AN:  Here is the latest chapter in my story folks.  This time it's X.  I would also like to thank everyone who has read and reviewed my story since I began writing it.  I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer:   I do not own any of the Megaman characters!!!  Capcom does.

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X

            Zero's gone . . .

            I don't want to accept the possibility, but Alia wouldn't lie to me . . . especially not about something like this.  If she thought there was any chance of Zero still being alive, she'd have said so.  Besides, I saw how badly damaged he was . . . Zero was on the verge of death when I found him, Sigma's attack just sped things up.

            It really hurts to think that Zero is dead.  I still remember how I felt the first time he died, after I beat Vile.  Zero had overloaded his power systems trying to generate a shot strong enough to finish off Vile's ride armor.  He succeeded, but the price he paid was high.  Zero lay on the ground, his body a total wreck and unable to move.  It was almost too much of an effort for him to tell me to continue on and beat Sigma.  I was shocked and confused by his actions.  I couldn't understand why he chose to sacrifice himself just to make sure that I survived.  I guess when he broke out of the holding cell, I expected him to hold Vile off long enough for me to escape the EMP net I was snared in so that the two of us could take down Vile.  I never expected Zero to do what he did, then again neither had Vile.  I hadn't even known him that long and he had just laid down his life to protect me.  I also felt guilty because, to be honest, we hadn't really gotten along very well in the beginning. 

            We weren't as close back then, in fact prior to my joining the Hunters, Zero mostly behaved like a pompous ass the few times I ran into him.  He acted as though dealing with me was a waste of his time, especially since he initially shared the sentiment held by a few reploids that I was an outdated relic whose only useful function was as Cain's errand boy.  Apparently something changed after Vile handed me my butt on a silver platter . . . maybe Zero was impressed that a rookie lasted that long against Vile or maybe he was just so desperate for troops that he couldn't afford to have even a pathetic excuse of a Hunter leave the front lines, whatever the reason, Zero started being nice to me.  Maybe nice isn't the right word, it was more like he accorded me the respect he felt my abilities and actions deserved.  He even trusted me enough to send me out on my own to fight Sigma's top generals.  He still acted like a jerk at times, but somewhere along the line, I came to view him as a friend and even a mentor.  Maybe that's why his death hit me so hard, he was one of the first friends I lost in combat and he wasn't the last . . .

            I couldn't save Zero then, just like I wasn't able to save him a week ago.  During that first uprising, there was no way for me to contact someone and have them come recover his body, and I couldn't take it with me since I still had to go fight Sigma . . . Leaving Zero's body behind back then was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made and having to abandon him like that pissed me off royally.  That anger fueled me as I fought my way to Sigma and didn't stop until I had finished the job and escaped.  As Sigma's first base exploded and sank into the ocean, I just felt this heaviness settle on my soul as everything that had happened during the war finally caught up with me.  When I was fighting there was no time to think about what was happening.  After the fighting ended, there was too much time to think about Zero's death and the reploids who had died by my own hand.  Most people would think that being the one responsible for turning the tide of the war would be a great feeling; it was to an extent, I did feel proud about stopping Sigma's war, but mostly I was horrified that I had been capable of doing some of the things I did.  I've made no secret of my revulsion towards violence and before the first uprising, I never imagined in a hundred years that I would ever fight, let alone kill, another being for any reason.  I'm not ashamed to say that discovering just what I was capable of doing during a war frightened me, what sane person wouldn't be?  I never knew I had the kind of power that was awakened in me during those battles and seeing what I could do with that power scared me. 

            That's why the prospect of going Maverick makes me worry.  What would happen if I really did go Maverick and wielded my power without the self restraint I normally impose during a fight?  What if Dr. Light's fears were right and I became an unstoppable force of destruction?  What if not even Zero could've stopped me if I had ever gone Maverick?  Those are the fears that haunt me, especially after the Repliforce War . . . we still don't know how many of them were really Mavericks or if any of them were ever really Mavericks, but we still destroyed them.  I know that we eventually found out that Sigma and Magma Dragoon had framed the Repliforce, but many people still think it was just a matter of time before they went Maverick and that even if the majority of them were innocent, that the Hunter's actions were still justified.  Unfortunately it seems like many Hunters are starting to adopt the policy of shooting first without getting all the facts about a situation, that's how Shield Sheldon wound up getting killed.  The scientist he was in charge of protecting went Maverick and Sheldon didn't realize it.  The Hunters who arrived on the scene assumed that Sheldon was a Maverick as well, guilt by association.  Even Zero, who is perhaps the most gung-ho about fighting anyone who presents themselves as an enemy, was starting to be bothered by that kind of attitude.  I fear that answering most situations with a show of force may eventually turn the Hunters into something they weren't meant to be . . .

            After the first uprising ended, I eventually came to accept that I did what was necessary to stop a horror of unimaginable proportions from being committed.  I still hold that belief to this day and it has helped me to cope with what I've had to do during the war, to an extent.  Still, I've always wondered if the deaths of all those people and reploids had really been necessary.  I also wonder what I could have done differently to prevent all of that.  Those questions still haunt me to this day . . .

            I didn't get much time to mourn Zero's death back then before I was installed as the new leader of the Maverick Hunters, or the 'Head Hunter' as we used to call the position, and had to go off and fight the remaining Mavericks.  I also received a message from Sigma shortly before taking command of the Hunters, saying that he would return in an even stronger form.  To be honest, that message really creeped me out . . . I was hoping it was a fake, just someone's idea of a bad joke.  I never imagined that I really would face him again in a matter of months or the surprise he had planned for me.

            Initially, the second uprising was little more than a continuation of the mop-up operations the Hunters had been doing for the past several months following Sigma's defeat.  The Mavericks were scattered, disorganized, and incapable of any coordinated efforts.  On top of that, several of the Mavericks were jockeying to become the new Maverick leader.  Then things changed and the Mavericks once again behaved as a unified force.  I figured that they had gotten a new leader; I just never thought it would actually be Sigma.  That fact was almost as much of a shock as the secret agenda that Sigma and the X Hunters seemed to be using the latest uprising as a cover for . . . bringing Zero back to life.

            Having Zero come back from the dead was one of the biggest surprises of the second uprising – though it wasn't as much of a shock as encountering the physical manifestation of Sigma's viral form for the first time, it made me think I was going crazy.  When I learned that the X Hunters had Zero's body and planned on turning him against us, I vowed to do what I had to in order to prevent that from happening.  Fortunately those X Hunters were more talk than anything else and I got all of Zero's parts before they could try to revive him as a Maverick.  It took Dr. Cain awhile, but he repaired Zero after I retrieved all of the parts.  It was great to have Zero back to help us fight the Mavericks again and with the new modifications made to him, he was stronger than before.  Zero was actually pretty impressed with how I had turned out, though he insisted I still had a lot to learn about being a Hunter.  After the second uprising was over, that was when we really started to become best friends.

            It was wonderful to have Zero back.  It's one of the few times I've had a friend be revived after they ceased functioning.  I couldn't stop grinning like a goofy kid when Zero showed up to help me at Sigma's second stronghold.  I know that in some cases when a reploid is revived, it's like they aren't the same person.  They are normally missing some or most of their memories and their personalities are sometimes different.  I guess that's what made Zero's return such a wonderful thing, he hadn't lost his memories and he seemed to be the same person I remembered, but for awhile there were a few people who thought he was little more than a copy of the real Zero.

            Shortly after the fall of the X Hunters, I stepped down from the position of Supreme Commander and assumed control of the 17th Unit while Zero formed a new shinobi style unit, Unit 0.  I gave up the Supreme Commander position for a few reasons.  First, I didn't feel that I had the knowledge or skill to run the Hunters once things went back to normal.  Sure, I did a good job of banding together the remaining Hunters and leading them against the Mavericks . . . but to be truthful, all I had to do then was fight the Mavericks.  I didn't have to deal with the politicians trying to interfere with how I carried out my campaigns and typically we used guerrilla tactics because of our limited numbers, avoiding direct assaults unless we stood a good chance of coming out on top.  I can deal with politicians, but not on the almost everyday basis a Supreme Commander has to.  Playing the political game well is essential to making sure that things run smoothly between the government and the Hunters and to insure that the Hunters get the resources they need – truthfully, I don't quite have the tolerance for politics that Dr. Cain and Signas seem to have.  Secondly, the Council felt that someone with a bit more command experience should be running an organization like the Hunters – given my lack of experience with large-scale, coordinated offensives and running a military outfit as large as they wanted the Hunters to become, I understand why they felt that way.  That and they felt more comfortable with a human in charge of the Hunters.  The third reason was that being the SC meant that if Sigma launched another offensive, I'd be stuck behind a desk instead of hunting baldy down and stopping him.  Not to sound arrogant or anything, but I am one of only two people who really stand a chance against Sigma in combat.  If I was stuck behind at HQ the whole time because of my position, that would only leave Zero to fight and if something happened to him . . . things would go from bad to worse very quickly.  Besides, I was more comfortable being a unit commander, there's just something about it that appeals to me . . . anyways stepping down as the SC didn't bother me, I honestly didn't want the job – of course that's why some people thought I was perfect for it.

            By the time Doppler started his rebellion, Zero and I had become the best of friends and often worked together, despite the fact we were in charge of different units.  Even though I trashed the Maverick generals and both of Sigma's battle bodies, Zero still wound up having to save me twice.  The first time was when Mac led me into a trap; I still can't believe I just walked into it like that!  Then again I wasn't expecting to be betrayed by a fellow Hunter.  The second time was when Sigma's viral form had me trapped and he was about to use me for his new host body.  Zero had gotten his hands on Doppler's antivirus program and then used it to stop Sigma.  I thought for certain that Sigma was finished after that . . . unfortunately he kept coming back, like a cockroach.

            There was a little tension between us when Iris showed up.  We both had feelings for her, but she only had eyes for Zero . . . so I backed off to let them be together.  Iris regarded me as something of a surrogate brother while she stayed with the Hunters, a fact that really irked Colonel to no end.  I suppose it didn't help matters that he felt I had no business being on the battlefield because of my pacifistic views and that I was one of the strongest warriors around.  He could never understand how a person opposed to fighting could be a great warrior.  Colonel found something of kindred spirit in Zero though, they hit it off great.

            The roughest spot in our friendship was after the Repliforce War.  I know Iris's death hit both of us hard, but Zero took it much worse than I did . . . we even had him on a suicide watch at one point, but it also seemed like there was something else bothering him as well.  Something he wouldn't talk about to anybody, not even me or Dr. Cain.  Most of the time he would behave normally, but occasionally it felt like he was trying to put some distance between himself and the rest of the Hunters.  I just associated what he was doing with the reaction of somebody who normally keeps people at a distance and then allowed someone to get close, only to lose that person.  In cases like that, a person normally tries to isolate themselves so they don't risk experiencing the pain of loss again.  Eventually Zero seemed to snap out of it and go back to the way he used to be.  But when Sigma spread the virus all over the planet, Zero began to start acting distant again . . . that's why I think that something else happened during the battle on the Final Weapon that only added to the depression and guilt he felt over Iris's death . . . something that drove him to risk going into the largest concentration of the Zero virus on the planet for some reason.  I wish he had told me what was bothering him or why he felt the need to investigate the Zero virus himself, I might have been able to help him.  Then there would have been no reason to fight . . . and Zero would probably still be alive right now . . .

            It still frustrates me that after all of those times Zero saved me or helped me, that I couldn't do the same for him this time around.

            Even if it is unlikely, I actually kind of expect Zero to make a return like he did before.  But right now I must deal with reality; Zero is most likely dead for good this time . . . I miss him already.

            I'm glad Alia stayed until Lifesaver came.  If she had gone and left me alone to think about what happened to Zero, I would have been a wreck when he showed up.  Lifesaver probably would have wound up suggesting that I see a shrink of something if he had found me like that, especially if I had been crying.  I personally don't see anything wrong with crying, sometimes there's no other way for a person to express their grief over something, but for some reason there are people who view it as a sign of weakness or that a person is starting to lose it.  Naturally nobody wants to see any signs of weakness in one of their heroes and like it or not, that's what many people view me as . . . some hero I turned out to be, the planet's trashed and I couldn't even save my best friend's life . . .

            I'm glad that Alia gave me Zero's saber.  It actually makes it easier to deal with what's happened in a way.  Zero had this saber ever since the second uprising.  This weapon was so important to him that it feels as though he is still here and ready to fight alongside me whenever I hold it.  There is an old Samurai tradition about the sword being the soul of a warrior, so I guess the Z-saber could be considered a part of Zero's soul.  For Zero, that concept seems fitting in a way.  Maybe that's why it feels like he's still here.

            Zero, why did you have to die?  Why couldn't whoever repaired me have also saved you as well?  A lot happened before our most recent fight with Sigma and we wound up at each other's throats briefly.  I wish things hadn't turned out that way, but I can't change what's been done nor can I bring you back, just like I can't bring back Storm Eagle, Squid Adler, Izzy Glow, or Skiver.  The only thing I can do for you now is to carry your memory in my heart and continue fighting until Sigma is no longer a threat . . . I guess that means I'll be fighting for a long time.  Alia believes that Sigma wasted too much of the virus and can't revive himself.  I wish I could believe that, but I've let my guard down too many times before by letting myself believe that each fight with Sigma was the last.  Maybe she's right though . . . if that's true, then maybe it won't take as long to restore peace, but somehow I doubt that we've seen the last of the virus or its victims.

            Why do so many good people have to wind up dead because of that damned virus?  How come after everything I've been through and all the Mavericks I've had to kill, nothing has really been accomplished?  We still have the virus, Sigma always comes back, many people still look at reploids with fear and hatred, and now the Earth is in ruins.  Other than delaying Sigma's goal of destroying humanity, what have I actually accomplished by choosing to fight?  The peaceful world I wanted to create still seems like a distant pipe dream and it's not like reploids are much better off than they were after the end of the second uprising, some might argue that they're worse off.  On top of that my best friend, the closest thing I have to family, may very well be dead.  But I have this strange feeling that I haven't seen the last of Zero.  As much as I would love to see Zero alive and well, for some odd reason there's a part of me that wonders if that would really be such a good thing.

            That's foolish, what would I have to fear from Zero?  I'm just letting all that nonsense Sigma was babbling about get to me.  Old baldy loves to play mind games and there's nothing better that Sigma would have liked than to have me doubt whether I could trust Zero or not.  Even though Zero and I fought each other, I know I can trust Zero.  I didn't go after Zero because I didn't trust him; I went after him because I was worried about what the virus might have been doing to him.  I was afraid that if he continued exposing himself to the virus, he wouldn't be Zero anymore . . . that he'd become something else . . . maybe even something worse than Sigma.

            Zero, if you aren't coming back this time, I'm going to miss you and I hope that you are reunited with Iris.  I know how much you missed her and how much you loved her, even if you wouldn't admit it.  I really wish things had worked out better for the two of you.  I'll try and keep things from falling apart, but losing you again feels like someone just knocked my legs out from under me.  A part of me wants to grieve and another part of me wants Sigma to come back just so I can beat his face in for killing you.  I don't know what I'm going to do without you here to back me up, but I guess I'll get by.  I promise that I'll do everything I can to restore this world and put an end to this war once and for all.

            I can't wait to get out of here.  Not that I have anything against Lifesaver or hospitals, I just don't like being cooped up in the infirmary.  It reminds me too much of those early days after my activation when it seemed like every scientist on the planet wanted to take me apart, scan me, or jam probes in every part of my body to figure out how I worked.  I suppose it's something of an irony that I considered becoming a scientist, given how most of my early experiences with scientists were . . . somewhat less than pleasant.  What am I saying?  Other than Dr. Cain and a few others, most of them just viewed me as an interesting science experiment, not a person or even as a sentient being.  Although I did hit it off pretty well with one particular scientist . . . of course then again Alia's first impulse when she met me wasn't to start bombarding me with questions I couldn't answer about how my systems work.

            In a way, I'm glad she was the one to tell me.  For some reason I have a feeling she honestly understands what I'm going through.  It was kind of surprising to wake up and see her standing next to my bed, though I must admit that waking up to her face is much more pleasant than having the first thing I see be Lifesaver's face.  Lifesaver said that she'd been coming by the infirmary everyday since I was found to check on me.  He also said that she took it pretty hard when it looked like I was dead . . . I know she worries about me when I'm on a mission sometimes, but she usually tries to hide that fact.  I guess she doesn't want me to feel bad about making her worry or do anything else that might distract me from my missions.  It's not like I mean to scare her like that or anything, but there's nothing I can really do about it.  Sometimes to accomplish the mission, you have to take risks, even if it puts your life in danger.  Still, I wish that my supposed death hadn't caused her as much pain as it sounds like it did, though it's touching to know that somebody cares about me that much.

            I hate making her worry about me; I wonder why she worries about me so much anyways . . . most people just believe I'll make it through no matter what and don't get too worked up when I lose contact with base briefly or am in serious danger.  But even though she tries to hide the fact, it's not too hard to tell when Alia is concerned about my safety.  As much as I hate making her worry, I actually do appreciate that she gets concerned over my well being.  I suppose she may worry so much because I'm her friend, but she's spotted for other people who are her friends without getting as anxious as she seems to get over me.  Maybe she just feels responsible for keeping me safe because I'm one of the best Hunters we have . . . no, from the way I've heard her sound when I return from a mission, get into some kind of trouble, and especially when I was dying . . . there was always something in her voice that didn't sound like she was only doing her job.

            Alia and I have been friends for a few years now, pretty good friends actually.  Whether it's just hanging out together, playing chess, or when she somehow manages to clean me out in a game of poker, we've always had a good time being around one another.  I wouldn't go as far as to say that I'm as close to her as I am, err was to Zero – which makes sense simply because I've known Zero for much longer and he's been a mentor, best friend, comrade in arms, and even something of a big brother figure to me over the years – but I do consider her a close friend. 

            I remember when I first met Alia.  She was a kind person, smart, beautiful, and she had this inner strength that allowed her to keep her head even when everything around her was falling apart.  Alia had an air of confidence about her that hinted at her being every bit as skilled as she thought she was and erased any fears you may have had about her fouling up at a critical moment.  Despite the confidence she displayed while on the job, she could be surprisingly shy around people at times.  It also amazed me at how good Alia was at suppressing or concealing her feelings.  But once you got to know her, she loosens up and becomes someone you enjoyed having around.  Except of course when you manage to get her mad . . . when she loses her temper the person on the receiving end usually wishes they were fighting Sigma instead.

            I initially didn't like the idea of her being assigned to the 17th as its spotter based on her high test scores since she didn't have any real experience doing the job.  It was nothing against her personally . . . I just would have felt better if she had been a spotter for a at least a year or two before being assigned to my unit just so that I could be certain that she could handle it.  Then a group of reploids attacked a factory and took the workers hostage.  Alia did an excellent job of spotting for us, remaining calm and focused the whole time; she even managed to hack into the factory's security system, letting us get by it without tripping any alarms or defenses.  She even used the security cameras to provide us with information about where the terrorists were and where the hostages were being held.  Alia proved to us that day that she could cut it as the 17th Unit's spotter.

            It wasn't too long after that mission that we started to become good friends.  We had discussions about all sorts of things, the war, politics, science, books, movies, and even our personal lives.  I grew to enjoy just having her around, even if all we wound up doing was watching TV together.  I began to look forward to our chess matches and when we'd play poker against the rest of the unit, I didn't even mind it when I lost to her.  Alia became someone I could confide in about my doubts, fears, and hopes . . . she's one of the few people besides Zero I've felt comfortable admitting those things to.  She never seemed to think them to be very childish, stupid, or unrealistic – I know for a fact she would have told me if she had, Alia has never been one to hold back her opinion on something she feels strongly about or if she thinks you're asking her for one.  Alia did think that some of my fears were unfounded and that maybe I tend to be a bit optimistic on my hopes, but she generally seemed to understand them.

            The one memory of her that always comes to mind though is the day she gave me the Fourth Armor.  It was only a copy of my Force Armor, but it meant a lot to me.  Even though I suspect that the Dr. Light hologram is some type of AI and not just a prerecorded message, whenever I get an armor from it – it always feels like the hologram only gives it too me because there was a need for the armor.  When I was given the Fourth Armor . . . it felt more like a gift from somebody who was more concerned about my safety and helping me in any way they could.  Getting the armor from a friend just seemed more meaningful than getting it from a capsule.  I was amazed at how closely she came to making it a perfect copy of the Force Armor, even Dr. Cain hadn't been able to understand the first armor I got from the Light hologram enough to fix it after my first run-in with Sigma.  When Sigma ambushed me at the statue just before the virus was released, I probably would have died or been more seriously damaged if I hadn't been using the armor Alia made me.  Even though the armor was destroyed, it saved my life . . . I guess you could almost say Alia saved my life that day.

            Even though I haven't known her as long as some of my friends, in some ways Alia understands and knows me almost as well as Zero does, I mean did.  She can sometimes even pick up on what I'm thinking or what I'm about to do without me having to say anything.  Alia is also one of the few people who even try to cheer me up when I occasionally fall into a foul mood after missions where the Mavericks did something especially horrific – despite the fact I'm not very pleasant to be around because I tend to be a little short tempered when I'm in a bad mood.  I do appreciate her efforts at cheering me up though, Zero was about the only other person who ever tried – he would at least listen to me when one when one of my depressions hit, that's more than most people are usually willing to do.  Alia also seems to genuinely understand how I feel about fighting and why.  Zero always knew how I felt about fighting, but despite his best efforts he couldn't grasp why I felt like that.  While Zero would often share my sentiments about the atrocities the Mavericks would commit, he couldn't understand why I would feel remorse over killing my enemy.  I do think Zero at least understood why I would choose to be a Hunter even though I despise violence so much. 

            When I explain why I chose to fight to most people, they usually just kind of look at me funny or seem surprised.  I guess the way I explain it, it does sound a little silly – I just tell them that it was the right thing to do.  As much as I hate violence, everything I knew about right and wrong, good and evil, everything I believed in said that Sigma's actions were wrong and that it was an even greater crime to stand by and do nothing.  Despite my pacifistic nature, fighting Sigma made perfect sense to me and I believed with every fiber of my being that I was making the right choice; I still feel it was the right decision despite all the hardships I've endured since then.

            Even though I believe that fighting the Mavericks is the right thing to do and probably the only way to achieve peace . . . that's not the only reason I chose to fight.  It was the main reason, but I also chose to fight because I felt responsible for the war.  I helped Dr. Cain develop the first reploids; I even assisted him in constructing Sigma.  I felt responsible for what Sigma did when he rebelled, responsible for every reploid that went Maverick.  I wondered if there was something I overlooked design-wise back when I assisted Cain that could have prevented so many reploids from going Maverick.  I suppose feeling guilty about the actions of the reploids that went maverick is silly.  Most of them only became that way because of the virus, rarely has a reploid chosen to go Maverick – even with the ones that did choose the life of a Maverick, what could I have honestly done to keep them from making that choice?  Even if I had refused to help Cain develop the first reploid, it wouldn't have stopped reploids from existing.   Sure it may have delayed their creation by several months, maybe a year . . . with Dr. Light's notes, it's not like Dr. Cain really needed my help anyways.  Not to mention there was no way anyone could have predicted the existence of something like the Maverick virus . . .

            Still, I never gave any thought to the kind of life that reploids would live when I decided to help Dr. Cain make them.  I never considered that in some cases they would be viewed as little more than tools or property, and not treated as sentient beings.  I never considered how they would be treated or that those conditions could lead to groups like the Mavericks coming into existence . . . I made a decision to help create the first reploid because I didn't want to be alone anymore. 

            While I did make friends with Dr. Cain and a few other humans, I felt like something of an outsider among them.  In all truth, I didn't fit in anywhere.  The robots at that time were not advanced enough to do anything beyond what they were programmed to, that didn't make them much in terms of company.  There was just too much difference between how I thought and acted and how those old robots did for me to ever really feel any type of connection with them, or for me to view myself as one of them.  I didn't exactly find acceptance among humans either.  I could think like a human, feel the same emotions as a human, but I wasn't viewed as anything more than just a robot by most humans, particularly the scientists.  As the only truly sentient robot on the planet, I was regarded as either a marvel of technology or a scientific curiosity.  Then there were those groups of people who hated me outright because I was a sentient robot.  They felt I was the biggest threat to humanity to ever exist and wanted to make sure that I didn't forget my place as a 'mere machine'.  Even today the attitude exists that reploids are machines meant solely to serve humans, despite the fact reploids have free will and emotions.  Because of the people who were afraid of me and the fact that I was considered too valuable to risk by being allowed to go wherever I wanted, I spent most of my life isolated from the rest of the world at Cain's lab.  Even when I was finally allowed to go out into the world, no matter how well I blended in among the humans – something would always happen to remind me that I wasn't one of them regardless of how well I could fit in and that I probably would never be viewed as anything more than an interesting contraption.

            That's why I devoted myself to helping Cain with his research into how to build a reploid.  That way I wouldn't be the only sentient machine anymore.  There would be others like me who I could talk to, hang out with, who could understand what it's like to be a free thinking robot in a world of humans.  I also naively thought that if there were others like me, then humans would more readily accept me and the reploids as sentient beings and eventually treat us as equals.  In the end, I didn't want to be the only true android . . . but even more than that, I didn't want to feel alone anymore.  It's enough of a burden to be the last creation of a scientific genius and having to live in the shadows of heroes like Megaman and Protoman, with everyone expecting great things of me based on what they know of people I've never even met or don't know anything about, without the feelings of loneliness that I had back then.  (I've always wondered what Protoman and Megaman would think of me . . . if I measure up to their standards or if they could have handled a situation better than I did . . .) 

            This is about the point where Zero would tell me to shut up and stop feeling sorry for myself . . . he always thought it was foolish to waste time on what might-have-been or dwelling too much on the past.  I've always tried to make the best decisions I could, especially during a mission, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if I could have done anything different to get a better outcome.  More often than not it causes me to beat myself up over things I couldn't control or if I tried hard enough to find the best solution to a situation . . . that's usually when I need a friend like Zero to come along and snap me out of it.  It's not always easy to accept that you did the best you could . . . but after awhile I come to accept that fact after every mission, after each time I have to take out a Maverick . . . I just make the best choices I can and hope everything works out.

            That means that I have to accept that I did everything I could a week ago to stop Sigma . . . even though my best friend apparently died in the process . . .

            I'm going to miss you Zero.  You were my closest friend and one of the few people I could always count on. 

            But, why do I have this nagging feeling that you aren't gone just yet Zero?  It's funny, the longer I have your saber, the more certain I am that you are still alive.  It's probably wishful thinking.  Zero, wherever you are, if you can here me . . . just promise me that you'll lend me your strength when I wield this saber.  If Sigma's most recent attack is any indication, darker days are ahead and I'm feeling daunted by them, knowing that I may be facing them alone.  You'll probably think this is silly, but it feels like you're still here when I hold this weapon and it fills me with the confidence to face anything . . .

            It's odd . . . I was so resigned to dieing just a week ago, I felt as though I could die peacefully with no regrets . . . except for one feeling that I couldn't pin down . . . it had to do with saying or doing something.  It was probably nothing.  I was ready to die, so why does the fact I survived bother me?  Probably because it means I have to face life again. 

            During battle, I can face death without flinching and risk my life for others without a second thought.  It's the periods of peace that are often harder for me to deal with than the times of war.  When there's a war on, I know what my purpose and goal is . . . when peace comes, there are times where I feel lost and adrift.  Peace is what I strive for, but I don't often give a lot of thought as to what I would do if the peace lasted forever and the Hunters were no longer needed.  What would I do?  Where would I go?  Would I ever see any of my friends again?  The uncertainty of those prospects can make facing life seem more daunting than embracing death.  With death, there's finality to the things of this life, though it marks the beginning of what lies beyond.  To some people it may seem foolish for a reploid to believe in God and an afterlife, but I do.  I can't think of any reason why I shouldn't and it's nice to know that universe isn't just a random occurrence, that there really is a plan and purpose to it all, even if we can't see it at the time.

            I wish I knew how I survived though.  I keep getting the feeling that I know what happened, but the memory always remains out of reach.

            Perhaps the hardest thing about surviving so far was realizing just how much pain my death would have caused those close to me . . . especially Alia.

            Why did she take it so much harder than the others?  Why do I feel so horrible for putting her through that experience?  Why did seeing the joy on her face when I woke up make me feel so . . . happy?

            This is frustrating.  Lately I've been wondering just what my feelings for Alia are.  I know she's my friend, but some of the thoughts and feelings I've been having about her are confusing . . . they aren't bad or anything – I'm just not sure what to think of them.  Sometimes I'll catch myself looking at her, thinking how pretty she looks, or for no real reason I start thinking about her . . . the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs, how much I enjoy being around her, how much I look forward to spending time with her . . . the way she smiles when beats me in an argument, at chess, or when I return home safely . . .  Whenever I see her lately, this strange warm feeling appears.  It's like it starts in my chest and then spreads from there . . . I also remember the feeling of relief that swept over me when I found out that she hadn't been infected by the virus when Sigma spread it all over the globe.

            Alia's my friend and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.  But the way I feel about her at times is really confusing.  Is it just a phase?  One of those rare times where for a while you view somebody close to you in a different light, or is it possible I have feelings for her that . . .

            No.  Stop right there.  That's not something that I can allow to happen or even let myself think about.  If I allow myself to even think of her in that way, then I risk the possibility of actually falling in love with her.  We're in the middle of a war and things are bound to get worse before they get better . . . it'd be foolish to form that kind of attachment to anyone right now.  It wouldn't be fair to do that to a person I care about since they would worry about me during missions, they'd probably become targets for the Mavericks because of that relationship, and if something happened to me - I'd hate to put somebody I loved through that kind of pain.  Besides, being in a relationship would probably just distract me from my duties.  That's something I can't afford right now since Zero is gone – everyone's counting on me now.

            But Alia already worries about me and she took my "death" pretty hard . . . I still remember the happy expression on her face once she overcame her initial shock of my reawakening . . . No!  I can't allow myself to see her as anything more than a friend.  Even if I did feel that way about her, until the Mavericks are stopped, I am a war machine . . . and she deserves better than someone whose existence revolves around killing.  Whatever feelings she ahs towards me are little more than concern for the well-being of a friend - feelings that are usually hidden behind the professional façade she presents to everyone but those close to her.  Sometimes it makes me wonder if she's had trouble making friends in the past and is afraid of losing the ones she has now . . . actually, I don't really know anything about what she did before becoming a Hunter. 

            I know she was a part of the Reploid Research Team, but that's it.  Whenever I've asked she's always changed the subject, just gave me vague answers, or side-step the issue by saying something like "What I did was just a bunch of boring scientific stuff, nothing really worth mentioning."  I know she's not telling me something, but I never pressed the issue because she got real nervous about the subject and would clam up.  It was like she was scared of something . . . I'm sure she'll tell me whenever she's finally ready to talk about it though.  It's probably nothing to get worried about . . .

            Even though I'm not sure what these feelings I'm experiencing mean, I won't let them affect my friendship with Alia.  She worries enough about me as it is, the last thing I need to do is to tell her about these feelings.  Not only would it alter the nature of our friendship – even if it turns out I don't really feel that way about her – but it would also just cause her to be more concerned about me.  That's why I can't get into a relationship, I hate causing someone that degree of anxiety over me – the nature of my work guarantees that anyone I could get involved with would become a nervous wreck over the dangers I face.  Besides it would be awful if I made her think that I loved her and she really did feel that way only for me to later realize I misinterpreted my feelings for her . . . it would be just as bad if I really do feel that way and she flat out rejected me . . . besides she deserves better than a soldier who would have to run off at a moments notice to face incomprehensible dangers and is almost always trying to deal with his own doubts and occasional depression; she deserves someone who can always be there for her and isn't carrying that kind of baggage.  Who knows?  Maybe if the war had never happened and . . .

            No, I'm not going to start doing those what-if scenarios.  I need to get out of here and back to work.  This is why I hate being in the infirmary most of all.  It gives me too much time to think about everything going on in my life.  I need to get back to my unit; maybe doing my duties will get my mind off of Alia.  It's hard enough to lose your best friend, but then to have to deal with feelings that could jeopardize your relationship with another one of your friends as well . . .

            As confusing as these feelings I've been having about Alia are, I'm not going to act on them or even mention them to her – not unless I'm absolutely certain they're genuine and aren't just a reaction to suddenly being reminded of my own mortality and losing Zero.

            I wish I could ask Zero for advice about this.  He'd probably agree that it's just nothing but a phase I'm going through.  Then again Zero would probably take this as an opportunity to tease me . . . he always seemed to get this funny look in his eye when he saw Alia and me together.

            Dammit bro, I miss you.  I know that you must have died from Sigma's attack, an attack meant to kill me, but I still don't want to accept it.  I mean we both survived so many life-threatening situations over the years that even I fell prey to thinking that there was nothing that could stop either one of us.  I let myself start to believe the myth that we were unstoppable only to get one of the rudest awakenings imaginable . . . I should have known better than to start thinking that way.  Every time I've been in a tight spot and was looking the grim reaper in the eye, something has always happened to give me a way out . . . to elude death.

            What happened back there?  I should be dead.  Why can't I remember?  I'm sure I know what happened, but I can't recall anything after I began to slip away . . .

            I wonder how much longer Lifesavor wants me to stay here . . . speak of the devil.

            "How are you doing X?"

            "I'm feeling fine doc."

            "Good, good.  We finished going over the diagnostic scans, there's no sign of any remaining damage to your systems and there's no trace of either the Sigma or Zero virus.  Congratulations, you've made a full recovery."

            "So I'm free to go?"

            "Yes, but I want you to get at least twenty-four hours of rest before going back on active duty.  You've been through a lot lately, so you could probably use the break."

            I've been through a lot?  That's something of an understatement.  I think that events of the whole disaster involving the Eurasia colony fall into a bigger category than just 'a lot'.

            "Thanks Lifesavor.  I'll be sure to rest up."

            "I mean it X.  I know you have a tendency to push yourself harder than you should at times, even when recovering from heavy damage.  Just take it easy for now, it's not like the world is going to – I mean the way things are right now, the rest of the Hunters can hold it together long enough for you to take a day off."

            I know what he was going to say.  He was going to say that it's not like the world would end if I took a day off.  Bad choice of words given what happened to the planet recently.

            "Okay doc.  I promise to rest.  See you later."

            So I have a day off – a whole day to mull over everything that's happened involving the Colony crisis, Zero, these feelings for Alia, and to figure out my role for the coming days.  Like it or not, I am now the only Hunter left that's capable of dealing with the more powerful Mavericks.  At least one thing is clear; no matter what, I will continue to protect the reploids and humans of this world from the Mavericks with every last ounce of strength and resolve I have to offer.   I will help rebuild this world.  I will not let my dream of a peaceful world die nor will I let those who have sacrificed their lives to achieve that goal have done so in vain.  I'll keep on fighting till the Mavericks are a distant memory and peace is restored.

            Until that day comes, I won't give up.

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AN:  There it is.  I was kind of thinking of making this my last chapter for the story since the X5 ending skips three years ahead after this point and really does little more than express X's resolve to fight even though Zero is gone and I think this kind of leads into X6 better.

Anyways, please read and review and let me know what you think!