Chapter Eight

When Ellie walked into Doctor James' office the next week her face looked white and drawn and Doctor James commented on it. Ellie responded with, "the rest of my sessions aren't going to be easy. Because by now I've started to fall in love with Sean and it isn't long between when I fell in love with him and when I lost him, and it's all my fault."

Doctor James shakes her head, "I doubt that it is your fault Ellie, but why don't you begin and we can talk more about it after you finish, if you want."

Ashley left early the next morning she and Craig were going to spend the entire day together, making up for lost time Ashley said. I walked her out of the house and within minutes of when she was gone I realized that I didn't want to sit home by myself, to be completely honest I was lonely and since I had started hanging out with people again I hated to be alone again. So I did something I hated done in years, but had loved to do when I was little, I laid down on the sidewalk and stared up at the clouds. I'd always been fascinated by the heavens, I think it had something to do with the fact that I felt like I could escape life on earth if only I could stare long enough.

"Anyone out in the circumstances you were put in has every right to want to be anywhere else." Doctor James informs before Ellie continues.

As if sensing how lonely I was Sean appeared then, he wanted to know what I was doing and when I responded with nothing he asked if he could join me and he did. But I guess that's when things got complicated. To hide the cuts on my arms I always wore arm bands, but I guess while I was getting myself adjusted they had moved too far up my arm. Sean confronted me right away about it, demanding to know exactly where I had gotten so many scratches. So I used the lie that I used whenever I accidently let people see my arm, I blamed my cat, said she was evil like to attack. Sean saw right through it though, he insisted that I didn't need to lie to him that we were friends. That's when I told him that we had never been friends before and that dumb circumstances brought us together. Sean said we could be friends, he said that I could trust him if only I would let myself. I think I was kind of itching for a fight to get out of talking about my arm because I demanded to know how we could be friends if we are lying to everyone. So I told Sean that on Monday we would tell everyone that it was over, I thought Sean was going to disagree at first but then he finally agreed. We laid there for awhile longer but finally Sean got up to leaven and said he would see me at the meeting later that evening.

"Why do you think you did what you did?" Doctor James questions.

Ellie sighs, "I was scared of letting him in, I didn't want him to know anymore about me than he all ready did. He was all ready too close, I though I could be comfortable with that but I guess I wasn't. There was to much pressure and I just couldn't handle it."

"You were scared, it's OK to be scared sometimes."