A/N: TTT aint mine either. And MOVIE FARAMIR MUST DIEEE! *hisses and waves little BOOKVERSE FARAMIR! flags*


Chapter 10:

A Lot of Really Big Rocks and Trees and Other Stuff


"They must have caught our scent! Hurry!" Aragorn cried, jumping up from the ground.

"Come, Gimli!" Legolas called to the dwarf as he ran lightly across the rocks after the Ranger.

"Three days and nights pursuit! No food, no rest, no sign of our quarry but what bare rock can tell!" Gimli grunted, puffing as he used his axe as a cane to help himself after the Elf.

Tina always wondered why Gimli was the one whining. Sure he'd mentioned he could've used rest a time or two in the book, but was making him complain so much really necessary? Oh who cared . . . it didn't matter anymore. She herself was past either point. She would have gladly thrown herself onto the rocks and fallen asleep then and there, except that the last time she'd done that Legolas had attempted to carry her. And there was no way in hell she was going to stand for that.

With a groan Tina limped on after the Three Hunters (she still refused to count herself as one of them), ignoring the feeling of hunger and fatigue-induced dizziness that had been intruding on her Suvian abilities for the past two days. She concentrated only on keeping her feet moving. On she staggered after the Man, Elf, and Dwarf, too far gone to even notice the loveliness of Middle-Earth around her, and by now secure in the knowledge that she was now in the Two Towers movie-verse Lord of the Rings.

'Of all the times for the stupid Author to get the time spans right, why did it have to be now?' Tina wondered, stumbling along after Gimli. Her high heels impeded her tremendously, and she wondered what would happen if she sprained her ankle, or fell over the edge of the cliff across which she was running. Maybe that would be a good thing, Tina reflected. If she died, she wouldn't have to worry about being a Mary Sue anymore . . .

Abruptly there was a shift in scenery. Tina and the Hunters went from along side a high, rocky cliff to a small depression next to a large rock face on a wide plain. Tina blinked, wondering where the nice view had gone for a moment. Aragorn's voice brought her back to the present.

"Not idly do the brooches of Lorien fall."

Tina made a loud gagging noise in the back of her throat.

"Merry and Pippin must still be alive then!" Aragorn ignored Tina and continued examining the leaf-shaped pin in his dirty hand. Gimli suddenly tumbled down the hill behind her, firmly establishing himself as the movie's comic relief. Tina wondered how she'd gotten in front of the dwarf when she'd been lagging behind him for the past three days, but didn't have enough energy to care much.

"I'm hungry." She whined. "Is there any more lembas?"

"Alas, all the food is eaten! I will hunt for you, if you do so wish, Mary Sue!" Legolas proclaimed.

-"Oh no, Legilas," Alinagawathawen said, "I would not want you to hurt any animals for my sake . . ."-

"Cool." Tina said, grinning wickedly. "Can you find me a nice big cow? Oh, and when you're cooking it, I like my steak medium rare. And I want a hamburger too. With a really good, thick bun, but no sesame seeds. For every sesame seed I find, I shall kill you."

Legolas blinked.

" . . . and I want onions," Tina continued, "and cheese, And ketchup! The good kind, not the economy kind. With big chunks of tomato. I like that. And no pickles! Oh Eru help you if I find pickles!"

"Er . . . I shall see what I can do, Lady." Legolas said, looking slightly confused, but a bit less dazed than normal. Tina smirked happily over her victory, but all that talk of hamburgers and chunky ketchup had really gotten her hungry. She could only hope the Fellowship would make their way to Edoras soon. Maybe they'd even have coffee at Edoras! The thought brought a smile to Tina's perfect face. In this screwed up version of Middle-earth, who knew?

Another night of running passed. Visions of floating hamburgers and tap-dancing cups of coffee pranced about in Tina's head. Why they coffee was tap-dancing, she had no idea. It may have had something to do with not sleeping for four nights. Tina really could have used some of that tap-dancing coffee to be real.

The night passed. As the Hunters paused at the border of Rohan, Tina collapsed, glad for a moment of rest.

"There is some evil in Rohan. A shadow hangs over the plains." Aragorn said. We shall have to assume that had she not been fast asleep on the grass, Tina would have objected to the Ranger's mussed lines. For sleeping, as unlikely as it may seem, was exactly what Tina was doing.

"Mary Sue? Mary Sue!" Legolas called to her. When she did not rise he rushed over and began to shake her shoulder.

"What is wrong?" Aragorn asked, rushing over as well.

"Some evil has befallen Mary Sue!" Legolas wailed.

"She does not appear wounded . . ." Aragorn said, and, just to make sure, began patting Tina down. In a way that no engaged man should pat a woman other than his fiancé.

"Oh Mary Sue, please get up!" Legolas cried despondently, in a much Un-Legolas-like way.

"Don' wanna." Tina muttered. "I like it here. Go 'way."

"She's alive!" Legolas cried joyously, cradling Tina in his arms. She moaned and slapped at him with frail Mary Sue hands, but the elf prince took no notice. "My love, you must get up!" Tina ignored (or did not hear) his pleas and gave a loud, yet amazingly delicate and proper-sounding, snore.

"She is tired. I shall carry her through Rohan!" Legolas said heroically, and started to lift Tina up. Her oddly colored eyes promptly snapped open.

"HEY! Don't even TRY it, Nancy!" Tina shrieked as Legolas' words intruded upon her sleepy brain. "You carry me through Rohan over my dead body!"

"Alas, I am consumed with sorrow at the image!" Legolas lamented.

"Oh shaddup and start nancing." Tina snapped as the elf set her down. Legolas and Aragorn obediently made their way into Rohan, and Gimli, who had been forgotten for the past few paragraphs, randomly re-appeared and scampered after them.

"Just . . . keep . . . breathing!" he puffed, and Tina echoed his words as she fell properly and un-Sueishly behind.