Epilogue2: comfort me
A/N: Anything you recognize from Meteor Garden I do not own.
***

"Surprised?" he asked dryly.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered in shock.

"I'm here to give you this." He offered a hand out.

"What…" she trailed off when she saw what was on his palm. "Is that supposed to be a joke?" she asked pointedly.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" he ignored her question.

"I…" she looked nervous all of a sudden.

"At least take this…" he offered her the item on his palm again. It was a quarter.

She looked at him silently before she reached out to take the coin off his hand. Before she could withdraw, he had her hand in his grip. She gasped and looked at him nervously. "You're hurting me."

Ximen almost smiled. He's hurting her? What about him? She hurt him a lot more than he had her. He sighed loudly. It wasn't the right time to go into that just yet. "Ask me in." his voice brooked no objection. Despite his casual attire, he was in his ruthless executive mode.

She had no choice but to move aside to let him in. "My hand."

He didn't let go until he was safely inside her apartment. "So that's where my shirt went." he meant to tease her but his voice came out harshly.

She blushed. "Are you the only one with a white shirt?" she bluffed her way out of her embarrassment.

"No. But I'm pretty sure that when I look under that shirt's hem I'll see my initials…" he dared her.

"You want me to take it off then?" She challenged him.

Ximen didn't answer. He was seriously considering asking her to do so. He missed seeing her body. Of course, he missed not only that. He missed her smile too. Her touch. Her voice. He sighed. He just missed her. Period.

"Why did you really come here?" she sounded like she really didn't care one way or another.

He walked towards her sofa and sat down, adopting an equally careless demeanor. "You have a nice place." He observed idly.

"Thank you." Manners dictated that she answer.

"Where is he?" he finally asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." she answered nonchalantly.

"The one you were with this afternoon. Is he in your bedroom?" He added, daring her to deny it.

"No." She answered waspishly, still not taking a seat.

Ximen clenched his fists in frustration. "Don't lie to me." He fought to keep his voice even.

"I'm not lying!"

He couldn't stand it anymore. He had to know. He stood up and walked quickly towards her room.

She scrambled to follow him. "Where do you think you're going?"

He opened the door and looked in. "He's not here."

"I told you he wasn't." she answered impatiently. "What's it to you anyway?"

"What's it to me?" his control finally snapped. "What's it to me?"

She backed away, suddenly afraid.

He took a step towards her and flinched when he saw the fear in her eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you."

She swallowed hard. "I know." She whispered.

"Where is he?" Ximen asked again.

She didn't answer.

"Where's my son?"

***

"Hello." Mei Zhou had been waiting impatiently for Ah Si's call.

"He's in Canada." Ah Si answered Mei Zhou's unspoken question flatly.

"And?" Mei Zhou prompted.

"And nothing…" Ah Si sighed. He hoped Ximen doesn't lose his cool while there.

"How's Shan Cai?"

"Worried sick. Xiaoqiao?"

"Guilty as hell." It seemed that the two women had known all along.

"Have you heard from Lei yet?"

Mei Zhou sighed loudly. "I hope he's okay."

"You don't suppose Jing really got married do you?"

Mei Zhou had no answer to that. "I hope for Lei's sake that she didn't go through with it." Lei had withdrawn so completely in the last three months that he and Ah Si had feared for their friend's sanity.

"I could just strangle Shan Cai for ever thinking about that auction." Ah Si wasn't really serious of course. But it had pained him to see what had become of his two friends in its aftermath. If they'd feared for Lei's sanity, they'd feared for Ximen's health. He'd buried himself in work and alcohol that he was nearly hospitalized again, if not for Shan Cai's intervention.

"Do you think things will work out?" Mei Zhou sounded uncharacteristically tentative.

"Let's hope so." Ah Si answered. He didn't need to add "Or else." They both knew.

***

Xiao You slumped in defeat. "How did you find out?"

"Why?" Ximen asked painfully.

"I…" she looked at a loss for words. She turned away from him and started walking towards the sofa instead.

He followed her slowly and sat down across from her.

"I didn't think you'd want to know." She finally answered.

Ximen struggled for control. How could she think he wouldn't want to know? Had he made her believe he was so heartless as to not give a damn about his own son? "You didn't think I'd want to know about my own son?"

She flinched at the leashed emotion evident in his words. "You never bothered to look for me…." Pain was also evident in her tone.

"I…" this time it was Ximen who was at a loss for words.

"I thought about telling you…." Her eyes had taken on a far-away look. "But then I read about your…I didn't want to…you weren't ready…" she shrugged helplessly.

"Ready?" he asked dumbly.

"You still changed women every week….I thought you wouldn't appreciate having your freedom curtailed…" she explained, her face taking on a pinched look.

"Even so…I had a right to know." He nearly shouted in frustration.

She flinched. "I did realize that….but by the time I finally had the courage to…it was too late."

"Too late?" What did she mean by too late?

She swallowed hard and started clenching and unclenching her fists unconsciously.

Ximen looked on in alarm as he saw her start to rock, her lower lip whitening as she bit into it in an effort to gain some semblance of control. "Xiao You…" He was beside her in an instant. Reaching out to take her in his arms. Unable to help himself.

"I'm so sorry…" she whispered brokenly as she fought to hold herself together.

"Shhh…" he whispered back as he struggled to pull her in his arms, his insides writhing at her obvious pain.

"I did everything right…" She looked like she wasn't completely aware of her surroundings. "I wanted him…he was my only reminder of you…" she struggled to convince him.

Ximen could only stare at her helplessly. He was confused. She talked like… "What…" he couldn't complete the thought.

She finally seemed to realize his confusion and looked at him. "You didn't know?" she asked, tears welling in her eyes.

"Know what?" he asked, though he was suddenly afraid to find out,

"I lost him…" her voice broke as the tears started rolling down her face. "I'm so sorry…." She added just before she threw her arms around him. She buried her face on his chest as though in shame.

Ximen felt as though he'd been punched. Hard. He couldn't breathe. When he'd seen the boy she was with that afternoon, he thought… "Who was he? The boy you were with this afternoon?" he pulled her back so he could look at her. He had to know.

"You thought…." she trailed off. "He's my sister's son." she added as she wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes looking as though she expected him to push her away.

He felt like a balloon that had been deflated. He thought that the boy was his. "Where is he…." He asked about his son.

She didn't answer for some time. She just stared at the wall sightlessly as her tears continued to fall unheeded down her face. Finally, she spoke. "I had him buried in Taiwan."

Taiwan. His son had been in Taiwan all along and he never knew! "You must really hate me…"

She was startled at the sheer lack of emotion in his words and quickly looked at him. "Ximen…" .

"I would have come…" his tone was flat but his face reflected his torment. "Did your parents come?" he couldn't help but ask.

She shook her head. "I didn't tell anyone."

He closed his eyes in pain. He couldn't help but think about what it must have been like for her. Burying their son. All alone. "Could you show me where he is?" he asked quietly. "I'll pay for your fare. It's the least I can do." He added woodenly.

"Shh…" she said quickly as she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so sorry…" she whispered, willing him to cry. She knew he was in deep pain yet he still struggled to stay in control.

"We should move him…" he continued as though talking about the weather. "My parents would….want …him to be in the…" his words had started to fumble as he struggled to contain his emotions, "…family mausoleum." His voice finally broke on the last word and he started to shake as the tears he'd been holding at bay suddenly fell.

She didn't say anything. She couldn't. She just continued to hold and rock him in her arms as he cried.

His tears fell. Not silently. But with heaving sobs. Unable to stop. Unable to do anything else but hold on to her. He cried for the son he never knew. The son he never got to see. The son he never even got to say goodbye to.

She cried too.

And they stayed like that. Their arms wrapped around each other.

Both seeking comfort.

Each giving succor.

Not questioning why.

Only knowing.

That only the other can soothe their own pain.

***
A/N: Okay…I know you're all probably ready to kill me for dragging this story's ending. I really wanted to end it with this chapter but I found that I couldn't quite close it just yet. I actually planned having Ximen find out that he had a 5-yr-old son with Xiao You but then I found myself writing this instead. I'm so sorry for disappointing you guys. Anyway, tell me what you think.