Part Three

"It's been a while."

She gave him a funny look, then said: "What?".

"Since I've seen you smile like that."

"What do you want, Grissom?", Sara sighed.

He contemplated telling her the truth. I want to touch your face and kiss your lips. I want to feel your arms around me. I want to make love to you.

Not a single word slipped from his lips, a shrug of his shoulders was all he managed.

She eyed him with curiosity. He looked uncomfortable.

"Just tell me. I don't bite", she offered. "I can only try to understand."

"I know."

"So?", she carefully enquired.

"I should tell you about obstacles, I guess."

Sara cut him off.

"I could fill that one in for you. I'm too young, you're too old. You're my supervisor. It wouldn't work, right?", she said, but her voice lacked resignation.

"Does that really matter?", she continued. "I mean, the good things in life are worth the effort, worth the sacrifice even. At least that's what I thought. You don't agree, right. Cause you're afraid. Of what? Of me? Of yourself? Of seeing yourself in me?", Sara ranted.

Grissom slowly put his cup of coffee down on her coffee table. He turned to meet her ardent gaze.

"I was loosing my hearing", he stated hesitantly.

Sara stared at him, completely taken aback. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came.

"My mother. She was deaf. It's hereditary. I have what's called otosclerosis. It's a type of conduction deafness."

Talking about the technicalities made him feel a little less uncomfortable. Grissom felt himself slipping into scientific mode again. But when he met Sara's eyes, he saw fear and worry. This was not what he'd expected. He had imagined she'd be disappointed, that she'd think of him as faulty, deficient and well, old. He quickly reached out a hand to gently touch her forearm.

"Sara."

She didn't move or speak.

"I'm fine now. I had surgery. I should be ok."

Sara still sat silently. Her right hand moved over Grissom's hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry", she whispered.

"Don't be. I'm alright."

"I had no idea. That's why you took that long so called vacation", Sara deduced. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"It was my problem. Nobody else's."

"Jeez, Griss", Sara huffed. "You always try to carry all that weight alone. You might get crushed, you know."

"Sara", Grissom started. She cut him off again.

"Dammit, Grissom. Why do you think you don't need anybody? Why do you always want to go it alone?"

Her voice was laden with desperation and pain. Tears started welling up in her eyes.

"We're on the same side here. What harm is there in sharing things?"

A tear trickled down her cheeks, that were red with anger and hurt.

"We used to share things…"

Sara swallowed as more tears streamed down her face. Grissom still hadn't lifted his hand from Sara's arm and started to gently stroke her skin in a heartfelt attempt to soothe her. When she didn't respond he moved both his hands to cup her face.

"Look at me", he pleaded. "I know you're mad."

"Grissom, I'm not angry", she sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I'm just sad. Maybe I miss being there for you. I liked being there for you. But you don't need me, obviously."

"Sara, I realize that it looks that way, but you couldn't be more off."

He paused to compose himself and let his hands back down.

"This is hard for me. I…I find it difficult to talk about what's going on in my mind, or in my heart for that matter. But this is not just about the otosclerosis. I mean, that was something that scared me, but something else scared me even more. But I could only deal with one thing at a time. So I took on what I could handle, however frightening that was. I had the surgery and now… , now I'm still faced with that other daunting thing that I don't know what to do about."

Sara nodded at him, urging him to go on.

"You scare me."

Sara laughed at that.

"That's not what I was going for", she joked.

"Sara, I'm serious. You could really hurt me."

"Grissom, I would never hurt you. Not knowingly."

"I think I realize that. But it's not because you don't want it to happen, that it won't. And I'm not a young man anymore…"

"Let's not go there again. It doesn't matter to me. You could be 80 and I'd still love you."

A shocking sensation went through Sara's mind. Oh no. Did I really say that? Dear God, I said I loved him. If that doesn't make him run for the hills, I don't know what will.

If Grissom heard, he didn't pursue it.

"I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. You're a beautiful young woman and you can have any man you want. What do you need me for?"

"You're awfully good at selling yourself short, Grissom."

"You said you'd try and understand."

"I do understand. But can I have a say in this?"

Grissom grinned at her. He waved his hand as a go-ahead.

"Look, I understand that you're scared. We both have a lot to lose. But from my perspective, I think we've got a lot to gain too."

He smiled genuinely at her.

"You may be right."

Sara smiled right back.

"You see what you do to me?  You make me go from laughing to crying to laughing again in a matter of minutes", Sara said.

"Honey, I wish I could promise you I'll never make you cry again. But I can't. I'm not good at this. You'll have to be patient with me. I'm not you're knight in shining armour."

Grissom winced internally when he realized he'd called her honey again. Terms of endearment slipped so easily and unexpectedly from his lips when he was with Sara.

"Maybe you're not. But you're my entomologist in a shell. And that'll do just fine for me. As long as you come out of that shell every now and then."

Grissom lifted his hand to Sara's face again and stroked her soft cheek.

"Thank you", he whispered.

"You're welcome."

They stared at each other. Sara felt herself getting drawn to the blue depths of his eyes. Her breath came in ragged gasps. She felt a blush creeping to her face. Grissom shifted slightly closer to Sara and moved his other hand towards her neck. He leaned in and gently, as if to test how far he could go, placed his lips on Sara's. The light touch felt electric, like a genuine spark passed between their lips. Grissom moved his face mere inches away from Sara's to look in her eyes. He read there that she'd felt it too. Their lips collided again. They slowly explored the new territory and revelled  in the sensation it brought on. Sara's arms snaked around Grissom's body and held him close to her. She suddenly disengaged her lips from his and buried her face in the nape of his neck.

"God, Griss", she breathed. Her warm breath tickled his skin. He smiled against her hair and stroked her head with his hand. Sara felt the vein in his neck pumping. It gave her a phenomenal sense of  satisfaction to feel that this was affecting him as much as it affected her. She moved her head to look at him again. She couldn't help but smile like an idiot.

"Oh, wipe that smug grin of your face", she said laughingly when she saw his expression. She slapped his shoulder lightly. Grissom couldn't help but smile like an idiot.

"You want to stay here for a while? I mean, I know you must be tired so maybe you want to go home", Sara asked.

"Yes, I'm tired. But I'd like to stay if you'll let me."

Sara beamed at him.

"I could make us some more coffee", she offered.

"Sure."

"Just make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back."

Sara disappeared into the kitchen with their coffee mugs. When she re-emerged Grissom was lying spread out on her couch. She couldn't have been gone more then a couple of  minutes. Oh, make yourself comfortable already, she thought to herself. She quietly crouched next to the couch, trying not to startle him.

"Grissom."

No response.

"Griss?", she tried again. "Gil?"

The sound of his given name was foreign to her lips. Until a few minutes ago, so was his kiss. Grissom mumbled something incoherent. Sara caressed his salt and pepper curls, then placed a soft kiss on his cheek. She pulled the comforter from the back of the couch and draped it over his sleeping form. After closing the blinds against the piercing rays of light, she retreated to her bedroom. She knew she wouldn't sleep.