Disclaimer: The characters that look familiar to you belong to J. K. Rowling. The ones you cannot find in any of her books are mine. I don't intend to make any money out of this. I'm just having some fun.

Love And Hate

The Dreamless Sleep Potion didn't work all that well for Amanda after all. She had woken up very early in the morning, and definitely not rested at all. And she had dreamed too, about footsteps...

Amanda almost jumped from her bed in shock: the footsteps were back again. She had thought they were part of a dream, but it seemed they were real. Maybe the Dreamless Sleep Potion had worked better than she had given it credit for.

Carefully, she tiptoed to the door of her room and waved a hand at it. Now she could see through the wood, but there was nothing to see in her corridor. The sound was probably coming from another floor.

In a hurry, Amanda showered and readied to go downstairs. She descended the stairs slowly, as if sleepy, although in truth she couldn't have been more alert. Soon she could hear whispers. She stopped in the middle of the stairs, listening intently to what the nervous voices in the next landing were saying.

"Take all your things. You must leave no proof that you have been here. The aurors will suspect anything, even a sock." It was Caesar Malfoy.

"Will you be ok alone?" Another voice asked. Amanda recognised the voice of the big-nosed man who had questioned her life as a muggle the night before.

"I won't be alone, Seth, you know, in case we had to fight, Snape and myself are capable of getting rid of ten aurors each without even blinking. After all, we were the only ones that escaped from that damned castle." Caesar paused, still shocked at how bad things had gone the previous night. "I don't expect we will have to defend ourselves anyway. It wouldn't be wise to start a fight with aurors in my brother's house, not when he is so weak. We have to let them search the house and hope they will find nothing suspicious to try and arrest us." Caesar explained in a tired tone, as if they had had this discussion before.

"I still think you should keep someone else with you. Our Master doesn't trust Snape completely, what if he is right about him and he turns out to be Dumbledore's spy or something?" Seth objected.

"Seth," Caesar sighed, "if the Master truly distrusted Snape, he wouldn't send him to important missions. And Snape is preparing again the potions the Master needs. Don't you think if he were trying to destroy the Dark Lord he would have plenty of chances to poison him? And even if he was a spy, I doubt very much that would really matter in this case. Snape is my brother's friend, Seth. You should have seen him tonight. He fought like none other. He saved us all, my brother, Pettigrew and myself. I don't know how we would have escaped if it weren't for him."

"You are probably right, Caesar, but I still don't like it," Seth protested, "at least let Pettigrew stay, the aurors won't even see him. It's easy for a rat to hide."

"And what help would Pettigrew be to us, pray, tell me, Seth?" Snape's voice asked acidly from the other side of the corridor. "Rats are cowards, Seth, Pettigrew would run away with his tail between his legs the moment things started to get nasty, unless Caesar here decides to put him again under the Imperius curse, which I hope he won't," Snape said looking pointedly at Caesar.

Then he added menacingly: "And Seth... If you ever dare doubt my loyalty to our Master again, you'll have to face me in a duel to defend your accusations."

There was a tense silence. Apparently Seth wasn't too kin on duelling Snape. He muttered some silly excuse that Amanda couldn't hear well from where she stood and then he departed. Or at least Amanda thought it was him, it was difficult to know which of the men had walked downstairs.

Then there was laughter.

"Congratulations, Severus, you have scared one of the most cold-blooded killers in the world," Caesar said still laughing.

Snape didn't answer immediately, but when he did, he changed the subject. "How is your brother feeling?"

"Much better," Caesar replied suddenly serious, "when I checked on him last he was sleeping."

"That should do him good," Snape said, with an approving grunt.

"Yes, and Narcissa will take good care of him," Caesar added, "I wish I had a woman who would take care of me like she takes care of Lucius. He is a lucky man."

There was an awkward silence while Amanda, Snape and Caesar thought about the same thing: last night's discussion in Lucius' secret study when Caesar had found Amanda and Snape kissing, or rather, Amanda kissing Snape.

Amanda steeled herself and started descending the steps, better face them both sooner than later.

"Good morning," she said when she reached their landing. "Any news about Lucius?" She asked innocently.

Caesar didn't seem to mistrust Amanda, but Snape looked upstairs with his eyes narrowed, as if he suspected Amanda had been listening to their conversation and knew already that Lucius had been rescued. Amanda kept her poker face.

"Good morning," Caesar answered a little bit stiffly, "Lucius is safe now. He is here, but we have hidden him in a secret room, just in case the aurors come in searching for him. Narcissa was with him when I left him a moment ago."

"Excellent," Amanda said sincerely, "do you think I could go and see them, or should I rather wait a bit?"

"Lucius was asleep a moment ago, he was in quite a bad shape when we found him. Snape has prepared some potions for him, but it will take a while for them to make effect. Maybe you should wait a couple of hours."

"Very well," Amanda said, and steeped pass the two men to go to the kitchen and have some breakfast, she couldn't though, because Caesar grabbed her arm as she passed.

"I think it's time we had a little conversation," Caesar said, and he became suddenly angry. He looked intently at her and then at Snape, who remained perfectly calm.

"If you'll excuse us, Severus?" Caesar said nodding at Snape, who didn't reply, and then he started walking downstairs, almost dragging Amanda behind him."

"Let go of my arm," Amanda ordered angrily, "you are hurting me."

"It's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you, my dear," Caesar responded menacingly.

Amanda was so angry that before she could check herself she had send Caesar flying against the opposite wall without even moving a finger.

Snape came running downstairs in hearing the commotion. He looked very relieved when he saw the sickly noise of someone hitting a wall didn't mean that Caesar had hit Amanda, but the other way round.

He looked at Caesar's unconscious form on the floor and then at Amanda, frozen in place, her chest rising and falling rapidly while she failed miserably to control her temper.

Snape smiled to himself. He was feeling something he had never felt before: he was proud of someone else.

The Potions Master clicked his tongue three times and then descended the remaining steps to be level with Amanda. He looked at the beautiful woman in front of him and waited for her to turn to him. When she did, he arched an eyebrow mockingly at her and said:

"Temper, Miss Ming, temper."

That incensed Amanda even more. She lifted her right hand to slap him, but Snape had been ready for it, so he caught her wrist easily. She tried to hit him with her other hand and he caught it too. She was looking daggers at him when Snape did the last thing Amanda was expecting: he leaned over and kissed her passionately.

Amanda was too shocked to react at first, but soon enough she managed to free herself from Severu's grasp and push him away. Snape took a step behind, enjoying the sight in front of him. Amanda's beautiful face was flushed with indignation and her eyes were afire with hate. But she seemed unable to move. That gave Severus some courage. After all, Amanda seemed quite capable of dealing with a wizard without wands or weapons. She had just attacked Caesar, but for some reason she didn't seem ready to hurt Severus as well. He hoped that reason was that Amanda had enjoyed the kiss after all.

A grunt from the floor broke their silent battle as Severus and Amanda turned to look at Caesar's crumpled form.

Amanda descended the last steps to the landing and then said in a commanding tone:

"I'll wait for you in the kitchen, Caesar. I agree with you in one thing: we really need to talk."

She then turned and proceeded on her way, leaving behind her an interested Snape and a dizzy Caesar.

***

When Caesar finally joined her in the kitchen, Amanda was already on her second cup of white coffee, munching some buttered toast as if she was ripping someone's flesh with her teeth. She was annoyed that Caesar had dared menace her, but she was even angrier that Snape had dared kiss her, and she was even madder at herself for letting the man get out with it and... well, and for enjoying the kiss. She shook her head at herself. 'Amanda, take a grip on yourself, the man is a Death Eater!' she reprimanded herself silently.

"Amanda," Caesar said stiffly, sitting in front of her after kicking two house-elves -not daring kick Amanda, which is what he really wanted to do.

She nodded to acknowledge her presence, but went on munching her toast as bloodily as before.

"I don't know what you are playing at, Amanda," Caesar finally said. "You know I'm the best match for you. I'm a pureblood, rich, respectable..." Amanda grunted sceptically, "and I don't think you can complain about my looks, either."

Amanda rolled her eyes at Caesar's lack of modesty and started buttering another toast. "Caesar," she said in a motherly tone, as if he was a little child who couldn't understand things, "whatever you think, our relationship is over. O-v-e-r. Over. I made myself quite clear from the beginning. I told you that if you ever joined Voldemort I would break the engagement. You didn't care enough for me to take my warning seriously. Do you know why I really broke the engagement, Caesar? Have you ever wondered?"

"Because I joined the Dark Lord, you just said so yourself," Caesar said annoyed.

"No, Caesar," Amanda said sadly, "I left you because the moment you joined Voldemort I realised how little you cared for me, how little did my feelings matter to you. For you, I was just like a nice flowerpot. Something beautiful you were proud of showing around, not a person with feelings and ideas. For you, I was the ideal of a wife. A pureblood, a jilguerei. But beyond that, you didn't really see me. You never took the time to get to know me, Caesar. You have no idea who I am. And I'm not talking about my family here, I'm talking about me the woman, me Amanda." She paused, recovering her breath. "You never loved me Caesar. It took me too many years to realise, but when I did, I knew I could never live a lie. I'm not afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, Caesar. Rather alone than with someone who doesn't love me."

Caesar was playing with some breadcrumbs on the table. He lifted his eyes to her and said in a heartbreaking tone:

"Please, Amanda, I know I didn't treat you as you deserved, but I really want this to work. Please, I'm begging you, give me another chance."

Amanda shook her head. "I'm sorry, Caesar, you've had more than ten years to make amends. It's too late now. I'm over you, and I'm not going to repeat the mistakes of my life over and over again. You had your chance, your chances, and you let them pass. It's time you moved on now, as I have done."

"Oh, yes, you've moved on to Snape, another Death Eater! How consequent of you!" Caesar mocked her.

Amanda raised her eyebrow. "There is nothing between Snape and me," she said, "it was just some snogging. I'm sure even you with your small empty brain can understand that women have their physical needs too. Snape is a very attractive man in many ways. Being in a house full of Death Eaters, I couldn't very well choose someone who wasn't one. At least, I chose the cleverest one."

Caesar, confident that Amanda was telling the truth about Snape, as his version of their little encounter the previous night matched hers, and seeing his more polite tone had failed him, decided to try again to intimidate her.

"Amanda, you know as well as I do that we are meant to be together. You'll be mine in the end, sooner or later."

Amanda snorted and then leaned in closer to him, their noses were almost touching. "Caesar, if you want war, you will have it. I'm not that little girl you impressed so easily years ago. I'm a strong woman now. And let me tell you something: I'm not going to chicken out."

After that, she stood swiftly from her chair and walked with a dignified step outside the kitchen and into the garden. Some fresh air would do her good.

***

It was already past midday when Amanda finally started walking back to the house. She had spent the morning outside, first just walking around, and then working in the garden for a bit. The warming sun and the exercise had helped her feel better. In fact, her conversation with Caesar had helped her too. The possibility of saying out loud that there was nothing between Snape and herself had made her feel strangely free. She wouldn't fool herself and thus she admitted she felt still attracted to the man, but now her conscience was clear, and she knew she would be able to resist him as long as he would leave her alone, which she was sure he would.

Now... if he decided he enjoyed toying with her and kissed her now and then... then Amanda knew very well she wouldn't stand a chance. She licked her dry lips once more. She had done it so many times that there was no way she could still feel his taste, but she kept on remembering it all the same, and she liked it very much. Oh, yes. She had been surprised when he had kissed her on the stairs. She had felt elated that he would want her, and mortified at the same time, for being so weak and letting him get his way without a fight. But she convinced herself he probably only wanted to pay her back for 'taking advantage of him' the previous night. They were square now.

She kept on walking slowly, lost in her thoughts about the previous night. How she had let her heart deceive her! She wanted so much to believe that Snape wasn't a Death Eater, that when she found him in Lucius' secret study she immediately jumped to the conclusion that Severus was Dumbledore's spy. And then, when she had heard Caesar and Pettigrew talking, she had deduced they were talking about him too, as if there weren't a thousand men Pettigrew could have been talking about.

If she hadn't been such a fool, if she had tried to analyse everything objectively, she would have realised that Snape might not be spying on Lucius, but trying to help him, as it had turned out to be. And she could have seen too that Pettigrew was referring to Lucius, and not to Snape. Then she would have had time enough to warn her aunt and now Lucius would be still imprisoned and not free again.

Amanda had to admit she had contradictory feelings on this subject too. On the one hand, she was worried that Lucius was free again -and maybe other Death Eaters too-, but on the other, she was happy he was back, not for himself -Amanda had never liked Lucius-, but for Narcissa and Draco.

The noise of crushing leaves startled Amanda, and she looked around just in time to see Snape striding purposefully in her direction. She thought of hiding, but it was too late, it was obvious that Snape had already seen her, and she didn't want him to think she feared him.

"Amanda," he said when he reached her, with a small nod of his head.

"Snape," she acknowledged, mimicking his nod.

Snape raised his eyebrow. "I see I'm not Severus anymore, maybe I should go back to calling you Miss Ming," he said silkily.

"I'd rather be called Amanda," she said tensely.

"Fine, I'd rather be called Severus, if you don't mind," he said. "But only by you."

Amanda tipped her head a little to the right, in sincere surprise.

"What an honour!" She said in an ironic tone.

Snape didn't answer. Amanda had no intention of starting a conversation with him, so she went on walking to the house. To her surprise, Snape matched his step to hers, so that they could walk back together.

They had been strolling along a sandy walk surrounded by high green trees for a while when Amanda couldn't help herself anymore. She was too curious by nature, that's why her primary animagus form was a cat.

"Were you going for a walk when we met?" She asked.

"No, I was looking for you," Snape admitted.

"Oh, and may I ask to what do I owe the honour?"

"Narcissa asked me to found you. The aurors have come and gone and we haven't seen you for a few hours now. She was worried. And lunch is almost ready too."

Amanda stopped in her tracks, annoyed. "Why didn't you tell me at once?"

Snape, who had stopped likewise and had turned to her, looked at her and said: "The pleasure of your company is a privilege I can rarely indulge in. I didn't want you to hurry back to the house."

Amanda was very shocked, and a little bit angry at Snape for mocking her, because that had to be what he was doing, there was no way the man could be serious. "You are not even talking to me!" She exclaimed annoyed.

"Why break the silence if there is nothing worth saying," Snape told her. "You didn't seem to feel uncomfortable before, when we read together in the library or had our coffee in the greenhouse. You didn't seem to need words then."

Amanda blushed a bit, although she wasn't sure why. "That was different. We had our minds engaged somehow else, but now we are just walking side by side."

"Am I to understand that you don't think while you talk?" Snape asked, sounding sincerely worried for her.

Amanda took a deep sigh and went on walking. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of retaliating.

They went on walking in silence for a little while. Suddenly the trees weren't so thick anymore and Malfoy Manor stood imposingly in front of them and yet a little bit far away, like a looming gigantic mouse trap, disguising with its creamy facade the darkness that awaited them inside.

This time it was Severus' turn to initiate a topic of conversation.

"You like gardening then?" He asked.

Amanda jumped a bit. She had been trying hard to calm her racing heartbeat and wasn't expecting Severus to talk again, at least not until they reached the house.

"What makes you think so?" She asked.

"I've seen you before studying the plants in the greenhouse, and I guess you have been spending the morning working with some plants or others, as you have fresh earth on your fingers and your face."

'Oh!' was all that Amanda could say. She stopped and reached out to her face, but only managed to smear it even more, since her fingers were dirty.

"Here," Snape said, "let me help you." He reached over and started taking the mud out of her face with his thumb. The feel of her skin was too much for him, though, and he surprised even himself when he realised he had been staring for a while into Amanda's eyes, both of them frozen in place, their eyes locked with each other's, their hearts probably beating at the same rapid pace. Slowly, he leaned over her and brushed his lips against hers. This time there was no hurry, no pressure, no surprise. They both forgot their misgivings and their fears of being hurt for a moment and just put all of their hearts in the caress. Little by little, they relaxed into each other's arms and closed their minds to any inopportune thought that might break the spell of the moment.

***

"Amanda!" Narcissa exclaimed delighted, approaching her as she entered the house.

"Narcissa, how is Lucius? Caesar told me they had rescued him," Amanda said, walking up to her with a contagious smile.

"Yes, he is fine. Almost completely recovered from the interrogations and the lack of food."

"What? They haven't given him food?" Amanda asked startled.

"Oh, yes, they have," Narcissa said, "but you know Lucius, he is used to the best cooking, his stomach wouldn't take in the food they gave him."

"Oh, I see," Amanda said, trying not to roll her eyes. Trust in Lucius to be snob even in prison.

"Didn't Severus find you?" Narcissa asked her. "I sent him to search for you more than three hours ago! I was starting to get worried."

Amanda put her most innocent face. "No, I haven't. I went to the roses garden at the end of your state. I was in need of a long walk and some solitude."

Narcissa sighed, looking at her worriedly. "I'm sorry I let you alone with Caesar, dear. I should have sent Draco to escort you around the house."

"That's ok," Amanda said, "we needed to talk, I hope he has got the message now."

"I'm afraid not," Narcissa said, "he tried to convince me to intercede for him. Help him seduce you again."

"And you said?" Amanda asked, tensing a bit.

Narcissa smiled and took Amanda's hand in hers. "I told him nobody could help him. It is his fault that he lost you in the first place."

"So..."

"So I won't help him," Narcissa finished. "He wasn't happy about that, I can tell you."

Amanda laughed a bit. "No need, I can imagine."

"Are you feeling better now? You look absolutely relaxed, you know? It's... I don't know... it's as if you were glowing. And your eyes are sparkling too. Any good news I've missed?"

Amanda cursed her bad luck for a moment. Narcissa knew her too well, she was bound to notice something.

"I did some serious thinking," Amanda said, "I'm relieved that I finally talked with Caesar, although it seems he wasn't listening too well. But now at least I've had the chance to make my position clear. If he chooses to go on deceiving himself, it's his fault. He can't blame me for not being sincere."

"No, he can't," Narcissa said fighting back laughter.

"And I was working with the roses too. They needed some attention," she said in a reprimanding tone.

Narcissa nodded, "I know. Since Lucius was captured I haven't had much heart to do anything. I'm afraid not only the roses will have missed my cares," she admitted.

"Don't worry, I'll work some more in the garden tomorrow," Amanda offered, "I really enjoy it, and as I guess Lucius is going to take much of your time in the following days, I'd rather not be too much in the house."

"I think that's an excellent idea," Narcissa said approvingly, "as long as you eat your meals."

Amanda laughed. "Don't worry, I will. I might take some sandwiches or a salad with me in the morning so that I can stay outside until the evening. The roses garden is so far away that if I have to come back for lunch I won't have much time to take care of the plants."

"Very well, as you wish."

"I think I'll go upstairs now, if you don't mind. I'm not used to the exercise anymore and I really want to take a shower and go early to bed."

"Sure, I have to go back to Lucius anyway. Just promise me you'll call the house-elves to bring you some food to your room before you go to sleep."

"Promised."

Both women walked together upstairs and then Amanda walked further up to her room. When she stepped inside, she threw herself in her bed, giggling like a silly girl. She was feeling guilty for letting a Death Eater make love to her. She was feeling guilty for wanting him to do it again. But Amanda hadn't the least intention of fighting destiny. If she had to repeat her mother's steps, so be it. At least, while she had Severus, she would be happy.

***

When he saw the light on Amanda's room was on, Snape walked back into the house and straight into the library. He took a book and adopted a bored pose, as if he had been there the whole afternoon.

It was lucky nobody came in and he didn't have to give explanations about where had he been the whole day or why he hadn't brought Amanda back for lunch. It would have been difficult to explain too why he was reading the book upside down.

The truth was he hadn't even realised, and he didn't care in the least. His mind was still outside, enjoying Amanda's company, her soft kisses, her bright smiles.

He had promised himself he would never get close to anyone. He didn't want to feel responsible for someone else's pain or death whenever the Dark Lord would discover him. But now he realised his promise had been made on a false base. It was easy for him to promise himself or anyone else that he would never fall in love when he had never been in love before. He really didn't know how strong that feeling could be. But now... Since the moment he had met Amanda, he had felt something new. He told himself it was only curiosity or admiration, but he now realised it had been the first signs of love. While he had been able to keep his distance, he knew he would be safe, but having her on his lap the previous night, with her arms around his neck and her lips on his... that had been too much.

He had gone in search of her following Narcissa's request, he had had no intention whatsoever of talking to her about his feelings or kissing her again, but when he had seen her, so beautiful, walking distractedly between the trees... How ironic that a girl would make him, Severus Snape, the iron man, loose control over himself like that.

He had had no hopes. True, she had kissed him first the previous night, but it was obvious she had suspected him to be a spy or something, and had only tried to protect him. Snape wasn't sure if she had kissed the man or the spy.

Today, though, in the gardens, Amanda had kissed him back, and that was a different matter altogether. She thought he was a Death Eater, and yet she had let him make love to her. Without promises, without empty words. And she had asked him to meet her again the following day, in the roses garden, just on the northwest limit of the Malfoy property.

Snape sighed. He knew Amanda would feel much better if she knew she had been right yesterday night. He was Dumbledore's spy, although he hadn't been spying on the Death Eaters when she had caught him. He had been playing his role as loyal follower of the Dark Lord. And he had also been trying to help a friend, if he could call Lucius 'friend'.

The risk was too high, though, and Snape knew he wouldn't tell her the truth unless it was strictly necessary. While he could have her, he wasn't going to speak. By doing so, he would not only endanger himself, but her too. No, unless he felt he could loose her, Severus would let Amanda think he was just another Death Eater, it would be better for both of them.

He closed his eyes and thought of how it had felt to have her and hold her in the cool grass, and his lips relaxed into a heartfelt smile, probably the first true one to brighten his face in a very long time.

*****

Thanks for the reviews!

Thanks all for reading and reviewing!

I wrote this chapter before I stopped updating for a time and I only made some small changes now, I hope you like it. Snape and Professor McGonagall's niece are the first couple in this story, but they won't be the last. :-)

LyssasPen: Yes, Sirius can be tricky when he wants to. :-) I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

hermionegreen: We'll go back to the training room in the next chapter, which should be up soon. What did you think of this chapter?

Kadi Rilla Wholi: Yes, sorry about that! I hope I'll be able to go on writing and updating regularly now. :-)

lool: Thanks! Here it is!

cyan: Thanks! Yes, I'll really try to update more often.