Disclaimer: I own Tina. Nothing more.
Chapter 2
Mental Instability and Monty Python References
This time when Tina awoke, there were no rocks jutting into her back. Instead, she was warm and comfortable. Her heart leapt - maybe she was in a hospital bed somewhere, and the doctors were monitoring her brain waves, and when she woke up this horrible dream of being a Mary Sue in a Mary Sue influenced Middle Earth would be nothing more than a memory. Not that it wasn't her dream to come to Middle Earth - it was, just not as a Mary Sue, with non-canonical instances and characters. Tina was reluctant to open her eyes. She raised her left eyelid a sliver, hoping to see medical equipment and bare walls. Instead she saw large windows and majestic furniture.
Rivendell.
This might have cheered Tina up a bit (at least it was slightly canonical, and she had always wanted to see Rivendell . . .), if the room were not so stuffy and overbearing and unlike the Rivendell she knew of. She might not have known where she was, were it not for the large windows and the view.
-When she awoke, she was greeted with the sight of the grandure of Rivendell. "How did I get here?" she thought, as she rose from the majestick canopy bed and floated to the window . . .-
Tina shrieked and fell out of the bed. There were voices inside her head! Not only that, but she got the distinct impression that at least one of the words was misspelled. Someone was writing this. Someone who seemed to have a very vague idea of what Middle Earth was like. And Tina was his/her self-inserted character.
She didn't like it one bit.
"W-who are you? How did I get here? That truck? How dare you do this to Middle Earth?" she screamed, in the hopes of being heard. "How dare you pull me into your pitiful little version of Tolkien's masterpiece? And by the way, getting me to Middle Earth by getting hit by a TRUCK? That is SO cliché! Can't you be more creative than that? HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME A MARY SUE?"
The author didn't seem to notice Tina's outburst, as all that happened was that someone knocked on the door. Tina groaned. Did she even dare to answer?
The door opened on it's own, and a tall elf woman with glazed eyes entered.
'Elvish servant.' Tina thought. 'Where did these Mary Sue writers even get the idea that Elrond has servants?'
"My lady," the elf said, bowing reverently. Tina was getting very tired of this. She hated formalities, even when she wasn't a Mary Sue. Why couldn't people just say what they needed to say and be done with it? She sighed impatiently as the elf stood up.
"The Lord Elrond requests your presence at his council."
'Council? Oh God no, not the Council of Elrond, anything but that!' Tina thought, panicking. She could already guess what was going to happen at the council, but the elf was rooting through a closet full of magnificent dresses, and chattering non-stop.
". . .lovely dresses, which do you want to wear?" the elf finished, turning to Tina, who just blinked. She'd been too busy panicking to catch most of the sentence. The elf was staring at her expectantly and holding a long blue dress with an extremely small waist and low neckline.
"Uh. . . you pick." Tina said, and the elf smiled brightly before turning back to root through the clothes, still talking non-stop about the glory of Rivendell and the strange visitors they had been having lately. Tina sank down on the bed. Maybe if she faked a good stomach flu she could get out of going to the council. No . . . elves didn't get sick, and Tina was pretty sure that's what she was. That wouldn't work. But she needed to figure out some excuse not to go to the Council. Someone else may have been writing this story, but they didn't have control over her. Still, even if she did manage to get out of going to the council today, the author would undoubtedly find some way to get her in the Fellowship. Tina sighed. She might as well get this over with. Where were the Protectors of the Plot Continuum when you needed them?
'. . . and the Lady Celebrían wore this!" the elf said, holding up a dress. Tina glanced up at it and did a double take. It was pink. PINK. Tina positively despised pink. And since when did elves wear pink anyway? Plus it was strewn with ruffles in places ruffles had no business being. Tina knew virtually nothing about fashion, in Middle Earth or otherwise, but she was pretty sure no self-respecting elf (much less Celebrían herself) would wear something like that. Tina rubbed her temples and muttered her thanks. The elf smiled and floated out of the room to inform Elrond that Tina would be out soon. Tina looked at the dress with distaste and struggled reluctantly into it. The elf had picked out matching shoes for the dress and Tina struggled to pull them on. For a Mary Sue, her feet were unusually large. She had also noticed that unless the servant was unusually tall for an elf, Tina was a bit small for a Mary Sue.
'Apparently, I'm not fully an elf.' Tina thought, wriggling uncomfortably in the tight dress.
-The quarter elf, quarter hobbit, quarter human, and quarter mermaid slipped into the dress with ease and . . .- the voice in Tina's head said again.
'What the . . .? Oh great, another writer who is big on diversity.' Tina thought. "You're an idiot, you know that? Or have you just not decided which male character you're going to pair me up with yet? And by the way, mermaids don't even exist in Middle Earth, or did that slip your tiny little UNCREATIVE mind?!" she shouted. She was greeted by silence.
There was a knock on the door and Tina pulled it open. It was the Elvish servant again - and this time she had something more foul than the pink dress in her hands.
"Oh. No. I am NOT wearing make-up! Since when do elves have make-up anyway? Tolkien NEVER said anything about MAKE-UP!" Tina screamed, losing her temper at the sight of the cosmetics in the elf's arms. The dress had been bad enough, but she had to draw the line here. The Elvish lady blinked and set her bottles and brushes on a nearby vanity.
"Well, I suppose with natural beauty like yours make-up is unnecessary. Still, you would look so lovely with some eye shadow to accent your . . ." she said.
"NO. No eye shadow, no blush, no accenting my 'natural beauty.' ALL elves have natural beauty" Tina snapped. "I refuse."
"As you wish, my lady, but even most elves are nowhere near as gorgeous as you are . . . I suppose you mean all elves are naturally beautiful on the inside? Your belief in inner beauty is so inspiring . . . I wish I were as optimistic as you." the elf said. Tina gagged. "Elrond and his company await you. The Halfling Frodo is especially concerned for your well-being." the elf continued, and winked at Tina. "He is quite adorable, isn't he?"
Tina gritted her teeth.
'Not the real Frodo, not the real Frodo . . .' she chanted mentally to stop herself from strangling the elf and screaming that Frodo was far more than just adorable when he wasn't under the influence of a 'Sue writer, and strode out the door.
Handsome male elves seemed to occupy every corner of this version of Rivendell, and despite her worries over being stuck as a Mary Sue, Tina appreciated the gratuitous eye-candy. For the first few seconds. However, she did mind the way they stared at her with their mouths hanging open in shock at her blatant Mary Sue beauty. Tina hunched over slightly, using her new long hair to hide her face. Sure she wouldn't have minded being a bit nicer looking, or having a slightly larger chest back home (who wouldn't?), but this was just annoying - every male within a five mile radius struck dumb and unable to do anything but stare at her like she was a piece of meat. Plus, she was beginning to feel like she had basketballs on her chest. And the hair, though useful for hiding her face, wasn't helping. It was so thick she had trouble keeping it from falling in her face. She made a mental note to sheer it off next time she got hold of a sword.
Somehow (no doubt due to newly acquired Mary Sue induced abilities), Tina managed to find her way to the council of Elrond, where all the hobbits, including Bilbo, and Aragorn were already waiting. Tina didn't even bother to wonder where Gandalf was. Who knew how this Author's mind worked?
Frodo instantly jumped out of his seat and bowed before her. Tina continued chanting her mantra inside her head. This wasn't the Frodo she admired so much, this was merely a Mary Sue influenced version of him based on his adorable appearance in the movie. Of course, Tina couldn't dispute that he was adorable, and supremely awesome to boot. She almost had to stop herself from giggling when he kissed her hand. She gritted her teeth and repeated her mantra.
"My Lady," he said. "My heart sings with joy at knowing you have woken. When you fainted upon Weathertop, my companions and I were wrought with worry, so we brought you to Rivendell in the hope that Elrond could revive you."
There he went with the un-Frodo-ish speech. Stupid author.
"You already know my name," the hobbit continued. "But would you tell me yours?"
-"My name, sweet hobbit, is Alinagawathawen . . . "- the voice in Tina's head said. Tina snorted. Alinagawathawen? What kind of a name was that? It wasn't even Sindarin, or Quenya, or any other recognizable Middle Earth language, as far as she could tell. Her silence lasted longer than she thought it would have, and Frodo tried to prompt her into speaking.
"You cried out 'Mary Sue' at Weathertop. Is that your name?" he asked, and for a moment his eyes began to uncloud and he began to speak with less reverence in his voice. Tina blinked. Yes, this was the key! The author wasn't expecting her to hesitate! If she could divert from the lines the author had picked for her well enough, perhaps she could break this spell set over the characters, or at least temporarily remove it.
"Yeah. You know what? Just call me that. Just call me Mary Sue. Because that's what this is! A Mary Sue! You hear me? Ma-a-a-ary-Sue!" Tina shouted, hoping that by some cosmic chance the Author would actually hear her.
"Mary Sue . . ." Frodo sighed, and Tina was disappointed to see that his eyes were clouded again.
"A beautiful and unusual name for a beautiful and unusual lady," a voice behind Tina said. Tina turned her head to see who it was. There stood Elrond, looking a great deal less reverent than the rest of the male members of the story. Tina was grateful. At least the Author let one person partially keep his head around her. She could have done without that whole "beautiful name, beautiful lady" line though. Tina would have smiled at Elrond, but knowing the Author, that probably would have brought him to his knees. Instead she nodded politely and sat down across from Frodo to wait for the rest of the council to show up, which took very little time, seeing that this was a Mary Sue fanfic.
The council started, and Tina did her best to take note of how the Author was altering the characters. Gimli she pegged right away as (in this fanfic, anyway) a general pain in the butt, which was really too bad, because Gimli was one of her favorite characters. It was a shame Mary Sues never seemed to get along with the dwarves. Boromir was acting like an overgrown three-year-old. So he succumbed to the Ring. . . that didn't make him so bad, did it? 'Sue writers didn't usually seem to think about the fact that he actually died trying to save Merry and Pippin afterwards. Legolas simply drooled every time he looked at Tina. Tina made a mental note to keep away from him (he was quite nice to look at, but she certainly didn't need to encourage his character alteration).
As the council picked up and the fight broke out between the rest of the characters, Tina sat back confidently. She didn't think she'd done bad so far - she hadn't said anything at all, and none of the canonical characters had paused to drool over her (much). She glanced over at Frodo, to make sure he was still sitting down like he was supposed to. Frodo looked up at her and his clouded eyes locked with hers. Tina quickly tore hers away to look at the fight that was breaking out. Gimli had drawn his axe and was wrestling with Aragorn, looking as though he was about to kill (or seriously maim) any elf who came within swinging distance. Tina raised her eyebrow - she wasn't sure the fight was supposed to get this violent - when Frodo's small voice cried out through the noise. Tina sighed with relief as Merry and Pippin jumped out of hiding to join the rapidly forming Fellowship. It looked as though she wouldn't be picked at all. There went the Author's plans. Maybe s/he/it would let her go home to where she could read her canonically correct copies of the Lord of the Rings.
But Tina underestimated the Author. As Elrond sealed the very symbolism of nine members of the Fellowship, Frodo walked in front of Tina and lifted her delicate Mary Sue white hand in his own small one.
"In truth, it was the Lady Mary Sue who inspired me to take the Ring." he said.
"WHAT?!" Tina screamed, jumping up. She hadn't done anything!
"When you looked at me and at the rest of the council, I knew that I must take the Ring to Mount Doom. Your eyes spoke to me," (here Tina had to fight to keep herself from retching) "And I was filled with a courage I did not know I possessed. Lady Mary Sue, though this journey is perilous, would you join myself and my Fellowship on our quest to Mount Doom?" Frodo continued.
"It is true, the Fellowship would benefit from having the assistance of Mary Sue the Lady of Light's power to assist them." Elrond spoke up.
'Oh great. Now I have "power". And a title. And Elrond is being repetitive.' Tina thought.
"No, I will not come! There is no symbolism to having ten members in the Fellowship of the Ring! NINE shall be the number of the Fellowship, and the number of the Fellowship shall be nine, no more, and no less! Ten shalt not be the number of the Fellowship, nor shall it be 8, excepting that the number then proceedeth to 9! THERE ARE 9 MEMBERS OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING!" Tina screamed. This generated many strange (but still reverent) looks from the rest of the council, and Tina plunked down into her seat. Well, at least THAT was settled.
"Lady, 'tis a frightening task all the Fellowship must undertake." Elrond finally said. "If you feel this task is too great for you, then with all haste, say so!"
Tina blinked.
"I just said I don't want to go! Did the Author turn you deaf?!" she shouted.
"The Fellowship would greatly benefit from your presence," Gandalf said. Tina glowered at all of them. It wasn't their fault - they were simply the tools of the Author's whims now - but this was getting irritating. The Author was twisting everything up.
"I. Won't. Go." Tina stated in a final sort of way.
"But I must insist." Elrond said, and apparently the Author thought that was good enough to get Tina into the Fellowship. "Then it is settled. Nine companions shall go with Frodo on his quest to destroy the One Ring - Gandalf the Gray, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Boromir son of Denethor, Legolas of Mirkwood," ('Oh great, the Author doesn't even know the name of Legolas' father.' Tina thought) "Gimli son of Gloin, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Samwise Gamgee, and the Lady of Light, Mary Sue Moonstar."
Tina screamed at the sheer inconsistency of Elrond's speech.
Chapter 2
Mental Instability and Monty Python References
This time when Tina awoke, there were no rocks jutting into her back. Instead, she was warm and comfortable. Her heart leapt - maybe she was in a hospital bed somewhere, and the doctors were monitoring her brain waves, and when she woke up this horrible dream of being a Mary Sue in a Mary Sue influenced Middle Earth would be nothing more than a memory. Not that it wasn't her dream to come to Middle Earth - it was, just not as a Mary Sue, with non-canonical instances and characters. Tina was reluctant to open her eyes. She raised her left eyelid a sliver, hoping to see medical equipment and bare walls. Instead she saw large windows and majestic furniture.
Rivendell.
This might have cheered Tina up a bit (at least it was slightly canonical, and she had always wanted to see Rivendell . . .), if the room were not so stuffy and overbearing and unlike the Rivendell she knew of. She might not have known where she was, were it not for the large windows and the view.
-When she awoke, she was greeted with the sight of the grandure of Rivendell. "How did I get here?" she thought, as she rose from the majestick canopy bed and floated to the window . . .-
Tina shrieked and fell out of the bed. There were voices inside her head! Not only that, but she got the distinct impression that at least one of the words was misspelled. Someone was writing this. Someone who seemed to have a very vague idea of what Middle Earth was like. And Tina was his/her self-inserted character.
She didn't like it one bit.
"W-who are you? How did I get here? That truck? How dare you do this to Middle Earth?" she screamed, in the hopes of being heard. "How dare you pull me into your pitiful little version of Tolkien's masterpiece? And by the way, getting me to Middle Earth by getting hit by a TRUCK? That is SO cliché! Can't you be more creative than that? HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME A MARY SUE?"
The author didn't seem to notice Tina's outburst, as all that happened was that someone knocked on the door. Tina groaned. Did she even dare to answer?
The door opened on it's own, and a tall elf woman with glazed eyes entered.
'Elvish servant.' Tina thought. 'Where did these Mary Sue writers even get the idea that Elrond has servants?'
"My lady," the elf said, bowing reverently. Tina was getting very tired of this. She hated formalities, even when she wasn't a Mary Sue. Why couldn't people just say what they needed to say and be done with it? She sighed impatiently as the elf stood up.
"The Lord Elrond requests your presence at his council."
'Council? Oh God no, not the Council of Elrond, anything but that!' Tina thought, panicking. She could already guess what was going to happen at the council, but the elf was rooting through a closet full of magnificent dresses, and chattering non-stop.
". . .lovely dresses, which do you want to wear?" the elf finished, turning to Tina, who just blinked. She'd been too busy panicking to catch most of the sentence. The elf was staring at her expectantly and holding a long blue dress with an extremely small waist and low neckline.
"Uh. . . you pick." Tina said, and the elf smiled brightly before turning back to root through the clothes, still talking non-stop about the glory of Rivendell and the strange visitors they had been having lately. Tina sank down on the bed. Maybe if she faked a good stomach flu she could get out of going to the council. No . . . elves didn't get sick, and Tina was pretty sure that's what she was. That wouldn't work. But she needed to figure out some excuse not to go to the Council. Someone else may have been writing this story, but they didn't have control over her. Still, even if she did manage to get out of going to the council today, the author would undoubtedly find some way to get her in the Fellowship. Tina sighed. She might as well get this over with. Where were the Protectors of the Plot Continuum when you needed them?
'. . . and the Lady Celebrían wore this!" the elf said, holding up a dress. Tina glanced up at it and did a double take. It was pink. PINK. Tina positively despised pink. And since when did elves wear pink anyway? Plus it was strewn with ruffles in places ruffles had no business being. Tina knew virtually nothing about fashion, in Middle Earth or otherwise, but she was pretty sure no self-respecting elf (much less Celebrían herself) would wear something like that. Tina rubbed her temples and muttered her thanks. The elf smiled and floated out of the room to inform Elrond that Tina would be out soon. Tina looked at the dress with distaste and struggled reluctantly into it. The elf had picked out matching shoes for the dress and Tina struggled to pull them on. For a Mary Sue, her feet were unusually large. She had also noticed that unless the servant was unusually tall for an elf, Tina was a bit small for a Mary Sue.
'Apparently, I'm not fully an elf.' Tina thought, wriggling uncomfortably in the tight dress.
-The quarter elf, quarter hobbit, quarter human, and quarter mermaid slipped into the dress with ease and . . .- the voice in Tina's head said again.
'What the . . .? Oh great, another writer who is big on diversity.' Tina thought. "You're an idiot, you know that? Or have you just not decided which male character you're going to pair me up with yet? And by the way, mermaids don't even exist in Middle Earth, or did that slip your tiny little UNCREATIVE mind?!" she shouted. She was greeted by silence.
There was a knock on the door and Tina pulled it open. It was the Elvish servant again - and this time she had something more foul than the pink dress in her hands.
"Oh. No. I am NOT wearing make-up! Since when do elves have make-up anyway? Tolkien NEVER said anything about MAKE-UP!" Tina screamed, losing her temper at the sight of the cosmetics in the elf's arms. The dress had been bad enough, but she had to draw the line here. The Elvish lady blinked and set her bottles and brushes on a nearby vanity.
"Well, I suppose with natural beauty like yours make-up is unnecessary. Still, you would look so lovely with some eye shadow to accent your . . ." she said.
"NO. No eye shadow, no blush, no accenting my 'natural beauty.' ALL elves have natural beauty" Tina snapped. "I refuse."
"As you wish, my lady, but even most elves are nowhere near as gorgeous as you are . . . I suppose you mean all elves are naturally beautiful on the inside? Your belief in inner beauty is so inspiring . . . I wish I were as optimistic as you." the elf said. Tina gagged. "Elrond and his company await you. The Halfling Frodo is especially concerned for your well-being." the elf continued, and winked at Tina. "He is quite adorable, isn't he?"
Tina gritted her teeth.
'Not the real Frodo, not the real Frodo . . .' she chanted mentally to stop herself from strangling the elf and screaming that Frodo was far more than just adorable when he wasn't under the influence of a 'Sue writer, and strode out the door.
Handsome male elves seemed to occupy every corner of this version of Rivendell, and despite her worries over being stuck as a Mary Sue, Tina appreciated the gratuitous eye-candy. For the first few seconds. However, she did mind the way they stared at her with their mouths hanging open in shock at her blatant Mary Sue beauty. Tina hunched over slightly, using her new long hair to hide her face. Sure she wouldn't have minded being a bit nicer looking, or having a slightly larger chest back home (who wouldn't?), but this was just annoying - every male within a five mile radius struck dumb and unable to do anything but stare at her like she was a piece of meat. Plus, she was beginning to feel like she had basketballs on her chest. And the hair, though useful for hiding her face, wasn't helping. It was so thick she had trouble keeping it from falling in her face. She made a mental note to sheer it off next time she got hold of a sword.
Somehow (no doubt due to newly acquired Mary Sue induced abilities), Tina managed to find her way to the council of Elrond, where all the hobbits, including Bilbo, and Aragorn were already waiting. Tina didn't even bother to wonder where Gandalf was. Who knew how this Author's mind worked?
Frodo instantly jumped out of his seat and bowed before her. Tina continued chanting her mantra inside her head. This wasn't the Frodo she admired so much, this was merely a Mary Sue influenced version of him based on his adorable appearance in the movie. Of course, Tina couldn't dispute that he was adorable, and supremely awesome to boot. She almost had to stop herself from giggling when he kissed her hand. She gritted her teeth and repeated her mantra.
"My Lady," he said. "My heart sings with joy at knowing you have woken. When you fainted upon Weathertop, my companions and I were wrought with worry, so we brought you to Rivendell in the hope that Elrond could revive you."
There he went with the un-Frodo-ish speech. Stupid author.
"You already know my name," the hobbit continued. "But would you tell me yours?"
-"My name, sweet hobbit, is Alinagawathawen . . . "- the voice in Tina's head said. Tina snorted. Alinagawathawen? What kind of a name was that? It wasn't even Sindarin, or Quenya, or any other recognizable Middle Earth language, as far as she could tell. Her silence lasted longer than she thought it would have, and Frodo tried to prompt her into speaking.
"You cried out 'Mary Sue' at Weathertop. Is that your name?" he asked, and for a moment his eyes began to uncloud and he began to speak with less reverence in his voice. Tina blinked. Yes, this was the key! The author wasn't expecting her to hesitate! If she could divert from the lines the author had picked for her well enough, perhaps she could break this spell set over the characters, or at least temporarily remove it.
"Yeah. You know what? Just call me that. Just call me Mary Sue. Because that's what this is! A Mary Sue! You hear me? Ma-a-a-ary-Sue!" Tina shouted, hoping that by some cosmic chance the Author would actually hear her.
"Mary Sue . . ." Frodo sighed, and Tina was disappointed to see that his eyes were clouded again.
"A beautiful and unusual name for a beautiful and unusual lady," a voice behind Tina said. Tina turned her head to see who it was. There stood Elrond, looking a great deal less reverent than the rest of the male members of the story. Tina was grateful. At least the Author let one person partially keep his head around her. She could have done without that whole "beautiful name, beautiful lady" line though. Tina would have smiled at Elrond, but knowing the Author, that probably would have brought him to his knees. Instead she nodded politely and sat down across from Frodo to wait for the rest of the council to show up, which took very little time, seeing that this was a Mary Sue fanfic.
The council started, and Tina did her best to take note of how the Author was altering the characters. Gimli she pegged right away as (in this fanfic, anyway) a general pain in the butt, which was really too bad, because Gimli was one of her favorite characters. It was a shame Mary Sues never seemed to get along with the dwarves. Boromir was acting like an overgrown three-year-old. So he succumbed to the Ring. . . that didn't make him so bad, did it? 'Sue writers didn't usually seem to think about the fact that he actually died trying to save Merry and Pippin afterwards. Legolas simply drooled every time he looked at Tina. Tina made a mental note to keep away from him (he was quite nice to look at, but she certainly didn't need to encourage his character alteration).
As the council picked up and the fight broke out between the rest of the characters, Tina sat back confidently. She didn't think she'd done bad so far - she hadn't said anything at all, and none of the canonical characters had paused to drool over her (much). She glanced over at Frodo, to make sure he was still sitting down like he was supposed to. Frodo looked up at her and his clouded eyes locked with hers. Tina quickly tore hers away to look at the fight that was breaking out. Gimli had drawn his axe and was wrestling with Aragorn, looking as though he was about to kill (or seriously maim) any elf who came within swinging distance. Tina raised her eyebrow - she wasn't sure the fight was supposed to get this violent - when Frodo's small voice cried out through the noise. Tina sighed with relief as Merry and Pippin jumped out of hiding to join the rapidly forming Fellowship. It looked as though she wouldn't be picked at all. There went the Author's plans. Maybe s/he/it would let her go home to where she could read her canonically correct copies of the Lord of the Rings.
But Tina underestimated the Author. As Elrond sealed the very symbolism of nine members of the Fellowship, Frodo walked in front of Tina and lifted her delicate Mary Sue white hand in his own small one.
"In truth, it was the Lady Mary Sue who inspired me to take the Ring." he said.
"WHAT?!" Tina screamed, jumping up. She hadn't done anything!
"When you looked at me and at the rest of the council, I knew that I must take the Ring to Mount Doom. Your eyes spoke to me," (here Tina had to fight to keep herself from retching) "And I was filled with a courage I did not know I possessed. Lady Mary Sue, though this journey is perilous, would you join myself and my Fellowship on our quest to Mount Doom?" Frodo continued.
"It is true, the Fellowship would benefit from having the assistance of Mary Sue the Lady of Light's power to assist them." Elrond spoke up.
'Oh great. Now I have "power". And a title. And Elrond is being repetitive.' Tina thought.
"No, I will not come! There is no symbolism to having ten members in the Fellowship of the Ring! NINE shall be the number of the Fellowship, and the number of the Fellowship shall be nine, no more, and no less! Ten shalt not be the number of the Fellowship, nor shall it be 8, excepting that the number then proceedeth to 9! THERE ARE 9 MEMBERS OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING!" Tina screamed. This generated many strange (but still reverent) looks from the rest of the council, and Tina plunked down into her seat. Well, at least THAT was settled.
"Lady, 'tis a frightening task all the Fellowship must undertake." Elrond finally said. "If you feel this task is too great for you, then with all haste, say so!"
Tina blinked.
"I just said I don't want to go! Did the Author turn you deaf?!" she shouted.
"The Fellowship would greatly benefit from your presence," Gandalf said. Tina glowered at all of them. It wasn't their fault - they were simply the tools of the Author's whims now - but this was getting irritating. The Author was twisting everything up.
"I. Won't. Go." Tina stated in a final sort of way.
"But I must insist." Elrond said, and apparently the Author thought that was good enough to get Tina into the Fellowship. "Then it is settled. Nine companions shall go with Frodo on his quest to destroy the One Ring - Gandalf the Gray, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Boromir son of Denethor, Legolas of Mirkwood," ('Oh great, the Author doesn't even know the name of Legolas' father.' Tina thought) "Gimli son of Gloin, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Samwise Gamgee, and the Lady of Light, Mary Sue Moonstar."
Tina screamed at the sheer inconsistency of Elrond's speech.
