What Happens When You Let the Butler Tag Along
by Triangular Circle
I started to wonder something yesterday. Is the entire Tomb Raider game going haywire just because Jeevo tagged along? It makes you wonder if maybe the old man had some sort of alliance with the Incan ruins and planned all of this out. Err. . . it makes ME wonder, anyways. . .
Anywhoozle, a note to my friend Kallaalit: I think you'll recognize the chapter title. XD
DISCLAIMER: I have. . . a cattle prod, a rotten grape, and some refillable pencils that refuse to be refilled. o_O ______________________________________________________
Chapter Four: Tomb of Qualopec - Duck-o-ration
When behind the waterfall and in the tomb, Lara and Jeevo gave a cry of horror as an enormous something, perhaps a yellow boulder, came rolling at them to squash them against the walls.
After they had dodged, smashed their faces against the wall, and recovered, they realized that the "yellow boulder" was actually a mass of yellow Legos, formed into the shape of a duck's head.
Lara: . . .you've got to be kidding.
Jeevo: Oh! It's so evil-looking! ::sobs::
A large dinosaur holding a paintbrush saw them and started singing. Soon enough, an entire mob of the scaly relics had gathered around the humans and were tying them up to a totem pole that was carved into a very ugly and elongated duck.
The human prisoners were dragged to another room, which was strikingly different than the other room. Instead of the walls being patterned with many elegant red and gold colors, the entire room was painted duckling- yellow. With low-quality and glossy latex paint, which was a dire shame.
random reptile: We're re-duck-o-rating the Tomb for Master.
Lara: Re-what-a-whoozle?
reptile: ::sighs:: Re-DUCK-O-RATING. It's the equivalent of redecorating, except that it sounds better because it was made up by a genius. ::grins dully::
Lara: . . .
Jeevo: RAAAR! I wanna quack quack QUAAACK TILL AH DIEEE--
Lara: . . .
another reptile: ::runs in and says frantically:: I've gotten word that Mr. Peck is coming back any minute now! ::pants::
Just as the random reptile headed out of the room, he smashed into a large, broad-shouldered robot. The robot ignored him and skipped into the room gleefully. The reptile slid off of him and died on the floor.
reptile with paintbrush: Mr. Peck! But. . . I thought you were in the Spirit Realm?
Mr. Peck: It's QUALOPEC. And no. I was napping. ::giggles and smacks the reptile::
reptile: x_x ::falls over, dead::
Jeevo: Hey, Pecking Duck Boy! Do you have the Scion? IF YOU DON'T AH'LL QUACK S'MOREEE CAUSE AH LURVE QUACKIN', YEAH--
Qualopec: I LIKE QUACKING TOO. But no. No Scion. But would you like to see my pets?
[five minutes later]
Lara: Jeevo. You make me sad.
The two companions were hanging over a pit full of crocodiles, each one scrawny, starving, rabid, poisonous, frenzied, and adorable.
Jeevo: --AND THEREFORE QUACKING IS--
Lara: ::looks around and sees a ventilation shaft on the ceiling:: If we can get up there. . .
She began to chew through the ropes around her wrists, using her feet to cling to a tiny ledge on the wall. As her teeth severed through, her upper half began to plunge into the pit, but she grabbed Jeevo's shiny shoes and was suspended like a bridge between Jeevo and the wall. Using her arms to thrust herself up, she was soon hugging the wall. Unfortunately, she had taken too much laxative that morning and it was going to her head.
Becoming dizzy, her grip on the wall slipped. As she fell into the croc pit, a mini bunny-helicopter robot with ears for rotors flew past and sliced Jeevo's rope as well.
Jeevo: --AND YELLOW-FEATHERED WITH WEBBED FEET AND-- ::splash!::
Underwater, Lara saw Jeevo sinking to the bottom of the pit like a rock. The crocodiles' silhouettes and shadows were circling them eerily, driving her to swim after Jeevo and grab his shirtcollar.
Too late. They were cornered by a croc. Lara fumbled through her arsenal for a harpoon gun, but found that in place of it she had packed a giant glittery pencil with pink fuzzy stuff at the end.
Lara: ::gurgle gurgleee!::
Suddenly the crocodile (which was actually an alligator. . .) opened his mouth. His teeth began to fly out of his mouth like missiles, a few of which pinned themselves in Lara's arms and legs.
Only a few hundred teeth were able to sail, however, because Jeevo slammed a large quiche in the alligator's face. As the two made their escape, Lara spotted a tunnel large enough for them to swim through but too small for their scaly pursuers.
Through the tunnel, they reached the inside of a sewer. They crawled through pipes, got slapped with radioactive toxins, and met a Scottish man who had gotten lost seventy years ago. The sewer ended in a room lit by glaring flourescent lights. Lara spotted the Scion and made a dash for it. Jeevo was rolling behind her, still singing his duck song.
Just as her hand touched the artifact, some sort of warp was activated. Suddenly she was standing on the top of a roof of what looked like a government building, wearing a wetsuit and holding a kite with kittens on it. A man wearing a nametag reading "Zip" ran out and slapped her with a fish, screaming something about having to get to the other building across the street in order to murder the Scion.
Then she was standing back in the Incan ruin, wobbling and looking quite unstable.
Lara: ::mutters:: Murder the Scion?
Jeevo: ::pulls her back out of the room and towards an obvious exit:: -- RUBBER DUCKIES STINK BECAUSE--
When almost to the exit, Lara realized that she only had part of the artifact. That, coupled with her wierd vision, was going to make things difficult.
by Triangular Circle
I started to wonder something yesterday. Is the entire Tomb Raider game going haywire just because Jeevo tagged along? It makes you wonder if maybe the old man had some sort of alliance with the Incan ruins and planned all of this out. Err. . . it makes ME wonder, anyways. . .
Anywhoozle, a note to my friend Kallaalit: I think you'll recognize the chapter title. XD
DISCLAIMER: I have. . . a cattle prod, a rotten grape, and some refillable pencils that refuse to be refilled. o_O ______________________________________________________
Chapter Four: Tomb of Qualopec - Duck-o-ration
When behind the waterfall and in the tomb, Lara and Jeevo gave a cry of horror as an enormous something, perhaps a yellow boulder, came rolling at them to squash them against the walls.
After they had dodged, smashed their faces against the wall, and recovered, they realized that the "yellow boulder" was actually a mass of yellow Legos, formed into the shape of a duck's head.
Lara: . . .you've got to be kidding.
Jeevo: Oh! It's so evil-looking! ::sobs::
A large dinosaur holding a paintbrush saw them and started singing. Soon enough, an entire mob of the scaly relics had gathered around the humans and were tying them up to a totem pole that was carved into a very ugly and elongated duck.
The human prisoners were dragged to another room, which was strikingly different than the other room. Instead of the walls being patterned with many elegant red and gold colors, the entire room was painted duckling- yellow. With low-quality and glossy latex paint, which was a dire shame.
random reptile: We're re-duck-o-rating the Tomb for Master.
Lara: Re-what-a-whoozle?
reptile: ::sighs:: Re-DUCK-O-RATING. It's the equivalent of redecorating, except that it sounds better because it was made up by a genius. ::grins dully::
Lara: . . .
Jeevo: RAAAR! I wanna quack quack QUAAACK TILL AH DIEEE--
Lara: . . .
another reptile: ::runs in and says frantically:: I've gotten word that Mr. Peck is coming back any minute now! ::pants::
Just as the random reptile headed out of the room, he smashed into a large, broad-shouldered robot. The robot ignored him and skipped into the room gleefully. The reptile slid off of him and died on the floor.
reptile with paintbrush: Mr. Peck! But. . . I thought you were in the Spirit Realm?
Mr. Peck: It's QUALOPEC. And no. I was napping. ::giggles and smacks the reptile::
reptile: x_x ::falls over, dead::
Jeevo: Hey, Pecking Duck Boy! Do you have the Scion? IF YOU DON'T AH'LL QUACK S'MOREEE CAUSE AH LURVE QUACKIN', YEAH--
Qualopec: I LIKE QUACKING TOO. But no. No Scion. But would you like to see my pets?
[five minutes later]
Lara: Jeevo. You make me sad.
The two companions were hanging over a pit full of crocodiles, each one scrawny, starving, rabid, poisonous, frenzied, and adorable.
Jeevo: --AND THEREFORE QUACKING IS--
Lara: ::looks around and sees a ventilation shaft on the ceiling:: If we can get up there. . .
She began to chew through the ropes around her wrists, using her feet to cling to a tiny ledge on the wall. As her teeth severed through, her upper half began to plunge into the pit, but she grabbed Jeevo's shiny shoes and was suspended like a bridge between Jeevo and the wall. Using her arms to thrust herself up, she was soon hugging the wall. Unfortunately, she had taken too much laxative that morning and it was going to her head.
Becoming dizzy, her grip on the wall slipped. As she fell into the croc pit, a mini bunny-helicopter robot with ears for rotors flew past and sliced Jeevo's rope as well.
Jeevo: --AND YELLOW-FEATHERED WITH WEBBED FEET AND-- ::splash!::
Underwater, Lara saw Jeevo sinking to the bottom of the pit like a rock. The crocodiles' silhouettes and shadows were circling them eerily, driving her to swim after Jeevo and grab his shirtcollar.
Too late. They were cornered by a croc. Lara fumbled through her arsenal for a harpoon gun, but found that in place of it she had packed a giant glittery pencil with pink fuzzy stuff at the end.
Lara: ::gurgle gurgleee!::
Suddenly the crocodile (which was actually an alligator. . .) opened his mouth. His teeth began to fly out of his mouth like missiles, a few of which pinned themselves in Lara's arms and legs.
Only a few hundred teeth were able to sail, however, because Jeevo slammed a large quiche in the alligator's face. As the two made their escape, Lara spotted a tunnel large enough for them to swim through but too small for their scaly pursuers.
Through the tunnel, they reached the inside of a sewer. They crawled through pipes, got slapped with radioactive toxins, and met a Scottish man who had gotten lost seventy years ago. The sewer ended in a room lit by glaring flourescent lights. Lara spotted the Scion and made a dash for it. Jeevo was rolling behind her, still singing his duck song.
Just as her hand touched the artifact, some sort of warp was activated. Suddenly she was standing on the top of a roof of what looked like a government building, wearing a wetsuit and holding a kite with kittens on it. A man wearing a nametag reading "Zip" ran out and slapped her with a fish, screaming something about having to get to the other building across the street in order to murder the Scion.
Then she was standing back in the Incan ruin, wobbling and looking quite unstable.
Lara: ::mutters:: Murder the Scion?
Jeevo: ::pulls her back out of the room and towards an obvious exit:: -- RUBBER DUCKIES STINK BECAUSE--
When almost to the exit, Lara realized that she only had part of the artifact. That, coupled with her wierd vision, was going to make things difficult.
