What Happens When You Let the Butler Tag Along
by Triangular Circle
This seems to be my most popular story yet. Only two chapters were up, and still I got eleven reviews. Weewoo! However, I warn you that this chapter will most likely be garbage. I'm in more of a dramatic mood, as opposed to a humorous one (blame the Rurouni Kenshin CDs I've been listening to ALL FREAKING DAY).
DISCLAIMER: Tomb Raider is not mine. BUT. This cattle prod IS! ______________________________________________________
Chapter Three: Lost Valley - The Great and Somewhat Breathtaking Cherry Lego Migration
Lara and Jeevo reached a small stream on top of a rather flat cliff within the giant cave that they had managed to conquer thus far.
Jeevo: ::sweating and panting:: M'lady, may I please take a drink from the stream?
Lara: It'd probably be safer to boil the water, but who cares? Knock yourself out.
Jeevo began to hit himself on the head, not knowing the meaning of Lara's suggestion. The woman groaned in frustration and told him to knock it off. He assumed she meant his head, and began to smash his skull against the cave wall.
When at last Lara had sent Jeevo to school to learn the difference between figurative and literal, the butler leaned down to sip from the stream. As his old sagging leather lips made contact with the water, he found himself seeing nothing but red. Literally.
Jeevo: ::reels back from the stream:: LARA! There's red stuff in the water! And I just drank it! I fear there may be a fresh carcass upriver!
Lara rushed over to the stream, and was even more shocked than her butler. For though Jeevo could see the red coloration it the water, he did not have the eyesight necessary to see the shapes which the red coloration was formed into. The entire stream was full of red Lego blocks.
Lara: I've heard about this before! In one of my books, it says that every year in an old rundown Incan cave, a hoard of creatures called "cherry Legos" are swept downstream and over a raging waterfall to their breeding grounds in a fake-looking but entirely natural rectangular pond! ::rushes down to the pond, having forgotten about Jeevo::
Jeevo attempted to follow his mistress, but slipped on a random cube of lime Jell-O and fell into the stream. Instantly five hundred little cherry Legos latched onto him with cleverly-hidden mouthparts, biting to rend and destroy. Jeevo's feet were soon bleeding and clotting.
Jeevo: LAAAARAAAAAA!!! ::clot hack sigh::
Lara had not heard him and continued to stand next to the pond, watching (somewhat breathlessly) the cherry Legos cascading down the waterfall. When she saw Jeevo go flying out into the air with water splooshing gracefully around him, she began to cry. It was that beautiful.
The force of the waterfall made it so that Jeevo was forced down to the bottom of the pond and was not able to surface for several minutes. Luckily, the cherry Legos had let go of him and were off to eat random pieces of pencil shavings that some tourist had dropped into the water.
Lara: That was simply beautiful. ::sobs and looks at Jeevo:: They should make an entire movie about that. "Usually Dull Butler Becomes Graceful Waterfall Jumper". ::throws herself on the ground, wailing::
Jeevo: I am very flattered that you found it breathtaking---
Lara: SOMEWHAT breathtaking.
Jeevo: ---but I must say, shouldn't we be continuing our search for the artifact?
Lara: Oh, you're right. ::pouts:: Meanie.
Jeevo: ::stares blankly, not sure what to say::
Lara then dragged her ever-willing doozer off to the heart of the Lost Valley, where she hoped to find the artifact without any further ado. Silly Lara.
Near a small waterfall (out of which yellow Legos were pouring), was a reptile. He was of a strange variety, with antlers, large milky eyes, and a very fluffy tail made of 100% rayon. He was hanging by velcro to an icicle that had randomly decided to not melt. Next to this reptile sat a psychiatrist; a large (and very styrofoam-filled) box made of particle board.
Reptile: ::stares accusingly at the box/psychiatrist:: You! You are the worst mommy I have ever had! Why do you not free me from this tree?!
Lara and Jeevo just so happened to chance upon this scene, and heard the reptile scream "I am TOO extinct! There is not a single salad shooter in the world who will tell you I'm not extinct!"
Lara: ::whispers to Jeevo:: I. . . don't think we want to get involved with THIS.
Jeevo: ::has already run out to save the "poor reptile" from the "evil box"::
The butler whacked the box with a plastic spoon, expecting it to fight back. It did not. It simply fell over from its armchair, spilling styrofoam pieces out onto the ground.
Reptile: ::stares at Jeevo with rage, torment, accusation, hysteria, and every other noun in the English dictionary:: YOU KILLED MY MOMMY! DIE, YOU IMPERSONATOR OF A ROBOT THAT LOOKS LIKE A FAMOUS BUTLER!
Jeevo narrowly escaped the reptile's wrath, using a magical piece of lint to transport himself to the inside of a Lego's small intestine (he then found his way out and fell from the sky to where Lara was standing).
The tomb raider and her butler were then in motion, running, tripping, slipping, sliding and wagglepoo-ing through the Lost Valley until they thought they had made it away from the horrible reptilian fiend. Indeed, they had outwitted him, for he was hanging by his teeth on a giant dinner roll. Silly reptile. Didn't he know that Pillsbury gives lard from My (clogged) Heart to Yours (TM)?
Lara soon discovered that the only way to find the artifact was to kill some Legos, piece them together on a wall-mounted puzzle, and go through the cleverly-hidden passageway behind the giant dinner roll. The next level was soon Lara's and Jeevo's to defeat.
by Triangular Circle
This seems to be my most popular story yet. Only two chapters were up, and still I got eleven reviews. Weewoo! However, I warn you that this chapter will most likely be garbage. I'm in more of a dramatic mood, as opposed to a humorous one (blame the Rurouni Kenshin CDs I've been listening to ALL FREAKING DAY).
DISCLAIMER: Tomb Raider is not mine. BUT. This cattle prod IS! ______________________________________________________
Chapter Three: Lost Valley - The Great and Somewhat Breathtaking Cherry Lego Migration
Lara and Jeevo reached a small stream on top of a rather flat cliff within the giant cave that they had managed to conquer thus far.
Jeevo: ::sweating and panting:: M'lady, may I please take a drink from the stream?
Lara: It'd probably be safer to boil the water, but who cares? Knock yourself out.
Jeevo began to hit himself on the head, not knowing the meaning of Lara's suggestion. The woman groaned in frustration and told him to knock it off. He assumed she meant his head, and began to smash his skull against the cave wall.
When at last Lara had sent Jeevo to school to learn the difference between figurative and literal, the butler leaned down to sip from the stream. As his old sagging leather lips made contact with the water, he found himself seeing nothing but red. Literally.
Jeevo: ::reels back from the stream:: LARA! There's red stuff in the water! And I just drank it! I fear there may be a fresh carcass upriver!
Lara rushed over to the stream, and was even more shocked than her butler. For though Jeevo could see the red coloration it the water, he did not have the eyesight necessary to see the shapes which the red coloration was formed into. The entire stream was full of red Lego blocks.
Lara: I've heard about this before! In one of my books, it says that every year in an old rundown Incan cave, a hoard of creatures called "cherry Legos" are swept downstream and over a raging waterfall to their breeding grounds in a fake-looking but entirely natural rectangular pond! ::rushes down to the pond, having forgotten about Jeevo::
Jeevo attempted to follow his mistress, but slipped on a random cube of lime Jell-O and fell into the stream. Instantly five hundred little cherry Legos latched onto him with cleverly-hidden mouthparts, biting to rend and destroy. Jeevo's feet were soon bleeding and clotting.
Jeevo: LAAAARAAAAAA!!! ::clot hack sigh::
Lara had not heard him and continued to stand next to the pond, watching (somewhat breathlessly) the cherry Legos cascading down the waterfall. When she saw Jeevo go flying out into the air with water splooshing gracefully around him, she began to cry. It was that beautiful.
The force of the waterfall made it so that Jeevo was forced down to the bottom of the pond and was not able to surface for several minutes. Luckily, the cherry Legos had let go of him and were off to eat random pieces of pencil shavings that some tourist had dropped into the water.
Lara: That was simply beautiful. ::sobs and looks at Jeevo:: They should make an entire movie about that. "Usually Dull Butler Becomes Graceful Waterfall Jumper". ::throws herself on the ground, wailing::
Jeevo: I am very flattered that you found it breathtaking---
Lara: SOMEWHAT breathtaking.
Jeevo: ---but I must say, shouldn't we be continuing our search for the artifact?
Lara: Oh, you're right. ::pouts:: Meanie.
Jeevo: ::stares blankly, not sure what to say::
Lara then dragged her ever-willing doozer off to the heart of the Lost Valley, where she hoped to find the artifact without any further ado. Silly Lara.
Near a small waterfall (out of which yellow Legos were pouring), was a reptile. He was of a strange variety, with antlers, large milky eyes, and a very fluffy tail made of 100% rayon. He was hanging by velcro to an icicle that had randomly decided to not melt. Next to this reptile sat a psychiatrist; a large (and very styrofoam-filled) box made of particle board.
Reptile: ::stares accusingly at the box/psychiatrist:: You! You are the worst mommy I have ever had! Why do you not free me from this tree?!
Lara and Jeevo just so happened to chance upon this scene, and heard the reptile scream "I am TOO extinct! There is not a single salad shooter in the world who will tell you I'm not extinct!"
Lara: ::whispers to Jeevo:: I. . . don't think we want to get involved with THIS.
Jeevo: ::has already run out to save the "poor reptile" from the "evil box"::
The butler whacked the box with a plastic spoon, expecting it to fight back. It did not. It simply fell over from its armchair, spilling styrofoam pieces out onto the ground.
Reptile: ::stares at Jeevo with rage, torment, accusation, hysteria, and every other noun in the English dictionary:: YOU KILLED MY MOMMY! DIE, YOU IMPERSONATOR OF A ROBOT THAT LOOKS LIKE A FAMOUS BUTLER!
Jeevo narrowly escaped the reptile's wrath, using a magical piece of lint to transport himself to the inside of a Lego's small intestine (he then found his way out and fell from the sky to where Lara was standing).
The tomb raider and her butler were then in motion, running, tripping, slipping, sliding and wagglepoo-ing through the Lost Valley until they thought they had made it away from the horrible reptilian fiend. Indeed, they had outwitted him, for he was hanging by his teeth on a giant dinner roll. Silly reptile. Didn't he know that Pillsbury gives lard from My (clogged) Heart to Yours (TM)?
Lara soon discovered that the only way to find the artifact was to kill some Legos, piece them together on a wall-mounted puzzle, and go through the cleverly-hidden passageway behind the giant dinner roll. The next level was soon Lara's and Jeevo's to defeat.
