Omi stared at the ground passing beneath his feet. His mind swam and his throat hurt from keeping back sobs. He was dazed, his hands were covered with dried blood, and the skin felt tight and uncomfortable. He felt uncomfortable all over, as if he'd grown but his skin had shrunk. He didn't know what time it was, or even how long he had been wandering the city streets. He bumped into something and staggered backwards, looking up to see a small park, dark and eerie in the pre-dawn. He'd walked into a small street light. He sighed and moved on, his head falling downwards.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He ran over the mission in his mind. It had been routine, easy enough to handle. The reconnaissance had been simple, and done easily. There had been a kidnapping, and Weiss had been brought in to take out the kidnappers before anymore children were put in danger. Omi had been excited at the prospect of the mission. He would be saving someone like him. A kid who was being used as a pawn in the game of greed and power. It would have gone perfectly. They had penetrated the building easily, it had seemed like a joke. Only two guards on the perimeter, and four more on a lazy patrol inside the building. Getting to the girl had been easy. What he hadn't expected was to find her corpse. Raped, mutilated and left sprawled across the floor like a broken toy. What he hadn't expected was to recognize her. He had been the first in the room, and it had been dark, no power in the building. He tripped, and landed on her, his hands sinking into the gaping wounds in her stomach. The blood still warm on his hands. Youji had come in behind him, and had turned on his flashlight.
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I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
***
"Christ!" Youji had swore, and Omi had begun to shake. His hand were buried in her stomach, and her face was tilted towards his, as his her captors had left her facing the door, through which her rescue would come, but only if she survived the blood loss. Her face was one he had seen every day, but never really noticed. Now it was too close, and her eyes were still open. Her name was Namyia Katamoya, he knew that from the files. She was also a customer. She came in to the shop, day after day, never staying to giggle and gossip, but always picking up the same type of flower, the same arrangement every day. She never smiled, never spoke, but her simple greeting, making her order, and saying goodbye. Her eyes were still the same shade of blue, but now they seemed flat, dull. Her voice had been quiet, full of shyness, but happy. Now her mouth was stretched in an unnatural silent scream, and her lips were red with her own blood. Youji had grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him off of her.
"Christ." Youji had said again, this time softly, his flashlight falling to the floor, the light skittering wildly across the walls, revealing them to be spattered with blood. It had come to a rest, playing across her face. Youji had turned away then, and thrown up quietly in the corner. Omi hadn't been able to turn away. Her eyes were locked with his, the same as they always were. She had always been able to catch his gaze. But when she walked away, she was as gone as she was now. She wasn't going to smile. She wasn't going to lean forward and murmur "Ohaio Omi-san" everyday after school anymore. She wasn't going to open the door, smile at the groups of giggling girls and roll her eyes. Omi had been frozen in place, staring into the eyes of a dead girl who had never hurt anyone, never explained why she bought three roses and two carnations with babies breath and ferns, every day. She looked so young, her school uniform torn and covered in blood. Omi blinked as a hand descended on his shoulder.
"Omi, we've got to go." Youji had said, tugging him towards the door.
"We can't just leave her like this." He had whispered, turning back toward her. "Can we?"
"Omi, we have to go. Persia is sending in another team to recover the body." Youji had said, pulling him toward the door.
"She's not a body. She is... was Namyia, she bought flowers everyday, three roses, two carnations, the rose were yellow, and the carnations were white. She always got them everyday. I never even noticed that she was gone. I didn't notice!"
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Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Omi, we have to go now." Youji had said, and this time his voice had been thick and soft. "We're dead if we are found here." He pulled, and Omi had allowed him to lead him away after one more desperate glance. One last chance to see her move, but she didn't, so Omi allowed Youji to lead him away.
***
That had been about 12:20. He knew that much because they had been in position at 12:00, and had moved on the building at 12:05. He hadn't taken out any of the guards, he'd cut the power, and headed straight for the inner rooms when they had thought she would be. There were six rooms, and she had been in the last. The first room had been booby trapped, and that was why it had taken him so long to find her.
The park was before him and he moved towards a section of trees that had been allowed to grow wild. As he reached the trees, he saw something lying in the grass by his feet. He bent over and picked it up, and saw that it was a child's doll, torn and the stuffing was leaking out. He laughed bitterly.
"Just a doll. Just a toy for some game. Torn, broken and thrown away. Just like Namyia. Left alone to wait for someone to stumble over it and put it in the trash. Just a mean to an ends." He looked at the doll and at his blood stained hands.
"I'm just as bad as they are. I'm the means to an end. I even do it voluntarily. This is what I chose to do. I've stained my hand with the blood of many, but never thought about it. I've been the unwilling pawn, but now I am the merciless mercenary. I wasn't good enough to touch the ground that she walked on. And yet my hands are covered with her blood. I could have done something. This whole power struggle has gotten so much worse since Weiss had been formed. So many more players have joined the game." Wind stirred the leaves on the trees and Omi began to cry.
"I was like her, and now I'm just as bad as the people who did that to her." He sobbed and fell to his knees. "How could I have been so blind?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omi sobbed blindly, clutching the doll in his hands like a lifeline. Unaware of the fact that someone was watching him he wept, giving voice to his anger, his frustration and his horror. As his sobs quieted he became aware of another presence. He blinked and took a deep breath, and noticed that his tears had washed his hands of the blood. The doll was now stained a deep ochre. Omi shook his head.
"It's not your fault you know." Came a deep and slightly unfamiliar voice from behind him. Omi turned to face the man he knew only as an enemy.
"What do you want?" Omi snarled.
"I want you to calm down, and stop interrupting my meditation. Once that's done, you'll leave, I'll be able to think, and you'll go back to weiss, and eventually we'll kill you. But that's not your fault either. Like you said. You were just a pawn. Your still just a playing piece, but now your a knight." The man said, reaching a hand out to Omi. "What have you got?"
"What do you want?" Omi asked, wishing he hadn't let Youji take his darts back to the apartment.
"I don't want to fight, you disturbed me. It was intriguing, for someone with no powers whatsoever; you certainly have a loud voice. Its Omi right? I'm Schuldich, you can call me Schu" Schuldich said, his hand still outstretched.
"Yeah." Omi said, softly, lowering his guard a little. Then he handed the doll to Schuldich. "I found it, its was..." He bit back more tears.
"Let it out." Schuldich said softly taking the doll, "I can read your thoughts you know. You can cry and let me know what's wrong at the same time." Omi burst into tears, this unexpected kindness from a man that he should fear was unraveling what little control he had left.
"I knew her." he sobbed, "They hurt her so much. There was so much blood. She's never hurt anyone. She came and bought flowers. Always the same ones every day."
"The girl who was kidnapped?" Schuldich said softly. Omi nodded.
"It smelt.. you could tell that they had used her first. Her eyes were still open, and I found her.. I tripped and fell, and my hands... they were, the blood.. it was still warm. It was still warm. Her eyes were open." Omi sobbed. Burying his face in his hands. "Youji called her a body. A body! Her name was Namyia. She came every day. And I never noticed that she hadn't been there for a week. A week! She was so young. She was only 14. 14."
Suchldich looked down at the ripped doll, now covered in blood, and saw an image of Namyia, lying sprawled across the floor very much like a broken toy. Her stomach had been stabbed several times, and she was covered in other shallow cuts. Schuldich took a deep breath as he noticed that her skirt had been cut away, and that the blood on her thighs was not from the stomach wounds or the blood that pooled around her. It was the last time Omi had looked at her, from the doorway as Youji pulled him away. Schuldich shook his head and placed his hand on Omi's shoulder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cast your eyes to the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Omi shuddered, his breath still coming in harsh sobs.
"You were innocent." Schuldich said. "After all this you were an innocent. You've killed, been hurt, watched your family betray you. And you remained an innocent?" Schuldich asked, unable to tear his eyes from the boy before him. "You were trained to be a killer, and yet you kept your innocence."
Omi shook his head.
"I'm not innocent. I've killed. I've robbed, I've been no better than you." He said, his voice dull.
"I'll take that as a compliment," Schuldich said with a grin. "But you are an innocent, you can give your tears and anger for this girl. I can't do that, I can't even cry for what I've become but you can. You aren't jaded, you haven't been touched by anything you've done. Nothing has touched you but this girl. Not a nameless face, someone you expected to help. You weep because you failed her, but you also failed yourself. Don't say you're not an innocent. You are. Other wise you wouldn't be able to cry. You'd be like Youji or Aya, able to just get on with it, go out to a bar, visit your sister. But your not like them." Schuldich pulled Omi to him and rested his head on top of the younger mans. Omi froze. "You're an innocent.. and you deserve much more than this. You need to have a childhood, to run and play and live in the sun, not skulk in the shadows."
"I choose this." Omi said his voice muffled in Schuldich's chest. "I choose the shadows. The light is too bright for me to face now."
"You were young, too young. You were chosen, you didn't choose. The light is never to bright, you can always face it, you just have to let your self adjust to it." Schuldich said softly.
"I can't do it alone." Omi said, and began to cry again.
"You're never alone. You've got your team. Everyone has someone." Schuldich slipped the doll into his pocket.
"I have no family, no friends. I'm not like Namyia.." Omi sobbed, burying his head into Schuldichs chest.
"You have your tears and your computer knowledge. You can walk away." Schuldich said. "Walk away so that we don't meet again. Walk away so that I don't have your blood on my hands. Walk away so that I'm not your death." He added, suddenly full of fear for this young man who was his enemy. "I couldn't live with that on my conscience."
"What makes me so different for the others you have killed?" Omi asked, relaxing against the older mans chest, feeling his fear, sorrow, and anger drifting away.
"You an innocent. The others were worse than me. They had too many sins on their consciousness'. Even if they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, they all had something to pay for." Schuldich said, voicing the words that kept him somewhat sane.
"I have death on my hands. I have been death for people. I ended lives." Omi said, pulling back a bit to look into Schuldichs face. "What makes me different from you?"
"You end lives, I take them. A small difference but a difference that matters." Schudlich said, frowning down into the face of the younger man. "I'm jaded, your fresh and innocent. We are worlds apart."
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Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the fate of the stars
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"You say that we are worlds apart, then why are you bothering to try and sooth me? You could have walked away and pretended it never happened, or you could have gotten me out of the way for once and for all. Your more like me than you think." Omi stepped back and saw that dawn was approaching. "I have to go."
Schuldich lit a cigarette and blew a smooth smoke ring.
"Take care of yourself kitten. Remember you can always walk away." Schuldich said, his voice hard. "If we meet on the battle field…" Omi nodded and smiled.
"I know.. and I understand.. if we meet on the battle field, I think I'd prefer that you be my death. You understand me at least." Omi turned to walk away, stepping into the morning sunlight in the park. Leaving Schuldich in the shadowed woods.
"I'll.. I'll see you again then Omi." Schuldich said, pulling the doll from his pocket, seeing that the blood hadn't set yet. "Wait, I think you'll want this. If you soak it, the blood will fade away." He tossed to doll to Omi who caught it easily.
"Arigoto Schu.." Omi called, walking into the sunlight.
'No, thank you Omi..' Thought Schuldich as the early morning sun framed the young man in light. He turned and walked into the deeper shadows, leaving the light to those that belonged there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cast your eyes to the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
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