The Twinning of Aeryn
Author: blueaeryn
Rating: G
Summary: What if Aeryn had Been Twinned Instead of John
Notes: Spoilers through Infinite Possibilities Pt. 2 Disclaimer: Not mine.
She was finally back home. It wasn't until she spent the countless solar days on Talyn that she realized how she now thought of Moya as home. The first real home she had ever known, something she had never known she was missing until she found it on this leviathion with a group of escaping prisoners whom she now considered family.
He was the reason, the catalyst for her transformation. She longed for him every microt she sped through the universe on Talyn being chased by her mother. Xhalex had pursued them for what seemed like an eternity, only to catch up with them on a planet she and Crais had found that would heal Talyn.
It was there in the sweltering heat of a heavily vegetated planet she couldn't even remember the name of that her mother had died at the hands of her daughter. Aeryn stared down at the woman who had given her life and pulled the trigger ending her life in the same manner Xhalex had taken her father's life. A bit of her soul died that day, some of the goodness she had been striving to find in herself slipped away and she didn't think she could ever get it back.
Aeryn had been prepared to enter the same awkwardness she had felt prior to her departure, but nothing was the same as when she had left. Prior to leaving on Talyn, the rest on Moya were enjoying the interplay between Crichton, herself and the twin that had returned with them when they had run into Karvok on that horrid leviathion. Two Aeryns, and one Crichton. It was a weird time for all of them.
She doubted herself on numerous occasions. Karvok had said they were equals, not copies, but Aeryn wasn't sure. What if she was the mirror and the other Aeryn was the real person? It haunted her, and she was sure the same fears filled her other self as well.
When they had all returned to Moya, they had discovered a wounded Crais and a battered Talyn. Crais was doubly shocked to discover Aeryn was alive and now there were two of them.
After procuring the chromexin to heal Talyn, it became clear that one of them, Aeryn or her other self, needed to accompany Crais on Talyn. Of course, each believed she should go, and in her mind Aeryn knew the true Aeryn should be the one to go. Talyn would know the truth, he could sense the true Aeryn. Nothing was settled, as the retrieval squad was fast approaching, and so Aeryn took matters into her own hands. She had knocked her other self out and made her way to Talyn.
Preparing to starburst, Aeryn was trying to contact John to let him know what was happening. She couldn't get the comms to project her communication, but she could hear him. He was talking to D'Argo about Crais and how he was sure Crais loved that there was two Aeryns since he was hoping to take her away from him. It shocked Aeryn to find out that John thought this way. She never realized he was jealous, because she thought he knew there was nothing to be jealous of. She loved John, and only John.
Aeryn kept trying to contact him, and finally he cut in. "Aeryn" his voice came through in a static mumbling.
"John" she said loudly. "I am going on Talyn to help Crais, but I will be back."
"Aeryn, what," he asked. "You are on Talyn with Crais?"
Aeryn could hear the jealousy laced in his question. "John, I love you," Aeryn said as Talyn initiated starburst. She wasn't sure if he even heard her words of endearment. She could only hope he knew how much she loved him, and that in her heart, she was the real Aeryn.
Now, almost a cycle later, she sat in her quarters on Moya, wishing she hadn't left. If she hadn't have left, then maybe she would have John's love. It seemed he didn't have the capacity for that emotion anymore.
For the other Aeryn, his Aeryn, was gone. She had died of radiation poison on Da Ba Da. She had shoved John aside to expose herself to the radiation instead of him. Chiana had cried as she told Aeryn the story. It seemed this Aeryn had truly endeared herself to the rest on Moya, something she felt she could never do.
Crichton hadn't spoken to her. He knew of her return, but she hadn't seen him. He had locked himself away in his quarters with a black privacy drape drawn over the doors.
She now stood at that door, and steeled herself to enter. Waving her hand over the door control, it opened with a whoosh and she parted the black drape and entered.
The room was dark, except for one tiny light off to the side. After her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room she saw him. He was sitting on the floor at the edge of the bed. His hair was longer then she remembered and he had a beard. She had only seen him with a beard once before, when they had inadvertently left him stranded on that planet the first cycle they were together.
"John," she said as she walked toward him. He didn't look up to her, just stared into space. "John, you have to get up, you have to go on."
"Aeryn, you've come back," John whispered as he finally looked at her. Scrambling to his feet, he pulled her into his arms and held her close.
His arms, tightly around her, felt so good. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him to her. John was in her arms and holding her, and for the briefest moment she was felt safe and pure joy. But it all came crashing down around her. He wasn't holding her, not in his mind. He was holding her, the Aeryn who had stayed on Moya. The one he considered his wife.
"D'Argo said you weren't coming back," John said holding her away from him. "But I told him you would and you are here."
With all of her strength, Aeryn backed away from his grasp. "No, I haven't come back," she told him as her heart cracked a little more. "I am Aeryn, but the other Aeryn. The one who left on Talyn."
Puzzlement flashed across John's face and then realization replaced it. "Aeryn," he said.
"Yes." It was all she could force from her lips.
"Aeryn." John said her name over and over. He walked aimlessly over to his bed and sat down. The sheets were rumpled and appeared they hadn't been washed in many solar days. The stench hung in the room and Aryn lifted the back of her hand to her nose to try and block the smell.
"Aeryn's dead," he said almost to herself. "She died trying to save me. Again. Only this time Zhaan wasn't here to bring her back. Nothing could bring her back."
"I know," Aeryn said as she made her way to his side. She lifted her hand to stroke his head but he moved away. She wasn't even good enough to offer him comfort.
"We.. We . We were going home," John said as a tear streamed down his face. "She wanted to go back to Earth with me."
"That would have been nice," Aeryn told him. But it hurt to know that if they had left then she would have been left her alone. That she wasn't important.
John rubbed his hands up and down his face as if to clear his vision. "You are just like her," he finally said. "You are her."
Aeryn didn't say anything. What could she say? She was Aeryn Sun, but she wasn't his Aeryn Sun. The one he had formed a true relationship with.
"She was going to have a baby," John told her with a slight smile. "Why would she expose herself to radiation with our baby inside her? Why?"
His news shocked her. Her other self carried a child. Was it prior to their twinning? Did she also carry a child? How did they find out?
"She discovered we were having a baby when we ran into an ex-peacekeeper surgeon,' he said still wearing a slight smile. "She said the baby had been in stasis and had it released. She said female peacekeepers could hold a pregnancy in stasis for up to seven cycles, but she was sure it was mine."
She reached out again to stroke his head and this time he let her. His broken spirit crushed her. Could she help him break through this grief? Could she take on the role her other self had left behind? Could she be more again, and give John the love he had found with the other Aeryn? Could she make him love HER again?
Time. Only time would tell if he could open his heart and love Aeryn Sun.
Notes: Spoilers through Infinite Possibilities Pt. 2 Disclaimer: Not mine.
She was finally back home. It wasn't until she spent the countless solar days on Talyn that she realized how she now thought of Moya as home. The first real home she had ever known, something she had never known she was missing until she found it on this leviathion with a group of escaping prisoners whom she now considered family.
He was the reason, the catalyst for her transformation. She longed for him every microt she sped through the universe on Talyn being chased by her mother. Xhalex had pursued them for what seemed like an eternity, only to catch up with them on a planet she and Crais had found that would heal Talyn.
It was there in the sweltering heat of a heavily vegetated planet she couldn't even remember the name of that her mother had died at the hands of her daughter. Aeryn stared down at the woman who had given her life and pulled the trigger ending her life in the same manner Xhalex had taken her father's life. A bit of her soul died that day, some of the goodness she had been striving to find in herself slipped away and she didn't think she could ever get it back.
Aeryn had been prepared to enter the same awkwardness she had felt prior to her departure, but nothing was the same as when she had left. Prior to leaving on Talyn, the rest on Moya were enjoying the interplay between Crichton, herself and the twin that had returned with them when they had run into Karvok on that horrid leviathion. Two Aeryns, and one Crichton. It was a weird time for all of them.
She doubted herself on numerous occasions. Karvok had said they were equals, not copies, but Aeryn wasn't sure. What if she was the mirror and the other Aeryn was the real person? It haunted her, and she was sure the same fears filled her other self as well.
When they had all returned to Moya, they had discovered a wounded Crais and a battered Talyn. Crais was doubly shocked to discover Aeryn was alive and now there were two of them.
After procuring the chromexin to heal Talyn, it became clear that one of them, Aeryn or her other self, needed to accompany Crais on Talyn. Of course, each believed she should go, and in her mind Aeryn knew the true Aeryn should be the one to go. Talyn would know the truth, he could sense the true Aeryn. Nothing was settled, as the retrieval squad was fast approaching, and so Aeryn took matters into her own hands. She had knocked her other self out and made her way to Talyn.
Preparing to starburst, Aeryn was trying to contact John to let him know what was happening. She couldn't get the comms to project her communication, but she could hear him. He was talking to D'Argo about Crais and how he was sure Crais loved that there was two Aeryns since he was hoping to take her away from him. It shocked Aeryn to find out that John thought this way. She never realized he was jealous, because she thought he knew there was nothing to be jealous of. She loved John, and only John.
Aeryn kept trying to contact him, and finally he cut in. "Aeryn" his voice came through in a static mumbling.
"John" she said loudly. "I am going on Talyn to help Crais, but I will be back."
"Aeryn, what," he asked. "You are on Talyn with Crais?"
Aeryn could hear the jealousy laced in his question. "John, I love you," Aeryn said as Talyn initiated starburst. She wasn't sure if he even heard her words of endearment. She could only hope he knew how much she loved him, and that in her heart, she was the real Aeryn.
Now, almost a cycle later, she sat in her quarters on Moya, wishing she hadn't left. If she hadn't have left, then maybe she would have John's love. It seemed he didn't have the capacity for that emotion anymore.
For the other Aeryn, his Aeryn, was gone. She had died of radiation poison on Da Ba Da. She had shoved John aside to expose herself to the radiation instead of him. Chiana had cried as she told Aeryn the story. It seemed this Aeryn had truly endeared herself to the rest on Moya, something she felt she could never do.
Crichton hadn't spoken to her. He knew of her return, but she hadn't seen him. He had locked himself away in his quarters with a black privacy drape drawn over the doors.
She now stood at that door, and steeled herself to enter. Waving her hand over the door control, it opened with a whoosh and she parted the black drape and entered.
The room was dark, except for one tiny light off to the side. After her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room she saw him. He was sitting on the floor at the edge of the bed. His hair was longer then she remembered and he had a beard. She had only seen him with a beard once before, when they had inadvertently left him stranded on that planet the first cycle they were together.
"John," she said as she walked toward him. He didn't look up to her, just stared into space. "John, you have to get up, you have to go on."
"Aeryn, you've come back," John whispered as he finally looked at her. Scrambling to his feet, he pulled her into his arms and held her close.
His arms, tightly around her, felt so good. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him to her. John was in her arms and holding her, and for the briefest moment she was felt safe and pure joy. But it all came crashing down around her. He wasn't holding her, not in his mind. He was holding her, the Aeryn who had stayed on Moya. The one he considered his wife.
"D'Argo said you weren't coming back," John said holding her away from him. "But I told him you would and you are here."
With all of her strength, Aeryn backed away from his grasp. "No, I haven't come back," she told him as her heart cracked a little more. "I am Aeryn, but the other Aeryn. The one who left on Talyn."
Puzzlement flashed across John's face and then realization replaced it. "Aeryn," he said.
"Yes." It was all she could force from her lips.
"Aeryn." John said her name over and over. He walked aimlessly over to his bed and sat down. The sheets were rumpled and appeared they hadn't been washed in many solar days. The stench hung in the room and Aryn lifted the back of her hand to her nose to try and block the smell.
"Aeryn's dead," he said almost to herself. "She died trying to save me. Again. Only this time Zhaan wasn't here to bring her back. Nothing could bring her back."
"I know," Aeryn said as she made her way to his side. She lifted her hand to stroke his head but he moved away. She wasn't even good enough to offer him comfort.
"We.. We . We were going home," John said as a tear streamed down his face. "She wanted to go back to Earth with me."
"That would have been nice," Aeryn told him. But it hurt to know that if they had left then she would have been left her alone. That she wasn't important.
John rubbed his hands up and down his face as if to clear his vision. "You are just like her," he finally said. "You are her."
Aeryn didn't say anything. What could she say? She was Aeryn Sun, but she wasn't his Aeryn Sun. The one he had formed a true relationship with.
"She was going to have a baby," John told her with a slight smile. "Why would she expose herself to radiation with our baby inside her? Why?"
His news shocked her. Her other self carried a child. Was it prior to their twinning? Did she also carry a child? How did they find out?
"She discovered we were having a baby when we ran into an ex-peacekeeper surgeon,' he said still wearing a slight smile. "She said the baby had been in stasis and had it released. She said female peacekeepers could hold a pregnancy in stasis for up to seven cycles, but she was sure it was mine."
She reached out again to stroke his head and this time he let her. His broken spirit crushed her. Could she help him break through this grief? Could she take on the role her other self had left behind? Could she be more again, and give John the love he had found with the other Aeryn? Could she make him love HER again?
Time. Only time would tell if he could open his heart and love Aeryn Sun.
