm to the new comer at first; they were too busy sizing her up. But with boys, it was much simpler. They decided if you were an alright person or not, and left it at that. If you were, you were, and if you weren't, they'd tell you where to go.
And Anya was lucky, thought Lily. She had 'the gift of the gab'. Chatty, friendly, funny. Lily was quick- witted, she had to be, with James constantly stalking her, but she didn't joke much. She was too busy with other, more important things. Like work, and prefect duties. But sometimes, she wished she were less… normal.
Kat was gorgeous, long blonde hair, blue eyes, typically pretty. And she could flirt for England when she put her mind to it. Selma was sharp, and had a power over most of the girls. Sybill was odd, dreamy, but she seemed happy in her own world. But she, Lily Evans, was just… nothing. Prefect, studious, she was the goody one. And she knew it too. She'd give anything to belong. She wanted to be liked, and be her own person, but it was far easier to bury herself in schoolwork…
**************************************************
Selma walked into The Three Broomsticks, nattering to Kat, who was holding a tiny mirror up, and trying to smooth her already perfect hair. Lily and Sybil followed, Sybil looking as dreamy as usual, while Lily seemed too deep in thought to notice where she was going.
James looked up from his seat and smiled. He quickly got up and made his way towards her. He wasn't really too bothered about leaving Remus, Peter and Sirius, if he was honest. The group was hardly lively today; rather it was a painful process involving Peter slurping away at Butterbeer, while James and Remus indulged in strained, stilted conversations in a feeble attempt to draw Sirius out of his sulky reverie. He pulled up at the bar, next to Lily, and leant over grinning.
"Alright?"
She looked up, and gave a resigned sigh.
"What do you want Potter?" she muttered, but he didn't seem abashed.
"You want a drink?"
She shrugged indifferently. Whatever she thought of the arrogant idiot, she wasn't going to say no to a free drink.
"Yeah, Butterbeer thanks." She said, not really looking at him. Why was it the best- looking boys were always the most irritating?
"Yeah, sure." He said, and called out to Madam Rosmerta to order.
Lily was suddenly struck by a thought. "Where's Anya?" she asked.
"Gone to meet some Simon Guy." He grumbled. Anya had no idea how annoying Sirius was being because of it, and it was beginning to grate on James too.
Lily stared. "What, like, on a date?" she asked surprised.
"Something like that." he said, sitting down on a stool. "Why?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. It's just-"
At this point Sirius got up from the chair and stomped past James and Lily. James looked up in surprise while Lily thanked Rosmerta for her drink.
"Where you going?" mouthed James across the pub to Sirius.
"Round the back." he mouthed back at him before disappearing outside.
******************************************************
Sirius let out a gasp as he stepped outside, the wind hitting him full on in the face. The light sleet of the previous week had been replaced by thick, fast falling snow, which spread ankle- deep across the streets of Hogsmeade. It was fantastic weather seeing as it was Christmas in a fortnight, but Sirius had never felt in a less celebratory mood. The candles in the shop windows flickered tauntingly as he stomped round to the alley running down the side of the pub.
He reached the small yard around the back, and hoisted himself onto the small brick wall. He kicked at the opposite wall furiously, imagining it was Simons head. Although that relieved him of some frustration, it did nothing to dull the fury welling inside. 'Stupid bitch' he thought viciously. 'Fucking stupid bitch. And he's a fucking prick too. Hope they're happy. Fucking deserve each other.'
But even as furious thought after thought ran through his mind, he knew he was lying to himself. He didn't care about that idiot, Simon, but he did care that he was probably at this very minute fawning over his Anya. He actually thought that- His Anya. In his head he thought it, and couldn't help grinning slightly as he imagined what she'd say if she knew.
"Your Anya? What, I belong to you now do I?"
Then she'd just grin, and hit him or something, and that'd be it. She'd change the subject quickly, still grinning, and probably bring it up later on when she was bored. She would, if they were still going out…
*****************************************************
"Can't believe what a spaz he's being." Said James taking a gulp of Butterbeer. "If she cant break a promise, she cant break a promise. It's not her fault she's got principles."
"Anya told me he didn't believe her about things." Said Lily puzzled, as she took the cap off her bottle.
"Mm. About where she was. She was with someone, and promised she wouldn't tell anyone. So he assumed she was with Andrew Wood or something" said James, basking in the fact Lily was talking to him, and it wasn't to insult him.
Lily stared. " About where she was?" she said slowly.
"Yeah."
"So… she was somewhere, but she couldn't say, and he didn't trust she hadn't been with some guy?" said Lily.
"Yeah." Said James. "Pathetic isn't it?"
Lily didn't reply. Her mind was working furiously. "When was this?" she asked absently.
"Erm… I dunno. Why?"
"Doesn't matter." Said Lily, trying to work it out herself. When she had come out of the Hospital wing, Sirius and Anya had already broken up. But they had definitely been together when she had gone in. Lily had gone in on Monday… so if that was when it happened…
"James, this is important." She said suddenly. "Can you remember what day it happened?"
James stared. "I dunno Lily… erm… we had History Of Magic first, so then… Hey Moony!"
Remus turned around from the bar where he was ordering drinks. "Yeah?"
"What day is it when we have History of Magic first thing in the morning?" Remus frowned, trying to remember.
"Erm… Monday."
James turned to Lily grinning. "Yeah. So it was Monday it happened."
Lily felt sick. She had caused it. This was her fault. And Anya had deliberately not told her. Probably 'cos she thought she was too ill, or too stressed or something… she had split them up. This was her fault.
"James where's Sirius?" she said desperately. She had to do something.
"He's outside I think," said James surprised. "Why? What is-"
"Where outside?" she cut in.
"Round the back I think." Said James, as Lily got to her feet and headed to the door. "Hey, Evans, Why're you-"
She was gone. James turned to Remus who had just sat down. "What was all that about?" he asked.
James shrugged. "Women stuff." He said, picking up his Butterbeer. Remus nodded.
********************************************
A blast of icy air hit Lily the second she stepped outside. She gasped, and stopped short to pull her gloves on quickly, shivering. It was still snowing heavily as she half- ran around the back of the pub. At first the thick fall of snowflakes blocked her vision, but as she drew closer, she spotted him.
Sirius was sitting on the wall, shivering slightly, throwing small stones at the opposite wall. He looked miserable. Lily felt like crying. This was her fault. If they didn't get back together, it would be because of her. She couldn't let it happen.
"Sirius!" she shouted, and he turned, looking surprised. He jumped off the wall quickly, and brushed off the snowflakes.
"What?" he said smiling weakly. "What's James done now?"
"No it's not him." Said Lily breathlessly. "It's you. You need to know." She didn't know what it was. Whenever she spoke to Sirius, she always felt oddly breathless. She was convinced she had got over her crush, but every now and then she wondered…
Sirius stared. "Evans what're you on about?"
"Anya!" she said. "Anya! You know she wouldn't tell you where she was?"
Sirius' expression became oddly closed, and he turned away. "Lily, I don't wanna talk-"
"No! You have to listen Sirius!" she half- yelled. "When she wasn't with you guys… she was with me."
Sirius turned around slowly. He couldn't work out her expression through the snow, and the fact her scarf was wrapped around her tightly, but her eyes gave away her desperation. She was telling the truth…
"What?"
"Anya was with me Sirius!" she repeated frantically. "I… I was ill. She found me in the toilets. And she stayed with me. I made her promise not to tell anyone."
"Why wouldn't you want anyone to know you were ill?" he asked, puzzled.
"Because… because it wasn't… " She sighed. "I was making myself sick." She said quietly. Sirius stared.
"You… you were forcing yourself?" he said bewildered. Lily nodded, lowering her head.
"I didn't want anyone to know. So she promised she wouldn't tell. She wasn't with Andrew. She was helping me." She looked up at him, and ignored the snow flying into her eyes. "She was with me Sirius. She was looking after me."
Sirius stared at her, his blue eyes penetrating. It felt like he was looking through her, and made her feel incredibly uncomfortable. She began to squirm as he stood in front of her, not speaking for about a minute.
"Oh shit."
"Yeah." She said. "You need to find her Sirius! You need to go and find her now! Tell her you're sorry."
He stared at her, before hitting himself in the head. "OH SHIT!" he repeated.
"I cant."
Lily couldn't believe her ears. "What?" she said furiously, her eyes flashing. "You cant? Or you wont? 'Cos you're too fucking big- headed?"
Sirius shook his head. "No… no, I cant. I actually cant. It's too late."
Before he knew what was happening, Lily darted forward, and slapped him fully across the face. His head flew up in shock as he stared at the tiny redhead in front of him, looking incensed.
"NO!" yelled Lily. " No Sirius it's not yet. You still could go and find her now. You can't let her get away- she loves you too much. You love her, and she loves you! Do you not realize how lucky you are to have that?"
Sirius, still unable to believe Lily Evans had just slapped him, shook his head miserably. "No…no, I cant."
"You don't go and find her now, you don't go and sort it out now, you don't go and tell her now… that's it Sirius. Its over. No more chances. She can't do it anymore. She can't hang about, waiting for you to sort your head out. She wont Sirius, she's better then that. You know she is."
"Yeah. She is. She is better than that."
"What?" she said sharply. "So you're just gonna let that Simon prick have her are you? You're gonna give up that easily? She was right y'know Sirius. You can't love her."
Sirius' head snapped up. Looking furious.
"Well, it's true," said Lily, now on a roll. "You cant! Or you wouldn't be giving up this easily would you? Letting that Ravenclaw git fawn over her. Over your girlfriend. The Sirius Black I know wouldn't let that happen. But you're just standing here like a lemon!"
Sirius stared. "What can I do Lily?" he said exasperatedly. "It's too late. Get over it! It's the end! "
"Exactly!" said Lily. "That's just it. The thing about all the best romances is… they never get together 'til the end. So go find her!"
Sirius stood frozen for a moment, and Lily thought she might have to slap him again.
"Sirius, look at it this way." said Lily firmly. "What have you actually got to lose? If, as you say, she hated you, this isn't going to make her hate you anymore, but if I'm right, which is much more likely, you going to find her is going to convince her you're still serious about her!"
Sirius stared at her. "I… I dunno Lily."
She sighed exasperatedly. "Fine!" she snapped. "You know what? Fine! Be stupid! Be an idiot! Throw it away! Fine! People would kill to have what you an Anya have, but whatever! Go ahead, forget it! The great Sirius Black, above apologising! You know what? You always say how even though you're related to the Malfoys; you're nothing like them. But the thing is, you're behaving just as arrogantly!" Finishing her tirade, she span on her heel, and stomped through the snow back into the pub, leaving a very mixed- up sixteen year old behind…
