Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and
owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to
Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros.,
Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is
intended. This plot is an original work. Any resemblance to a real-life
person or story is purely coincidental.
And Dobby disappeared.
"Don't worry, his previous owner treated him like shit, and when we show him kindness it kinds of overwhelms him."
--------------------------
"Janet, are you really feeling well enough to travel?" asked Dumbledore, worried. Janet gave the Headmaster a cheerful wave and said:
"Don't worry, Professor. Harry will be with me, I can easily trust Harry with my live."
Dumbledore shook his head and walked away from the pair. Harry turned towards Janet and gently squeezed her hand. Janet turned and faced Harry.
"Is there a problem?"
"I think that taking the train home with only the two of us isn't an idea which your parents will be very thrilled about."
A look crossed Janet's face as she pouted.
"So, Mr Sensitive, the only way I know of to reach home is by the train. Not unless you can get hold of an alternative transportation."
Harry smiled and said amused, "Who says that we need to use transport to go back to your home?"
"Oh, no! You can't be thinking of broomsticks?"
"Didn't I just say that I would not use any mode of transport to get you home?"
"Then what? Like Hogwarts: A History said, 'you can't Apperate or Disapperate in Hogwarts.'"
"Are you sure that you haven't spent too much time with Hermione?" asked Harry amused. As an answer, Janet smacked him lightly on his shoulder.
"Ouch. Actually, I'm have discovered an alternative way of travel with magic and much saver then Apperation or Floo."
"And with is that, Sir Isaac Newton?"
"With the Dimension Door," Harry smiled.
"Dimension Door?" asked Janet perplexed.
"A picture shows more than a thousand words," said Harry and a portal opened up in front of him. Without another word, Harry pulled the surprised girl in after him as well as their luggage.
----------------------
Harry and Janet walked up the pathway at Privet Drive 7, just opposite to the Dursleys Residence. Knocking on the door, Janet and Harry waited for the door to open. A clutter of footsteps could be heard and the door was yanked opened. At the middle of the doorway, stood Mr Heselwood. A minute of silence passed as Janet and Harry waited to be acknowledged.
"Who's it, Darling?" Mrs Heselwood's voice sounded from the kitchen.
"So are we going to stand in the middle of a snowstorm and be observed?" asked Harry in amusement.
This broke Mr Heselwood's spell and he opened the door further to allow Harry and his daughter to enter. Mrs Heselwood walked into the living room and saw Harry deposit his shrunken trunk by the sofa.
"Hello Harry," greeted Mrs Heselwood warmly. "What brings you to our humble abode?"
"Actually, I here to settle some problem with my 'family', the Dursleys," said Harry.
"I see..."
Then she noticed Janet walk in, dragging the massive truck behind her.
"Janet!" she screamed. "Don't show your...school things here!"
Janet just gave a cheery wave and continued to pull her trunk across the room.
"George!" she shouted.
"Mrs Heselwood, Don't worry, I believe that your daughter has told you about a certain boy named Harry Potter."
Mrs Heselwood just nodded her head. Harry smiled and said, "Well, you are looking at the Tri-wizard tournament Champion, Harry Potter. A fellow student from the renowned Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
At this, Mrs Heselwood fainted.
"I think that was too much for her to take in," grinned Mr Heselwood. Apparently, Mr Heselwood is more capable of accepting strange things and the unexpected.
------------------
It took some time to fully explain everything before Mrs Heselwood accepts the fact. As they sat down at Dining Room, Mrs Heselwood started the ball rolling.
"So Harry, why don't you tell us what you study at Hogwarts?"
"Well, the Dursleys weren't very happy about the fact that I'm a wizard. Their attitude towards those of wizards and witches are comparable to those who lived around a thousand years ago. If I had told you that I'm a wizard, I think that Vernon is very likely to decapitate me on the spot," explained Harry as he twirled the fork around his fingers.
"I believe that you are a legend in the wizarding world, can you tell us more about yourself?"
"I couldn't think of anyone who would want to hear my encounters with the Dark Lord too much. Each encounter was worse than the previous," said Harry as he shuddered slightly.
"Then can you briefly tell us what you know about the Dark Lord?"
"He had a nickname which all but few fear to utter," Harry began. "He calls himself Lord Voldemort." Janet flinched.
"Lord Voldemort?" repeated Mrs Heselwood. "A very ridiculous name if you ask me."
"True, his real name is known to many but none would connect the two names together. His real name is Tom Marvolo Riddle."
"Riddle? My father once had a pen pal named Tom Riddle, around fifty years ago. Then all of the sudden, they lost contact with him," said Mr Heselwood.
"That's because his son killed him when he was sixteen. From what Professor Dumbledore has told me, Tom Riddle disappeared after he graduated from Hogwarts. He traveled far and wide, sank so deeply into Dark Arts, consorted with the worst of our kind, underwent so many dangerous, magical transformations that he resurfaced as Lord Voldemort, he was totally unrecognizable..."
"Why does the wizarding world fear him?" asked Mrs Heselwood intrigued.
"He has done deeds that are so shocking, so deadly that no normal wizard could do it. He once single-handedly brought down another wizarding school here, named the School of Wizarding Arts along with it was a total of three hundred students and teachers," said Harry. "Many died under his attacks. And many of our kind believe that once he starts a killing spree, it is impossible to stop him until I come along."
"My mother sacrificed her life to protect me, thus invoking the ancient magic of love," croaked Harry. "The magic of unconditional love protected me from the Killing Curse. And one more thing, every one has the power to do ancient magic."
"I don't understand," began Janet. "How can Muggles like my parents can do magic?"
"Actually, there is always magic with one's blood. The magic that everyone can do is the magic of love and hate."
"Sorry Harry, but I don't understand the terms used by wizards," smiled Mr Heselwood.
"This magic is the most ancient of all types. The powers of love and hatred is immensurable. When you truly love a person..."
---------------------
Harry stood alone at the doorway, dressed in the robe given as a gift from the Elves. Raising his hand, Harry rapped on the door sharply. A grunt could be heard as feet shuffled around the room but clearly, moving to the door. The door was opened and the head of Vernon Dursley came out.
"I don't want anything..." he began.
"Can I come in, Uncle Vernon?" asked Harry politely. At this, Uncle Dursley noticed the person in front of him.
"You!" was all he said as he tried to slam the door in Harry's face. However the door refused to budge a single inch as Harry had place an Immobilization charm, wandlessly, on it.
"What did you do!" screamed Uncle Vernon as he baked away from the door. Harry however moved into the living room with a purpose. The purpose to settle all his debts.
"Well, Uncle Vernon, Let's just say that I have a proposition for you..." Harry said as he closed the door behind him.
"Proposition?" asked Uncle Vernon very suspiciously.
"I said it once and I won't repeat it," Harry growled. "Now..."
---------------------------------------
Harry left the Dursley Residence with much satisfaction. Behind him in the Dursley living room was remains of magic. However with the room were some strange animals which mankind had never seen before. The best thing about this was this magic would last until the New Year, so the 'poor' Dursleys had to suffer.
"If that bastard Dudley Dursley hadn't attempted to blast me with that .7 shotgun," growled Harry. "But then again, if he hadn't use the shotgun, I would have no reason to transfigure them all."
Knocking on the door of Privet Drive 7, Harry was greeted with a hug from Janet.
"Where have you been?" asked Janet as she wagged an admonishing finger at Harry. Harry just grinned and said nothing. Detaching himself from Janet's embrace, Harry smiled and kissed her fully on the lips.
"Now, now, Mr Potter," said Janet in mock anger. "I would prefer that you keep your lips to yourself."
"What? You don't like it?" grinned Harry.
"No, but in the middle of blizzard kissing is not my definition of a romantic encounter," said Janet. "And besides, my parents wouldn't appreciate finding their only daughter kissing within their house."
-------------------------------
Harry woke up from his slumber.
"Where am I?" he asked sleepily.
"Welcome to Christmas," grinned Janet from the door.
"It seems that you always have the best timing in the world," groaned Harry as he started to make the bed.
"Now, that's a responsible boy," said Mr Heselwood to himself as he walked by the room. "It's the first time that I have seen a teenager who would make his own bed. Unlike Janet who always leaves her bed very messy."
"Morning!" Harry greeted the rest of the Heselwood's as he walked down the stairs into the kitchen. Why the Heselwood's had let him stay with them was beyond his knowledge but Harry had a suspicion that Professor Dumbledore had something to do with this.
"Morning Harry," greeted Mrs Heselwood. Harry sat down at chair and started eating.
----------------
A week later...
"Well, thank you for taking care of me this week, but it's time that I and Janet return to Hogwarts. I have purposely skipped the Ball," Harry said, shuddering. "I can't imagine the numbers of girls who would've asked me to the Ball."
"Do we need to bring you to the train station?"
"No, thank you, I have a faster and better way of travel," smiled Harry. "Janet, are you ready?"
Janet nodded and Harry opened the similar portal and they stepped in and they found themselves back at the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
TBC...
-------------------
A note from your Author:
So how is it? Tell me by reviewing! A word of thanks to my reviewers! They are:
---
Devonny Rose: Thank!
hArRy-PoTtEr-FaNaTiC: Ok!
androme: The Four Celestial Guardian will make an appearance! Oh! I will be using part of the Celestial zone as well!
Angelis: Haha! I have elements of Warcraft III, Diablo II: Lord of Destruction, Shining Force, Heros III of Might and Magic and a lot other games...If I write down all the disclaimer, I will suffer from writer's cramp! As for longer chapters...depends.
Scott: Err...I will see what I can do...
Arcee: Thanks! I'm not exactly a romance writer, I'm tend to lean towards a more action type of fic, that's why I have quite a lot of fights in my fics.
Love4884: No, Harry will not be able to manipulate Hogwarts as he wish. The magic inducted into the castle is of the Founders; only the Founders will be able to add rooms and stuffs.
Wytil: I'll try!
Arizosa: Haha! One thing is for sure, but for all that is good and kind, please don't murder for what I'm about to review. Janet WILL die in the sequel- The Year of Judgment.
JerseyGirl03: Speaking the truth, I was tempted to just kill off Fudge, but too bad. I need him in my sequel.
Lilybaby: I know how you feel about my tense, grammar, and language etc. but I'm working hard to correct them. Beside, English isn't my Mother Tongue, Chinese is.
Chaser: Thanks!
---
That's all folks!
So long!
Yours truly,
BloodRedSword
---------
35 Truths We Can Learn From Children
1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke----------lots of it.
13. A 6 year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60- year old man says it can only be done in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft house almost 4 inches deep.
17. Lego will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
18. Duplo will not.
19. Play-Dough and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they
do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
28. You probably don't want to know what that odour is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
35. A good sense of humour will get you through most problems in life.
(.... Unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)
And Dobby disappeared.
"Don't worry, his previous owner treated him like shit, and when we show him kindness it kinds of overwhelms him."
--------------------------
"Janet, are you really feeling well enough to travel?" asked Dumbledore, worried. Janet gave the Headmaster a cheerful wave and said:
"Don't worry, Professor. Harry will be with me, I can easily trust Harry with my live."
Dumbledore shook his head and walked away from the pair. Harry turned towards Janet and gently squeezed her hand. Janet turned and faced Harry.
"Is there a problem?"
"I think that taking the train home with only the two of us isn't an idea which your parents will be very thrilled about."
A look crossed Janet's face as she pouted.
"So, Mr Sensitive, the only way I know of to reach home is by the train. Not unless you can get hold of an alternative transportation."
Harry smiled and said amused, "Who says that we need to use transport to go back to your home?"
"Oh, no! You can't be thinking of broomsticks?"
"Didn't I just say that I would not use any mode of transport to get you home?"
"Then what? Like Hogwarts: A History said, 'you can't Apperate or Disapperate in Hogwarts.'"
"Are you sure that you haven't spent too much time with Hermione?" asked Harry amused. As an answer, Janet smacked him lightly on his shoulder.
"Ouch. Actually, I'm have discovered an alternative way of travel with magic and much saver then Apperation or Floo."
"And with is that, Sir Isaac Newton?"
"With the Dimension Door," Harry smiled.
"Dimension Door?" asked Janet perplexed.
"A picture shows more than a thousand words," said Harry and a portal opened up in front of him. Without another word, Harry pulled the surprised girl in after him as well as their luggage.
----------------------
Harry and Janet walked up the pathway at Privet Drive 7, just opposite to the Dursleys Residence. Knocking on the door, Janet and Harry waited for the door to open. A clutter of footsteps could be heard and the door was yanked opened. At the middle of the doorway, stood Mr Heselwood. A minute of silence passed as Janet and Harry waited to be acknowledged.
"Who's it, Darling?" Mrs Heselwood's voice sounded from the kitchen.
"So are we going to stand in the middle of a snowstorm and be observed?" asked Harry in amusement.
This broke Mr Heselwood's spell and he opened the door further to allow Harry and his daughter to enter. Mrs Heselwood walked into the living room and saw Harry deposit his shrunken trunk by the sofa.
"Hello Harry," greeted Mrs Heselwood warmly. "What brings you to our humble abode?"
"Actually, I here to settle some problem with my 'family', the Dursleys," said Harry.
"I see..."
Then she noticed Janet walk in, dragging the massive truck behind her.
"Janet!" she screamed. "Don't show your...school things here!"
Janet just gave a cheery wave and continued to pull her trunk across the room.
"George!" she shouted.
"Mrs Heselwood, Don't worry, I believe that your daughter has told you about a certain boy named Harry Potter."
Mrs Heselwood just nodded her head. Harry smiled and said, "Well, you are looking at the Tri-wizard tournament Champion, Harry Potter. A fellow student from the renowned Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
At this, Mrs Heselwood fainted.
"I think that was too much for her to take in," grinned Mr Heselwood. Apparently, Mr Heselwood is more capable of accepting strange things and the unexpected.
------------------
It took some time to fully explain everything before Mrs Heselwood accepts the fact. As they sat down at Dining Room, Mrs Heselwood started the ball rolling.
"So Harry, why don't you tell us what you study at Hogwarts?"
"Well, the Dursleys weren't very happy about the fact that I'm a wizard. Their attitude towards those of wizards and witches are comparable to those who lived around a thousand years ago. If I had told you that I'm a wizard, I think that Vernon is very likely to decapitate me on the spot," explained Harry as he twirled the fork around his fingers.
"I believe that you are a legend in the wizarding world, can you tell us more about yourself?"
"I couldn't think of anyone who would want to hear my encounters with the Dark Lord too much. Each encounter was worse than the previous," said Harry as he shuddered slightly.
"Then can you briefly tell us what you know about the Dark Lord?"
"He had a nickname which all but few fear to utter," Harry began. "He calls himself Lord Voldemort." Janet flinched.
"Lord Voldemort?" repeated Mrs Heselwood. "A very ridiculous name if you ask me."
"True, his real name is known to many but none would connect the two names together. His real name is Tom Marvolo Riddle."
"Riddle? My father once had a pen pal named Tom Riddle, around fifty years ago. Then all of the sudden, they lost contact with him," said Mr Heselwood.
"That's because his son killed him when he was sixteen. From what Professor Dumbledore has told me, Tom Riddle disappeared after he graduated from Hogwarts. He traveled far and wide, sank so deeply into Dark Arts, consorted with the worst of our kind, underwent so many dangerous, magical transformations that he resurfaced as Lord Voldemort, he was totally unrecognizable..."
"Why does the wizarding world fear him?" asked Mrs Heselwood intrigued.
"He has done deeds that are so shocking, so deadly that no normal wizard could do it. He once single-handedly brought down another wizarding school here, named the School of Wizarding Arts along with it was a total of three hundred students and teachers," said Harry. "Many died under his attacks. And many of our kind believe that once he starts a killing spree, it is impossible to stop him until I come along."
"My mother sacrificed her life to protect me, thus invoking the ancient magic of love," croaked Harry. "The magic of unconditional love protected me from the Killing Curse. And one more thing, every one has the power to do ancient magic."
"I don't understand," began Janet. "How can Muggles like my parents can do magic?"
"Actually, there is always magic with one's blood. The magic that everyone can do is the magic of love and hate."
"Sorry Harry, but I don't understand the terms used by wizards," smiled Mr Heselwood.
"This magic is the most ancient of all types. The powers of love and hatred is immensurable. When you truly love a person..."
---------------------
Harry stood alone at the doorway, dressed in the robe given as a gift from the Elves. Raising his hand, Harry rapped on the door sharply. A grunt could be heard as feet shuffled around the room but clearly, moving to the door. The door was opened and the head of Vernon Dursley came out.
"I don't want anything..." he began.
"Can I come in, Uncle Vernon?" asked Harry politely. At this, Uncle Dursley noticed the person in front of him.
"You!" was all he said as he tried to slam the door in Harry's face. However the door refused to budge a single inch as Harry had place an Immobilization charm, wandlessly, on it.
"What did you do!" screamed Uncle Vernon as he baked away from the door. Harry however moved into the living room with a purpose. The purpose to settle all his debts.
"Well, Uncle Vernon, Let's just say that I have a proposition for you..." Harry said as he closed the door behind him.
"Proposition?" asked Uncle Vernon very suspiciously.
"I said it once and I won't repeat it," Harry growled. "Now..."
---------------------------------------
Harry left the Dursley Residence with much satisfaction. Behind him in the Dursley living room was remains of magic. However with the room were some strange animals which mankind had never seen before. The best thing about this was this magic would last until the New Year, so the 'poor' Dursleys had to suffer.
"If that bastard Dudley Dursley hadn't attempted to blast me with that .7 shotgun," growled Harry. "But then again, if he hadn't use the shotgun, I would have no reason to transfigure them all."
Knocking on the door of Privet Drive 7, Harry was greeted with a hug from Janet.
"Where have you been?" asked Janet as she wagged an admonishing finger at Harry. Harry just grinned and said nothing. Detaching himself from Janet's embrace, Harry smiled and kissed her fully on the lips.
"Now, now, Mr Potter," said Janet in mock anger. "I would prefer that you keep your lips to yourself."
"What? You don't like it?" grinned Harry.
"No, but in the middle of blizzard kissing is not my definition of a romantic encounter," said Janet. "And besides, my parents wouldn't appreciate finding their only daughter kissing within their house."
-------------------------------
Harry woke up from his slumber.
"Where am I?" he asked sleepily.
"Welcome to Christmas," grinned Janet from the door.
"It seems that you always have the best timing in the world," groaned Harry as he started to make the bed.
"Now, that's a responsible boy," said Mr Heselwood to himself as he walked by the room. "It's the first time that I have seen a teenager who would make his own bed. Unlike Janet who always leaves her bed very messy."
"Morning!" Harry greeted the rest of the Heselwood's as he walked down the stairs into the kitchen. Why the Heselwood's had let him stay with them was beyond his knowledge but Harry had a suspicion that Professor Dumbledore had something to do with this.
"Morning Harry," greeted Mrs Heselwood. Harry sat down at chair and started eating.
----------------
A week later...
"Well, thank you for taking care of me this week, but it's time that I and Janet return to Hogwarts. I have purposely skipped the Ball," Harry said, shuddering. "I can't imagine the numbers of girls who would've asked me to the Ball."
"Do we need to bring you to the train station?"
"No, thank you, I have a faster and better way of travel," smiled Harry. "Janet, are you ready?"
Janet nodded and Harry opened the similar portal and they stepped in and they found themselves back at the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
TBC...
-------------------
A note from your Author:
So how is it? Tell me by reviewing! A word of thanks to my reviewers! They are:
---
Devonny Rose: Thank!
hArRy-PoTtEr-FaNaTiC: Ok!
androme: The Four Celestial Guardian will make an appearance! Oh! I will be using part of the Celestial zone as well!
Angelis: Haha! I have elements of Warcraft III, Diablo II: Lord of Destruction, Shining Force, Heros III of Might and Magic and a lot other games...If I write down all the disclaimer, I will suffer from writer's cramp! As for longer chapters...depends.
Scott: Err...I will see what I can do...
Arcee: Thanks! I'm not exactly a romance writer, I'm tend to lean towards a more action type of fic, that's why I have quite a lot of fights in my fics.
Love4884: No, Harry will not be able to manipulate Hogwarts as he wish. The magic inducted into the castle is of the Founders; only the Founders will be able to add rooms and stuffs.
Wytil: I'll try!
Arizosa: Haha! One thing is for sure, but for all that is good and kind, please don't murder for what I'm about to review. Janet WILL die in the sequel- The Year of Judgment.
JerseyGirl03: Speaking the truth, I was tempted to just kill off Fudge, but too bad. I need him in my sequel.
Lilybaby: I know how you feel about my tense, grammar, and language etc. but I'm working hard to correct them. Beside, English isn't my Mother Tongue, Chinese is.
Chaser: Thanks!
---
That's all folks!
So long!
Yours truly,
BloodRedSword
---------
35 Truths We Can Learn From Children
1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke----------lots of it.
13. A 6 year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60- year old man says it can only be done in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft house almost 4 inches deep.
17. Lego will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
18. Duplo will not.
19. Play-Dough and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they
do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
28. You probably don't want to know what that odour is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
35. A good sense of humour will get you through most problems in life.
(.... Unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)
