Ch.14

* * *

The deepest point on the Discworld is the Lavaeolus Trench, which runs along the cost of the Counterweight Continent, just Hubwards of Bes Pelargic. Devices that could plumb its depths would not be officially declared feasible for another hundred years. But one was already there.

The Luggage kicked up crusted sulfur compounds around the bases of heat vents eight miles below the surface of the ocean. The pressure was two tons per square inch. The visibility was a quarter of an inch. The things that lived here had evolved under pressures sufficient to implode things that normally lived even a mile above it.

And the Luggage killed one of these things, ate it in one bite, and lumbered on.

* * *

Leonard of Quirm was sitting in the driver's seat of the Walking Suit, and fiddling with the operational controls. It all appeared to be controlled by magical ropes running out from the hand and feet controls. These did not particularly interest Leonard, who was instead examining the flamethrowers. The flame-throwers contained Ephebean Fire, the most dangerous fire weapon know to man, troll, or dwarf. But Leonard could see that if you tweaked this and that-

-You had something that, if filled up entirely with the Fire, could burn all of Ting Ling to the ground overnight.

And, with no one to tell him to do otherwise, he began modifications.

* * *

"We can strike this time tomorrow," said Pot Pan decisively.

* * *

Rincewind was seated between Ptroleus and Antimony in the clacks theatre.

"This is a new one," said Ptroleus. "Just in from Valen Tine over on Fappondo."

The picture machine started clicking. On the screen there appeared the words:

Laurel Leaf Productions

In Ephebean and Pseudoagatean script. And then:

WHAT I DID ON MY VACATION

Based on the works of Twoflower

* * *

Rincewind ate his complementary morning Kappa Rations with a stunned look on his face.

"I still can't believe they made a Moving Picture about my life," he said in a dazed tone.

"He make it big?" asked a passing marine.

"No," said Ptroleus, who was seated next to Rincewind at the breakfast table, "We think he's in shock. That's the thirty-first time he's said that this morning."

"Well, I think the drawings of you were a fair representation," said Antimony. Rincewind turned to him.

"Is my head really pentagonal when seen from the front?"

"No. That's Animo for you. They all look like that."

"Okay. I'll buy that. But the eyes! The eyes took up most of my head!"

"Again, that's Anime for you. Besides, weren't the special effects scenes great? Admit it, you pissed you pants when the dragon vanished and your Point of View dropped like a stone toward Klatch."

"I LIVED THROUGH THAT STUFF!"

"Perhaps," said Ptroleus gently, "we should have some training exercises with the Orange Agents."*

________

*Kappa rations are 2% caffeine. Rincewind had had three.