A/N: All right, I'm actually battening down the hatches a bit with this chapter, and getting a little more into the plot. The first two chapters have been, after all, general bemusement and banter of our characters. But Sirius insisted.

Keep in mind that while a humorous subtext does tend to run rampant, (tis my nature) There is also a good deal of plot bunny goodness wandering the story. After all, most Harry Potter books start off on a lighter edge (Once he leaves the Dursley's) and always end up with some sort of astoundingly cliffhanging last chapter. I guarantee the usage of spells, forced heroism, and downright squicky parts.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I paused at the entrance to Dumbledore's office; unsure of what to say to the stone faced gargoyle before me. The password had surely been changed, and I had very little hope that the statue was partial to puppy-dog faces.

Fortunately, the gargoyle leapt aside a split second later, and with a confused look on my face, I wandered up and into the office.

"I take it my gargoyle recognized you?" Dumbledore asked when I had opened the door and stood before him.

"Anything in here that's charmed to toss me up ten feet high that I should know about?"

Dumbledore spoke into his teacup, so his words were slightly muffled. "If there were, would I be so quick to tell you?"

"You would if you wanted to live," I answered, and crept gingerly to the seat across from his desk. "If I sit, and find myself on the roof, you're going to find yourself floating down the river Styx." I sat, and supressed a sigh of relief as I remained firmly planted on the ground.

"So, to business."

"Indeed," Dumbledore answered. "We have things to discuss, and as soon as the rest of our little party gets here, we shall."

I pretended to look hurt. "You mean this wasn't just a ploy to get me alone?"

"Afraid not," he answered glumly. "Pity too, it would have worked like a charm."

"No sherbert lemon trail necessary." I cocked my head to the side and summoned the teapot, wandlessly. Dumbledore looked mildly impressed, but under his beard, it was hard to tell.

"You've been practicing," he observed approvingly.

"I had to have something to do while I was locked away in that cottage. You know, would cable be such a bad thing?"

"You wish to place Sirius in front of a contraption that provides him entertainment of every kind, at every hour of the day?"

I nodded solemnly. "It would keep him out of my face."

"But now that I've heard that," a voice from the doorway proclaimed, "I am going to follow you around for the remainder of your life and annoy you, no matter what the distraction."

I turned in my chair to look at Sirius, who was looking a little too hurt to be realistic. "Then I'll be jumping off the Divinitation tower the very second this meeting is over."

Harry peered over the shoulder of Sirius, clearly having just arrived. It amused me about him that as tall as Sirius was, Harry still had a few good inches to lean his chin casually on top of Sirius.

"And here I thought I was doing you a favor keeping you company in your exile," Sirius sighed, and stepped forward so suddenly he caused Harry to stumble forward.

"And the fact that you have Death Eaters sharpening machetes with your name on them has nothing to do with that, eh?"

"Course not," Sirius said, taking a seat next to me. "Harry here has Death Eaters flinging spells at him every day, don't you Harry?"

The boy in question shrugged his shoulders. "I guess," he mumbled.

The boy, it seemed, was anxious to be completely void of attention.

"All right then," I said, clearing my throat. "What's this all-important news that we need to be gathered here for?"

Dumbledore nodded for everyone to take a seat, then began.

"We've been getting some information from our sources lately," he paused to glance at the fireplace, where I was certain Snape was about to Floo in. He was the only source I knew of that was doubling as a spy to the Dark Side.

"We've been getting information that Voldemort--" Everyone around me cringed, with one notable exception-- "Is planning another attack."

Sirius snorted. "That was informative, thank you."

"There's more, of course," Dumbledore added patiently, and let his ice blue eyes flicker casually in Sirius' direction. "This attack is meant to be on a more emotional and personal level than the last." He took another sip of his tea, and stood to pace. "In the past, Voldemort has achieved his way by means of mass murder and torture, as we well know. However..." He looked around the room at each face, lingering on the features as though he were trying to read into our souls. Part of me believed that he was.

"This time, he seems to have decided that anonymous doom is not enough. His plan is to use those closest to his enemies. At this precise moment, one particular enemy."

All eyes turned towards Harry, who sat up a little straighter.

"What does that mean?"

"It means," a sinister voice said from the fireplace, "That Voldemort is going to pick off your friends one by one and hold them for ransom, all the while torturing them to the point of insanity. If you do what he asks, he returns them to you, a bloodied shell of the person you knew; if you don't do what he asks, he still returns the person, but in a less than preferable fashion."

Everyone turned towards Snape, who was standing next to the fire, dark robes perfect as usual.

"What do you mean: Less than preferable fashion?" Sirius asked coldly, glaring down at his nemesis. "What could possibly be worse than having a loved one return insane and crushed?"

"One piece at a time," I answered flatly.

"Precisely," Dumbledore answered. "This is a situation we wish to avoid. So our best course of action--"

"Don't say hiding," I interrupted.

Dumbledore nodded. "Hiding, I'm afraid."

Harry snapped his head forward slightly, looking disgusted. "Hiding?!"

Dumbledore turned to Harry. "Yes Harry. Contrary to most Gryffindor beliefs, sometimes the best course of action is waiting by the wayside until the ideal moment."

"Potter never has been one for idealistic opportunities though, has he?" Snape said smoothly.

"That is a matter of interpretation, Severus," Dumbledore answered calmly. "In the meantime, we need to work out living arrangements for the new year. Zella, I believe your current hiatus is rather drafty and lonesome?"

"Apart from the pitter patter of little Sirius feet, it is rather empty."

"Would you be willing to share that space with a few others?"

"Such as?" *Say Snape, and I hex you to a fate far worse than death...*

"I think Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger are in a fair amount of danger, as well as Lupin," Dumbledore listed, sitting back down. "Sirius will of course return, and I think Harry would be well advised to sojourn there often enough as to remain inconspicuous. Mr. Potter, do you accept?"

Harry nodded. "Where am I going next?"

"India," Snape answered curtly. "There is said to be an Indian derivative of a phoenix that has supernatural powers. You would be well advised to examine that hypothesis."

I rolled my eyes. Snape would take even the simplest statement and draw it out to novel length. Possible magic bird in India. Take a look, Sherlock.

Got it, Watson. Moving on.

"Didn't you tell me earlier that there were going to be seven of us?" Sirius asked. "Even with Harry there, it's only six."

"Five, Sirius. I don't count you as a person," I shot across the room.

"The feeling is mutual, you wicked old hag..."

"How would you like to LOOK like a wicked old hag?" I threatened.

"Actually," Dumbledore said rather loudly, trying to catch our attention. "There is one more person."

"Sorry I'm late."

"Ahh, here she is now."

Crystal Saffron. She was an earthy, mother goddess sort of woman, with amazing stamina and a lifetime of adventures quite similar to mine to prove it.

Chestnut, shoulder length hair with gold streaked through it, a curvy figure, hazel eyes that had apparently never missed a trick, and changed with moods as mine did; with rosy tanned skin and beautiful, skilled hands.

Her fashion sense also bore a striking resemblance to my wardrobe. I wondered why that was for a moment, before realizing that last time she had stayed over at my house for a prolonged period of time, she had combined our closets, and my shirts had been among the missing since.

"Crystal?"

She looked around for a moment before realizing where the voice came from. "Zella?"

"The one and only!"

"Thank Gods!" Sirius called out.

"Shut up, you!" I got up and hugged Crystal, who had just bounced up and down happily at the sight of me. That was probably the first and only time she would ever do that.

Dumbledore chuckled as we bounced around in each other's arms. "I take it you two know each other?"

"Hehhhhhh?" I asked, turning towards him. "Oh, yeah, we've met once or twice." I turned back to her. "You're wearing my shirt, wench."

"It looks better on me anyway," she answered loftily.

"I think I'm in love."

We both turned towards Sirius, who was mimicking cardiac arrest in his chair.

"You really are going to hell, you know that? And you're going a lot faster if you say one more word against me!" I pulled out my wand and pointed at him threateningly.

"Now now," Dumbledore said hastily, and stepped between us. "We still have much to discuss, and not very much time to do it. For those of you who don't already know, this is Professor Saffron, our newest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"Run while you can," I whispered at her, and she shot me a look of mingling horror.

A half-hour later found us let out of the office, stretching and groaning as our muscles screamed at us.

We had learned that Voldemort was indeed plotting the kidnap of those closest to the Members of the Order.

"Why am I here then?" Crystal had asked.

"Because you are firstly, a Muggle," Snape had answered, "And secondly, a companion of Zella's, who is also a current and very active member of the Order."

"Thanks a lot Zella. My mom was right about you."

"HEY!"

We had also learned that Crystal had been doing more than just teaching first years how to cast a counter curse against Jellylegs; she had also been working with Snape to develop a new spell against Voldemort, as I was. Yet another reason to be Voldemort's target.

"Ooooh, You get to deal with Snape, AND risk painful death by Death Eaters. Aren't you lucky?"

With final goodnight's, Harry disappeared up a staircase to his chambers. Snape had flooed out the nanosecond the meeting was over, leaving Crystal, Sirius, and myself standing in the middle of a deserted hallway.

"Well, no sense waiting for Nearly Headless Nick to come bouncing through the walls. anyone want a nightcap?"

"That depends on what the bartender is serving," Sirius answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Rum," I answered simply, and then laughed as Crystal gasped and made a beeline for my room.

"Coming? Perfect opportunity for flirtation." I beckoned one finger at him.

"Am I that transparent?"

"Like a ghost. Only worse."

We made it up the stairs in record time, due to a chase that erupted somewhere on the third floor and ended only when I burst into my room. Crystal had located the alcohol in record time, and was now rattling about the kitchen to find glasses.

"I'd better go help her. she'll be swigging it out of the bottle in a matter mere seconds."

As I disappeared into the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of Sirius attempting to either muss his hair or make it look somewhat presentable. Either way, the result was comical.

"Glasses!" Crystal demanded as I walked through the door.

"Left!" I answered in the same drill sergeant manner. She swung her hands towards the cabinet that contained the glasses, and whipped three out.

"So, who's this Sirius?" she asked in hushed tones. "Is he a good guy?"

"He's a scoundrel. A prankster, a jokester, and a class clown. I'm sure you've heard he's an escaped convict, a hardened criminal, a war veteran, and a downright barmy codger once you really get to know him."

"So what we're saying is.." Crystal raised an eyebrow expectantly.

I sighed. "Just your type."

"Eeeeexactly." She raised her glass to me, and I took the bottle from her hands and took a few steadying gulps.

"Doesn't that sting?"

"Noo!" My voice raised about an octave. "It's just got a bit of a kick."

After a sip, Crystal also coughed. "Kick like a kung fu fighter."

A few hours later, we were thoroughly hammered, and quite proud of ourselves. Sirius was bewitching the broom to chase me around, while I attacked him with sponges saturated with frigid water. We alternated between outbursts from him as I drenched him further, and yelps from me as a broom poked itself in places better left. un-poked.

"All right, all right," I said, stumbling up and pushing the offending broom aside. "I'm really going to go to bed now, before I do something I'll regret."

"You did that an hour ago," Sirius told me, his words slurring.

"Well then. I'd best not do it again. You two lock up when you're finished, and no hanky panky." I shook a finger, but my entire body wobbled with it, so I turned and tripped into the other room, falling into bed fully clothed and fitfully-dreamed.

*****It was dark, and it was cold. That was all there really was to observe, because nothing else could be seen or felt, save for an almost suffocating sense of panic.

Then there was a screaming that sliced through the silence and was almost physically painful. I stood carefully, and wandered through the darkness, searching for whom it was that needed to be helped. Footsteps echoed like thunder; it was as though I had simply gone blind.

Then there was light. so much so quickly, and I stumbled backwards against the flow of green light.

There was a metallic taste in the back of my mouth, followed closely by a raging burn in my head that traveled through the rest of my body. I sat up in time to see a body, mangled and twisted into impossible positions at my feet, before there was another flash of light, this time in my direction. ****

"Zella. ZELLA!" Sirius shook me back into consciousness, and I shot up from the bed, drenched in a cold sweat and with astounding speed for one with a hangover.

"WHAT!!"

"Toss and turn a little more, why don't you?"

"Sorry. It's just that. nothing, never mind." I paused, and looked up as though seeing him for the first time in my room. "And what, pray tell, are we doing here?"

"We're getting you up for breakfast. Dumbledore's making an announcement of some sort, and we're supposed to be there."

"How long do we have?"

"Ten minutes."

I leapt from the mattress. "TEN MINUTES??! Are you trying to kill me?"

"I should thought that would have been fairly obvious by now."

"Oh, SHOVE OFF, you nit!!" I pushed Sirius, along with the chilling sensation the dream had brought, out of my room and mind.

"We're late."

"Your fault."

"I'm not the one applying war paint like it's going out of style."

"Well if you had woken me up at a reasonable time instead of leaving ten minutes to a hung over woman, there wouldn't have been a problem!"

"Well if you hadn't been rolling round that bed and moaning like you were possessed I would have been a little more keen to wake you up!" He silenced himself as we made our way to the front table, but continued to bewitch my maple syrup to spell insults across the waffles.

T-R-O-L-L-O-P

N-I-T

S-H-O-V-E O-F-F.

"Then get off my Waffles!" I hissed across the tables. Half the teachers gave me looks as though I was insane, while Harry peered over and grinned as Sirius' last message oozed back into non-existence. I glanced at him sheepishly, and turned to Dumbledore as he stood, presumably to make the announcement.

But first, I made a mental note to pelt that nitwit with pastries the moment the meal was over.

A/N::: Oh, behold the incredibly small cliffhanger I've left you with. Not really a cliff, is it? More of a medium sized rock.

As always, thanks to the Beta Puppy; the one who attacks me my every waking moment, and hovers over my sleeping form at night, usually with some form of artillery.

And to Myth and Silence, who made me feel all humble and amateur again. Damn your entirely too talented selves. Damn you both!! ^_^