Twin of Change- (Pt. 13-More Stories of the Twinning of Aeryn Sun) Author: blueaeryn Rating: PG

Summary: Will John Follow Through with His Plan? Notes: Spoilers through the end of S3 Disclaimer: Not mine.

John Crichton was a man obsessed. What was new about that? Wormholes, Aeryn, Earth and now revenge were added to his growing list. Every time he saw his little boy struggling to walk down the passageway or maneuver around he felt a grinding deep in his soul.

He had been back on Moya for five solar days. Spending the last four working diligently on his module and the displacement engine. When he had doubts, or thought twice about what he was proposing, John only needed to think back to Lucky and to Aeryn. It was all the motivation he needed.

John could tell the others were worried about him. D'Argo would come in to check on him every few arns and Chiana insisted on bringing him his meals to the maintenance bay. Aeryn, well, Aeryn was a quiet supporter. He could tell she disliked what he was doing, but didn't say a word. She had always supported him in his foolish plans and this time was no different.

It was funny. Since his return he hadn't once thought of her as the copy of Aeryn. After three cycles of running and all the hurt and pain he had caused, he couldn't see her as anyone else besides Aeryn Sun.

Just seeing her made him ache. She was in pieces just like Lucky. The whole Aeryn Sun he had meet all those cycles ago on Moya was gone. The fire in her eyes, the assurance of who she was and what she was vanished. Guilt burnt within him for that.

She was still so beautiful. His breath caught at the sight of her. That long flowing raven hair, piercing blue-gray eyes, and that walk were all his undoing. Damn, that walk alone could send a man to his knees. His body longed for her and he wanted to kiss that horrid scar and promise to take the pain away.

First, though, he had to take his pain away. The hate in his heart grew stronger with each passing day, eating away at him like a cancer. It screamed to be fed, and the only thing that would quench his hunger was the death of Scarrens. He wanted to hear them scream in pain, see the blood spurt from their bodies, gut them open and see what was inside just like they did Aeryn.

Revenge, it was a dish best served cold. Well, he had waited and now he was ready to exact that revenge. He felt his palms began to sweat in anticipation and saliva form at the back of his throat. His heart raced at the thought of his attack and his eyes grew large imaging the carnage.

Just one last twist of this screw, John thought, as he turned the screw with the wrench. There, he was finished. He had increased the intensity of the power, and assured himself that it would create one massive explosion. He wondered what month it was on Earth. He dreamed it was close to the Fourth of July, because he was about to make one hell of a fireworks display.

Wiping his hands on a rag, John jumped down from his module. He looked over his module like a young man who had just washed his precious car and shook his head. Yeah, it was ready.

He went in search of Aeryn. He had to tell her his plan. She would object, tell him not to go, heck, she might even ask to go with him. He would shoot her down and try to make her understand. She had to understand that a man had to have retribution for what they did to his family.

Aeryn was alone in the center chamber drinking something and looking through a book of schematics. She looked up when she heard John enter.

"Hey," John said spreading his feet wide. He rocked back and forth on his heels and placed his hands on his hips.

"Hey," Aeryn replied. She pulled out a chair beside her and cocked her head in an open invitation. John walked over and sat down, placing his hands on the table.

"Are you taking a rest," Aeryn asked.

John linked his hands together and looked at Aeryn. "No, I am finished." He turned and stared at the wall across from the table.

"So, that means?"

"It means I am ready to leave." He continued to stare ahead forcing himself not to look at Aeryn. "Pilot got some intel from the last planet we stopped on two solar days, and thinks he has the star charts for the Scarren base. I am going there and do a little payback."

Aeryn jumped from her chair, causing it to fall back and crash to the floor. "Are you insane, John?" She placed her hands on the table and leaned in close to him. "You expect to just fly into Scarren space and create a wormhole to blow them up and you don't think they will detect you and stop you. They will kill you."

"I can't live with this, Aeryn," John said leaning his head back on the chair. "I am reminded what they did to you and Lucky everyday, all because of me. And I can't take it. I had no control over that, but this I do."

"So, you are leaving again," Aeryn said with recrimination. "Only this time, you won't be coming back."

"Yes I will." John touched her hand. "I have to come back."

"You can't guarantee anything, John," Aeryn said pulling her hand out from under his. "If I have learned anything in the last three cylces, I have learned there is no certainty. I thought I was to give birth to two healthy sons, and all I got was one murdered son and one almost torn apart. So, you can't promise me anything."

"It's all I've got," John said blowing out a long breath. "It's all I can offer."

"You once said I could be more," Aeryn said stepping away from him. "Well, I am more now and I want more."

"Give me time, Aeryn." John pleaded. "Let me do this and then we can be free."

"I gave you time, John." Tears began to form in Aeryn's eyes and she fought them back. "Three cycles I waited for you to realize I was Aeryn Sun and for you to come to me and I don't think I can wait anymore."

Tears hot and fresh began to flow now. For a soldier who fought every form of emotion, it seemed to come more freely now. A change in environment and beliefs could do that to a person as it had for Aeryn.

Watching your child torn from your body could change a person in so many ways and for Aeryn it made her appreciate life. For so many cycles she lived with the probability of death, and though she didn't embrace it, she accepted its eventuality. Now, she embraced life. Lived everyday as if it was her last and fought for the next day with every fiber of her being. To watch John treat life with such disregard upset and angered Aeryn.

"You have this life handed back to you," Aeryn continued. "Don't throw it away for revenge. It eats you up inside until nothing is left. I should know. I fed on it daily after what they did to me."

"Then you have to understand," John said pounding his fist.

"I understand it is wasted energy," Aeryn revealed. "Focus that energy on healing and forget this. You will never be free if you don't. The blood doesn't go away, you know, you can wash it from your hands but it stains you inside." Aeryn pointed to her chest.

John was shocked by Aeryn's insightfulness. It was then he realized how long he had truly been away and how much she had changed. She didn't even resemble the other Aeryn he hand known and loved. This was a new Aeryn Sun, one that revered life, fought daily to give her son a normal life and struggled to stay alive. It strengthened his resolve more than weakened it to do what he thought he had to do.

"I love you," John said. He stood and walked to Aeryn's side. Placing his hand on her cheek he moved it up to caress her hair. Leaning close he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Pulling away he looked into her eyes. He would always remember that look as he pulled away, it was a cross between love, hatred and sadness. With his other hand, John grabbed Aeryn's and pressed a data chip in her palm.

"That is for Pilot," he said stepping away. "It is a data chip of the coordinates I will be at in six solar days if I succeed. If you guys aren't there I will understand and if I am not there then you will know I failed."

"I love you," John said one last time before he turned his back and left the room.

Aeryn wanted to run after him but she couldn't force he feet to move. They were stuck to the floor and so she just stood there with her head in her hands. "John Crichton," she screamed.

John heard her screams in the passageway and almost turned back to her, but he stopped when he saw Lucky slowly making his way toward John. He limped a little faster when he saw John and rewarded his father with a bright smile.

"Hey, Champ," John said kneeling in front of the boy. "Going to get a snack?"

Lucky shook his head briskly a light brown lock of hair falling into his eyes. John brushed the hair back into place and rubbed the little boys head. He took Lucky by the shoulders and pulled him into a warm embrace.

"I love you, son," John said. "Whatever happens, know that I loved you and did this for you." Kissing him on the head, John sent Lucky on his way and walked away.

Aeryn must have commed his friends, because when John reached his module, D'Argo and Chiana were standing in front of his small craft. Both guarded it like a couple of pack animals and scowled at John as he came closer.

"You aren't going anywhere," D'Argo growled. "You are out of your mind with grief right now, and I can't let you go."

"You can't stop me," John said pulling his pulse pistol. "Don't make me do something I will regret."

D'Argo was surprised to see the wildness in his friend's eyes. It was more than pain and grief, it was pure hatred and he understood this emotion. He lived with it every day, hoping and praying he would one day face Macton again and make him pay for LoLann's death.

Moving away from the module, D'Argo pulled Chiana with him. She shot him a questioning gaze and D'Argo just shook his head. "Just come back," D'Argo told John.

"That's the plan," John told him as he holstered his pulse pistol. John hopped into the module and looked around as he flipped the switches to fire up the engine.

In his mind, as he began to fly off, Aeryn would rush out and give him the send off he deserved. Just like the movies when the fliers went off to war, but this wasn't a movie. It was reality, cold dark reality. As he closed the canopy and maneuvered the module out of the hanger he still longed for that movie send off and shook his head and laughed at his dream as he exited Moya and began his flight plan.

If John had looked back, he would have seen his movie send off. For in the hanger, stood Aeryn, Lucky in her arms. "Fly safe, John Cricthon," she said. But it fell on deaf ears as he exited the hanger and flew off to meet his fate.