Chapter Nine
"How are you doing Ellie?" Doctor James asks a week later.
Ellie shrugs, "all right I guess."
After Sean left I took a bath, something that I only ever did when I needed privacy to do my cutting. It had been easy to cut when my mom was around because she was never sober enough to invade my privacy but with my dad he was big on the no secrets so the bathroom was only place where I could do it. But for the first time in a long time I didn't cut when I got in the bath, I was to busy thinking about Sean. He was the only one I ever wanted to tell about my cutting, but I had been to scared to tell him anything so I had ruined it. So then I decided that I was going to be strong and actually tell someone on my own free will.
When I got out of the bath I quickly dressed, but for the first time in a long time I left my arm bands off and headed to my meeting.
"That's a brave thing you did." Doctor James comments.
Ellie shrugs.
I actually grabbed a jacket before leaving my house, just top hide the cuts from my father and the other members at the meeting. I was ready to talk to Sean about it but there was no way I was ready to talk to the whole world about it.
"That's all right, the fact that you were ready to talk about it helps."
I managed to catch Sean before he went into the meeting and I asked him if he wanted to go to The Dot with me afterward for to get something to eat and to talk. I know I shocked him with this request, he was probably expecting me never to talk to him again but he agreed. When we walked out of the meeting Sean actually admitted to being surprise by my request, he said he felt bad for prying into something that wasn't any of his business. That's when I told him the truth, that he was the first person I actually felt comfortable enough to talk to about it, I also told him that I felt like I could be completely honest with him. When we got to The Dot and sat down and had our orders taken I took my jacket off and I laid my arms out for Sean to see completely, for once not hiding anything.
"That must have been really hard. " Doctor James states when Ellie comes to a pause in her story.
Ellie nods, "it was. I hadn't been 100% honest with anyone for a long time, since my mother started drinking at least. And I felt really relieved that I could be that way with someone, but at the same time I was terrified, baring my soul for someone was never something I thought I could do. And then I did, and for the most part it had disastrous results."
"But none of it was your fault." Doctor James assures quickly.
"The circumstances were the way they were because I put Sean into them. If it wasn't for me I have the feeling that Sean might not be in prison right now, and I probably wouldn't be in a mental institution."
"Ellie you shouldn't be talking like that, it's not helpful."
"Maybe not." Ellie stands up then, "but I think it's the truth." And with her words Ellie hurries out of the room.
"How are you doing Ellie?" Doctor James asks a week later.
Ellie shrugs, "all right I guess."
After Sean left I took a bath, something that I only ever did when I needed privacy to do my cutting. It had been easy to cut when my mom was around because she was never sober enough to invade my privacy but with my dad he was big on the no secrets so the bathroom was only place where I could do it. But for the first time in a long time I didn't cut when I got in the bath, I was to busy thinking about Sean. He was the only one I ever wanted to tell about my cutting, but I had been to scared to tell him anything so I had ruined it. So then I decided that I was going to be strong and actually tell someone on my own free will.
When I got out of the bath I quickly dressed, but for the first time in a long time I left my arm bands off and headed to my meeting.
"That's a brave thing you did." Doctor James comments.
Ellie shrugs.
I actually grabbed a jacket before leaving my house, just top hide the cuts from my father and the other members at the meeting. I was ready to talk to Sean about it but there was no way I was ready to talk to the whole world about it.
"That's all right, the fact that you were ready to talk about it helps."
I managed to catch Sean before he went into the meeting and I asked him if he wanted to go to The Dot with me afterward for to get something to eat and to talk. I know I shocked him with this request, he was probably expecting me never to talk to him again but he agreed. When we walked out of the meeting Sean actually admitted to being surprise by my request, he said he felt bad for prying into something that wasn't any of his business. That's when I told him the truth, that he was the first person I actually felt comfortable enough to talk to about it, I also told him that I felt like I could be completely honest with him. When we got to The Dot and sat down and had our orders taken I took my jacket off and I laid my arms out for Sean to see completely, for once not hiding anything.
"That must have been really hard. " Doctor James states when Ellie comes to a pause in her story.
Ellie nods, "it was. I hadn't been 100% honest with anyone for a long time, since my mother started drinking at least. And I felt really relieved that I could be that way with someone, but at the same time I was terrified, baring my soul for someone was never something I thought I could do. And then I did, and for the most part it had disastrous results."
"But none of it was your fault." Doctor James assures quickly.
"The circumstances were the way they were because I put Sean into them. If it wasn't for me I have the feeling that Sean might not be in prison right now, and I probably wouldn't be in a mental institution."
"Ellie you shouldn't be talking like that, it's not helpful."
"Maybe not." Ellie stands up then, "but I think it's the truth." And with her words Ellie hurries out of the room.
