A/N: Thanks to the following people for reviewing…
Charmed Writer P4, #1 paige fan, MelodyFaith.
And now on with the story….
x~x~x
That night I woke up startled and shaking. Paul stirred next to me and mumbled something that sounded like "are you okay". I told him that my back was just bothering me a little and that he shouldn't worry, to just go back to sleep. Luckily he listened and was snoring softly minutes later.
I waited till I was sure that he was really asleep again before I crept out of the bed. I would never tell Paul, but I didn't wake because of my back, but because of Glen. All day I had thought about him, about the way his gleaming eyes had looked at me this afternoon…as if he was disgusted with me, ashamed, disappointed. Picturing it now, hours after, I still felt hollow and sick inside.
Walking out of the bedroom I headed for the porch. Once I got there I sat down on the first wooden step and hugged my knees to my chest. It was a little cold and I was beginning to regret having come out here, but then I remembered that I had come to think and be alone and suddenly the occasional wind that hit my back and sent chills through me wasn't such a bad thing.
Sitting there on the steps I stared up at the sky and saw the stars glistening. Seeing them so clear I remembered the last time I had seen them like this…I was with Paul. Instinctively my hands lay on my stomach, where the baby we had created that night lay. I couldn't believe that I was actually carrying a baby within me. Who would have thought I would become a teenage mother? Not me that's for sure. I always expected something better, okay well nothing too glorious, but a high school diploma at least.
Thinking about all the circumstances that I had brought upon myself I began to weep, right there on the front porch. The salty regrets flooded from my eyes and fell onto my lap, soaking the material of my pajamas. I cried for my parents who I wished were here for me, I cried for Paul who wanted this baby more than anything in the world, I cried for Glen who I was sure was ashamed of me, I cried for myself and most importantly I cried for my baby whose future was so uncertain it scared me half to death.
I wondered if my birth parents had ever had these feelings and thoughts run through their heads when they had thought to give me up for adoption. Had they considered it to death, until they were 100% positive that nothing would be better for me? Had they cried day and night, knowing they would have to give me up? Did they argue for hours about the decision? Did my mother cry when she saw me emerge from inside her? Had she cried even more as she handed me over for the last time? Had she looked at ever feature in my face until she had me memorized, so I would stay forever in her memory? I wondered and wondered for hours, until I saw the sun break through the horizon, threatening day to come.
And then, as if nothing had ever crossed my mind I opened the front door and walked back inside, unsure of how having sat on the porch helped me, yet sure that it somehow had.
x~x~ PRESENT DAY ~x~x
"So what about Glen? What happened between you two, did you see him again?" Phoebe asked, curiosity written all over her face.
"Yea, I saw him upon occasion when I walked to the school in the afternoon to meet Paul after classes. He never said a word to me though, he would just nod, like he recognized me, but wasn't sure, you know?" Paige replied, quietly.
"Yea honey, I understand." Piper said, placing a hand on Paige's shoulder. The entire time that Paige had recalled her past Piper had done nothing but play with the corner of a blanket. She would have liked to be enthralled with this story as much as Phoebe seemed to be, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel that way. Instead she felt depressed and miserable, as though she were in Paige's shoes as the whole thing was occurring. She still couldn't believe the kind of life Paige had lead before she had arrived at the Halliwell manor. She never would have guessed that she was so troubled.
"So you stopped school when you were how far along?" Phoebe inquired.
"Umm…I think I was about five months, maybe a little more." Paige said yawning.
The second Piper saw Paige yawn her eyes darted to the small black alarm clock that sat atop the side table. Its green neon lights read 2:30.
"I think it's time we all go to bed. It's already two-thirty in the morning and I don't know about myself but you two look as though you are going to fall over any minute." Piper said, the big sister traits that she had inherited not so long ago shining through.
"Right back at ya sis." Phoebe joked.
Only Piper laughed. Paige just sat there, staring at the wall in front of her. Although normally no one would notice, Piper and Phoebe immediately picked up on it.
"Paige honey, you okay?" Piper asked, worried.
"I'm….I'll be fine…."
"I'll be fine isn't good enough for us, we're staying here with you tonight." Phoebe said.
"Guys, really, just go…" Paige whined.
"Paige, we're staying, end of story." Piper said getting up off the bed. 'Phoebe and I are going to get our blankets and pillows, we'll be back in a second."
Paige just nodded.
Piper and Phoebe proceeded to make their way out of Paige's bedroom, both feeling a little insecure about leaving her by herself. When they were far enough from the room that Paige couldn't hear them Piper broke down.
"Phoebe I'm really, really worried. Did you see her? She looks horrible and the way she's talking…it's just, it's horrible."
"Piper, Paige is a strong person. She'll get through this little déjà vu session. She just feels the need to relive her past for a day or two and we shouldn't stand in her way. Besides, we should be lucky it's just a memory and nothing more. Can you imagine if she were actually going through it right now? That would be ten times as worse."
"Yea, I guess you're right." Piper whispered, still unsure.
"Piper, come on, let's just get our stuff and get back in there. Even though she won't admit it she wants us to be there with her." Phoebe said, running into her room and quickly gathering her pillow and blanket.
Piper lingered in Phoebe's doorway a few seconds and then went and did the same as Phoebe, collecting her belongings for the night.
Minutes later they were back in front of the threshold to Paige's room, both scared to go back in, yet now completely confident that they had to.
Phoebe was first. Carefully she opened the door and set one foot inside. Suddenly she turned around and brought her finger up to her lips.
"Shh, Paige's asleep." She whispered.
Sure enough, as Piper walked into the room she saw Paige silently sleeping, her head falling off the hand that she had it propped up with. Careful, so as not to wake her, Piper set her down onto the pillows and pulled the blankets up to her chin. Then she placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and moved over to the window seat, preparing for a night as a guardian.
Phoebe also kissed Paige and then moved over to where Piper sat, embracing her in a hug.
"She'll be fine. Tomorrow she'll tell us how it all ended and than she'll move on." Phoebe whispered into Piper's hair.
"I sure hope you're right." Piper answered back.
Phoebe just nodded and placed her pillow and blanket on the floor, turning the bedside lamp off.
* * *
Piper jumped up suddenly wide awake. The alarm clock read 4:30. Piper looked around puzzled, unsure of why she had awakened. Then she saw Paige thrashing around on her bed. In seconds she had moved over to her bedside, shaking her to try and get her to wake. Paige however remained asleep.
"No, no…not my baby!!" Paige mumbled.
Piper shuttered as she heard the words being uttered from Paige's mouth. She was dreaming of her baby.
"Paige, honey, wake up. Come on, wake up." Piper said a little louder.
From the floor she heard Phoebe stir.
"Wha…what's the matter." She said as her sleepy face peeked over the other side of the bed.
"It's nothing, Paige is just having a nightmare."
"Oh…got…" Phoebe said, falling back asleep.
Piper laughed a little, Phoebe could always sleep through anything.
Suddenly Paige jumped up, her breathing staggered and sweat pouring down her face.
"You're okay, you're okay…" Piper said, rubbing Paige's back as she tried to help Paige break herself from the remnants of her nightmare.
"Oh Piper…" Paige said, sobbing into her shirt.
"Shh..shh…it's okay, everything is going to be okay, tell me what happened?"
"I…I dreamt about Paul, Glen, the baby, everything. Oh God Piper…" Paige said, breaking down once again, this time uncontrollably.
Piper wished she could do something, but she knew she just had to sit back and let Paige cry. It was the best way for her to start dealing with everything. When she had finally begun to settle down Piper spoke again.
"Paige, that all happened a long time ago. You have a new life now."
"But my old life still lingers here," Paige said, placing a hand on her heart, "and it walks around somewhere outside these walls."
Piper looked at Paige puzzled.
"What do you mean it walks around?"
"Well it was probably late June I…no wait, I can't do this…" Paige said stopping.
"Paige you have to, it's the only way for you to move on."
"No that's not what I mean. I can't just tell you because than Phoebe will never know, and she deserves to know about my past just as much as you do."
"Alright, I understand." Piper said, "But tomorrow morning after breakfast we are all going to go into the living room and talk about this. Promise me?"
Paige nodded and laid back down, closing her eyes.
Piper watched her until her breathing evened out and then she went back to sleep, knowing that in the morning they would bury Paige's pain forever.
A/N: What did you guys think? I tried to add lots of sisterly moments. =D=D
Review and let me know what you thought!!
