I think, no…  I know I love her.  At first I thought it was just like friends, that it was normal… or at least not gay.  How do you know if you're gay?  Does being attracted to one woman make you gay?

I love Christy, I feel my heart pound when she laughs.  When she sits down and just talks with me I feel like…

This is love.  I heard about it on T.V. and used to think people were acting like idiots.  It didn't make sense how one person could become the center of your world.  How could one person's voice make it a good day no matter how crappy the day really was?

I caught myself actually staring at her lips last week.  Staring and wishing she'd just lean forward a little more so that they were in reach.  We were talking about something, but to be honest I wasn't able to follow what she was saying at all.  All I could do was imagine how good it would feel to kiss her.  I blame my dreams.  They've been so intense lately that it's hard to ignore it and pretend like everything is normal.

She's just so strong, so caring… so perfect.  It isn't fair that she's also so out of my reach and even if she weren't I wouldn't know what to do.

I'm in love… and it's not the wonderful hopeful feeling everyone says it is.  I wish it would just go away.