Disclaimer: I don't own the Potterverse, though I would love to. I am merely borrowing them, they belong to the wunnerful JKR. That is all.

HERMIONE GRANGER: GUARDIAN ANGEL EXTRORINAIRE!

"So. . .you're the newbie, right?" A girl's voice startled Hermione. She whirled around, her fist drawn back, as if ready to strike.

"Whoa, hold up! I am so-o-o not going to hurt you!" A short redhead smiled, freckles dotting across her short nose where her glasses were perched precariously. When she noticed Hermione staring at the glasses she laughed. "Yeah, I know. Ridiculous eh? I would think that in heaven you could at least get contacts, but no-o. Uncivilized, I swear."

Hermione laughed. "I'm Hermione. . .Hermione Granger. So, I guess you are Elizabeth, right?"

"Right-o! Elizabeth Jones of the Good ol' US of A. Nice to meet you. Morgana just raves about you, ya know. She's all Hermione this, Granger girl that!" She gestured wildly, pulling a comical face that put both girls in titters. "So, who'd they saddle you with? Hopefully a looker, right?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. If Hermione was going to have to spend forever like this, it was a wonderful way to go! Then she remembered who exactly she would be guarding, and her face fell.

"Oh, cripes! It's not like they stuck you with Uncle Sevviekins, right?" Seeing Hermione's shock register she laughed, "Oh, sorry, my Uncle Severus Snape. Not too bad in the looks department but a right deplorable personality."

Hermione's jaw dropped. This-this girl was related to the evil Potion's Master?! "Um. . . excuse me. Did you just say Severus Snape?"

"Yeppers, I sure did. But it's not like you got 'im. Or know 'im for that matter. Poor guy, keeps to himself, except when it came to me, o'course. I was his favorite niece. I remember last Christmas. Mom said he was going to come, I was so excited. Heh, anyway. . ." She trailed off, her face falling. "I miss them, y'know. I know I'll get to see them. . . but. . ."

"I thought you were Muggleborn."

"No! Did Morgana tell you that? I most certainly am not! I'm half and half. Mom's a Witch, Dad was a Muggle. Liked to think that he bewitched her, not the other way around. I think they met at college, had a fling, and found their soulmates. Much like I was hoping to do one day, but Lupus is a demanding sort of illness."

Hermione was slowly turning green. Severus Snape had a niece? Pureblooded Severus Snape had a Muggle brother-in-law? And he became a Deatheater?!

"But it's not like you know him. . . right?"

"Uh. . . if you're talking about the same Snape, er. . . he was my Potion's Master at. . . Hogwarts."

"Oh sweet Lord! You know my uncle Sevvie? Will wonders never cease?!" Elizabeth grinned, "Lemme guess, you were the brightest of the bright, and he told you off for showing off. I swear, not a lick of sense, that one!"

"It gets worse. . ." Hermione groaned. "He's my Charge."

Elizabeth could have been knocked over by a feather. "You're. . .you're kiddin'! No frigging way! No WAY! How COOL is THAT! Hey, can I help? I'm sure my charge and yours will meet sometime."

Hermione stared at the girl, her eyes wide. "You actually want to help with him?!"

"Hey! That's my uncle you're talking about! Sure, he can be a little. . .well. . . put-offish. But hey. . . he's still a relative you know. And happens to be my favorite."

Hermione blushed suddenly. "I am SO sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. . . it's just, for the past six years he's been the bane of my existence."

Elizabeth sighed, "Yeah, well. . . I've had a couple of those. They call 'em brothers, I called 'em nightmares! But no prob there girl, easily forgotten."

"Good. Because I think I'm going to need help." Hermione laughed, "Besides, George Weasley is your Charge right?"

"I believe so."

"You'll need help too. Hey, maybe we can double charge!"

"Double Charge? What is this, Visa? Everywhere you wanna be?"

"Well, we can ask Morgana, we're newbies at this, like you said, and if working doubles works, then maybe she'll let us be a team."

"That would be off da hook." At Hermione's look of confusion she smiled, "No? Well, I always wanted to be ghetto. Anyway, that would be cool. Someone my own age to hang with. You have no ideas what working stiffs we have around here." She giggled at her own joke and then sobered. "Well, let's be off to find Morgana then."

Hermione smiled at Elizabeth, she could tell they were going to get along great! A true friend. . . even if you were dead. . . could be a great asset.

***

(SOMEWHERE IN THE PITS OF HELL)

"I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!"

"I don't care if you were the Dark Prince himself, you HAVE to take a number, sir. Get in line, and then we'll decide if you're worthy of being a Demon."

"Demon." That caught the Serpent Man off guard. "What do you mean, Demon?"

"Well sir." The horned succubus in front of him postured for effect. "Demons are to be the bane of existence for a Guardian Angel. You have to make life. . .or death. . .hell for them. It's your job, and as a Wizard, you are in line for one of the positions. Lucifer is always looking for a replacement."

"Lucifer?"

"Yeah, Lucifer, Devil, Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies. He that will eat my liver if I don't GET BACK TO WORK!"

***

"No."

"Pweez?!"

"No, and that is FINAL!"

"Oh come on, Morgana hon. Please, we swear to be good."

"Absolutely not!"

"Morgana, there is an advantage to working in pairs. By doing that, we could. . .help each other out, but also make sure any major screw-ups are avoided. It would be a completely new training program, y'know, and if YOU were the one to introduce it. . ."

"Good idea." Elizabeth whispered, "Play to her ego."

"Well. . ."

"And we would be the guinea pigs. Doing it out of the goodness of our hearts. Besides, a double agent team would be better, two heads are better than one any day right?"

"Um. . .I'm not sure."

"C'mon, what can it hurt." For good measure, the two girls affected the big puppy eyes.

"Well. . . fine then! But no trouble from the two of you!"

"So, George Weasley and Severus Snape are both mine and Hermione's Charges, right?"

"Fine. . . fine. Whatever." Morgana agreed, albeit unwillingly.

"Yay!" The two girls indulged in a minute long victory dance, and then sobered immediately.

"Anyway, we must be off. Angel stuff to attend to and all that."

Hermione and Elizabeth high-fived, and then were off.

***

If anything, Severus Snape was relieved that the war was over, but he was angry at Potter and Weasley. They would be returning while his secret favorite wouldn't. He had mourned for her in secret, fearing that Minerva would claim he was growing for soft. A death hadn't hit him this hard since his niece had died earlier in the year from Lupus.

Hermione Granger had been a boon and a regular little bright light in his class. It was as if the sun would never shine again for him. Of course, he realized he had fostered more than paternal feelings for the girl, but. . . having crushes at Thirty-six was something he could ill afford. So he never let on. Now that she was gone. . . he wished he had. Almost.

"Severus, may I have a word with you?" Albus entered the Dungeons, his face grave, but in his eyes the ever present twinkle twinkled on.

"Sure, come on in." He replied dryly.

"Severus, er. . . something has come to my attention. Seems as if one of the Weasley Twins wish for a little extra classes in Potions, so I offered him a position as a sort of student teacher. It's for their shop, and just for the year."

Snape stared at Dumbledore in mild shock. "Weasley Twins, here?! Are you INSANE?!"

"Of course I am. . . but who is not?" Dumbledore smiled enigmatically. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not, Albus." Snape sneered sardonically.

"Good, I thought you'd see it my way."

Snape's mouth fell open in shock. "But-"

"Ah, must be going. . ." Albus grinned, his eyes twinkling madly, "I knew you'd understand."

"But-"

And with that, the old Wizard was gone. For a moment, Snape believed he had apparated, but then. . . according to Hogwart's: A History, that was impossible. Snape wondered momentarily if anything was impossible for Dumbledore.

***

(AGAIN, IN THE PITS OF HELL)

"Ah, Thomas Riddle, I've been waiting for a while now to lay claim to your soul. Ah, but we mustn't rush ourselves now, should we? I've a little job for you. . . seeing as you WERE the Dark Lord. It seems that my counterpart." The dark headed man pointed upward, "Has acquired a new Angel. Or Angels, rather. It seems little Hermione Granger will be an asset to them, but. . . I don't need that kind of thing. Look, I'm willing to barter a little here. Say, your old life for Granger's soul?"

Voldemort pondered a moment, then sighed in defeat. "I don't see as I have a choice."

"Well, since your victory in the physical plane all those years ago, I had you on my list as a Head Honcho of Demonic Sorts. That position is still open, and I do need a good Leader. If you'd be willing to get the Granger chit's soul. . . I'm sure I can work something out in the mortality and life department."

"Deal." Voldemort hissed, his red eyes narrowing with pleasure. "And when I get the Mudblood's soul, will you grant me the power to kill that infuriating Potter Boy?!"

"As you wish." Lucifer glanced at the Serpent/Man with distaste and pleasure. Someone must have neglected to inform him the Devil doesn't make deals. Ever. But then again, it would work to his advantage. The soul of that girl, with a little prodding, would make for a most intriguing little succubus. Then, set her loose to prey upon the man she once held in great esteem. Snape's soul had been snatched out of his clutches, and he wanted it back, BADLY. "So, do we have a deal?"

"Yes, I do believe we do." Voldemort answered, then felt a strange pull/tug at the top of his head. Shortly thereafter two little nubby horns appeared.

"Well, Thomas Riddle. I would like to welcome you to Hell."

***

A/N: Okay, Don't forget to RR.

Love,

~Me~