What Happens when you Let the Butler Tag Along
by Eccentric Mookie
If you want to understand this at all, I suggest playing at least Tomb Raider and Tomb Raider II. I might end up writing about all of the Tomb Raider games, but that's only if people actually read this and like it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Tomb Raider, Lara Croft, or her butler (Jeevo). I know, "Jeevo" isn't his real name, that's just his nickname. I can't even take credit for coming up with the name "Jeevo", because my friend thought of it, so. . .
______________________________________________________
Chapter One: Caves - Violent Lara, Clever Wolves
- Lara wondered how much longer they would be trudging thorugh snow. Her butler, Winston (she called him Jeevo), had warned her to wear long pants, but nooooo. She had to go and wear those ridiculously short shorts that were so insufficient at conserving warmth that her legs would probably be frozen solid by the time they found the well-hidden tomb.
Jeevo, on the other hand, was so bundled up that he would likely overheat, even in this frigid weather. He toddled along behind Lara like a forlorn penguin, groaning and huffing because of the great effort of shuffling through the snowbanks.
Their guide, a muscular Peruvian man, was far ahead of them, already having reached a flat portion of the mountain they were struggling to ascend. When Lara and Jeevo reached him, he looked up at the unscaled remainder of the mountain. Carved within the sheer wall of rock were two enormous, tightly shut doors.
Lara: This is it. You can relax now, Jeevo.
Jeevo: ::grunts::
Lara: What's wrong, you old gasball?
Jeevo: It's a bit chilly out, that's all, Ms. Croft.
Lara: You should be used to it by now, after all the times I've locked you in the freezer because you wouldn't stop following me around with that tray, the chinking of teacups ehcoing behind you and trailing along like a worn-out shadow.
Jeevo: ::is befuddled by the deep imagery::
Ignoring Jeevo's. . . err. . . befuddlement, Lara began to climb up the door to push the big, confusing stone button that would open the tomb. Lara pushing the big button reminded Jeevo oddly of an infant pushing a big, chunky button on a toddler toy.
As the huge stone doors opened, the Peruvian tour guide looked inside the new, cavernous opening in the mountainside, expecting some big, ferocious wolves to run out and kill him. Yet as he swept his eyes over the area, he saw only shy, fleeing shadows.
Lara: ::calling from up near the button:: Any wolves?
Jeevo: Nope. Only cute little puppies that are enclosed by shadow.
Lara's face contorted in a really nasty way. As the Peruvian man happily trotted towards the entrance of the tomb, Lara dropped in front of him and shot him. He made a big, dramatic display, then went ahead and died since no one was applauding him.
Lara: ::blows the tip of her gun:: Damn wolves. . . they were supposed to kill him, I swear. . .
Jeevo: Couldn't he have just come along with us?
Lara: In every great game, there must be a kill scene before the first level starts. Now shut up and follow me!
The loading bar began to fill with red colouration.
The Croft woman and her butler found themselves in the tomb. The whole ceiling was covered in bats, and quite soon both Lara and Jeevo were covered in bat crap. The two had to roll in the snow to wash off, and sang to the bats to keep them from soiling them all over again.
By the time they reached the area with the two bridges spanning a pit, Jeevo was sweating profusely and would probably combust at any moment.
Lara: Just take off some of those old rags. It's not all that cold in here. Look, there are even ferns growing in here.
Little did she know that the ferns were plastic. Anywho, Jeevo was soon just wearing his regular butler suit. He wrapped his leftover blankets and scarves around his partially-bald head so he wouldn't have to carry them.
As they crossed the first bridge, everything seemed to be going fine. The Lara noticed a large, handsome grey wolf sleeping peacefully, his long muzzle laid upon his furry tail. The sight of the placid wolf made Lara steam. Slowly and silently she drew one of her pistols from its leather holster and pointed it directly at the wolf's brain. . .
Before she could pull the trigger, the wolf had risen and leaped away into the shadows of a cave. It happened so fast that Lara blinked thrice and looked around, confused. She holstered her gun and, murmuring to herself, dragged Jeevo along the remainder of the bridge.
As the two reached the pit with with the live, full-grown grizzly bear inside, Lara pondered.
Lara: ::pondering:: Last time I checked, neither grey wolves nor grizzlies ranged in Peru. . .
Jeevo: ::suddenly topples dangerously close to the edge of the pit::
The butler's old blankets and scarves slid off his head, into the bear's face. Lara, seeing that the bear was preoccupied, grabbed Jeevo and threw him over the pit before joining him on the safe ground on the other side. The two left the bear screaming in agony, trying to rip the garments from its face. It just so happened that there was a melted chocolate bar within the folds of material. Gooey chocolate seeped into the grizzly's fur and he began to hallucinate.
After a door-opening fiasco (in which Lara's left foot was smashed to a pulp), they reached an area where darts began to shoot out from the walls. These darts happened to be singing the Tomb Raider theme song.
Lara: So THAT'S how they get the music in here. . .
Jeevo: ::singing along and doing a poor job of it::
Finally they stepped into the final area of the level. Lara pulled the final switch, Jeevo spat out the plastic fern he had been chewing on, and the two of them dragged themselves into the next level.
______________________________________________________
Author's Note: I know, it sucked. But review it anyways, please?! x_x
by Eccentric Mookie
If you want to understand this at all, I suggest playing at least Tomb Raider and Tomb Raider II. I might end up writing about all of the Tomb Raider games, but that's only if people actually read this and like it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Tomb Raider, Lara Croft, or her butler (Jeevo). I know, "Jeevo" isn't his real name, that's just his nickname. I can't even take credit for coming up with the name "Jeevo", because my friend thought of it, so. . .
______________________________________________________
Chapter One: Caves - Violent Lara, Clever Wolves
- Lara wondered how much longer they would be trudging thorugh snow. Her butler, Winston (she called him Jeevo), had warned her to wear long pants, but nooooo. She had to go and wear those ridiculously short shorts that were so insufficient at conserving warmth that her legs would probably be frozen solid by the time they found the well-hidden tomb.
Jeevo, on the other hand, was so bundled up that he would likely overheat, even in this frigid weather. He toddled along behind Lara like a forlorn penguin, groaning and huffing because of the great effort of shuffling through the snowbanks.
Their guide, a muscular Peruvian man, was far ahead of them, already having reached a flat portion of the mountain they were struggling to ascend. When Lara and Jeevo reached him, he looked up at the unscaled remainder of the mountain. Carved within the sheer wall of rock were two enormous, tightly shut doors.
Lara: This is it. You can relax now, Jeevo.
Jeevo: ::grunts::
Lara: What's wrong, you old gasball?
Jeevo: It's a bit chilly out, that's all, Ms. Croft.
Lara: You should be used to it by now, after all the times I've locked you in the freezer because you wouldn't stop following me around with that tray, the chinking of teacups ehcoing behind you and trailing along like a worn-out shadow.
Jeevo: ::is befuddled by the deep imagery::
Ignoring Jeevo's. . . err. . . befuddlement, Lara began to climb up the door to push the big, confusing stone button that would open the tomb. Lara pushing the big button reminded Jeevo oddly of an infant pushing a big, chunky button on a toddler toy.
As the huge stone doors opened, the Peruvian tour guide looked inside the new, cavernous opening in the mountainside, expecting some big, ferocious wolves to run out and kill him. Yet as he swept his eyes over the area, he saw only shy, fleeing shadows.
Lara: ::calling from up near the button:: Any wolves?
Jeevo: Nope. Only cute little puppies that are enclosed by shadow.
Lara's face contorted in a really nasty way. As the Peruvian man happily trotted towards the entrance of the tomb, Lara dropped in front of him and shot him. He made a big, dramatic display, then went ahead and died since no one was applauding him.
Lara: ::blows the tip of her gun:: Damn wolves. . . they were supposed to kill him, I swear. . .
Jeevo: Couldn't he have just come along with us?
Lara: In every great game, there must be a kill scene before the first level starts. Now shut up and follow me!
The loading bar began to fill with red colouration.
The Croft woman and her butler found themselves in the tomb. The whole ceiling was covered in bats, and quite soon both Lara and Jeevo were covered in bat crap. The two had to roll in the snow to wash off, and sang to the bats to keep them from soiling them all over again.
By the time they reached the area with the two bridges spanning a pit, Jeevo was sweating profusely and would probably combust at any moment.
Lara: Just take off some of those old rags. It's not all that cold in here. Look, there are even ferns growing in here.
Little did she know that the ferns were plastic. Anywho, Jeevo was soon just wearing his regular butler suit. He wrapped his leftover blankets and scarves around his partially-bald head so he wouldn't have to carry them.
As they crossed the first bridge, everything seemed to be going fine. The Lara noticed a large, handsome grey wolf sleeping peacefully, his long muzzle laid upon his furry tail. The sight of the placid wolf made Lara steam. Slowly and silently she drew one of her pistols from its leather holster and pointed it directly at the wolf's brain. . .
Before she could pull the trigger, the wolf had risen and leaped away into the shadows of a cave. It happened so fast that Lara blinked thrice and looked around, confused. She holstered her gun and, murmuring to herself, dragged Jeevo along the remainder of the bridge.
As the two reached the pit with with the live, full-grown grizzly bear inside, Lara pondered.
Lara: ::pondering:: Last time I checked, neither grey wolves nor grizzlies ranged in Peru. . .
Jeevo: ::suddenly topples dangerously close to the edge of the pit::
The butler's old blankets and scarves slid off his head, into the bear's face. Lara, seeing that the bear was preoccupied, grabbed Jeevo and threw him over the pit before joining him on the safe ground on the other side. The two left the bear screaming in agony, trying to rip the garments from its face. It just so happened that there was a melted chocolate bar within the folds of material. Gooey chocolate seeped into the grizzly's fur and he began to hallucinate.
After a door-opening fiasco (in which Lara's left foot was smashed to a pulp), they reached an area where darts began to shoot out from the walls. These darts happened to be singing the Tomb Raider theme song.
Lara: So THAT'S how they get the music in here. . .
Jeevo: ::singing along and doing a poor job of it::
Finally they stepped into the final area of the level. Lara pulled the final switch, Jeevo spat out the plastic fern he had been chewing on, and the two of them dragged themselves into the next level.
______________________________________________________
Author's Note: I know, it sucked. But review it anyways, please?! x_x
