"Paul, where are you taking us?" I ask exasperated, yet thrilled to be doing something adventurous.
"Would you quit worrying! I promise, you'll know soon enough and then when we're alone you can tell me anything you want." He says, almost in a crazed like sense.
"But we are alone!"
"Not enough! I want to really and truly be alone."
I sigh and turn towards to window, knowing that I'll get no real answer from him, no matter how hard I try. The hills that roll before us open up and suddenly I'm surprised to see the ocean. I look down the road and notice that there are miles of ocean ahead of us. We drive for a few more minutes and then Paul pulls onto the beach itself. I'm amazed he's actually doing this, but I go ahead with it anyway.
"We're here." He says, stepping out of the truck. He comes around to the other side and opens the door for me, offering his hand to me. Willingly I accept it. Hopping out of the truck, my feet softly land on the fresh sand. I inhale the sweet fragrance of the ocean and let it envelope me, both outside and in. I feel Paul tugging at my hand and I go with him. He finds a quaint little spot, inches from the water and he sits down, dragging me with him. His strong, protective arms move to my waist. I can't help but feel magnificent in this instant, here alone, just Paul and I.
"This is so peaceful." I say.
"Now you know why I brought you here. This is the perfect place for you to tell me whatever it was you couldn't bring yourself to say at the church. I'm all ears, talk away."
I'm nervous at first, unsure of what to say. There's so much I want to talk about, but where do I start. "I feel so alone." I whisper into the air.
"You're not alone Paige, what about me? And your aunt and uncle? You have us."
"But it's not the same. I love you guys, but I feel just the way I did when I first found out I was adopted. I was scrambling to try and make it right, the fact that I had been left alone. It's as if everyone I ever come in contact with ends up leaving me. It scares me a little."
"It's alright to be scared you know, but your reason for being scared, well that's not a very just cause. Your birth parents probably gave you up for good reasons, those of which you may never know. As for your adoptive parents, they never meant to leave you and you know it. It was an accident, that's all."
"I guess." I mumble, not really believing what I'm saying. We haven't even been talking that long and already I can sense the tears surfacing again. God, I'm so oversensitive!!
"Paige! Stop this! I hate the whole martyr routine you're trying to pull. These things happen, regardless, that's just life for you. But you can't blame it on yourself!!!"
"Why not Paul? Why aren't I entitled to just cry away my days and yell at myself for everything! You want to know something," I'm no longer cuddled in his arms, but rather staring at him directly, my face a mask of rage and sorrow, "that day, the day my parents died, we had a huge fight! I didn't want to go to family night because I wanted to go to the diner with you! I wanted us to talk! You had been so distant, I thought you were going to commit suicide or something! My dad was yelling at me because he said I had to go, well it so happened that he also was looking directly at me when he said it. His eyes were off the road and the next thing I knew, there was a car coming in contact with ours. You happy now Paul, the reason my parents died was because I was worried more about you than anything else!!!" I yelled, now crying hysterically. I got up, sand flying in the air, and began to run down the beach. My eyes were too blurry because of the tears and I didn't make it very far. Falling on the sand I grabbed a handful of it and threw it in the air. Maybe I was aiming for the heavens, maybe not. I wasn't really sure.
The next thing I knew Paul was hugging me and crying too. The oceans currents began to rise and the water soaked right through our clothes. The fatigue that had been lingering for the past couple of days began to take over. My whole body ached for rest, even just a little. I lay down on the sand, burying my face into Paul's shirt. Closing my eyes, I began to imagine what would happen if during my slumber my body was to drift away with the ocean and end up in a world where my parents were still alive.
* * *
I sit on my bed, talking to Paul on the telephone. We're laughing and having a good time. Suddenly though, the lights begin to flicker and I feel an intense heat all over my body. Looking around I begin to see my room on fire. The flames dance around my furniture, destroying all of it. Two large, human sized flames catch my attention. They don't seem to be burning anything, they just keep approaching my bed. As they begin to get closer they start to morph into people. At first I couldn't make out the people's faces but all of a sudden I realized it's my parents.
"Paige how could you do this to us?" my mom's raspy voice yelled out to me, her flaming finger pointing directly at me.
I began to scream but no one could hear me. Off in the distance though I could just make out Paul's voice, calling out to me.
All of a sudden I open my eyes to see that I'm in Paul's truck. We're pulled over on the side of the road and rain is pelting the windows.
"It's alright Paige. You're safe." Paul says, stroking my hair with his hand, worry written all over his face.
My hand reaches out for his and when I find it I give it a tight squeeze. My breathing has begun to even, but my mind is still racing a million miles an hour. I know I'm no longer in that dream dimension, but its remnants still linger. I can still feel my body burning up.
"Oh Paul, it was so horrible."
"What happened to you Paige?"
I retell him all the horrible details of my dream and by the end of it I'm crying once again and trembling uncontrollably. All I want to do is go outside and sit in the rain. I'm not quite sure why, but I really want to. So I place my hand on the rusted handle of the truck and open the door. The cold wet rain begins to come into the car, the wind pushing it in. It feels soothing on my aching body. Stepping outside, my bare feet meet with the slushy mud on the side of the road. Normally I would jump right back into the car, but I sort of enjoy this experience with nature. It's as if my whole soul were being cleansed.
"Paige! Come on, get back in!!" Paul yells to me, "You're going to get sick!"
I don't bother to listen to him. I continue to walk through the mud. I look up to the sky and watch as the rain falls, landing continuously on my face. My mascara drips down my face, all the way to my chin. I go to wipe it away, but end up deciding not to. I just let my horrible thoughts of life drift away with the small stream that's beginning to form. I stay there a little while longer and then finally I go back to the truck.
I can see Paul's face, like a painting, through the glass of the truck. He seems a bit angry, but mostly upset. I know he worries for me all the time and here I am, making his worries even worse. When I'm safely back in the passenger's seat Paul starts the engine again and pulls back onto the highway.
"Have fun?" he says.
"Yeah, I did." I say, leaning back against the chair, smiling.
And for the first time in what seems like years, I smile a genuine smile. I look out at the dark sky above us and I pray on an invisible star that my parents are watching me and that they're smiling too.
A/N: What'd you guys think? A little too dramatic, maybe too romantic, not romantic enough? You tell me! I'm not getting too many reviews and I don't understand why. I thought this story was actually one of my better ones, but I guess no one seems to be agreeing. I have wonderful ideas on where to go with this story, but unless I get more reviews I'm afraid I'll just stop writing this. At least 4-5 reviews this time, PLEASE!!! I thank all of you who are regular reviewers, you're comments are great, they definitely brighten my day and push me to continue. I know that if I stop writing this those of you who enjoy it will be left without an ending and I'm terribly sorry, but I just can't continue unless I know that this is being enjoyed. I'm serious this time, I want some reviews!!! PLEASE I BEG OF ALL OF YOU!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!
