Chapter 10

Ellie walked into Doctor James' office the next week with her head lowered feeling bad for storming out the week prior, "Ellie come in."

"Doctor James I want to apologize for the way I acted last week. I tend to get over-emotional when it comes to Sean and what happened."

"You have every right to be upset Ellie, but you can't blame yourself. If there is any conclusion I've wanted you to reach is that nothing that happened in your life was your fault."

"Sometimes I feel that way, sometimes I know it's not my fault and sometimes I think it's all my fault."

Sean didn't say anything for a long time so to fill in the silence I started talking. I told him about how Paige found out and urged me to see help, and I was in counciling until my mom died. But then about how I didn't continue to go anymore because I didn't want my father to know but I also couldn't stop. I explained to him about how whenever things got to out of control or too stressful I just couldn't help myself, that it just consumed me. I had to stop then, I wasn't sure if I could continue but Sean urged me to do it saying he wouldn't judge me, but he also said that if I didn't want to go on he wasn't pressuring me either. It calmed me down, it even sort of relaxed me and it made me realize that I had control over what Sean would know and what he wouldn't. I didn't really have a whole lot more to say on the topic, just about how I was coping now, what still drove me to do it and when I was done Sean stated that he wanted to help. That's when Craig and Ashley walked in. Sean saw them before I did, and I didn't understand what he was doing at first when he leaned forward and gently covered my arms with his. Ashley and Craig came over and they made some small talk for awhile, I was barely breathing but Sean remained calm, besides both Craig and Ashley were so excited that they were back together that they didn't really take in any thing around them. Eventually though when a table became available they went to their own table. I let out a deep breath and Sean suggested that maybe we go for walk where there weren't so many people. Relieved I agreed and Sean helped me put my jacket on and he took my shaking hand into his and we walked out of the Dot, and the instant we were safely around the corner I burst into tears.

Ellie seems to be holding back tears at this point and she shakes her head almost as if to tell them to go away, "I don't want to talk about the rest now."

"That's all right Ellie." Doctor James responds soothingly. "We will continue this next week, and we will take it as slow as you need to."

"All right, thanks Doctor James." Ellie stands up and moves toward the door her head hung low as she wipes at the tears on her cheek.