Don't worry – here is more to satisfy you all. *grin* Will they? Won't
they? Ahhh, questions, questions..... *wink*
Keep forgetting to say. If anyone is interested the song Fuineth sang to herself that night in Edoras – the Quenya one Legolas did not know – is posted here also. I can't get urls to work on here but you will find it if you click on my author nick. It's called 'Love Found, Love Lost'.
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Chapter 11 ~ Ithilien
So Legolas returned to Ithilien and Fuineth stayed at Minas Tirith, neither of them knowing when they would see the other again: fearing it may be not for many months, hoping it might be soon, yet both wondering at such a hope and worrying over its' potential consequences. They both had to admit it was not wise, nor realistic, to continue down such a road. Better to have ended it then and there before it went further. Both felt they had faced and made a painful decision that day in Minas Tirith, yet neither seemed settled or content with it.
For her part, Fuineth had been initially surprised by Legolas's comment that parting for some time might be better for them, but in that moment she had also realised he was probably right. She had suspected that he had feelings for her, just as she did for him, and she wished, as much for his sake, to put an end to it: no good could come of it. Of that she felt certain.
And yet....
Fuineth sighed. She was sitting in her chambers, staring out of the window. It was two weeks after he had left and she was still thinking about that day. She felt torn. He had clearly felt, as she did, that this should go no further: why else would he have said what he did? He had been right to say it. She was glad he had. Or so she tried to convince herself. But if she were truthful to herself she suspected her feelings for him seemed all the more acute now he was gone, rather than lessened by his absence. That suspicion made her despair all the more.
Túveren did attempt to broach the subject soon after Legolas had left. "You and Lord Legolas seemed to get on well while he was here," he had grinned at her.
She had looked at him coolly, "He was most courteous, brother. As were the other guests."
He laughed, "Oh come now, Fuineth, I know you too well. I have never seen you look at anyone the way you cast looks at Lord Legolas."
She coloured at this, and angrily snapped, "Nonsense, Túveren! I am sure I don't know what you mean!"
Túveren was surprised, "No need to get angry. If you do not wish to talk about it, merely say so. I apologise if I have said something I shouldn't."
"Indeed you have Túveren. There is nothing but cordial friendship between myself and Lord Legolas and you should be ashamed to suggest anything else."
He had looked at her then more closely but said nothing.
Today he had come to visit her and, as he watched her gaze despondently out of her window, he determined he would say something about it once more no matter if she were to get upset by his doing so. He could see she was not happy, and he knew the reasons why.
"Fuineth," he said at last, "You are my sister and I love you dearly. It pains me to see you so quiet and unlike yourself. I cannot bear it."
She sighed, "Please, Túveren. I assure you all is well. I am sorry if you feel I am different somehow, but truly I am not."
Túveren just shook his head and said quietly, "I am not so sure, sister. I know you may not wish to hear me, but I must say something to you if you will allow me." He held out his hand to her and she took it. "Fuineth? May I have your promise that you will let me speak? You have my word we shall never talk of it again if you do not wish."
She nodded, "If it will give you peace, then yes, brother, though I can guess what you wish to discuss and I do not relish it."
"Thank you, Fuineth."
There was a silence as he searched for how best to begin and decided it was better to come straight to the point. "I know that you have feelings for Lord Legolas. I understand, really I do, Fuineth. It is difficult for any elf to accept that men die, and the pain is all the greater when the parting is so permanent as it is between men and elves. Our lives are so short in their eyes. To have such a feeling, to share that with someone and see it snuffed out in a moment (for it is exactly that to them): it is hard, too hard often, for elven kind to accept."
She nodded, distress evident in her face, "Do not think I do not know this, Túveren. I consider it every day and my decision is based upon that knowledge: it is impossible."
He responded, "No, not impossible, Fuineth, only difficult and painful. But only you can decide if you wish to walk that path."
He paused, then, "I understand, Fuineth. Truly, I do. I have been there myself, and it is a pain I carry with me still." She looked up at him sharply. "There is something I have never told you, nor would I now, but I feel it may help. Some years ago, before the war, I thought I was in love ... though now I am not so sure."
Her eyes were now wide in surprise, and she was about to speak when he stopped her, "Let me finish. She was an elf." Fuineth gasped. "I wanted us to get betrothed, but her family persuaded her against it and I never saw her again. Rightly, I dare say now. The point is I can understand what you are going through. You mustn't feel you are alone in this."
She clasped him round his neck, and murmured "Thank you" in his ear. Then she pulled away from him, looking up into his face as she held it in her hands, "Oh, Túveren. You should have told me."
"It was not important. A mere dalliance."
But she could see in his eyes it had meant more than that, or at least it had to him at the time. She asked gently, "Does Elsbeth know?"
He nodded. "Of course. It was hard for her to learn of it, but she understands. She knows I love her truly and more than my own life. And I do indeed."
Fuineth nodded, "Of course you do. It is plain to anyone who sees you with her."
Túveren looked at her, "Fuineth, about Lord Legolas..."
She laid a finger on his lips. "Don't," was all she said and he saw the tears in her eyes and said nothing more.
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A week later, it was with some excitement, but with more anxiety, that Fuineth received the news that the decision had been made that the Queen would accompany her brothers on their visit to Ithilien. They were to stay some weeks with the King coming to join them after a little while. Elladan and Elrohir needed to return home, but wanted to stay with the elves before they did so. More to the point, Fuineth was free to travel with the Queen now that her brother had finally set a date for his own marriage: the ceremony would take place a little over a week after she was due to return.
Fuineth was nervous, but determined: she would remain courteous and no more, no matter how much it would hurt her. It was ridiculous that she had felt so much for him in such a short space of time. He was beautiful, as all elves were, so it was natural she would find him attractive, but in truth they barely knew each other. They had shared an emotional experience and that was the reason, that and that alone, for the connection she had felt with him.
So she kept telling herself, over and over, on her way there.
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Their party consisted of the Queen and her brothers as well as the two servants of Elladan and Elrohir that had come with them from Rivendell. Lotheliel, one of Arwen's ladies-in-waiting, had married just before they had left Minas Tirith and had now returned North to Rivendell with her new husband, so it was only Fuineth, Mirriel (a Rivendell elf) and Gwenneth (a Gondorian woman) who accompanied the Queen as ladies-in-waiting. There were also two squires from the Citadel in Minas Tirith who were leading the horses loaded with baggage. The entire party had been met on the borders by two elves of noble bearing sent to guide them through the trees to the halls. As they neared the halls of Lord Legolas, Elrohir was riding next to Fuineth singing a lengthy ballad about the Fall of Doriath.
Lord Legolas was there to greet his guests as they arrived. Fuineth felt her stomach tighten in nerves when she saw him. She could see the Galadhrim were here also, though only for a week or two, it transpired, before they needed to return to Lorien. They and Legolas were now busy greeting the Queen and her brothers and the guests were then led towards a large awning set up nearby in which cushions and food had been laid out.
As Fuineth dismounted she heard a voice behind her: "Lady Fuineth. Gíl síla erin lû e-govaded vín, hiril nín. It is a pleasure indeed to see you again so soon."
She turned, and couldn't help but smile a little more warmly than she had intended, "Mae govannen, hîr nín. I am pleased I can at last fulfil my promise to visit you."
He bent to kiss her hand, and held her eyes for a moment as he did so, the grey-green irises twinkling with delight. "Please, come and take some refreshment after your journey. The horses will be dealt with and stabled, you need not worry."
"I thank you, my lord."
As they walked over to the awning, Lady Mirriel came forward to greet their host.
If Lord Legolas, as he kissed her hand, held it for much less a time than he had Lady Fuineth's no-one noticed save Lady Fuineth herself. And it made her smile with pleasure, in spite of herself.
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The elvish realm in Ithilien was a gentle place. Full of laughter and song, it had a beauty that only elves could have achieved especially given the short space of time they had been there. There were several large buildings that provided a hall and meeting places as well as lodgings and guest quarters. There were also a considerable number of talans in the surrounding trees. Many of the elves preferred to live here, but there were not the great number of large trees that there were, for example, in Lorien so some slept in tents and awnings on the ground instead or else in the halls.
On the evening of their arrival there was a small banquet held amongst the buildings in the glade where they were residing. Fuineth was delighted to be amongst elves once more and she spent much of the evening in deep conversation. She knew her Sindarin would improve once again with a little practice now she was completely surrounded by it as it always had done whenever she had stayed in Rivendell, and she was determined to use this opportunity to the fullest to try and improve her elvish. After some time, though, she felt herself growing tired and her head foggy with the effort of talking in another language. She excused herself from the group she was sitting with saying she wished to take some air.
She went out of the hall and, deciding to walk a little too, she made her way past trees, a few buildings, tents and awnings, and the bottom rungs of stairs and rope ladders leading up to flets in the canopy above, until she reached a small clearing with a stream running through it. She delighted in the moonlight, the night air, and the sound of elvish singing from the revelries she had left behind for a few moments. It was not too cold tonight. Spring was drawing nearer, though not for a month or so yet, but here in the South it was milder certainly that it would be in Arnor, or even Rohan, at this time of year.
She sat at the edge of the stream, hugging her knees with one hand and trailing the other in the water, relishing the cool tickle of it on her fingers. She could still hear the singing, not that far away, sailing out to her over the night air. It was in Quenya, so she did not understand it, but she closed her eyes, let her head sink sideways on to her knees and let the song surround her and take her to places she had never dreamt of.
How long she stayed like that she did not know, but she gradually had the feeling of not being alone. She raised her head, slowly, allowing herself to come back to reality. She turned. A tall, blond figure stepped forwards from the trees.
"Forgive me, Lady Fuineth. I have no desire to intrude. You left the banquet and when you did not return after some little time I thought I would come and find you, as I wished to take some air, and see that all was well."
"My lord Legolas, you are most welcome. I too was taking some air. Rest assured I am quite well. Forgive me if I stayed too long away. I was listening to the singing and forgot myself. I had not realised I had been here so long."
He smiled, "Do not worry, my lady. You have not been gone so long your absence will be noted."
She returned his smile as she replied, "You noticed, my lord."
She immediately regretted it, thinking she had said too much, and turned her face away towards the stream.
He did not answer but he smiled, though she did not see it.
She stood, attempting to sound matter-of-fact, "You are right, my lord. I intended to step out only for a few moments to get some air, and now I have done so. I should return." He nodded, though still remained silent.
Then as she made her way past him he quietly spoke, "Lady Fuineth ..."
She stopped level with him but he did not turn to her. "My lord?"
His voice was still quiet, betraying no emotion at all as he spoke slowly: "I am glad to see you. Indeed I am glad also to see you sooner than I had imagined. I had feared it would be too long before next we met. It pleases me greatly that I can finally offer you the hospitality I promised you before."
There fell a silence between them while she stood in amaze, her determination to stay aloof crumbling round her as she looked at his form, half-turned away from her, gleaming in the moonlight, and with the gentle song of the water and of the elves in her ears.
"I thank you, my lord. I am grateful for your hospitality, and I have been made to feel most welcome here. I.." she hesitated and then continued, her voice soft with warmth, "I too am glad to see you. Truly." She could see him smiling.
"Good. I am glad. You had best go in, my lady, I shall join the company presently."
"Very good, my lord."
When she reached the edge of the glade, quickly glancing behind her, she saw that he had not moved, nor turned, but was gazing up at the stars, seemingly lost in his own thoughts, just as she had been when he had found her.
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After that, things seemed to warm a little between them though Fuineth still worried that she could not trust her feelings to not show themselves. If ever they caught each others' eye they would smile and nod rather than turn their eyes away quickly as they had at first. They did not have much opportunity to speak but now and then they would find themselves in a group together with others. Fuineth was still a little shy of her Sindarin, but she listened intently enough and laughed and smiled showing that she clearly understood what was talked of round her.
On one such occasion, two days after they had arrived, she heard a voice beside her, "My lady, your Sindarin is improving, I warrant."
She turned, smiling in gratitude, "You are too kind, Lord Legolas. If truth be told it always gets little better when I am in elvish company and hear nearly nothing else around me."
He nodded. There was a silence while they held each others' gaze and felt the old emotions stir. She coloured and turned her head away.
"My lady Fuineth, perhaps you would do me the honour of walking with me this evening? I may show you some of the sights of the my halls, perhaps?" She looked back towards him now, though not daring to look at him directly, and he could see the indecision in her face. "Not if you do not wish to, my lady," he added, gently.
For a moment she did not respond. Then she raised her gaze to his and smiled. "Of course, my lord. Indeed, that would please me much, my lord, I thank you."
He nodded, returning her smile and with a "Very well. I have things to attend to at present, so till this evening then, my lady," he bowed and left.
Fuineth could barely eat anything at the evening meal despite the insistence of the elves sat around her. Occasionally she would look up and see him watching her every now and then from the other end of the table. She was not sure if she felt anxiety or delight in knowing they would walk together once more and alone.
Once the meal was finished, everyone broke off into groups and some left to go into various rooms or under awnings to drink a little, sing and make merry. The Queen, joining her brothers under an awning, gave her ladies-in- waiting leave to stay or go as they so wished.
As Fuineth turned she felt a hand upon her arm. "My lady? If you are free, perhaps you would care to take that walk?"
She smiled graciously, "But of course, my lord."
Legolas led her slowly through the trees occasionally pointing out this or that thing of note. It was but idle chit-chat, a way to fill the silence, and Fuineth responded dutifully but not at any length. He could feel the warmth of her walking next to him, and she found him sometimes catching her eye and smiling.
At last they reached a clearing, a little further upstream from the one in which they had met that first night, and this had a bank that screened the entrance to the clearing and below which was a seat, carved in ornate fashion, that was positioned by the water's edge. Legolas gestured to it.
"My lady?"
She smiled and sat down and he came to sit beside her.
For a while they did not speak, and then Legolas began, "I love this spot. Here the water rushes over the stones in such a way as to make the sweetest music. There are often songbirds nesting in the bushes over there," he indicated across the stream, "and in spring I enjoy simply sitting here listening to their song and the music of the water."
She smiled at the thought of him sitting here alone, at one with his surroundings like so many of his kind, "Then I am honoured you have brought me to share it with you, my lord."
"It is a place dear to my heart."
She nodded, "I can understand why. I do find it beautiful here in Ithilien, I must confess. Is it much like Eryn Lasgalen?"
He smiled, "A little. Though Eryn Lasgalen is much older. You can feel it as you walk through it, though even it is not as old as Fangorn Forest. That is an ancient place indeed."
They lapsed into silence once more, each lost in their own thoughts for a while. Then: "Lady Fuineth?"
"My lord?"
"I... I have wanted to talk to you, indeed have looked to it, ever since I knew of your coming to visit us here."
She stiffened slightly, her nerves betraying her now. He looked at her and could see the skin around her eyes had tightened slightly. Then she spoke. "I confess, Lord Legolas, I was a little nervous in coming here."
His smile was now tempered by the furrow upon his brow, "Indeed, my lady? How so?"
She flushed slightly, not able to turn to meet his gaze and her glance fell to her lap, "I was not sure if you would wish me here, my lord."
His face changed from incomprehension to concern and not a little hurt, "Lady Fuineth, why would you think such a thing?"
She felt very foolish now and wished she had not said it. It was clear she had only succeeded in offending him. "Forgive me, my lord. It was simply because you said to me when last we saw each other it might be best if we spent some time apart. I thought perhaps to have me here unlooked for... I thought.. I feared that perhaps it might have been too soon after what we had agreed."
He was smiling now, though she would have seen the sadness in his eyes if she had looked, "My lady, forgive me for having said something that made you ill at ease in coming here. Truly it hurts me that I did so." He sighed and continued, "It is about that conversation in Minas Tirith on the day I left that I wished to speak to you."
She was still staring intently at her hands, clasped tightly together as they were in her lap. He could see the tension in her posture, her shoulders. "My lady, if you do not wish me to speak of it then tell me so. We shall return to the hall, or else walk some more." She shook her head, so he ventured to continue, "It has troubled me ever since that day, and I have longed for an opportunity to tell you so. Indeed what you have said to me only proves my concerns were well-founded."
Her posture had relaxed a little, her head dropped somewhat as she listened to him, and her voice was quiet when she finally spoke. "My lord, you asked for my forgiveness and you have it, gladly, though in truth there is nothing to forgive. You said something that day that perhaps we both should have said to ourselves some time before then."
He nodded. She understood, then. Of that he was glad. "I must confess, my lady, I did not intend to cause you any pain by what I said, and for that I am truly sorry. I am saddened to think I may have jeopardised our friendship, for indeed your companionship was most agreeable to me during my stay in the city, and I believed you felt the same, did you not?" She nodded, tears filling her eyes now, though she was refusing to let them fall.
His voice had dropped to a level that was even quieter still, "I said what I did since I thought it might be easier that way." He hesitated, then, "Though, in truth, I have wondered every day since I left if that were indeed the case."
She looked up at him slowly, surprise and wonder in her eyes.
He saw her expression and said under his breath, "So you have felt that too? Ai, my lady," and with a groan he turned away.
He had suspected as much, indeed had known though he would not admit it: that she had felt the same as he. He had recognised the struggle he had seen within her that day he had left, had sensed the same bitterness at parting. But here, here was the proof if it were needed: that she had been tormented by their decision since then just as he had been.
Her voice broke through his thoughts, "My lord? Is something the matter?"
He shook his head, "Not at all, Lady Fuineth." He composed himself and turned back to her. He looked into her eyes, and could see the depth of feeling there but also a sadness and determination that were all too familiar from his own thoughts these last few weeks: no matter what they felt they would not give in to it.
He smiled, "Forgive me, I forgot myself for a moment. It seems fate had other plans for us than that which we had thought, my lady, and I cannot say I am unhappy at your being here. I value your friendship and I hope I may entertain the thought that it will ever be mine?"
He could see her eyes smiling. "Of course, my lord. And I hope I may presume the same of you?"
"But of course, Lady Fuineth." And he took her hand and kissed it.
Fuineth was happy that they both seemed to agree that their friendship was too good to be lost. They sat there for a while, side by side, listening to the water run over the stones in front of them.
Fuineth murmured, "It is indeed beautiful here. I am thankful to you, my lord, for showing it to me."
He smiled, "It has given me pleasure sharing it with you and to know that you have been here will only make it dearer to me."
He could not stop himself from saying it, though a voice inside his head cursed himself for having done so. She flushed a little, smiled and said nothing, though her heart beat a little faster at his words.
At last he bade her rise since there was more he would show her and they walked some more till he returned her to the chambers she was using within the halls and they retired.
That night Legolas cast his mind back over their talk and his brow grew furrowed as he did so. He was delighted to see her once more but at the same time concerned, not only at his feelings, but that he could see them reciprocated in her.
He too had spent the last few weeks of their separation thinking of her and the time they had spent together. He had not been able to erase the image he had of her, seated at the window in obvious distress, as he had last seen her before he had left. It had haunted him. That image and another: Lady Fuineth in her green dress, elven circlet on her brow gleaming in the moonlight, standing against the balustrade of the balcony gazing at the city below.
Just like her, he had felt his feelings not abating but growing all the stronger in their separation. He was at a loss, and felt himself drowning. It was beyond anything he had experienced before. He raged against himself, and yet could not deny the pleasure the thought of her gave him, let alone to now have her here and to be able to enjoy her company once again.
He sighed and shook his head. He knew he would have to be very careful in how he behaved while she was here, and he had made a slip already as they had sat on the bench together earlier that evening. He valued her friendship and he did not wish to lose that but it could never be anything more than that. He would not even contemplate it. It was an absolute impossibility. ------------------------------------------------------------
gíl síla erin lû e-govaded vín, hiril nín. = a star shines upon our meeting, my lady
mae govannen, hir nin = well met, my lord
le hannon = I thank thee
Keep forgetting to say. If anyone is interested the song Fuineth sang to herself that night in Edoras – the Quenya one Legolas did not know – is posted here also. I can't get urls to work on here but you will find it if you click on my author nick. It's called 'Love Found, Love Lost'.
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Chapter 11 ~ Ithilien
So Legolas returned to Ithilien and Fuineth stayed at Minas Tirith, neither of them knowing when they would see the other again: fearing it may be not for many months, hoping it might be soon, yet both wondering at such a hope and worrying over its' potential consequences. They both had to admit it was not wise, nor realistic, to continue down such a road. Better to have ended it then and there before it went further. Both felt they had faced and made a painful decision that day in Minas Tirith, yet neither seemed settled or content with it.
For her part, Fuineth had been initially surprised by Legolas's comment that parting for some time might be better for them, but in that moment she had also realised he was probably right. She had suspected that he had feelings for her, just as she did for him, and she wished, as much for his sake, to put an end to it: no good could come of it. Of that she felt certain.
And yet....
Fuineth sighed. She was sitting in her chambers, staring out of the window. It was two weeks after he had left and she was still thinking about that day. She felt torn. He had clearly felt, as she did, that this should go no further: why else would he have said what he did? He had been right to say it. She was glad he had. Or so she tried to convince herself. But if she were truthful to herself she suspected her feelings for him seemed all the more acute now he was gone, rather than lessened by his absence. That suspicion made her despair all the more.
Túveren did attempt to broach the subject soon after Legolas had left. "You and Lord Legolas seemed to get on well while he was here," he had grinned at her.
She had looked at him coolly, "He was most courteous, brother. As were the other guests."
He laughed, "Oh come now, Fuineth, I know you too well. I have never seen you look at anyone the way you cast looks at Lord Legolas."
She coloured at this, and angrily snapped, "Nonsense, Túveren! I am sure I don't know what you mean!"
Túveren was surprised, "No need to get angry. If you do not wish to talk about it, merely say so. I apologise if I have said something I shouldn't."
"Indeed you have Túveren. There is nothing but cordial friendship between myself and Lord Legolas and you should be ashamed to suggest anything else."
He had looked at her then more closely but said nothing.
Today he had come to visit her and, as he watched her gaze despondently out of her window, he determined he would say something about it once more no matter if she were to get upset by his doing so. He could see she was not happy, and he knew the reasons why.
"Fuineth," he said at last, "You are my sister and I love you dearly. It pains me to see you so quiet and unlike yourself. I cannot bear it."
She sighed, "Please, Túveren. I assure you all is well. I am sorry if you feel I am different somehow, but truly I am not."
Túveren just shook his head and said quietly, "I am not so sure, sister. I know you may not wish to hear me, but I must say something to you if you will allow me." He held out his hand to her and she took it. "Fuineth? May I have your promise that you will let me speak? You have my word we shall never talk of it again if you do not wish."
She nodded, "If it will give you peace, then yes, brother, though I can guess what you wish to discuss and I do not relish it."
"Thank you, Fuineth."
There was a silence as he searched for how best to begin and decided it was better to come straight to the point. "I know that you have feelings for Lord Legolas. I understand, really I do, Fuineth. It is difficult for any elf to accept that men die, and the pain is all the greater when the parting is so permanent as it is between men and elves. Our lives are so short in their eyes. To have such a feeling, to share that with someone and see it snuffed out in a moment (for it is exactly that to them): it is hard, too hard often, for elven kind to accept."
She nodded, distress evident in her face, "Do not think I do not know this, Túveren. I consider it every day and my decision is based upon that knowledge: it is impossible."
He responded, "No, not impossible, Fuineth, only difficult and painful. But only you can decide if you wish to walk that path."
He paused, then, "I understand, Fuineth. Truly, I do. I have been there myself, and it is a pain I carry with me still." She looked up at him sharply. "There is something I have never told you, nor would I now, but I feel it may help. Some years ago, before the war, I thought I was in love ... though now I am not so sure."
Her eyes were now wide in surprise, and she was about to speak when he stopped her, "Let me finish. She was an elf." Fuineth gasped. "I wanted us to get betrothed, but her family persuaded her against it and I never saw her again. Rightly, I dare say now. The point is I can understand what you are going through. You mustn't feel you are alone in this."
She clasped him round his neck, and murmured "Thank you" in his ear. Then she pulled away from him, looking up into his face as she held it in her hands, "Oh, Túveren. You should have told me."
"It was not important. A mere dalliance."
But she could see in his eyes it had meant more than that, or at least it had to him at the time. She asked gently, "Does Elsbeth know?"
He nodded. "Of course. It was hard for her to learn of it, but she understands. She knows I love her truly and more than my own life. And I do indeed."
Fuineth nodded, "Of course you do. It is plain to anyone who sees you with her."
Túveren looked at her, "Fuineth, about Lord Legolas..."
She laid a finger on his lips. "Don't," was all she said and he saw the tears in her eyes and said nothing more.
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A week later, it was with some excitement, but with more anxiety, that Fuineth received the news that the decision had been made that the Queen would accompany her brothers on their visit to Ithilien. They were to stay some weeks with the King coming to join them after a little while. Elladan and Elrohir needed to return home, but wanted to stay with the elves before they did so. More to the point, Fuineth was free to travel with the Queen now that her brother had finally set a date for his own marriage: the ceremony would take place a little over a week after she was due to return.
Fuineth was nervous, but determined: she would remain courteous and no more, no matter how much it would hurt her. It was ridiculous that she had felt so much for him in such a short space of time. He was beautiful, as all elves were, so it was natural she would find him attractive, but in truth they barely knew each other. They had shared an emotional experience and that was the reason, that and that alone, for the connection she had felt with him.
So she kept telling herself, over and over, on her way there.
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Their party consisted of the Queen and her brothers as well as the two servants of Elladan and Elrohir that had come with them from Rivendell. Lotheliel, one of Arwen's ladies-in-waiting, had married just before they had left Minas Tirith and had now returned North to Rivendell with her new husband, so it was only Fuineth, Mirriel (a Rivendell elf) and Gwenneth (a Gondorian woman) who accompanied the Queen as ladies-in-waiting. There were also two squires from the Citadel in Minas Tirith who were leading the horses loaded with baggage. The entire party had been met on the borders by two elves of noble bearing sent to guide them through the trees to the halls. As they neared the halls of Lord Legolas, Elrohir was riding next to Fuineth singing a lengthy ballad about the Fall of Doriath.
Lord Legolas was there to greet his guests as they arrived. Fuineth felt her stomach tighten in nerves when she saw him. She could see the Galadhrim were here also, though only for a week or two, it transpired, before they needed to return to Lorien. They and Legolas were now busy greeting the Queen and her brothers and the guests were then led towards a large awning set up nearby in which cushions and food had been laid out.
As Fuineth dismounted she heard a voice behind her: "Lady Fuineth. Gíl síla erin lû e-govaded vín, hiril nín. It is a pleasure indeed to see you again so soon."
She turned, and couldn't help but smile a little more warmly than she had intended, "Mae govannen, hîr nín. I am pleased I can at last fulfil my promise to visit you."
He bent to kiss her hand, and held her eyes for a moment as he did so, the grey-green irises twinkling with delight. "Please, come and take some refreshment after your journey. The horses will be dealt with and stabled, you need not worry."
"I thank you, my lord."
As they walked over to the awning, Lady Mirriel came forward to greet their host.
If Lord Legolas, as he kissed her hand, held it for much less a time than he had Lady Fuineth's no-one noticed save Lady Fuineth herself. And it made her smile with pleasure, in spite of herself.
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The elvish realm in Ithilien was a gentle place. Full of laughter and song, it had a beauty that only elves could have achieved especially given the short space of time they had been there. There were several large buildings that provided a hall and meeting places as well as lodgings and guest quarters. There were also a considerable number of talans in the surrounding trees. Many of the elves preferred to live here, but there were not the great number of large trees that there were, for example, in Lorien so some slept in tents and awnings on the ground instead or else in the halls.
On the evening of their arrival there was a small banquet held amongst the buildings in the glade where they were residing. Fuineth was delighted to be amongst elves once more and she spent much of the evening in deep conversation. She knew her Sindarin would improve once again with a little practice now she was completely surrounded by it as it always had done whenever she had stayed in Rivendell, and she was determined to use this opportunity to the fullest to try and improve her elvish. After some time, though, she felt herself growing tired and her head foggy with the effort of talking in another language. She excused herself from the group she was sitting with saying she wished to take some air.
She went out of the hall and, deciding to walk a little too, she made her way past trees, a few buildings, tents and awnings, and the bottom rungs of stairs and rope ladders leading up to flets in the canopy above, until she reached a small clearing with a stream running through it. She delighted in the moonlight, the night air, and the sound of elvish singing from the revelries she had left behind for a few moments. It was not too cold tonight. Spring was drawing nearer, though not for a month or so yet, but here in the South it was milder certainly that it would be in Arnor, or even Rohan, at this time of year.
She sat at the edge of the stream, hugging her knees with one hand and trailing the other in the water, relishing the cool tickle of it on her fingers. She could still hear the singing, not that far away, sailing out to her over the night air. It was in Quenya, so she did not understand it, but she closed her eyes, let her head sink sideways on to her knees and let the song surround her and take her to places she had never dreamt of.
How long she stayed like that she did not know, but she gradually had the feeling of not being alone. She raised her head, slowly, allowing herself to come back to reality. She turned. A tall, blond figure stepped forwards from the trees.
"Forgive me, Lady Fuineth. I have no desire to intrude. You left the banquet and when you did not return after some little time I thought I would come and find you, as I wished to take some air, and see that all was well."
"My lord Legolas, you are most welcome. I too was taking some air. Rest assured I am quite well. Forgive me if I stayed too long away. I was listening to the singing and forgot myself. I had not realised I had been here so long."
He smiled, "Do not worry, my lady. You have not been gone so long your absence will be noted."
She returned his smile as she replied, "You noticed, my lord."
She immediately regretted it, thinking she had said too much, and turned her face away towards the stream.
He did not answer but he smiled, though she did not see it.
She stood, attempting to sound matter-of-fact, "You are right, my lord. I intended to step out only for a few moments to get some air, and now I have done so. I should return." He nodded, though still remained silent.
Then as she made her way past him he quietly spoke, "Lady Fuineth ..."
She stopped level with him but he did not turn to her. "My lord?"
His voice was still quiet, betraying no emotion at all as he spoke slowly: "I am glad to see you. Indeed I am glad also to see you sooner than I had imagined. I had feared it would be too long before next we met. It pleases me greatly that I can finally offer you the hospitality I promised you before."
There fell a silence between them while she stood in amaze, her determination to stay aloof crumbling round her as she looked at his form, half-turned away from her, gleaming in the moonlight, and with the gentle song of the water and of the elves in her ears.
"I thank you, my lord. I am grateful for your hospitality, and I have been made to feel most welcome here. I.." she hesitated and then continued, her voice soft with warmth, "I too am glad to see you. Truly." She could see him smiling.
"Good. I am glad. You had best go in, my lady, I shall join the company presently."
"Very good, my lord."
When she reached the edge of the glade, quickly glancing behind her, she saw that he had not moved, nor turned, but was gazing up at the stars, seemingly lost in his own thoughts, just as she had been when he had found her.
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After that, things seemed to warm a little between them though Fuineth still worried that she could not trust her feelings to not show themselves. If ever they caught each others' eye they would smile and nod rather than turn their eyes away quickly as they had at first. They did not have much opportunity to speak but now and then they would find themselves in a group together with others. Fuineth was still a little shy of her Sindarin, but she listened intently enough and laughed and smiled showing that she clearly understood what was talked of round her.
On one such occasion, two days after they had arrived, she heard a voice beside her, "My lady, your Sindarin is improving, I warrant."
She turned, smiling in gratitude, "You are too kind, Lord Legolas. If truth be told it always gets little better when I am in elvish company and hear nearly nothing else around me."
He nodded. There was a silence while they held each others' gaze and felt the old emotions stir. She coloured and turned her head away.
"My lady Fuineth, perhaps you would do me the honour of walking with me this evening? I may show you some of the sights of the my halls, perhaps?" She looked back towards him now, though not daring to look at him directly, and he could see the indecision in her face. "Not if you do not wish to, my lady," he added, gently.
For a moment she did not respond. Then she raised her gaze to his and smiled. "Of course, my lord. Indeed, that would please me much, my lord, I thank you."
He nodded, returning her smile and with a "Very well. I have things to attend to at present, so till this evening then, my lady," he bowed and left.
Fuineth could barely eat anything at the evening meal despite the insistence of the elves sat around her. Occasionally she would look up and see him watching her every now and then from the other end of the table. She was not sure if she felt anxiety or delight in knowing they would walk together once more and alone.
Once the meal was finished, everyone broke off into groups and some left to go into various rooms or under awnings to drink a little, sing and make merry. The Queen, joining her brothers under an awning, gave her ladies-in- waiting leave to stay or go as they so wished.
As Fuineth turned she felt a hand upon her arm. "My lady? If you are free, perhaps you would care to take that walk?"
She smiled graciously, "But of course, my lord."
Legolas led her slowly through the trees occasionally pointing out this or that thing of note. It was but idle chit-chat, a way to fill the silence, and Fuineth responded dutifully but not at any length. He could feel the warmth of her walking next to him, and she found him sometimes catching her eye and smiling.
At last they reached a clearing, a little further upstream from the one in which they had met that first night, and this had a bank that screened the entrance to the clearing and below which was a seat, carved in ornate fashion, that was positioned by the water's edge. Legolas gestured to it.
"My lady?"
She smiled and sat down and he came to sit beside her.
For a while they did not speak, and then Legolas began, "I love this spot. Here the water rushes over the stones in such a way as to make the sweetest music. There are often songbirds nesting in the bushes over there," he indicated across the stream, "and in spring I enjoy simply sitting here listening to their song and the music of the water."
She smiled at the thought of him sitting here alone, at one with his surroundings like so many of his kind, "Then I am honoured you have brought me to share it with you, my lord."
"It is a place dear to my heart."
She nodded, "I can understand why. I do find it beautiful here in Ithilien, I must confess. Is it much like Eryn Lasgalen?"
He smiled, "A little. Though Eryn Lasgalen is much older. You can feel it as you walk through it, though even it is not as old as Fangorn Forest. That is an ancient place indeed."
They lapsed into silence once more, each lost in their own thoughts for a while. Then: "Lady Fuineth?"
"My lord?"
"I... I have wanted to talk to you, indeed have looked to it, ever since I knew of your coming to visit us here."
She stiffened slightly, her nerves betraying her now. He looked at her and could see the skin around her eyes had tightened slightly. Then she spoke. "I confess, Lord Legolas, I was a little nervous in coming here."
His smile was now tempered by the furrow upon his brow, "Indeed, my lady? How so?"
She flushed slightly, not able to turn to meet his gaze and her glance fell to her lap, "I was not sure if you would wish me here, my lord."
His face changed from incomprehension to concern and not a little hurt, "Lady Fuineth, why would you think such a thing?"
She felt very foolish now and wished she had not said it. It was clear she had only succeeded in offending him. "Forgive me, my lord. It was simply because you said to me when last we saw each other it might be best if we spent some time apart. I thought perhaps to have me here unlooked for... I thought.. I feared that perhaps it might have been too soon after what we had agreed."
He was smiling now, though she would have seen the sadness in his eyes if she had looked, "My lady, forgive me for having said something that made you ill at ease in coming here. Truly it hurts me that I did so." He sighed and continued, "It is about that conversation in Minas Tirith on the day I left that I wished to speak to you."
She was still staring intently at her hands, clasped tightly together as they were in her lap. He could see the tension in her posture, her shoulders. "My lady, if you do not wish me to speak of it then tell me so. We shall return to the hall, or else walk some more." She shook her head, so he ventured to continue, "It has troubled me ever since that day, and I have longed for an opportunity to tell you so. Indeed what you have said to me only proves my concerns were well-founded."
Her posture had relaxed a little, her head dropped somewhat as she listened to him, and her voice was quiet when she finally spoke. "My lord, you asked for my forgiveness and you have it, gladly, though in truth there is nothing to forgive. You said something that day that perhaps we both should have said to ourselves some time before then."
He nodded. She understood, then. Of that he was glad. "I must confess, my lady, I did not intend to cause you any pain by what I said, and for that I am truly sorry. I am saddened to think I may have jeopardised our friendship, for indeed your companionship was most agreeable to me during my stay in the city, and I believed you felt the same, did you not?" She nodded, tears filling her eyes now, though she was refusing to let them fall.
His voice had dropped to a level that was even quieter still, "I said what I did since I thought it might be easier that way." He hesitated, then, "Though, in truth, I have wondered every day since I left if that were indeed the case."
She looked up at him slowly, surprise and wonder in her eyes.
He saw her expression and said under his breath, "So you have felt that too? Ai, my lady," and with a groan he turned away.
He had suspected as much, indeed had known though he would not admit it: that she had felt the same as he. He had recognised the struggle he had seen within her that day he had left, had sensed the same bitterness at parting. But here, here was the proof if it were needed: that she had been tormented by their decision since then just as he had been.
Her voice broke through his thoughts, "My lord? Is something the matter?"
He shook his head, "Not at all, Lady Fuineth." He composed himself and turned back to her. He looked into her eyes, and could see the depth of feeling there but also a sadness and determination that were all too familiar from his own thoughts these last few weeks: no matter what they felt they would not give in to it.
He smiled, "Forgive me, I forgot myself for a moment. It seems fate had other plans for us than that which we had thought, my lady, and I cannot say I am unhappy at your being here. I value your friendship and I hope I may entertain the thought that it will ever be mine?"
He could see her eyes smiling. "Of course, my lord. And I hope I may presume the same of you?"
"But of course, Lady Fuineth." And he took her hand and kissed it.
Fuineth was happy that they both seemed to agree that their friendship was too good to be lost. They sat there for a while, side by side, listening to the water run over the stones in front of them.
Fuineth murmured, "It is indeed beautiful here. I am thankful to you, my lord, for showing it to me."
He smiled, "It has given me pleasure sharing it with you and to know that you have been here will only make it dearer to me."
He could not stop himself from saying it, though a voice inside his head cursed himself for having done so. She flushed a little, smiled and said nothing, though her heart beat a little faster at his words.
At last he bade her rise since there was more he would show her and they walked some more till he returned her to the chambers she was using within the halls and they retired.
That night Legolas cast his mind back over their talk and his brow grew furrowed as he did so. He was delighted to see her once more but at the same time concerned, not only at his feelings, but that he could see them reciprocated in her.
He too had spent the last few weeks of their separation thinking of her and the time they had spent together. He had not been able to erase the image he had of her, seated at the window in obvious distress, as he had last seen her before he had left. It had haunted him. That image and another: Lady Fuineth in her green dress, elven circlet on her brow gleaming in the moonlight, standing against the balustrade of the balcony gazing at the city below.
Just like her, he had felt his feelings not abating but growing all the stronger in their separation. He was at a loss, and felt himself drowning. It was beyond anything he had experienced before. He raged against himself, and yet could not deny the pleasure the thought of her gave him, let alone to now have her here and to be able to enjoy her company once again.
He sighed and shook his head. He knew he would have to be very careful in how he behaved while she was here, and he had made a slip already as they had sat on the bench together earlier that evening. He valued her friendship and he did not wish to lose that but it could never be anything more than that. He would not even contemplate it. It was an absolute impossibility. ------------------------------------------------------------
gíl síla erin lû e-govaded vín, hiril nín. = a star shines upon our meeting, my lady
mae govannen, hir nin = well met, my lord
le hannon = I thank thee
