Okay, final chapter. As my friend Riki would say "It are so suck."
Hisoka went through several layers of consciousness before finally waking. First, he felt the sensation of lying down, instead of being brutally tied to a wall, and he could feel the softness of the sheets and pillows around him. Next, he heard the sound of wings fluttering, and finally, he opened his eyes, staring around at the pristine white room around him. He saw Watari's owl on a perch above him, and it suddenly registered that he was free. Muraki could not hurt him here.
The events of the past few days flew through his mind. He remembered what Muraki had done to him, and finally, the reaction it had elicited. He curled up into a ball, feeling tainted and, even more than that, a deep feeling of guilt. He had attacked Tsuzuki, with a technique Muraki had taught him. It had not been a consensual "teaching," he thought bitterly, but that didn't matter. Tsuzuki..He had tried to help him, but as soon as Tsuzuki had regained consciousness and sensed Hisoka, he had fought him with all he had; putting up his walls with more force than Hisoka had ever been able to sense from him before. Although, his powers of perception had never been so forcefully tested before.
Hisoka shuddered. Tsuzuki had rejected him, and he deserved it. Tsuzuki did not want someone who had been tainted by Muraki, and who used techniques that Muraki formulated for his own uses. He was just a tool, if an unwilling one, and the wise never affiliated themselves with tools of the enemy. He curled into an even tighter ball, putting up his empathic walls so as to alienate himself from his environment, and sobbed. He made his walls stronger, adding his newfound strength, and didn't stop until he had nothing left to fortify them with. His sobs stopped, and an eerie peace filled him, making him lightheaded. He was safe. With nothing here, he was alone. No one could touch him, and no emotion could sway him.
Tsuzuki wandered into the building, immediately heading into the room where Hisoka had lain unconscious for two days. He had to see him, to see if he was okay, and comfort him if he needed it. Watari had warned him that the boy might need some time alone, but Tsuzuki wanted to be there when he awoke. He wanted Hisoka to know that he was there for him, and always would be no matter what hardships either of them might face. He couldn't remember much after he had fallen unconscious from Hisoka's empathic attack, save that he had constantly been fighting against Muraki's verbal maltreatment. Tsuzuki reflected on the event. He had gotten out unscathed, and he was proud of Hisoka for being able to bring one of the most powerful shinigami to his knees. Hisoka's attack had been terrifying, but it had also allowed him to see where Hisoka's vulnerability came from. He had felt pain, and deep emotional sorrow, but had been unable to sense from what events each came from. He had spent the last two days thinking about these revelations; how much of the pain he had felt was from what Hisoka had undergone then, and how much was from Hisoka's tortured life? It had been too much for him to take, and he only felt more protectiveness for the boy, now that he had experienced the pain that Hisoka had. He wanted to talk to him, to tell him that it was a great step in their relationship. He knew that Hisoka had meant it for Muraki; he had sensed the boy's hatred, and had been able to locate the source of that emotion quite easily.
He breezed into Hisoka's room, and was stunned to realize it was empty. Where was Hisoka? He began to panic; Muraki wouldn't have recaptured him, would he? No, the sheets were clean and the bed had been made, so that ruled out a struggle. He ran into Watari's lab, which was adjacent to the infirmary.
Watari looked at him as if he had been expecting him. "Hisoka woke up and went home. He didn't look like himself, though. He was really pale, and he wouldn't let me touch him..." Watari trailed off, his tone betraying his worry and concern. He sighed, and simply said "You should go see him, I think."
Tsuzuki was off before Watari had finished his last sentence.
It wasn't long before Tsuzuki was standing at the door to Hisoka's apartment, pounding on it urgently. Why had he left? What had Muraki done to him that would make him act like that? Did he..Tsuzuki didn't want to consider the implications, and merely pounded harder on the door, shouting Hisoka's name.
Hisoka had been expecting him. He walked solemnly to the door, annoyed that Tsuzuki had to be so loud. He kept his empathic walls up firmly, his newfound ability having increased his strength incredibly. He opened the door, expecting Tsuzuki to be angry. He did not expect the concern that crossed Tsuzuki's features.
"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki dashed forward to hit-no, hug him?-and Hisoka backed out of the way, confused now. What was Tsuzuki doing? He was not angry, or disgusted. He looked genuinely worried. Tsuzuki backed up, looking at Hisoka as if judging what his reactions might be.
Hisoka looked different. He didn't look vulnerable or even scared or sad-he simply looked indifferent, as if he didn't care what happened to him. "Hisoka....What did he do to you?"
The emotions behind his walls stirred, but Hisoka quelled them immediately. It would not hurt if he kept them away. All he had to do was keep up his walls, and nothing would hurt him. He would be away from everyone, simply doing his job, forming no attachments. Emotions only hurt. Tsuzuki's words stirred them, and he didn't like that at all.
"Hisoka, please, won't you talk to me? I don't know what he did to you, but I can help..Your new power, did he give it to you? You've never used it like that before"
"Shut up!" Hisoka yelled, Tsuzuki's words shaking the foundations of his walls. He had thought it was enough, but it wasn't. He had to make them stronger, and Tsuzuki wasn't helping. Anger at Tsuzuki welled up momentarily, being replaced by guilt, and then sadness. His emotions were leaking through, and he didn't have enough strength to stop them.
"Hisoka, please!" Tsuzuki touched him on the shoulder, tenderly, and Hisoka screamed with pain as his walls broke, and he was inundated with his own locked emotions. He had tried to help himself, but he wasn't strong enough, and he cried with his guilt and pain, at the feelings of dirtiness, and at his own weakness. He wasn't strong enough; he would never be strong enough! He tried to rebuild his walls, but doing so only brought more pain, as if a hole was being ripped into him.
"Tsuzuki..It hurts! Oh God, it hurts!" He stopped trying, as his emotions helped him to realize the futility of what he did. He didn't want to leave everyone, he didn't want to be emotionless, and mostly, he didn't want to be alone. He might not be able to handle Tsuzuki rejecting him, but he couldn't reject Tsuzuki. The last of his walls crumbled, and he fell, sobbing, to the floor.
"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki knelt next to him, afraid to touch him until Hisoka grabbed his shoulder, looking at him with eyes full of anxiety and despair.
"Tsuzuki, it hurts! What do I do! I can't...Don't leave me! Please don't hate me! I tried to fight; it was a mistake, and OH GOD, IT HURTS!" Hisoka felt like he was sinking into his own emotions, in a torrent since he had tried to lock them up. He needed something, anything, to hold onto, since he was in a whirl of his own making. The safe place he had tried to create was hurting him.
"Hisoka! Please, hang onto me! Don't cry!" Tsuzuki grabbed his hand-And suddenly a bridge was formed. Hisoka's torrent of emotions flooded him as Tsuzuki's concern and love flowed into Hisoka. Hisoka latched onto it, not able to believe it was there. He wanted to take it, bring it into his safe place, behind his walls. It wouldn't go. He needed something to attach it to, to keep it. He reached for the strength of his empathy, and followed it into his own swirling emotions.
With it, he found his own love, his love for Tsuzuki. He dropped Tsuzuki's emotions, and suddenly he was hit with a realization.
He could not escape. He could shut himself away, let himself be pulled into an illusion, or he could stay..Stay with Tsuzuki. Staying away hurt to achieve, so why do it? He realized his own strength, as he examined Tsuzuki's love and compared it to his own. Tsuzuki held in his emotions the knowledge of Hisoka's strength and abilities, and his belief in Hisoka's goodness-His belief in Hisoka. Hisoka felt stupid, more stupid than he had ever felt in his life. He sorted out the pain and torment of his cyclone of emotions, putting them back where they belonged-in him. Finally, he compared his love for Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki's love for him, and discovered that they were the same. He abandoned his walls, throwing himself at Tsuzuki, hugging him, unable to believe his good fortune after such an ordeal. He cried, this time not with agony, but with relief, and Tsuzuki sensed it after a storm of his pain, and finally smiled, caressing him.
"Hisoka. You know that I love you, right? Whatever he did to you, he can't beat us. He just makes us stronger."
Muraki frowned. He didn't know where the brat was now, probably with his Tsuzuki, but he didn't care. His hypothesis had been right. He was always right, but that mattered little to him anyway. The technique had been interesting, but it hadn't filled him. Nothing could.
The road is fraught with peril
The river with unforeseen twists blocks and hindrances abound
cloud, fog, and mist
people bond together
share their feelings
as they travel down these paths
I feel nothing, just a hole
gnawing at what remains
and the knowledge of the hole's existence
is what really pains
Alright, that's it. If you liked it, great! If you didn't..well, screw you guys, I'm going home. _
Hisoka went through several layers of consciousness before finally waking. First, he felt the sensation of lying down, instead of being brutally tied to a wall, and he could feel the softness of the sheets and pillows around him. Next, he heard the sound of wings fluttering, and finally, he opened his eyes, staring around at the pristine white room around him. He saw Watari's owl on a perch above him, and it suddenly registered that he was free. Muraki could not hurt him here.
The events of the past few days flew through his mind. He remembered what Muraki had done to him, and finally, the reaction it had elicited. He curled up into a ball, feeling tainted and, even more than that, a deep feeling of guilt. He had attacked Tsuzuki, with a technique Muraki had taught him. It had not been a consensual "teaching," he thought bitterly, but that didn't matter. Tsuzuki..He had tried to help him, but as soon as Tsuzuki had regained consciousness and sensed Hisoka, he had fought him with all he had; putting up his walls with more force than Hisoka had ever been able to sense from him before. Although, his powers of perception had never been so forcefully tested before.
Hisoka shuddered. Tsuzuki had rejected him, and he deserved it. Tsuzuki did not want someone who had been tainted by Muraki, and who used techniques that Muraki formulated for his own uses. He was just a tool, if an unwilling one, and the wise never affiliated themselves with tools of the enemy. He curled into an even tighter ball, putting up his empathic walls so as to alienate himself from his environment, and sobbed. He made his walls stronger, adding his newfound strength, and didn't stop until he had nothing left to fortify them with. His sobs stopped, and an eerie peace filled him, making him lightheaded. He was safe. With nothing here, he was alone. No one could touch him, and no emotion could sway him.
Tsuzuki wandered into the building, immediately heading into the room where Hisoka had lain unconscious for two days. He had to see him, to see if he was okay, and comfort him if he needed it. Watari had warned him that the boy might need some time alone, but Tsuzuki wanted to be there when he awoke. He wanted Hisoka to know that he was there for him, and always would be no matter what hardships either of them might face. He couldn't remember much after he had fallen unconscious from Hisoka's empathic attack, save that he had constantly been fighting against Muraki's verbal maltreatment. Tsuzuki reflected on the event. He had gotten out unscathed, and he was proud of Hisoka for being able to bring one of the most powerful shinigami to his knees. Hisoka's attack had been terrifying, but it had also allowed him to see where Hisoka's vulnerability came from. He had felt pain, and deep emotional sorrow, but had been unable to sense from what events each came from. He had spent the last two days thinking about these revelations; how much of the pain he had felt was from what Hisoka had undergone then, and how much was from Hisoka's tortured life? It had been too much for him to take, and he only felt more protectiveness for the boy, now that he had experienced the pain that Hisoka had. He wanted to talk to him, to tell him that it was a great step in their relationship. He knew that Hisoka had meant it for Muraki; he had sensed the boy's hatred, and had been able to locate the source of that emotion quite easily.
He breezed into Hisoka's room, and was stunned to realize it was empty. Where was Hisoka? He began to panic; Muraki wouldn't have recaptured him, would he? No, the sheets were clean and the bed had been made, so that ruled out a struggle. He ran into Watari's lab, which was adjacent to the infirmary.
Watari looked at him as if he had been expecting him. "Hisoka woke up and went home. He didn't look like himself, though. He was really pale, and he wouldn't let me touch him..." Watari trailed off, his tone betraying his worry and concern. He sighed, and simply said "You should go see him, I think."
Tsuzuki was off before Watari had finished his last sentence.
It wasn't long before Tsuzuki was standing at the door to Hisoka's apartment, pounding on it urgently. Why had he left? What had Muraki done to him that would make him act like that? Did he..Tsuzuki didn't want to consider the implications, and merely pounded harder on the door, shouting Hisoka's name.
Hisoka had been expecting him. He walked solemnly to the door, annoyed that Tsuzuki had to be so loud. He kept his empathic walls up firmly, his newfound ability having increased his strength incredibly. He opened the door, expecting Tsuzuki to be angry. He did not expect the concern that crossed Tsuzuki's features.
"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki dashed forward to hit-no, hug him?-and Hisoka backed out of the way, confused now. What was Tsuzuki doing? He was not angry, or disgusted. He looked genuinely worried. Tsuzuki backed up, looking at Hisoka as if judging what his reactions might be.
Hisoka looked different. He didn't look vulnerable or even scared or sad-he simply looked indifferent, as if he didn't care what happened to him. "Hisoka....What did he do to you?"
The emotions behind his walls stirred, but Hisoka quelled them immediately. It would not hurt if he kept them away. All he had to do was keep up his walls, and nothing would hurt him. He would be away from everyone, simply doing his job, forming no attachments. Emotions only hurt. Tsuzuki's words stirred them, and he didn't like that at all.
"Hisoka, please, won't you talk to me? I don't know what he did to you, but I can help..Your new power, did he give it to you? You've never used it like that before"
"Shut up!" Hisoka yelled, Tsuzuki's words shaking the foundations of his walls. He had thought it was enough, but it wasn't. He had to make them stronger, and Tsuzuki wasn't helping. Anger at Tsuzuki welled up momentarily, being replaced by guilt, and then sadness. His emotions were leaking through, and he didn't have enough strength to stop them.
"Hisoka, please!" Tsuzuki touched him on the shoulder, tenderly, and Hisoka screamed with pain as his walls broke, and he was inundated with his own locked emotions. He had tried to help himself, but he wasn't strong enough, and he cried with his guilt and pain, at the feelings of dirtiness, and at his own weakness. He wasn't strong enough; he would never be strong enough! He tried to rebuild his walls, but doing so only brought more pain, as if a hole was being ripped into him.
"Tsuzuki..It hurts! Oh God, it hurts!" He stopped trying, as his emotions helped him to realize the futility of what he did. He didn't want to leave everyone, he didn't want to be emotionless, and mostly, he didn't want to be alone. He might not be able to handle Tsuzuki rejecting him, but he couldn't reject Tsuzuki. The last of his walls crumbled, and he fell, sobbing, to the floor.
"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki knelt next to him, afraid to touch him until Hisoka grabbed his shoulder, looking at him with eyes full of anxiety and despair.
"Tsuzuki, it hurts! What do I do! I can't...Don't leave me! Please don't hate me! I tried to fight; it was a mistake, and OH GOD, IT HURTS!" Hisoka felt like he was sinking into his own emotions, in a torrent since he had tried to lock them up. He needed something, anything, to hold onto, since he was in a whirl of his own making. The safe place he had tried to create was hurting him.
"Hisoka! Please, hang onto me! Don't cry!" Tsuzuki grabbed his hand-And suddenly a bridge was formed. Hisoka's torrent of emotions flooded him as Tsuzuki's concern and love flowed into Hisoka. Hisoka latched onto it, not able to believe it was there. He wanted to take it, bring it into his safe place, behind his walls. It wouldn't go. He needed something to attach it to, to keep it. He reached for the strength of his empathy, and followed it into his own swirling emotions.
With it, he found his own love, his love for Tsuzuki. He dropped Tsuzuki's emotions, and suddenly he was hit with a realization.
He could not escape. He could shut himself away, let himself be pulled into an illusion, or he could stay..Stay with Tsuzuki. Staying away hurt to achieve, so why do it? He realized his own strength, as he examined Tsuzuki's love and compared it to his own. Tsuzuki held in his emotions the knowledge of Hisoka's strength and abilities, and his belief in Hisoka's goodness-His belief in Hisoka. Hisoka felt stupid, more stupid than he had ever felt in his life. He sorted out the pain and torment of his cyclone of emotions, putting them back where they belonged-in him. Finally, he compared his love for Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki's love for him, and discovered that they were the same. He abandoned his walls, throwing himself at Tsuzuki, hugging him, unable to believe his good fortune after such an ordeal. He cried, this time not with agony, but with relief, and Tsuzuki sensed it after a storm of his pain, and finally smiled, caressing him.
"Hisoka. You know that I love you, right? Whatever he did to you, he can't beat us. He just makes us stronger."
Muraki frowned. He didn't know where the brat was now, probably with his Tsuzuki, but he didn't care. His hypothesis had been right. He was always right, but that mattered little to him anyway. The technique had been interesting, but it hadn't filled him. Nothing could.
The road is fraught with peril
The river with unforeseen twists blocks and hindrances abound
cloud, fog, and mist
people bond together
share their feelings
as they travel down these paths
I feel nothing, just a hole
gnawing at what remains
and the knowledge of the hole's existence
is what really pains
Alright, that's it. If you liked it, great! If you didn't..well, screw you guys, I'm going home. _
