Epilogue3: letting go

A/N: Anything you recognize from Meteor Garden, I do not own.
 ***

Finally, after seemingly like hours, their crying subsided. Not because they'd stopped mourning. But rather because their eyes refused to shed any more tears. At least, for the time being. Still, they stayed entwined.

Each loathe to release the other.

Both unaware of the other's fear, that somehow, the other would vanish and leave each to their own loneliness.

"Please let me stay…" he begged as he tightened his arms around her.

She didn't say anything. She just continued stroking his hair and kept her arms around him.

***

He woke up with stiff back and arms. It seemed that he'd fallen asleep on the couch. With her. Their arms were still around each other with his head resting on her chest. He was afraid to move, lest he wake her up.
He breathed in deeply to take in her unique scent and unconsciously tightened his arms around her.

He would have liked to stay that way for a longer time, but he found himself suddenly being pushed off her without ceremony.

"What the…" he was unable to prevent the words from escaping his lips, forgetting that he was supposed to still be asleep.

She didn't pay him any heed. She just moved hurriedly, almost at a run, towards her bedroom.

He got up and followed her curiously. What was wrong with her? His steps faltered when he saw her bedroom in the clear light of day. It was so feminine. So like her. He realized that she'd gone to the bathroom and he took the time to look around the room. He should have felt uneasy standing in the middle of such a feminine room, but somehow, felt right at home. He didn't stop to question why that was so.

He was about to sit down on her bed when he saw it.

He started to reach out for it but then the bathroom door suddenly opened.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her hand still holding the knob.

He snatched back his hand guiltily. "I…."

She quickly marched over and snatched the item that he was reaching for. "Who told you to come in here?" she asked coldly, their moment of amity from the night before, all but forgotten.

"Who is that for?" he asked, ignoring the coldness in her voice.

She didn't answer. Instead, she opened a drawer and threw the item inside.

"Are you…"

"What? Am I what?" she turned around to look at him.

"When?" he asked. "Were you even going to tell me?"

"Why are you really here?" she ignored his questions.

"I…" he didn't know what to say. He finally settled on, "I missed you."

She looked startled at his admission, looking like she wasn't quite sure if he was telling the truth.

"Why look so surprised?" he asked. "You don't think I'm capable of missing someone?"

She turned away to hide the expression on her face. "No. But I wasn't sure you were capable of admitting such a weakness."

"You think missing someone is a weakness?" he was surprised.

"No. But you do, don't you?" she retorted. "Well, you used to." She looked back at him in question.
He returned her gaze without flinching. "I missed you." He repeated the words, willing her to believe him.

"Ximen…" she began.

But he cut her off. "I missed you. So damn bad that sometimes I couldn't sleep."

She just looked at him silently.

"And when I do get to sleep, I dream of you leaving me and I wake up reaching out for you..."

"We only spent two nights together…" she reasoned, unable to believe his words.

"Three." He corrected her. "Funny huh?" he asked self-deprecatingly.

"So you came all the way here because I gave you insomnia, is that it?"

"No. I came all the way here because I missed you."

"You missed me so bad you kept dating other women." She said pointedly.

"I never slept with any of them."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Do you see me laughing?" Ximen asked.

"But…"

"I've dated a number of women since the wedding, but I've never taken any of them to bed."

"So should I then do the dance of joy?" her words were laced with sarcasm. "Yipee!"

"I know I've given you little cause to believe me, but I am telling the truth."

"It's just lack of sleep talking," she sought to end the conversation by turning away and walking towards the door.

He stopped her from leaving by holding on to her arm. "I need you."

"You don't mean what you're saying." She didn't turn around.

"I need you." He repeated the words.

"Look, if this is about what you learned last night then please stop. I'm not blaming you in any way so you don't have to feel guilty."

"Who told you that it's guilt that's making me say these things?"

"Isn't it?" She finally turned to look at him. "If you hadn't learned about the baby, would you have come to see me at all?" she asked.

"I didn't know about the baby before I came here. When I saw you with your nephew, he looked so much like you and was wearing glasses like me that I thought he was ours. He looked to be the right age too, that's why I was looking for him when I got here."

She could only look at him in surprise.
"I came because I realized that I couldn't let another six years to go by without telling you how I feel. I came because every night has been a torture for me since you've left. I came because I know that I can't function without you by my side. I came because I love you."

***

"Wei."

"Mei Zhou. Lei."

"Lei! Where are you? Are you okay?" Mei Zhou's words ran over each other.

"Relax. I'm great!"

"Did she marry…"

"She did!"

Mei Zhou was confused. "She did…but why are you…"

"Happy?" Laughter was evident in Lei's voice. "She did marry. She married me."

"What?!"

"I just called to tell you that she and I will be home in two weeks. We're going to Paris first."

"You actually got married without us?"

"I didn't want to give her time to change her mind."

"That's always a good move." Mei Zhou answered dryly.

"Well, tell Ah Si and Ximen okay? We'll have a second wedding when we go back."

"Okay bro. Congratulations!"

"Thanks."

***

"Say something." He whispered.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked.

"Anything."

"I don't love you." She said the words without inflection.

"Liar!" he whispered, although his knees weakened upon hearing her answer.

She was surprised at the vehemence in his voice. "Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black?" she asked him pointedly.

"I never lied to you." He insisted.

"And you think I just did?"

"Why did you make love with me again if you didn't feel anything for me at all?"

"Why did you sleep with your mei meis?"

"That's different." He flushed at her rebuke.

"Oh? How is it different then?"

"Because you said yourself that you're not a player like me."

"And you think I had sex with you again because I love you?" she made it sound like she found the concept quite funny.

"Don't." he whispered. "Don't make it sound so sordid. We made love."

She couldn't help it. She laughed.

"Stop it!" he wanted to shake some sense into her. "Last night's actions weren't those of a person who didn't care."

"You just caught me at a weak moment."

"Then give me a chance to know you at your strength."

"And then what?" she whispered. "So you could push me away again?"

"I won't."

"Why not? What has changed?"

"I love you."

"It's too late Ximen. My love for you died with our baby."

Her words stabbed Ximen like a knife. "I thought you said, you didn't blame me." He croaked.

"I don't." she whispered. "Nobody was to blame."

"And our week together? What was that supposed to be then?"

"That was goodbye."

"No! I don't believe you." He knew he was sounding desperate. He didn't care. He'd beg if he had to.

"Just let me go Ximen. Please." It was her who begged instead.

He pulled her into his arms, not caring in the least that she resisted. "I can't." he whispered as he tightened his arms around hers.

She just stood in his embrace. Not reacting. Not even pushing him away.

"Don't make me…" He couldn't help but choke on the words. "Please Xiao You…give me another chance." He pleaded brokenly. "Do you want me to kneel?" he asked as he pulled away to look down at her. "I will…" he added as his knelt down, not caring in the least if she thought him weak.

"Stop…Ximen, get up." She pulled at him.
"Please…" he begged. "I'm sorry for not coming after you six years ago. I'm sorry for not coming sooner this time…"

"Stop…" she whispered.

"Tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it. Just…please…" his words ran over each other, his shoulders shaking as he tried to stop himself from crying.

"Let me go."

The finality of her words broke Ximen's fragile hold on his control.

With those words, he realized at last that it was over.

So he did what she asked of him.

He let her go.

***