Your Twins, My Twins (More Stories of the Twinning of Aeryn Sun)
Author: blueaeryn
Rating: PG
Summary: John Seeks Forgiveness
Notes: Spoilers through the end of S3 Disclaimer: Not mine.
It was good to be back on Moya, but John felt a difference. His friends were happy to see him, and were very cordial, but there was a distance between them. Something he couldn't put his finger on, but he still felt.
Did they blame him for abandoning Aeryn? If they didn't they should, because he blamed himself. After meeting the boys, John collected his meager belongings and returned them to his quarters, which looked like he had never left. The bed was made and looked inviting but John couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Aeryn and his sons, and what he could do to win her back, to put his family back together again. Hell, they probably had a better chance of putting Humpty-Dumpty back together, John thought.
Slinging his bag in the corner, John walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. Unlacing his boots, he took them off and tossed them over next to his bag. His right sock had a hole in it and he looked at his big toe peeking through. When was the last time he bought a new pair? It must have been a cycle ago on Tarrask. That tiny little commerce planet where he had hid from the Peacekeeper squad that was chasing him.
John was about to lie back on the bed when he heard his door open. "Hey, Crichton," Chiana said lurking in the doorway.
"Hey Chi." John smiled turning to sit on the bed with his legs crossed. Chiana wandered into the room and sat on the bed next to him.
"It's good to see you again." Chiana rubbed her finger across John's hand and then took his in hers. "We've missed you."
"I've missed you all too," John admitted. He and Chiana had such a strange relationship. She was part little sister and part every man's fantasy. There was an invisible line between them, one that would never be crossed. He loved Aeryn and she knew he loved Aeryn, but when Chiana always told him she loved him, John knew that one nudge one push was all Chiana would need to go after him. He was glad there was an invisible line.
"Where ya' been Crichton?" It was the same question Aeryn had asked him.
"Running, Chi, just runnin'."
"From what?"
"Peacekeepers, Scarrens, myself." John closed his eyes trying to shut out all he had seen and done. Would he ever be free?
"Well, you missed a lot around her." Chiana's expression grew serious and she glared at him.
"So, you're pissed at me too?"
"Yeah," Chiana said after thinking about it. "Yeah, I am."
Chiana had been surprised to learn John had left three cycles ago. Maybe she wouldn't be so upset with him if she hadn't been there to console Aeryn after he left. It was strange holding Aeryn while she cried, so unlike the stoic ex-peacekeeper she had grown to love. It scared her to see Aeryn so lost, and her anger for John Crichton bubbled over. He had done this. Chiana remembered how John used to spout to Aeryn about not bottling up her emotions, about love and compassion, and once she finally came around he left her.
Chiana could see how the death of the other Aeryn had taken its toll on John. It had torn all of them apart, but when this Aeryn returned, it was like a gift. Everyone could see it but him.
Then Aeryn told them about her pregnancy. Well, Aeryn told Chiana and then she told everyone else. Her, D'Argo and Rygel rallied around Aeryn. The pregnancy had been hard on her. Chiana had learned from Aeryn that she had discovered she and Crichton were compatible when they did the taste test after leaving the royal planet, but it still didn't take into account a Sebaccean carrying a half human child.
It wasn't the fact that she was carrying twins, even though near the end it was hard for Aeryn to walk because of her girth. No it was the temperature of the boys and how it affected Aeryn's inability to regulate her temperature. They might have lost her and the boys if not for Pilot, who found a cooling room in Moya that helped keep Aeryn's temperature down. She spent the last third of a cycle of her pregnancy there, and she was none to happy. Oh, Aeryn would do anything to keep her children safe, it was just the feeling of being cooped up and useless that got her frustrated and almost unbearable to live with.
When the boys were born, though, they all decided it had been worth it. Jack and Jace were the best thing that every happened on Moya. They brought a needed touch of life and renewal to Moya, after all the death they had witnessed. They were truly amazing, and Chiana was quite proud to be named an honorary aunt, even though Aeryn said she would keep a close eye on her to make sure Chiana didn't teach the boys some of her bad habits.
'So, how pissed is pissed," John asked bringing Chiana back to the present.
Chiana moved from her spot on the bed and stood walking over to the far end of the room. "I use to really look up to you, Crichton," she admitted. "At first I hated all your moral dren you tried to throw on me, but then I began to see what it meant to care for people and be a part of the group. To be a family."
"In a way, we are a family." John slid his feet off the bed and braced his hands on his knees. "A weird kind of family, but a family none the less."
"Well, you abandoned your family when we needed you the most." Chiana took a deep breath and continued. "You abandoned Aeryn. You said you would never leave, and you did. Why, Crichton? Why?"
"God, am I going to be roasted over the coals for this forever," John said jumping from the bed. "First Aeryn and now you. I know I screwed up, I know that. But I had to get away. Aeryn was dead, I watched her die, and I lost everything that day. Can't anyone understand that?"
"All I know is that you got a second chance and you flushed it out an air lock. I have watched you and Aeryn fight for two cycles to be together. I always knew you were meant to be together, and I thought you did too."
"Chiana, it was hard okay." John rubbed his hand behind his neck and shook his head. "Seeing her and knowing she wasn't the one who had opened up to me. She was so cold."
"Why the frell do you think she was like that?"
"Because she wasn't her."
"You are an idiot, Crichton. What do you think happened when you left?"
"Things went on, Aeryn had the boys."
"Yeah, things went on, after Aeryn almost fell apart. I was so used to her being this tough ex-peacekeeper who could handle anything, but you leaving almost killed her. The only thing that kept her together was the impending birth of the twins, and that wasn't an easy task in itself."
"What do you mean?"
"I shouldn't be telling you. It is Aeryn's story."
"Chiana!" John screamed her name in frustration.
"She had a touch of heat delirium," Chiana admitted. "It wasn't a bad case, but it put her life in peril for a time." Chiana continued the story, telling John about the third of a cycle Aeryn spent in the cooling chamber Pilot had found.
"She almost died." John said the words more to himself then to Chiana. "I almost lost her again and didn't even know it."
"So, you see her as Aeryn now?" Chiana's voice held a hint of protectiveness, and it pleased John to know they had rallied around her, even if it meant he was being raked over the.
"Yeah, it has always been about Aeryn," John said with a wide grin on his face. "I was just too stupid and full of pain to see it before."
"What are you going to do about it?"
Good question. What was he going to do? "I guess I will have to prove myself to Aeryn. That I won't be leaving again. That I love her and I am ready to be a family."
"Good answer." Chiana looked at John and smiled and walked out of the room.
"Damn, when did she become so smart," John said aloud.
After John's talk with Chiana it fueled his need to talk with Aeryn again. He knew he should leave her alone to stew and to think, but he had isolated himself from her for three cycles and he wanted to just be near her.
"Pilot, where's Aeryn," John asked his old friend into the comms.
"She is in the hanger bay preparing the prowler to leave."
"Leave? Where is she going?"
"Down to the planet below."
John took off down the passageway in a quick jog. He wanted to catch up with her before she left. He had to catch up with her.
Aeryn was completing her pre-flight check when John skidded to a stop in the hanger. She turned when she heard John enter, and threw him an icy glare.
"Aeryn, are you going somewhere?" John moved closer to her and stopped at her side.
"Jace isn't feeling well, and when he is sick he loves maxallion sweet bread," Aeryn informed John. "Pilot discovered this planet is known for it and I was going down to purchase some for him."
Aeryn's revelation of one of his son's favorite treats hit John square in the stomach. He didn't even know his son's likes and dislikes, yet another regret that would hang around his neck like an albatross.
"Mind if I go with you?" John placed his hand on the prowler and leaned over to look her in the face as Aeryn was bending into the cockpit to flip a switch.
Aeryn lifted her head up and raised her eyebrow. "So, you think you can just come back and flash one of your grins and I am suppose to forgive you?"
"No, I can't expect that," John said. "But like I said before, I would like a chance to make things up to you."
"Like the chance you gave me?" Aeryn stepped away from the prowler and picked up a tool from the workbench. "You ruled me a copy from the first moment I stepped back onto Moya. You made it perfectly clear that you only had enough love for one Aeryn Sun, and it wasn't me."
Her words rang true and hit home. She was right. He had seen her as the copy. A pale comparison to the Aeryn who had shared his bed and died.
"You're right but I have."
"Changed," Aeryn interrupted him.
"Yeah, changed," John answered. "I would just like to prove it."
"I can't do it, Crichton." Aeryn brushed by him and moved the ladder over to the prowler. "It was all your fault you know. You taught me how to feel, how to be more, and now I want more. I'm just not sure you can give it to me."
"Aeryn, please."
"Please, what?" Aeryn said with a tear in her eye. "Forgive you? Let you back into my life? I don't know if I can."
"But what about the boys?"
"They are your sons, and I want you to know them. They are your twins, my twins. Our twins. They need their father. I'm just not sure if I do."
Aeryn settled herself into the cockpit and shut the canopy. She turned her head to stare at John and then turned back to the task at hand. John stepped back when she powered up the prowler. He walked behind the safety of the hanger doors as the door to space was opened and Aeryn maneuvered the prowler out of Moya, setting a course to the planet.
John always had hope, and it had helped him endure all the universe had thrown at him. He just wasn't sure that unfailing hope could give him Aeryn back.
"Commander Crichton," Pilot's voice interrupted John's tickle fest he was having with his son Jack. Jace was lying in the bed nursing his slight cold and John had appointed himself nanny and nurse to the boys until Aeryn returned.
"What is it Pilot?"
"Aeryn's prowler has just arrived in the hanger, but there is no communication from Officer Sun," Pilot said with a hint of distress in his voice. "I have tried to contact her but she doesn't respond."
"I'm on my way," John informed Pilot. He pried Jack's arms from around his neck and set the little boy down on the floor. "Chiana, can you come and watch the boys?" John darted from the room as Chiana came around the corner headed for the twin's quarters.
"What's the matter, Crichton? I heard Pilot's message."
"No time, Chi," John said as he turned his head and ran down the passageway.
John was breathing deeply when he reached Aeryn's prowler. The ship had powered down, but no one had attempted to exit the vessel. Pushing the exterior hatch button, John watched in anticipation as the canopy opened.
Aeryn was inside but she was lifeless. Not again he thought as he surveyed her injuries. She had a large gash on her right temple and blood was seeping from the wound in a dark red river. John touched her head to check the extent of the cut when he noticed blood was also flowing from her ears.
"Aeryn," John said softly as he leaned into the prowler. "Aeryn, can you hear me?"
Aeryn felt a gentle hand on her forehead and it brought her from the deep sleep she had fallen into. After the encounter she had made it to the prowler in time to plot a course before she had succumbed to the blackness of unconsciousness.
Opening her eyes slowly, Aeryn was aware of the blinding pain in her head and she felt something warm trickling down her face. Blood from her wound she thought. As her vision cleared she saw John hovering over her. At first she thought she was again having one of her dreams, but then she remembered he had returned. He was the reason she was in this mess.
John was brushing the hair from her face and it appeared he was saying something to her. Aeryn watched his lips move, but couldn't make out what he was saying. Focus, Aeryn, she told herself, let your head clear.
Closing her eyes to get her bearings, she opened them again to John, but realized a frightening fact. John was speaking but she couldn't hear him. She couldn't hear a frelling thing. She was deaf to his voice and everything around her.
.
Summary: John Seeks Forgiveness
Notes: Spoilers through the end of S3 Disclaimer: Not mine.
It was good to be back on Moya, but John felt a difference. His friends were happy to see him, and were very cordial, but there was a distance between them. Something he couldn't put his finger on, but he still felt.
Did they blame him for abandoning Aeryn? If they didn't they should, because he blamed himself. After meeting the boys, John collected his meager belongings and returned them to his quarters, which looked like he had never left. The bed was made and looked inviting but John couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Aeryn and his sons, and what he could do to win her back, to put his family back together again. Hell, they probably had a better chance of putting Humpty-Dumpty back together, John thought.
Slinging his bag in the corner, John walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. Unlacing his boots, he took them off and tossed them over next to his bag. His right sock had a hole in it and he looked at his big toe peeking through. When was the last time he bought a new pair? It must have been a cycle ago on Tarrask. That tiny little commerce planet where he had hid from the Peacekeeper squad that was chasing him.
John was about to lie back on the bed when he heard his door open. "Hey, Crichton," Chiana said lurking in the doorway.
"Hey Chi." John smiled turning to sit on the bed with his legs crossed. Chiana wandered into the room and sat on the bed next to him.
"It's good to see you again." Chiana rubbed her finger across John's hand and then took his in hers. "We've missed you."
"I've missed you all too," John admitted. He and Chiana had such a strange relationship. She was part little sister and part every man's fantasy. There was an invisible line between them, one that would never be crossed. He loved Aeryn and she knew he loved Aeryn, but when Chiana always told him she loved him, John knew that one nudge one push was all Chiana would need to go after him. He was glad there was an invisible line.
"Where ya' been Crichton?" It was the same question Aeryn had asked him.
"Running, Chi, just runnin'."
"From what?"
"Peacekeepers, Scarrens, myself." John closed his eyes trying to shut out all he had seen and done. Would he ever be free?
"Well, you missed a lot around her." Chiana's expression grew serious and she glared at him.
"So, you're pissed at me too?"
"Yeah," Chiana said after thinking about it. "Yeah, I am."
Chiana had been surprised to learn John had left three cycles ago. Maybe she wouldn't be so upset with him if she hadn't been there to console Aeryn after he left. It was strange holding Aeryn while she cried, so unlike the stoic ex-peacekeeper she had grown to love. It scared her to see Aeryn so lost, and her anger for John Crichton bubbled over. He had done this. Chiana remembered how John used to spout to Aeryn about not bottling up her emotions, about love and compassion, and once she finally came around he left her.
Chiana could see how the death of the other Aeryn had taken its toll on John. It had torn all of them apart, but when this Aeryn returned, it was like a gift. Everyone could see it but him.
Then Aeryn told them about her pregnancy. Well, Aeryn told Chiana and then she told everyone else. Her, D'Argo and Rygel rallied around Aeryn. The pregnancy had been hard on her. Chiana had learned from Aeryn that she had discovered she and Crichton were compatible when they did the taste test after leaving the royal planet, but it still didn't take into account a Sebaccean carrying a half human child.
It wasn't the fact that she was carrying twins, even though near the end it was hard for Aeryn to walk because of her girth. No it was the temperature of the boys and how it affected Aeryn's inability to regulate her temperature. They might have lost her and the boys if not for Pilot, who found a cooling room in Moya that helped keep Aeryn's temperature down. She spent the last third of a cycle of her pregnancy there, and she was none to happy. Oh, Aeryn would do anything to keep her children safe, it was just the feeling of being cooped up and useless that got her frustrated and almost unbearable to live with.
When the boys were born, though, they all decided it had been worth it. Jack and Jace were the best thing that every happened on Moya. They brought a needed touch of life and renewal to Moya, after all the death they had witnessed. They were truly amazing, and Chiana was quite proud to be named an honorary aunt, even though Aeryn said she would keep a close eye on her to make sure Chiana didn't teach the boys some of her bad habits.
'So, how pissed is pissed," John asked bringing Chiana back to the present.
Chiana moved from her spot on the bed and stood walking over to the far end of the room. "I use to really look up to you, Crichton," she admitted. "At first I hated all your moral dren you tried to throw on me, but then I began to see what it meant to care for people and be a part of the group. To be a family."
"In a way, we are a family." John slid his feet off the bed and braced his hands on his knees. "A weird kind of family, but a family none the less."
"Well, you abandoned your family when we needed you the most." Chiana took a deep breath and continued. "You abandoned Aeryn. You said you would never leave, and you did. Why, Crichton? Why?"
"God, am I going to be roasted over the coals for this forever," John said jumping from the bed. "First Aeryn and now you. I know I screwed up, I know that. But I had to get away. Aeryn was dead, I watched her die, and I lost everything that day. Can't anyone understand that?"
"All I know is that you got a second chance and you flushed it out an air lock. I have watched you and Aeryn fight for two cycles to be together. I always knew you were meant to be together, and I thought you did too."
"Chiana, it was hard okay." John rubbed his hand behind his neck and shook his head. "Seeing her and knowing she wasn't the one who had opened up to me. She was so cold."
"Why the frell do you think she was like that?"
"Because she wasn't her."
"You are an idiot, Crichton. What do you think happened when you left?"
"Things went on, Aeryn had the boys."
"Yeah, things went on, after Aeryn almost fell apart. I was so used to her being this tough ex-peacekeeper who could handle anything, but you leaving almost killed her. The only thing that kept her together was the impending birth of the twins, and that wasn't an easy task in itself."
"What do you mean?"
"I shouldn't be telling you. It is Aeryn's story."
"Chiana!" John screamed her name in frustration.
"She had a touch of heat delirium," Chiana admitted. "It wasn't a bad case, but it put her life in peril for a time." Chiana continued the story, telling John about the third of a cycle Aeryn spent in the cooling chamber Pilot had found.
"She almost died." John said the words more to himself then to Chiana. "I almost lost her again and didn't even know it."
"So, you see her as Aeryn now?" Chiana's voice held a hint of protectiveness, and it pleased John to know they had rallied around her, even if it meant he was being raked over the.
"Yeah, it has always been about Aeryn," John said with a wide grin on his face. "I was just too stupid and full of pain to see it before."
"What are you going to do about it?"
Good question. What was he going to do? "I guess I will have to prove myself to Aeryn. That I won't be leaving again. That I love her and I am ready to be a family."
"Good answer." Chiana looked at John and smiled and walked out of the room.
"Damn, when did she become so smart," John said aloud.
After John's talk with Chiana it fueled his need to talk with Aeryn again. He knew he should leave her alone to stew and to think, but he had isolated himself from her for three cycles and he wanted to just be near her.
"Pilot, where's Aeryn," John asked his old friend into the comms.
"She is in the hanger bay preparing the prowler to leave."
"Leave? Where is she going?"
"Down to the planet below."
John took off down the passageway in a quick jog. He wanted to catch up with her before she left. He had to catch up with her.
Aeryn was completing her pre-flight check when John skidded to a stop in the hanger. She turned when she heard John enter, and threw him an icy glare.
"Aeryn, are you going somewhere?" John moved closer to her and stopped at her side.
"Jace isn't feeling well, and when he is sick he loves maxallion sweet bread," Aeryn informed John. "Pilot discovered this planet is known for it and I was going down to purchase some for him."
Aeryn's revelation of one of his son's favorite treats hit John square in the stomach. He didn't even know his son's likes and dislikes, yet another regret that would hang around his neck like an albatross.
"Mind if I go with you?" John placed his hand on the prowler and leaned over to look her in the face as Aeryn was bending into the cockpit to flip a switch.
Aeryn lifted her head up and raised her eyebrow. "So, you think you can just come back and flash one of your grins and I am suppose to forgive you?"
"No, I can't expect that," John said. "But like I said before, I would like a chance to make things up to you."
"Like the chance you gave me?" Aeryn stepped away from the prowler and picked up a tool from the workbench. "You ruled me a copy from the first moment I stepped back onto Moya. You made it perfectly clear that you only had enough love for one Aeryn Sun, and it wasn't me."
Her words rang true and hit home. She was right. He had seen her as the copy. A pale comparison to the Aeryn who had shared his bed and died.
"You're right but I have."
"Changed," Aeryn interrupted him.
"Yeah, changed," John answered. "I would just like to prove it."
"I can't do it, Crichton." Aeryn brushed by him and moved the ladder over to the prowler. "It was all your fault you know. You taught me how to feel, how to be more, and now I want more. I'm just not sure you can give it to me."
"Aeryn, please."
"Please, what?" Aeryn said with a tear in her eye. "Forgive you? Let you back into my life? I don't know if I can."
"But what about the boys?"
"They are your sons, and I want you to know them. They are your twins, my twins. Our twins. They need their father. I'm just not sure if I do."
Aeryn settled herself into the cockpit and shut the canopy. She turned her head to stare at John and then turned back to the task at hand. John stepped back when she powered up the prowler. He walked behind the safety of the hanger doors as the door to space was opened and Aeryn maneuvered the prowler out of Moya, setting a course to the planet.
John always had hope, and it had helped him endure all the universe had thrown at him. He just wasn't sure that unfailing hope could give him Aeryn back.
"Commander Crichton," Pilot's voice interrupted John's tickle fest he was having with his son Jack. Jace was lying in the bed nursing his slight cold and John had appointed himself nanny and nurse to the boys until Aeryn returned.
"What is it Pilot?"
"Aeryn's prowler has just arrived in the hanger, but there is no communication from Officer Sun," Pilot said with a hint of distress in his voice. "I have tried to contact her but she doesn't respond."
"I'm on my way," John informed Pilot. He pried Jack's arms from around his neck and set the little boy down on the floor. "Chiana, can you come and watch the boys?" John darted from the room as Chiana came around the corner headed for the twin's quarters.
"What's the matter, Crichton? I heard Pilot's message."
"No time, Chi," John said as he turned his head and ran down the passageway.
John was breathing deeply when he reached Aeryn's prowler. The ship had powered down, but no one had attempted to exit the vessel. Pushing the exterior hatch button, John watched in anticipation as the canopy opened.
Aeryn was inside but she was lifeless. Not again he thought as he surveyed her injuries. She had a large gash on her right temple and blood was seeping from the wound in a dark red river. John touched her head to check the extent of the cut when he noticed blood was also flowing from her ears.
"Aeryn," John said softly as he leaned into the prowler. "Aeryn, can you hear me?"
Aeryn felt a gentle hand on her forehead and it brought her from the deep sleep she had fallen into. After the encounter she had made it to the prowler in time to plot a course before she had succumbed to the blackness of unconsciousness.
Opening her eyes slowly, Aeryn was aware of the blinding pain in her head and she felt something warm trickling down her face. Blood from her wound she thought. As her vision cleared she saw John hovering over her. At first she thought she was again having one of her dreams, but then she remembered he had returned. He was the reason she was in this mess.
John was brushing the hair from her face and it appeared he was saying something to her. Aeryn watched his lips move, but couldn't make out what he was saying. Focus, Aeryn, she told herself, let your head clear.
Closing her eyes to get her bearings, she opened them again to John, but realized a frightening fact. John was speaking but she couldn't hear him. She couldn't hear a frelling thing. She was deaf to his voice and everything around her.
.
