Hey! Don't sue! I've got no money! I admit! I only own the plot! By da way: This is the LAST disclaimer! So, pay attention! I know you will miss them!
WARNING: This is the angsty chapter, so I must warn you that if blood or suicide freaks you out do not read this chapter, somewhat graphic.
Chapter 11
When I'm gone
Lily tried to quiet her sobs that were preventing her from falling asleep. The clock subtly glowed; 5:30 AM. It had been a week since the dance and still, her life seemed to be crumbling in front of her eyes.
She wanted out now, a free ticket to get away from her troubles.
*Never thought I'd die alone.*
*I laughed the loudest, who'd of known?*
Lily's eyes shifted from the pillow to her small, pink razor sitting on the bedside table. Closing her eyes, she imagined life without her. Everyone would be happy, no more drama, no more sadness.
Sliding out of bed, she grabbed the blade and walked into the bathroom. Should she leave a note? Did it matter? As Lily began filling the tub, she decided that she owed her friends that much.
*Traced the cord back to the wall*
*No wonder, it was never plugged in at all*
Grabbing a small piece of parchment and a quill, she quickly scribbled a short note. That was good, they would understand.
Lily pulled off her pajamas and stepped into the warm water. Lying down, her budding stomach bobbed. Her baby didn't need to grow up in this………hell hole. He would never be exposed to the harsh glare of real life.
*I took my time, I hurried up*
*The choice was mine, I didn't think enough.*
She grabbed the razor, and holding it firmly in her right hand, whispered, "God, forgive me for what I must do." And then, she cut deep into the flesh of her wrist.
Moaning at the sight of the blood flowing into the water, Lily closed her eyes for a second. Was it just her, or where the lights dimming?
*I'm too depressed to go on*
*You'll be sorry when I'm gone*
Before she could change her mind, Lily slashed the other wrist and saw with the blood, the release of her stress, pain, and oh! She felt so light.
Minutes passed until, ashen faced, Lily passed out in the tub.
*I never conquered, rarely came*
*16 just held such better days*
*Days when I still felt alive*
*We couldn't wait to get outside*
*The world was wide, too late to try*
*The tour was over, I'd survived*
*I couldn't wait to get home*
*To pass the time in my room alone*
^^^^
Kari woke thirty minutes later with an extreme feeling of dread and foreboding. Something was wrong, very wrong.
Trying to shrug off the lurking trepidation, she glanced at her watch, 6:35, time to take shower and go to breakfast.
She traipsed into the bathroom, covering her yawn with her hand. Finally, rubbing her eyes, she reached the bathtub.
A nice, warm shower was all she needed to wake up, and so she reached over to turn on the water. As Kari did that, her fingers skimmed the bath water.
Bath water?
She opened her eyes wide and with the sight she beheld, screamed louder than she had ever before.
Lily lay in the bloody water, her face white, her mouth slightly open. A razor was sitting on the floor and on the side of the tub rested a small piece of parchment.
Lizzie came running in. "Kari, why are you screaming? You woke every………" She stopped when she looked at Lily. "Oh my God. Kari, go find Madame Glencoe! I'm going to try to stop the bleeding."
Kari nodded, tears clearly in her eyes.
Lizzie walked over to the tub and held her wand above Lily's naked body. "Wound Repairo!" She yelled.
A soft, yellow glow engulfed Lily and cuts on her wrists healed instantly. Lizzie pulled her friend out of the water and covered her with a towel, as a large crowd had gathered in the lavatory.
With the bleeding stopped, Lizzie decided that she could read the note. She unfolded it and examined the shaky writing: "God send me an angel, I love you all."
"Oh, Lily, why would you do this to us?" She whispered.
Finally, Kari rushed in with the nurse.
Madame Glencoe wore a worried expression. Examining Lily's tiny wrists, she murmured, "Lizzie, you did a good job closing the wounds. Still, I will take her the infirmary to monitor her recovery."
Magically, she lifted Lily on to a floating stretcher, then, with a flick of her wand, the nurse left the Gryffindor Tower, Lily floating beside her.
Lizzie sank slowly to the floor, too numb with shock to cry.
^^^^
Two days later, Lily opened her eyes and stared at the wood and stone ceiling above her.
"So this is heaven, or hell as it may be." She thought.
"Oh, Lily, you're awake." A female voice murmured.
Lily didn't reply, thinking. "Ah, whoever it is, is a woman."
The female voice began speaking again. "Here is your breakfast. Your friends have been so worried."
Lily opened her eyes. "My friends?" She questioned. Then, looking around, saw that she had not escaped life. She was in the infirmary. God was Madame Glencoe. "What am I doing here?" She yelled, infuriated.
The nurse smiled sadly. "Why are any of us here? Anyway, everyone was so concerned. Luckily, your friend, Lizzie was able to save you. You've been here for two days and I'll probably keep you for a few more, just to be safe. Here is your breakfast, eat up and get plenty of rest, ok?"
Lily stared dumbly into the cheerful meal of oatmeal, buttered toast and orange juice. She needed sad food, comfort food. Throwing herself back on to the pillow, Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes. She was feeling a bizarre combination of sadness and relief.
The hospital door slowly opened just then and timidly, Lizzie, Kari, Alisa, Sirius, James, and Remus walked into the room.
"Lily! You're awake, finally!" Screamed Kari, as the three girls came running towards the sickbay bed, arms outstretched.
The patient flinched and held out her hand. "Please, guys don't come any closer. I don't know whether to curse you or thank you at this point." Her eyes were closed in desperation.
They stopped dead in their tracks. Exchanging glances, each one, including the boys, pulled out a lumpy package from their bags. Remus began quietly. "Ok, well, we brought you some treats from Hogsmeade. Chocolate and stuff."
Lily smiled. "I'm…really sorry. Thank you all so much. Just give me some time, and I'll come around."
Alisa's face lightened a little. "Lily, why would you do this to yourself? Why would you do that to us?" She asked quietly. "We all love you so much."
"I... I really don't know, I just couldn't take anything. The rape, the threats, my parents death, my sister, the dance,...James." She glanced at him apologeticaly. It over whelmed me, and I could see life without me. I'm so sorry." She burst into sobs.
Madame Glencoe bustled in. "Out! Out! All of you now! You are upsetting my patient."
They all filed away. Lizzie turned at the last minute. "I'm glad you're alive, Lily."
^*^^
Hey people! Sorry about that chapter, it kind of sucked, but ya know, Lily has to get over a few hurdles. The rest of the time of the pregnancy will probably go by pretty fast and then we will get to the meat of the story, some J/L loving, mystery, Lily's job, some surprises, and finally the end! OH, I will be so sad!
So, please review! 5 more and I'll post another chapter. But hm-mm! More would be nice!!!!!!!!!!
*Hint*Hint*
Oh! P.S. That song at the beginning was "Adam's Song" By Blink-182. By now you probably think I have some strange infatuation with them but truthfully, the CD jacket is always sitting by my computer, and so I feel compelled to place their songs into my story. I'll try to find someone new!
