A/N: Sorry for the long time between updates, but I have been working on some of my other stories. Here I am again though!!

GemBem- I am glad to hear tha tyou enjoy this story. I will definitely have a sisterly moment in which Paige talks to her sisters about Paul, but you have to be patient.

SnOwBuNnY- This is not going to be all flashbacks. It will mostly consist of flashbacks but there will be parts in the present time.

Paige Fan- Phoebe and Piper will eventually appear in the story, but not just yet. They don't have much to do with the story, which is why they haven't appeared in it yet. As for Paul's appearance...I can't tell ya whether he will be in the future ot not. First off because that would give away the story and secondly because I honestly don't know yet, LOL. But you'll see...

WARNING: If you are offended or disturbed by sexual scenes I would suggest that you not read this chapter.

And now on with the story...remember you have been warned. ^^

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Journal Entry:

April, 30 1994



Last night was the most magical night of my life. It was Paul and my 5 month anniversary. He took me out to an incredibly beautiful italian restaurant. Afterwards we went to the park where we walked around and looked at the stars. The whole night Paul spoke the sweetest words to me. He made me feel beautiful, loved and special. I was so happy...I thought nothing could make the evening better and then somehow something did.

We were on a picnic blanket, which we had laid out on the grass, so that we could watch the stars. I was looking up, telling Paul how I felt so connected to my parents when I saw the stars and suddenly I feel him turning me around to face him. I let him turn me his way and now I am face to face with him. We stare at each other for what seems like hours, the two of us lost in each others eyes. And then, in a flash, his lips meet mine.

It was our first true kiss! We had of course always kissed on the cheek when he would drop me home after the movies or something, but we had never had one of those delicate passionate kisses. He slowly stopped and opened his eyes so that he could look at me. I had no idea what to say so all I did was smile. He smiled back and then he kissed me again.

This time he kissed me a little more intensely. I gladly returned the intensity, that is until I felt his hands traveling from his lap to my blouse, or more specifically the buttons of my blouse. That was when I pulled away.

"Paul I can't." I whispered to him. The feeling of his lips pressed against mine still lingering.

"Why?" he asked puzzled.

"This is going to get too complicated." I replied, knowing I owed him a more valid explanation. But how could I ever tell him that I was scared to have sex with him because I was scared that once he discovered my body, once he entered me, that my chances of loosing him would increase. I already knew that my life was destined to be this way, it was a known fact that once I got truely close to people they would end up leaving me and once again I would end up alone. I had been lucky though, when my parents left I had Paul there to comfort me. However if Paul were to ever leave me I would no longer have anyone to turn to and I just wouldn't be able to deal with that.

"Things are already complicated Paige." Paul whispered in my ear, as he began to nibble on my ear lobe. His soft lips traveled down my neck until they reached the crevice between my neck and shoulder. There he stopped and looked up at me for a second.

Here was my chance, I could turn away, run to the car and end this all right now. I could eliminate the pain, seize it before it even started, but for some reason I didn't. Instead I nodded, ever so faintly and I began to help him unbutton my blouse.

Slowly I felt the delicate material of my blouse slip down my shoulder blades. I helped glide the rest of the blouse through my arms and before I knew it my blouse was nothing but a heap on the grass. Paul began to take his hands and explore the canvas of my upper body. He was discovering every curve, every groove, every mark on my precious body. I felt a tingle run up my spine and that was when I knew this was different than the times I had "made out" with Colin. This was special, this was unique, this was wonderful. I felt like clay in a sculpture's hands, a feeling that I enjoyed.

I let Paul explore for awhile and then I went about removing his shirt. I unfortunately wasnt as patient as he was, so instead of unbuttoning each button I just unbuttoned one and then pulled. I heard the quiet snap of the buttons and the faint jingle they made as they hit the grass. I pulled off his shirt and was surprised to find that Paul was in fact very muscular. I ran my index finger down his chest, feeling his muscles contract.

Next to go was Paul's pants and my skirt. Now I lay, completely nude, except for my bra and panties, on the warm picnic blanket. I was glad that we had picked the quieter part of the park because I could have just imagined what people what have thought if they had seen us.

I lay there for a little while, just looking at Paul, who continued to kiss me. He must have planted a kiss on every part of skin that was exposed to him. But soon he got a little curious. He gently lifted me up off the blanket and pulled me to him. I was so close I could hear his heart beat. We stayed like this for a few minutes and then he reached for my bra, ready to remove it. I didn't know whether to stop him or not, but I figured that if I had gone this far, letting him remove my bra was not such a big deal. So I let him.

His hands grabbed for my breasts and held onto them, as if they were two delicate flowers that he held in his hands. He was very cautious about what he was doing, even if he knew that I was okay with him to do what he felt. Soon he was holding them in such a way that all I wanted to do was scream. Scream in pleasure, scream in delight, scream in utter thrill. And after awhile I could no longer control myself and so I screamed. I screamed loud. Paul got frightened though and quickly put his hand over my mouth.

"Not so loud..." he whispered.

I just nodded, too embarassed to say anything.

What I did feel like doing was seeing a little bit more of Paul however. I mean what I was seeing of him right now I could see if we went to the beach. I wanted to be able to see ALL of him. So gently and slowly I brought my hands to the edge of his boxers. I quickly yet delicately pulled and soon his boxers were off and I was staring nothing but Paul's "family jewels". Paul noticed and I could feel his face heating up against my chest. I wanted to laugh and tell him that I was perfectly fine with it, that I was rather impressed, but I figured I shouldn't, so I didn't.

It had to have been a good two hours that we spent, each exploring the body of the other. And soon we felt comfortable enough to continue. Gradually Paul began to slip off my underwear. And in a minute or two they were gone. I felt a cold breeze pass through the air and I shivered under his grasp. He thought he had done something wrong and began to pull himself away from me, but I grabbed onto his arms and pulled him back. I began to kiss him, fiercly this time. I figured if we were going to do this, we might as well do it in a "hot and heavy" fashion.

I don't quiet remember much of what happened, I only remember feelings. The feeling of apprehension as he entered me, that peak moment when I couldn't help but scream his name out to the world (this time he didn't stop me either) and the feeling of wonderful overwhelming love when it was all over.

I lay in Paul's arms afterwards, looking up at the stars. He was softly making circles in my stomach with his index finger. Even a feeling as simple as that felt magnified. It was magnificant. I felt so great and comfortable. I was so content in fact that I felt my eye lids slowly growing heavy and just before I was sure I would doze off I looked at Paul and saw him smile at me.

A long time later I was awakened to the gentle feeling of warmth around my body. Peeling my eyes open I saw Paul, standing before my, wrapping me up in a blanket.

"Hey baby...sorry I woke you." He said.

"It's okay...I am just happy I woke up to see your face." I replied.

"Haha...well how about you get dressed and then we'll get back in the truck and I'll drive you home. It's almost 2am and I have a feeling your aunt is going to be worried."

Even now, instead of thinking of himself, he thought about what my aunt would say. He was so sweet, I thought to myself at that moment.

"It's okay, I'll call her and tell her that we are going to a club and won't be back till 4 or 5 am. That way we can both go in the truck and sleep for awhile...in each others arms." I said, not wanting to leave his sight.

He just nodded, handing me my shirt and skirt.

We went back to his truck and slept there till like 5:30am. I think all that action had worn us out. When I woke up I was frantic because I had told my aunt that I would be home at 5am. Paul had calmed me down and he told me that he would tell my aunt that we encountered some traffic on our way back. I thanked him profoundly and then we drove to my house.

Standing in front of my house I thanked him for a magnificant evening and asked him to forgive me for ruining his shirt. He laughed and told me it was no big deal, that it was worth it. Then he kissed me. We kissed for what seemed like hours and I was torn between going back inside and jumping into the truck and running away with Paul. But I knew what had to be done so I thanked him again and left.

Now here I am...feeling just as great as I did yesterday, well techincally today. I can't wait to go see Paul later this afternoon. I long to feel his arms around me, I long to hear his husky voice, I long to feel his precious kisses on my lips. I long for everything that is Paul!!!!

Sincerely,

Paige

A/N: Please review!!!!! Oh and I am so sorry that the journal entry wasn't in italics this time but I am on a different computer that does not let me italic anything.