AN: Okay, I guess I've made you wait long enough. Here's Alia's POV.
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Alia
This isn't happening. It can't be happening. He's dead . . . X is dead . . .
I don't know why but I knew something bad would happen if he went there . . . it was more of a feeling really . . . a feeling that if he went after Zero, I'd never see him again. I even went so far as to ask him to just let Zero handle the situation at point 11F5646 alone. That's pretty unusual for me though . . . I've never just acted on a feeling like that, I've always tried to have some kind of evidence to back up any claim or suggestion I make. I guess always relying on hard evidence was something I picked up from being a scientist.
There's no denying it though. I heard everything that happened . . . When we first started getting a signal from X's communicator I was so relieved. I didn't realize just how worried not knowing what was going on there was making me. I felt euphoric from just hearing his voice again . . . it sounded like he was talking to Zero and from X's tone and what he was saying it sounded like Zero was badly hurt. I couldn't tell if Zero was responding since his communicator was still off and the way helmet communicators are rigged you can only hear the person using it unless there's a very loud noise like shouting or weapons fire nearby. Before I could even let X know that we were getting his signal . . . before I could say anything . . . it happened. I heard a faint buzzing noise, the sound of armor being blown apart, and X's scream . . . Then the readings from his transceiver indicated that he had just sustained heavy damage and was dying. He must have been shot, that's the only explanation I can think of. The humming noise I heard had to be some kind of energy beam and a powerful one to do so much damage. It didn't sound like a buster shot and I don't think a beam saber would be loud enough for it's sound to be picked up by a helmet's comm. unit . . . so hopefully that means Zero wasn't the one who attacked him. On the other hand that would mean that it was Sigma or one of his henchmen that did it. I heard another shot shortly after X's scream, a buster this time. So either X retaliated against his attacker or Zero took whoever it was out.
I don't care if whoever killed X is dead, it won't bring him back. It's just not fair! Why did he have to die? X didn't deserve to die . . .
It's already been two days since it happened. The recovery crews have been scouring the debris found at point 11F5646 nonstop for the whole 48 hours. They haven't found any sign of X or Zero, not even a scrap of armor. Signas intends to keep the teams searching the area until some trace of them is found . . . but the odds of that happening seem to be getting slimmer with each passing moment. It's unusual that there's no sign of their remains anywhere . . . it's already caused rumors to start circulating that some surviving Mavericks carted off their bodies.
I don't even want to think about that possibility. God only knows what Mavericks would do to their remains, it's not like X and Zero were their most favorite people in the world. I remember hearing stories about what a group of Mavericks did to some Hunter corpses a while back . . . they said that the Mavericks decorated their lair with the dismembered body parts. The Mavs gouged out the eyes of the Hunters and ripped the synthflesh off of their faces. I heard they even hung some of the bodies on the walls and ceilings like they were trophies. At least those Hunters were already dead when all of that was done to them . . . I've heard even worse stories about Hunters who were captured by the Mavericks. Many were tortured to death, only to be revived just so they could be tortured again or be infected with the Maverick virus. Occasionally Hunters who were tortured would escape, but usually by then they were on the brink of madness. A few never fully recovered mentally from their experience and had to be discharged or reassigned . . .
I still can't believe Signas didn't send help immediately. I thought he was X's friend. How could he just leave X to die like that? I should have gone out there regardless of what Signas told me to do . . . I could have at least been by X's side when he died, so he wouldn't have had to face those final, terrifying moments before death by himself . . . After all X has done for us, the least we could have done was be there to try and comfort or help him in his final moments. Instead we let him die all alone in what turned out to be a Maverick stronghold in the middle of some godforsaken wasteland! No Hunter should have to die like that! Least of all X . . .
I know there's probably nothing I could have done to help X and that Signas was right . . . it was too dangerous to go out there right away. We didn't have any clue what had just happened. Still, I was willing to go out there weaponless to try and save him, even if I risked death or infection in the process. None of those things mattered to me; I just wanted to be able to do something for him . . . even if all I could do was be by his side when he passed away.
It's just not fair . . . Why? Why did it all have to end like this? Why does it feel like I'm being ripped apart from the inside? Since joining the Hunters, I've had several friends fall in combat and it always hurts when your friends die . . . but why does losing X seem to hurt so much more?
God, I'm crying now . . . I haven't cried, or more accurately let myself cry, since the whole mess with Gate and his creations. Gate was my friend, probably the only real friend I had at the RRG, and I betrayed him. I knew that he was breaking a lot of the rules for conducting experiments there; on more than one occasion I even tried to help him cover up his actions. Then another one of my colleagues, Trent, showed me what he claimed was evidence proving that Gate's creations were too dangerous to let live. It was footage of Wolfang attacking some reploids – I later found out those reploids were actually mavericks who had attacked his team – and of Blaze Heatnix deliberately leading a team of researchers to their deaths in a lava pit. Then some of my other colleagues at the RRG - people I considered friends at the time - told me that if I helped them get rid of Gate's creations, then Gate wouldn't be persecuted for their behavior. They also told me that if I didn't help destroy Gate's creations, that then there would be no choice but to expose their danger to the public and possibly to destroy Gate along with them. This threat seemed more credible after the attempt on Gate that destroyed Rainy Turtliod. I found out later that everything Trent and my "friends" had told me was a lie.
They lied to me and tricked me into helping them . . . all so they could destroy Gate's credibility and get their hands on his research. I still remember the look of bitterness and betrayal in Gate's eyes when he found out about my involvement . . . I had never felt so awful in my life. I couldn't believe that the whole thing was just a maneuver to rid of Gate because several of the RRG's higher ups didn't trust him and some of our colleagues were jealous of him, Gate had been receiving attention and outside funding from many important figures in politics and industry because he could get them results quickly. When I learned the truth . . . I just couldn't stay there anymore . . . I wanted to get away from that place and from people more concerned about advancing their own careers than actually accomplishing anything good. So when a recruiter approached me about joining the Hunters as a spotter . . . I didn't even hesitate to take the offer. Before I left though, I vowed that I would never betray a friend like that again or fail them if they needed my help. I also decided to become stronger so that I couldn't be tricked or manipulated like I was before.
It was shortly after I had finished training to be a spotter that I was assigned to the 17th Unit because of my high scores. That's when I met him, X. He was so nice and he had this . . . this way of putting the people around him at ease . . . X was just so easy to get along with. He was nothing like the fierce warrior that the news crews made him out to be, the man who often single-handedly wiped out entire armies. I was surprised to learn that he didn't like fighting at all. He said he only fought because the alternative was to just stand by and let the Mavericks commit genocide . . . and he couldn't standby and allow something like that to happen. Still it always amazed me how a person as kind and compassionate as X could transform, during battle, into an unstoppable fighter whose only goal was victory.
In all honesty, I hate fighting as much as X did. I remember how I felt when I helped kill Scaravich and Wolfang . . . the sick, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Is that how X felt every time he had to kill a Maverick? Of course the fact that the two reploids I killed didn't really deserve it makes what I did worse . . . to my knowledge X has never killed an innocent person.
The first thing they tell you in the spotter classes is that it's dangerous to form an emotional bond with the people you're spotting for. It can cause additional stress and put lives in jeopardy if you aren't careful. The second thing the instructors tell you is that since it's impossible to not get attached to the Hunters you spot for . . . to just be careful to not let your feelings interfere with your duty or your ability to carry it out. A single mistake on the part of a spotter can endanger an entire Hunter unit. They're right though . . . it's just not possible to avoid getting attached to the people you spot for. If a spotter doesn't screw up on the first mission that involves combat, then the team they're assigned to learns to trust the spotter with their lives. Also from that point on the unit considers that spotter to be part of their team . . . they treat you no differently than any other member of the unit and even invite you to come with them when they go out to celebrate or to just get away from the base for a while. You feel like your part of a family and that's a pretty damn good feeling.
Of course sometimes you get closer to a particular Hunter than you do with the others . . . that's kind of how it was with me and X. I don't really know when I started to get close to him, but it happened somehow. I know we felt the same way about fighting . . . but that wasn't the sole basis of our friendship. We enjoyed just hanging out together, talking, and occasionally challenging each other to games of chess or poker – X actually had a pretty good poker face, but I could still figure out when he was bluffing. Sometimes it would just be the two of us sitting alone in the 17th's common area, reading books or watching TV, and simply enjoying the peace, quiet, and each other's company. I just liked being around him . . .
I wish Signas hadn't told me to take a few hours off. I probably do need it; I've been up for almost 72 hours straight with no downtime since this whole mess began. Like humans, reploids need a few hours of sleep every so often and going too long without it can adversely affect our mental functions. When reploids sleep our bodies perform standard diagnostic and maintenance functions, we conserve energy, and sometimes we even dream. Most people think that a reploid needs to be in a recharge pod to go to sleep . . . it's not really necessary, we only do so in order to replenish our energy reserves if needed . . . the only reason we sleep then is because it's boring to be awake while stuck in recharging pod. But right now, I can't even fall asleep in my own bed let alone stuck inside some pod . . . I keep thinking about X. My mind keeps playing back everything I heard over the comm. channel before he died and my imagination keeps conjuring up visions of him lying there, dying, his body mangled from the attack . . .
Dammit X! Why couldn't you keep your promise? You told me that there was nothing to worry about . . . you said you'd be back as soon as you found Zero . . . Why did you have to go off and die?!
As much as I try to accept the fact that you're gone, there's still a part of me that believes you'll be walking through the HQ's main entrance any minute or that the recovery crews will find you alive under some debris at the site of your last battle. I just can't let go of the feeling that you aren't really gone . . . that you'll come back here . . . to me. I know it's a stupid, foolish idea to cling to, but I can't give up that final hope. I don't want to give up and write you off like everyone else has! Maybe I should listen to that feeling . . . if my earlier unsubstantiated belief that something bad would happen if you went after Zero was on the mark, then maybe this one will be right too. It's probably just wishful thinking but I hope with everything I am that it's not and you'll turn up alive.
But for that to happen it seems like it would take a miracle right now and I don't believe in miracles. I'm not sure why, I just don't. I don't think reploids really believe in miracles or that they happen to us. There's always a logical explanation for everything. Maybe that's why I don't believe in them. I guess that I can't accept that something can happen and have no real rational or reasonable explanation. Still . . . I find myself hoping for a miracle even though it will never happen and if it did I would probably drive myself nuts trying to figure out some logical explanation for it rather than just accepting that it happened.
The one thing that still bugs me and fuels my hope that you're still alive is that the readings we got from your transceiver just vanished. The readings never flat lined and they never indicated that your reactor finally hit critical mass; in fact you had at least one minute left before that was going to happen. The transceiver readings simply disappeared as though your communicator was turned off or you were deactivated . . .
It's probably just wishful thinking again. The communicator most likely just lost power or was damaged. Of course a damaged communicator could broadcast incorrect transceiver data . . . Why am I torturing myself like this?! Why am I clinging to this foolish hope that X is alive when everything indicates otherwise? He's gone . . . the sooner I deal with it the sooner I can get on with my life. If he were still alive then he would have come back by now or the recovery teams would have found him just sitting there, waiting for somebody to come get him. The same goes for Zero if he were still around . . . but from the way X sounded, Zero may have been dying already when he was attacked.
Zero . . . I've been so worked up about X that I nearly forgot about him. Why did he run off to where the virus was like that? What was he looking for? Why did that new virus's readings match his perfectly? I've been hearing rumors lately that Zero has some connection to the Maverick virus . . . the Zero virus's existence only seems to support this belief. Zero couldn't have any connection with the virus though; he hates what the Mavericks do as much as everybody else. Why would he fight the Mavericks if he had something to do with the virus? I've also heard that Sigma has been trying to recruit Zero to the Maverick's side for years now . . . maybe that's what the virus was, some pathetic attempt to make Zero join the Mavericks. Of course Zero was having some kind of weird reaction to the Sigma virus . . . I know he came into contact with it several times during the missions to gather parts for the Enigma and the shuttle, but we had so much difficulty differentiating the virus's readings from his that there was no way to tell just how much of an effect it really had on him . . . Not that it really matters now since Zero's probably dead.
Zero couldn't have been infected with the virus like some people seem to believe, he didn't show any signs of Maverick behavior. Granted his power levels started increasing about the time the virus was released, but combat reploids like Zero are known to have occasional sudden increases in power. Then again the rate at which Zero's strength was growing was abnormally high . . . but there's a lot we didn't know about his design so that growth could have been normal for him. I find it hard to believe that X or Zero could fall prey to the Maverick virus.
I wasn't quite as close to Zero as I was X, but he was someone I thought of as a good friend. Like X, I met him when I began spotting. Even though most of the time I spotted for the 17th, I also spotted for Unit 0 on several occasions. He was always so serious during battle or training, but he acted very light-hearted the rest of the time. Zero was almost always up to something . . . organizing a party to celebrate a successful mission, hauling X and various members of both their units off for nights on the town, or usually just relaxing in his quarters or at the small park that's located on the base. I remember how Zero used to tease me about how much time I spent with X. He'd always get this strange grin on his face whenever he saw us together; it was like he saw or knew something we didn't.
I always found it odd that no matter how at ease or relaxed Zero appeared to be during the periods of peace that usually followed a Maverick defeat, there were times where it felt as though he was very restless. It was like he was just killing time until his next battle . . .
I remember that on one occasion, I think it was the anniversary of the Repliforce War, Zero got into this horrible mood where almost everyone would be afraid to get anywhere near him. I tried asking Zero what was bothering him and got my head bit off each time I talked to him. Zero was never really one to discus his feelings with others . . . but I'd never seen him react so violently to being asked if anything was wrong before. The way he behaved was just so unusual for him. Eventually I did find out why he behaved like that, I overheard some members from Unit 0 mention that it probably had to do with a girl who died during the Repliforce War, Iris. I asked X about her, but he was hesitant to tell me about what happened between her and Zero back then . . . he felt it was something that should be left up to Zero to decide whether or not I should know about it. Eventually Zero came and apologized to me for the way he behaved after he had calmed down. Zero explained about Iris and why he had been behaving like he had been . . . apparently Zero never really got over Iris's death or forgave himself for what happened. At the time I couldn't imagine what Zero must have went through, but since X died . . . I think now I have some inkling.
That was one of the few times Zero opened up to me. Though I'm sure X talked him into it, it still meant a lot to me that he did.
X and Zero were almost inseparable. Sometimes the way they behaved you thought the two of them really were brothers, especially when they'd get into an argument. I haven't seen many reploids who had a friendship with someone that was strong as the one X and Zero had. Then again it's probably not too surprising; they knew each other for over two decades, even if they did behave more like teenagers at times than the oldest Hunters in existence.
I do miss Zero . . . but I miss X even more . . . why? Both of them were my friends . . . are my feelings for X really that strong?
I wish I hadn't been given this time off. I can't get any rest. I should be helping coordinate the recovery teams. I should be doing something other than just lying here in my room . . . I don't want to deal with these feelings right now, it hurts too much. I guess that's part of why Signas told me to take some time off . . . so I couldn't just bury myself in my work to avoid dealing with what's happened. As it is right now, I have no choice but to deal with it.
I don't want anyone to see me like this. I'm depressed, crying, and all these feelings assault me when I think about X . . . regret, pain, sorrow, a little bit of joy when I happen to remember some of the good times we had, and this void I feel inside of me, it feels like someone ripped out a piece of my heart. What do I have to regret in my relationship with X? That it didn't get a chance to go further than just being friends? Is that what this pain is? Not just the loss of someone close to me, but the pain of what might have been?
What am I thinking?! I barely knew X that long. Douglas has known X for well over a decade, Signas has known X for almost as long, and Zero knew him for even longer than that. Hell, the only people who have known X for a shorter time than me are the rookies that just finished training! I've known him for what? Maybe three years now? Then again that's about half of my life . . . still, what makes me so much more entitled to take this harder than everyone else seems to be? I mean I liked X, I liked him a lot actually, but it's not like I was in love with him. I mean just because I like to spend time with a particular guy and happen to like the sound of his voice, the way he smiled, admired how kind and caring he could be . . . and because of how I'd get so scared whenever he entered battle against one of those psychotic Maverick commanders, the way I would worry when we lost his comm. signal or when he would pull some crazy maneuver and nearly get himself killed while doing it . . . that doesn't mean I was in love with him . . . does it? That's just great. If I was in love with him, why couldn't I have figured it out before X died? If something had happened between us, would this pain I feel now be less because of what we would have had or greater? If I wasn't in love with him, why am I torturing myself with these thoughts? Why does it hurt so much that I'll never see him again? It hurts more than anything I've ever felt before . . .
I'm a wreck. I'm really glad that X can't see me like this. I've worked so hard to become stronger, so nobody could manipulate me like they did back at the RRG. I've developed a reputation here for being tough and cool under stress. I don't know why, but it became important to me that X didn't see me as weak shortly after I met him. I wanted him to know he could count on me and that I wouldn't just snap in a high pressure situation. I wanted him to believe that I could handle whatever got thrown at me.
But when I overheard Signas tell X about Zero's reaction to the virus and that he wanted X to go after him . . . I just got this overwhelming feeling of dread. I felt like I would lose him if he went there. I know I had agreed earlier that X should investigate the virus readings at point 11F5646, but all of a sudden it felt like a very bad idea. It didn't help that I had misgivings about the initial decision to send X to investigate, but the idea of sending him after Zero just strengthened those feelings. I begged X not to go after Signas had finished talking to him and left, I still can't believe I actually did that . . . but just then I didn't care if X thought of me as weak for begging him not to go, to let Zero deal with the situation by himself. I just wanted X to still be around . . . I wanted him to stay here with me, where he'd be safe. I know it was probably selfish of me to ask such a thing of him, but I didn't care at the time. X, he just looked at me with those beautiful emerald eyes of his and told me not to worry. "Everything will be fine," he said, "I have to prove to everyone that Zero isn't the threat they seem to think he is. I promise I'll find him and the two of us will come back safely, Alia. Don't worry."
Once it became clear he wouldn't change his mind, I went back to my station and he left to go after Zero. I shouldn't have let him go! I should have tried harder! Maybe he would have stayed. Then he would be alive, Zero would have taken Sigma out himself and come back safely, and things could just go back to the way they were before that awful day.
But I didn't try harder . . . now both of them are gone . . .
I still remember my last words to X . . . I told him that I wouldn't try to stop him from fighting . . . that I'd trust him to handle the situation.
It's not like there was much else I could do. He was intent on going and like always the only thing I can ever do for him in the end is support him in any way I can. It's horrible . . . feeling so helpless to do anything when your friends are risking their lives in battle. I know my job as a spotter is important, the information I can give to Hunters in the field helps them accomplish their missions and sometimes even saves their lives, but that doesn't make it any easier to sit at the base safe and sound while people are fighting for their lives. Of course that's not nearly as bad as the feeling of anxiety when you lose contact with a Hunter completely and can do nothing whatsoever to assist him. I was prevented from helping X in any way once he went to that place . . . I hate not being able to do anything to help the people I care about. Maybe X would have survived if I had just been better at my job. Maybe we could have gotten him out of there before anything happened if I had tried a little harder to break through the interference.
I know I did everything I could from here to try and help him throughout the whole ordeal with the Colony . . . but I can't help but feel like I failed him . . . like there was something more I should have been able to do . . .
Damn it! I wish I could just stop thinking about all of this and fall asleep. Of course then I'd probably just dream about what happened . . . or who knows maybe I'd have a pleasant dream instead. Actually, I wish that I could just wake up and find out that everything that happened in the last three days was just a nightmare. Then I could just forget about it, go back to work, and see both X and Zero alive and well.
I know everyone says that as long as you remember those who have passed on they aren't really gone. But that often comes across as sounding empty to one who is grieving; it's only the compassion behind such words that mean anything. Personally I like the idea of X, Zero, and all the other friends I've lost still existing somehow even after the loss of their physical shell, not just as memories either . . . who am I kidding? When you're dead, that's it. Then they just ship your body off to a recycling center to be scraped, maybe turn you into soda cans, paper weights, or something like that.
I know X would probably be telling me to not rule something like the afterlife just because there's no solid proof that there is one . . . he always did believe that reploids were more than just the sum of their programming, even if he didn't talk about it a whole lot. That's understandable though, most people and even some reploids wouldn't take an idea like reploids having souls seriously . . . I guess X must have really felt he could trust me with anything to have even let me know that he believed that.
As much as I would like to believe that we are more than just machines and that somewhere X still exists . . . it's hard for me to do so since there is really no way of testing that belief. Well, there is one way . . . No! I'm not going to even consider that. X wouldn't want me to just through my life away! No matter how bad things may look right now, he wouldn't want me to give up like that . . . He'd want me to live, fulfill my dreams, to be happy, to not let myself or everything that he fought so hard for to fall apart.
That still doesn't mean I can't wish X were still here. I'd feel a lot better if he were still alive to help us face whatever will happen next . . . after everything that's happened today, the future's not looking too bright and the deaths of X and Zero seem like an ominous omen of what is yet to come.
He's gone forever . . . no matter how badly I want it to not be true, X is never coming back. So why can't I let go of this silly notion that he isn't gone? Why do I have this nagging feeling that all of my sorrow and pain over his death is somehow premature? Why is a part of me secretly hoping for a miracle that will never come to pass? Why do I want so badly to believe that there is more to reploids than just metal, processors, and programming? Why am I examining all of these feelings I apparently had for X now, when it won't do any good?
I can't believe how tired I feel. Between not getting any rest, crying myself silly, and driving myself nuts thinking about what's happened it's no wonder I'm feeling so exhausted physically and mentally. I'm so tired but I can't fall asleep . . . I keep thinking about X . . .
I miss him so much . . . maybe I really do . . .
"Alia, respond please."
Huh? I guess I forgot to turn off my communicator. I may as well respond, it's not like I'm about to fall asleep anytime soon.
"What is it Lifesavor?"
"Would you please come to the infirmary at once? I may require your assistance shortly."
Why would Lifesavor need my help? I thought the medical staff didn't get hit nearly as hard as the field Hunters and other personnel. Maybe having to deal with the recent inflow of refugees has left him more short handed than we thought. That has to be the case. Why else would he tap someone who used to design reploids to help him in the infirmary? Maybe this will distract me long enough to stop thinking about X.
"I'll be there in a minute Lifesavor."
"Thank you Alia."
"I take it things are pretty hectic down there if you're asking me to help out."
"Things are still a little crazy down here, but that's not why I called you. Actually, Douglas and I figured you'd want to be here even if we wound up not needing your help."
"What do you mean?"
"A new patient is coming in and you'll never guess who it is. Lifesavor, out."
What did he mean by that? What's Douglas doing there? I thought he was overseeing the recovery teams. Why would Lifesavor need my help with an incoming patient? He's a lot better equipped to handle diagnostics and repairs than I am . . . I mean the only reason he normally consulted me in the past was if . . . could it be?
No! I shouldn't get my hopes up like that. But that's the only explanation I can think of for why Lifesavor would be calling me and why Douglas would be there too. Is it possible? Did the part of me that was hoping for a miracle really get its wish?
Well, I'm not going to find out by just sitting here. I better head to the infirmary and see just who this patient of theirs is.
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AN: Whew! This part ended up being longer than I thought it would be. I hope you liked it. I tried really hard because I didn't want to mess this one up. Thank you for reading! Please review and let me know what you think.
